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She leaves my office with that guy, I look down at the broken necklace in my hand. I shove the chain in my pocket before I storm out of my office and walk towards Steve's office.
I open the door and see Kelly on her knees in front of Steve while she unbuttons his pants, they both look at me and Kelly jumps to her feet and buttons up her shirt.
"Hardin! Don't you knock?" Steve scolds.
"Me! You're the one getting a fucking blowjob at work."
"I'm gonna go print tomorrow's manuscripts." Kelly slips out of the office and Steve and I are left alone.
"Why the fuck did you offer Tessa that job in Paris!" I snap.
He laughs before he stands and buttons his shirt.
"Because shes brilliant and the most qualified person here for the job."
I scoff.
"She's worked here for like 3 months and she's an intern, you have people who have worked here for years. For example, that asshole Chris. I bet him and his bitch wife and kid would love to move to Paris!"
"HARDIN!"
"WHAT!"
Steve takes a breath.
"You can go with her, your position here is available in Paris. I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this, she got the job because she deserves it. As her boyfriend you should be more supportive."
"Yeah well she decided to leave all on here own, I don't care how much money you offer her because she's not going. Give the position to someone else." I demand.
He laughs.
"I got her signed contract in the mail this morning, unless she herself comes to me and tells me that she no longer wants to proceed, the job is hers."
Stupid fucking asshole.
"So what, you're gonna make a broke college kid move across the world alone?"
He smiles before he pours himself a glass of water.
"She's not broke, have you seen Tessas back account?" He torments.
What is he talking about.
"Yes I have." I say not very confidently.
"Well I pay very well and Tessa works very hard and is here almost every day, I assume you never let her pay for anything because you're egotistical and stubborn. Tessa will be fine, not to mention that I'm helping pay for living expenses and school transfer, I'm also giving her a bonus before she moves to help her out."
I smack my hands on his desk.
"NO!" I shout.
"HARDIN! You can't hold her back just because you're scared of losing her!"
This throws me off, I take a few steps back.
"I'm not............scared." I almost whisper.
"Hardin, just go with her. The job is yours if you want it."
"I'll change her mind, you'll see. I'll show her how good life is here." I threaten.
"Holding someone back just because you're afraid she'll realize she doesn't need you is selfish, if you really love her as much you wrote in that book of yours then you'll let her go." He says.
"My book..........you don't know what you're talking about."
He stands up and grabs a stack of papers.
"I have to go interview people to fill Tessas job."
He walks past me and stops at my side before he places his hand on my shoulder.
"Just talk to her."
He leaves the office.
I stand here alone as I hear the door close behind me.
He's right, I am afraid of losing her. In Paris she'll make friends and she'll be ahead of me.......she'll technically be my boss. She's gonna do great out there, she's my brilliant Tessa......of course she'll do great. But I don't want her to see how good her life is without me, she'll realize she doesn't need me anymore.
I walk back into my office and lock the door, I throw all the shit off my desk and everything falls to the floor. My papers scatter and my pens fly all over the room, I slam my hands on the desk.
"FUCK!" I yell out.
"I'm sorry." I hear a whisper behind me.
I turn around and see Sam sitting on my couch.
Fuck.
"I didn't know you were in here." I say.
"I.......I was waiting for you so I could talk to you about something." She says shakily.
I can tell she's scared.
I take a few breathes and unclench my fists.
"You don't have to be scared, I'm sorry if I startled you. I'm just having a bad day." I say softly.
She slides over and pats the couch next to her.
"You wanna talk about it?" She asks.
I hesitantly walk over and sit down, I rest my hands in my lap and look down at them.
"What did you want to talk about?" I ask her.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter."
"No, tell me what's wrong. It will help me calm down." I tell her.
I crack my knuckles.
She sighs.
"I was with my grandparents these past week." She says softly.
"I know, I brought you to the airport remember ."
"Yeah."
She seems really upset.
"Come on Sam, tell me what's wrong. What happened?"
"Well, I had a really good time with them. I love my grandparents and...............their the only family I have that actually care about me."
She stops.
"Ok? That's good right?" I ask.
"They asked me to move in with them."
She starts to cry.
"Hey hey hey, it's okay. Just breathe Sam." I say gently.
"I.............I can't."
Shit shit shit.
I grab a tissue and hand it to her.
"Just try to calm down." I tell her.
She wipes her face.
"Do you not want to move with them?"
"No, I do. That's the problem.........but I cant."
"Why?"
She picks at her nails.
I see so much of Tessa in her.
"I want to leave, I love my grandparents and I'm so happy when I'm with them. But I can't leave my dad."
She cries harder.
"Sam." I say quietly.
"I can't! Hardin I can't! Yes he's awful and he doesn't care about me and he definitely doesn't love me........and he's never around and he...........he probably regrets me being born........but.........I can't leave him. Weather he loves me or not I'm all he has, his parents left him in an orphanage when he was 12 and he got arrested so many times before he met my mom! Then he started drinking and and she left! All his family abandoned him and Kelly! DONT GET ME STARTED ON KELLY! She's sleeping with the secretary upstairs and she's always asking for money! I'm all that god awful man has! When my mom left and he was out every night and came home drunk and bleeding because he would fight I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK CARE OF HIM! I was 6! And I had to raise myself and I have no friends and I'm all alone and the only people I have are you and Tessa! And I....................I hate my life! And I want to live with my grandparents and actually have a childhood and be happy..............but I won't be my mom. I won't leave, I can't."
She falls to the floor and wraps herself into a ball, I jump to my feet and sit next to her. I wrap my arms around her and pull the scared little girl close to my chest and place one hand on her head and one on her back.
"Look.......look at me.....Sam."
She looks up at me and I wipe under her eyes.
"I know it's hard."
I don't even know what to say, I don't know what to do or how to help her. But I know who does.
I slowly stand up.
"Sam I'll be right back..........I promise."
I run out of my office sprint down the hallway and burst into the conference room, Tessa and Marco both look up at me.
"Hardin? What's wrong?" She asks.
"I...............I'm sorry to burst in but I..........I need your help." I say frantically.
Tessa looks at Marco and puts down her notebook before she stands up.
"I'll be back in a second." She promises him.
"It's okay, I have to be somewhere anyway. We'll pick up tomorrow." He stands up and starts collecting his papers.
"No Marco.............Mr. Gold bay, I promise I'll only be a second." She says.
"It's alright, you're clearly needed. I'm very busy and I'm needed elsewhere, it's not a problem. I understand you're busy, I just don't like to waste my time."
She looks at me before she looks back at Marco.
"Fuck." She says under her breath.
"See you tomorrow Marco." She says.
She looks at me before she walks past me and leaves the conference room, I walk after her.
She turns around.
"Look Hardin I know you don't agree with me moving, and I know you're clearly upset with me because you haven't touched me in the last few days beside hand holding and and touching my hair. And I know I said no sex but that doesn't mean you can come into my meeting and just inter..."
"It's Sam." I interrupt.
Her face shifts from sad to concerned.
"What happened to her? Where is she?"
"My office." The words roll off my tongue.
She quickly runs in the direction of my office and I follow her, when we get there Sam is still on the floor. Tessa looks at the mess I made but only for a split second, she drops to her knees and takes Sam in her arms. Sam buries her head in Tessas chest and wraps her small arms around her, her cries are muffled by Tessas warmth.
"Sam? Sam?" Tessa repeats.
Sam lifts her face and she appears a shade of purple, what the fuck.
Sam's hands wrap around her throat.
"Oh my god HARDIN! What's wrong with her?" Tessa asks with fear.
"I.....I don't know!"
"As................thma." Sam manages to mumble.
"Shit! Her backpack! Give me her backpack!" Tessa yells.
I run to the couch and grab Sam's sparkly pink backpack, I dump everything in it on the ground before her inhaler falls out. I quickly grab it and hand it to Tessa, she takes the lid off and sprays in Sam's mouth.
"Sam, sweetie. I need you to take three deep breaths, can you do that for me?" Tessa asks gently.
Sam nods her head.
...
After a few more sprays of her inhaler Sam is calmed down, I close my office door and sit on the floor with them.
Sam explains to Tessa what she told me, Tessa has a few more words of wisdom then I do. But I wouldn't expect anything less from her, she's the best.
"Sam, you can't stop your life to benefit others. If you wanna move, then you moved. If he truly cared about you then he would understand that moving is what you need."
She looks up at me shoots a look at me.
I know that was more directed towards me than Sam.
"But what if I leave and something bad happens to him, what if he starts drugs or worse. I know he barely realizes when I'm around and could care less but........but he's still my dad."
She blows her nose in a tissue.
Tess strokes Sam's hair softly.
"Sam I think you need to sit down with your father and talk to him, if you feel more comfortable living with your grandparents you need to tell him because this............this isn't healthy. Someone coming home drunk most days and getting mad and yelling just to forget the next day and buy you something isn't healthy."
"I know but.......but sometimes we have a good days." She says softly.
Tessa sighs.
"Sam, just because you have good times sometimes isn't okay. When you love a person you make an instant effort for them and you do anything to make them happy, loving someone halfway is worse then not loving them at all."
This hits me deep and I feel so bad, I don't think I love her halfway. I love her with everything I have, and yeah I fuck up a lot but I don't think that should define my love for her.
"I don't want to hurt his feelings." Sam whispers.
"You aren't going to hurt him, if you be honest he will understand."
I reach for Tessas hand but she pulls away, I place both my hands in my lap and just stare at my knuckles.
"Thanks guys, I really appreciate it."
"Of course Sam, whenever you need anything just call us. Okay?" Tessa says.
"Ok."
Sam stands up and join her, I extend my hand to help Tessa and she takes it.
"Thanks." She says before she quickly pulls her hand away.
What is with her lately, ever since that moment in the kitchen she won't let me touch her. At night she lets me cuddle with her but not like we used to, it's cold and distant. She's been cold and distant.
I can usually read every thought in her head, all I need is one look at her beautiful face and I can know what she's thinking. But now it's like we are roommates, I hate it.
"I'm gonna talk to him tonight, I know he'll be home because my grandparents are in town to tell him about the move. I have to leave now because my grandma is here to get me." She says.
"Well come into the bathroom so I we can wash your face sweetie." Tessa tells her.
Sam nods her head and Tessa leads her out of my office to the bathroom, I'm left here alone. I step towards the door and hear a crunch under my boot.
No..........please no.
I lift my foot and there I see the two broken hearts in a million pieces.
Fuck.
I drop to my knees and pick up each of the pieces I place them in my palm, I stare at them for a moment before I shove them in my pocket with the rest of her broken necklace.
"At this rate we might as well fucking break up." I say under my breath.
I don't know why I said this to be honest, because it's the farthest from the fucking truth. I would never want to break up, but in the moment and in this situation I'm just so lost about how she feels. Wether this stubborn woman who seems to steal more of me each day even loves me anymore. Does she even want to fight for me anymore........for us? Am I just too much?
This morning in the car she stared at me for a good minute, it's as if she was examining me and I wanted to ask her so badly what she was thinking. I wanted to know what was going on her head, was she planning on breaking up with me? Maybe she was plotting on how she would leave me, I don't fucking know. All I do know is that I love her no matter what, and even if by some rare chance she doesn't want me anymore I'll always want her. Every single part of her.
...
I stand outside the woman's bathroom holding Sam's backpack, I made sure to pack everything and grab her jacket for her.
When the girls walk out I see Tessas nose is red, she was crying. What the hell were they talking about in there?
I bend down and help Sam put on her jacket, I slide her backpack on before I stand up.
"Can you guys walk me downstairs?" Sam asks in a little voice.
"Of course." Tessa and I say at the same time.
We make eye contact but she quickly looks away.
Ouch.
All three of us get into the elevator and I press the bottom floor button, the elevator ride seems longer than it is because of the silence. It's so painfully silent that it hurts, once the door opens Tessa quickly gets out. We walk Sam outside and she gets in her grandmothers car and they drive away.
I slide my hands in my pockets and play with the broken heart pieces, I roll them between my fingers as Tessa and I stand here in the snow. She wraps her arms around herself before she checks her watch.
"We should probably get going if we want to make that dinner." She says softly as if shes speaking to an ill child.
"You....you still wanna go?" I ask her.
She turns to face me and I can see the specks of snow tangle in her hair.
"Yeah, I do."
"We don't have to it you don't want to, I know I sprung it on you last minute."
She walks towards me and places her hand on my chest, I look down at her hand and see an unfamiliar bracelet. I look back up at her, her gaze softens and for a split second she lets her guard down and lets me in. I can see how upset she is, how much pain she's holding in. She hiding something from me, she's been hiding it for a while. It's something I said, I did this. And just like that her wall is back up and I can't read her anymore, she takes her hand off my chest and bites the inside of her cheek.
"I really want to meet your f..........Jane and Mike." She says not making eye contact.
"Okay, I'll get the car."
"I'm gonna go grab my purse and my.......my coat." She says frantically.
"Ok." I tell her.
"Ok." She repeats.
She slowly walks inside and I turn towards the parking lot.
...
I pull up in front of the building and wait for her to walk out.
What the hell did I do to make her that upset? Was it because of Paris, that I don't want to go? I told her I would think about it, and I am.
Is it because of what happened in the kitchen? Did she want something in return? She says no sex so I just thought to leave her be and not try to do something and make her uncomfortable, I don't want her to think that I don't want sex because god...................I do. I'm just trying to respect her privacy, maybe she thinks I'm not interested anymore? Which is far from the truth cus I wanna make love to her all the time, not in a using her way. But in a, I'm in love with her way.
Suddenly the car door opens and she gets inside, she closes the door and puts her seatbelt on. I start to drive.
...
The ride is interesting because neither one of us says a word, we just.............exchange glances but neither one of us says anything.
...
Once inside the apartment we go our separate ways like a divorced couple who only stayed together for the kids, we live in the same space but neither on of us acknowledges the other. She goes to the main bathroom and I go to the guest, we get ready by ourselves and the apartment is so quiet that you could hear the snow fall outside.
...
I wear a black turtleneck and tuck it into some black formal pants, I wear the chain Jane gave me and a belt along with my converse. This is the best she's getting because honestly I don't even want to go to this thing, the only reason we are going is because I want to show tessa more of my life. I want to prove for that theres reasons to say here, I want her to have access to a part of me that no one else has. Shes already the person who knows me more than anyone, she knows my darkest secrets and she's seen my scares and she loves me........now all I need to do is show her how much I love her. Show her how much I need her.
...
The last thing I need to do is my hair and I purposely keep my hair gel in the main bathroom just so I can see her, I know it's kinda fucked but I just love to watch her get ready.
I walk across the apartment and knock on the bathroom door, seconds later she opens it. Her hair is lightly curled and pinned back with a clip while her cheeks are rosey and her lips are a light shade of plum and glossy which makes her look even more irresistible. She's wearing her robe so I don't know what she wearing yet but I'm sure she'll look beautiful as always.
"I left my hair gel in there again, sorry."
"It's ok, I'm done anyways."
She walks past me and disappears into the room.
FUCK!
I quickly do my hair and unplug the curling iron that she always forgets on, I close her tube of mascara so it doesn't dry out and I zip her makeup bag and put it under the counter where she usually keeps it. I spray some cologne before I turn off the lights and wait for her in the living room.
...
After a few minutes I hear her calling for me.
"Hardin!"
I quickly get up and walk into the room.
Shit I forgot to knock.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask panicked.
This is when I lock eyes with her and see how breathing she is, shes holding up her dress with her hands.
"Can you help me zip this?" She asks.
"Y..yes of course."
She turns around and I'm exposed to her bare back, the zipper is low and the dress is also cut low in the back which allows me to see the top of her black lace panties. I walk towards her and move her hair and use this opportunity to just admire her skin which I haven't seen this close in a while. I try not to make it obvious that I'm clearly taking much longer than needed to zip this, I just wanna see her.
At last I slowly start to zip the dress I see her get goosebumps on her back.
"Are you cold?" I whisper.
"No, you just haven't touched me in a while." She admits in a whisper.
"I didn't think you wanted me to."
I zip the rest.
"I always want your touch." She says softly.
I rest my hands on her hips and gently pull her closer to me, I lean in and kiss her exposed shoulder softly.
"Do you want me to stop?" I ask praying she's not uncomfortable.
"No."
I lean in and kiss her neck before I move her hair and kiss behind her ear and her jaw, she turns to face me she leans in so we are breathing the same air. She looks down and takes my hands in hers, she has tiny hands.
I lean in and kiss her neck, her head falls back giving me more room to show my love. I'm only placing gentle kisses, I won't mark her like I'm used to. Instead I gently brush my lips against her skin. I pull away and look up at her.
"I've missed you." She says desperately.
"I've been here the whole time love."
She shakes her head.
"I haven't." She admits.
"What?" I ask not really knowing what she means.
She looks troubled.
"We should go, I don't want to be late." She quickly says.
She drops my hands and walks past me and leaves the room.
"Tess.."