song for this chapter: take you down by illenium
My arm slinks into Rafe's as the two of us walk towards the beach. Loud rap music plays, muting the sound of conversations; conversations that involve us. Every pair of eyes focuses on he and I, looking at our joined arms and happy expressions.
Tonight is the first appearance he and I have made since myself and the pogues have stopped speaking. It's been a week and there has been nothing but radio silence. The thought of seeing them here would normally make me feel anxious, but instead it makes me livid. I know JJ will try and start something with me, but the more alcohol and cocaine I put into my body, the less likely I will be able to control what I say.
"These people need fucking cameras, it'll last longer."
Rafe snickers, "no one else has anything better to do than worry about other peoples lives."
I nod in agreement and walk up the hill where the coolers are. Seltzers, beer, and mixed drinks fill the ice and I reach for a mango flavored drink. Rafe grabs a beer and cracks it open quickly, bringing it to his lips. I can't imagine it tastes good, he and I have been drinking since the early afternoon to prepare for this outing. The seltzer reaches my stomach and it churns slightly at the amount I already have in my system but I swallow it down.
"Let's do some bumps before everyone tries to buy it off of me." Rafe says and I follow him towards the tree line. He sets the key in the clear bag and brings the powder to his nose. He repeats the action and brings it to my own and I inhale deeply. The drip hits the back of my throat immediately and I take a swig of my drink to flush it down. The two of us take one more before the blonde slides it back into his pocket.
Topper and Kelce come into view and Rafe nods at the two guys.
"Hey Rafe, Avery." Topper smiles and brings me into a hug. I wrap my arm around his waist and smile, "hey guys, long time no see."
Kelce hugs me as well and the four of us stand in a circle with drinks in our hands.
"Have y'all seen Sarah lately?" I feel my eyes roll at the question and I know Rafe's do too. However, I am intrigued on why he wants to know.
"No, Avery officially cut them off. Full kook, finally." The blonde smirks down at me and I grin up at him with a drunken smile.
Topper nods slowly, "now who's gonna look out for her?"
"Relax, Top. She's eighteen, she can handle herself. Besides, with John B. in jail, there's not much she can do. Don't go all stalker ex boyfriend on my sister."
He throws his arms up in defense, "I'm just curious, bro. You know how the pogues plan shit behind closed doors. Avery, am I wrong?"
Rafe wraps his arm around my shoulders. "What you're not going to do is pester my friend with questions. Keep your nose out of shit that doesn't involve you."
Ah, I remember that line, that seems so long ago.
Wait a damn minute- friend? Fucking ouch.
"You need to lay off the coke and chill out, man." Topper tells Rafe before walking away with Kelce in his trial. He doesn't really say much, probably just a body guard for Topper if anything were to go wrong.
Rafe looks down at me and runs his hand through his hair. "Some nerve he has. Why start a conversation with me in the first place if all he's going to do is bombard you with questions that you don't even have the fucking answer to."
"It's alright, pal. I can handle myself."
Rafe picks up on my dig and reaches for my arm. "Avery, you know I didn't mean that. I didn't know what to say, I've never done relationships before."
"So you choose to say my friend? You could have said anything other than that instead of making me look like an idiot.
The look in his eyes changes. "Why are you getting so defensive? We are technically just friends."
I groan and raise my arms slightly, trying not to let everyone know that he and I are fighting. "That's not the point, Rafe. I know you've never been in a relationship before or even know what it's like to have feelings but,-"
"Thanks, Avery. Way to throw it back in my face."
Fuck. "You know I didn't mean it like that, Rafe. I'm sorry."
He stands there for a few moments in silence. "Why does it even matter? Clearly everyone is staring at the two of us like we're some sort of circus act."
"Since when do you care what these fucking people have to say about you? You're Rafe Cameron."
The blonde rolls his eyes, "yippee."
I reach for his hand. "Why don't we just go so we can talk about this? We've been drinking for way too long and have gone through so much coke we're not thinking straight. There's no one here that matters anyway besides you."
It's a strange feeling having to comfort the person that seems like they are invincible. As much as I wish he would scream off the top of the hill that he and I are truly together, I understand the fear of being talked about or laughed at. Rafe has never cared about that until me. Does he agree with what these people think?
"I don't care at this point. You clearly don't think I'm capable of being in a relationship."
"When did I ever say that? You're literally talking out of your ass right now. Rafe I want to be with you like how we are behind closed doors, but if you can't give me that in public too I don't know if I could do it."
The blonde shakes his head and looks down at the ground. I see him slipping away with each second he is silent.
"Then why are you with me? Is this some sort of game to you to get me to open up and then dip? If so, please be my guest to leave me the fuck alone."
I run my hand through my hair, the habit being picked up from none other than the boy in front of me.
"I'm with you because of everything I've told you before, and even in moments like these the thought of losing you would crush me. You're funny, and kind, and-,"
He cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine. The passion behind the kiss is so strong I feel lightheaded. My arms wrap around his neck, bringing him closer to my body.
"I've heard enough. I don't want to hide behind closed doors, Avery. The deal we had is so far in the back of my mind because of how much I want to be with you. I think about you almost every moment of every day. You're right, I don't know much about feelings or being someone's boyfriend, but I want to learn with you."
The smile that forms on my face is so wide it hurts. There aren't enough words that could respond to his confession so kissing him is the only thing I can think of doing that would remotely compare. My tongue snakes into his mouth and I laugh against his lips, giddy like a child.
A slow clap causes my head to snap away from the kiss. I turn and see JJ smirking at the two of us, his hands smacking against each other in applause.
"Let's hear it for the finest couple in The Outer Banks, people!" His words are laced with venom and alcohol.
I feel Rafe grow tense beneath my grip. "I can handle this."
Kie, Sarah and Pope stand behind him waiting for the blonde to pounce.
"Doesn't it get old, JJ? Grow the hell up and find something better to do."
All he does is laugh, which makes me even more angry. "You know damn well John B. didn't do it. Is the dick really that good or are you just brain washed? Oh wait! How much is he paying you?" JJ's voice grows louder with each word, making the conversations throughout the party fade into the distance.
"Better dick that you ever tried to give me. Leave me the fuck alone and move on, it's embarrassing." The second the words leave my lips, my vision turns red. All of the anger I've built up inside releases onto JJ. Were my words harsh? Absolutely, but I'm not letting him get away with publicly outing Rafe. Besides, the weapon is gone and there is nothing anyone can do to prove it was him.
"Avery, stop." Sarah grits, stepping in front of JJ.
I let out a laugh, "Sarah Cameron! What else do you have? Lay it on me." Between the alcohol, cocaine and anger running through my body I feel insane and my words show it.
Sarah turns around to the rest of the group. You know in a movie when something dramatic happens and it's in slow motion and there's that slow music in the background? The sight of John B. walking up behind her is how that feels. My brain can't comprehend what is happening fast enough and the lightheaded feeling rushes over me again.
"W-What? How? There-There's no way."
I look over at Rafe who is in just as much shock as I am. His blue eyes are focused on John B., the thoughts running through his head too sinister to even think at the moment.
"Rafe, turn yourself in man. Shoupe knows it was you, they'll be here any minute now."
"That's not possible." I whisper, nearly audible.
JJ looks at me with a blank expression on his face. "All water leads to the bay. It wasn't that hard to find."
They watched me do it.
The sound of sirens pierce my ears causing everyone around us to throw their alcohol on the ground. It's funny how each person here is going through a different narrative. Oh, to be them.
"Times up, Rafe." John B. looks between the two of us, his expression changing when he lands on my face. It looks sad and confused on how we got to the place.
"Over my dead body."
Rafe bolts into the trees, his shadow disappearing into the night.
"Rafe!" I scream after him, my feet carrying me into the woods. I've never liked the dark, it holds things that make me curl up into bed with the covers over my head. I wish I could be there now.
Footsteps chase after me, growing closer with each moment. I pick up my speed, but it won't last long. Adrenaline is the only thing keeping me going.
"Avery, let him go." Kie's voice calls out from behind me, closer than I thought.
My cousins voice almost makes me stop, but I keep going after the blonde who has built a home in my heart.
"Rafe!" I call again, the woods surrounding me.
My legs burn and my throat feels like it could close at any second, causing me to slow to a walk. The footsteps behind me grow closer so I take it upon myself to hide in the shadows. I kneel down near a boulder and press my hands against the cool stone to catch my breath. My heart pounds against my chest but I keep my mouth closed to remain silent. Five sets of feet become louder, letting me know that they are near.
"She has to be out here somewhere." Pope speaks, his voice close.
"Avery!" Kie calls.
"I don't think we're going to find her. She's probably made it to the other side of figure eight by now." JJ's voice is the loudest, his frame mere inches from me. I put my head down and hold my breath.
"Let's just go. She's made her decision, it's not worth it."
A collective sigh breaks through the group and I feel myself letting one out as well.
"We're just going to let it end like this? This is Avery we're talking about. She's one of us, she's family." Kie's words send a stabbing pain through my chest.
That feeling has been there more than it hasn't been these days.
"She made the choice on her own, Kie. There's not much we can do at this point but accept the fact that she is with Rafe." John B.'s statement makes me roll my eyes. He doesn't have much room to talk after nearly ruining his friendship with Kie to be with Sarah. Where was that sympathy when I chose to be with Rafe?
Five sets of footsteps retreat deeper into the woods, their hunt for me ending. My mind begins to wander, wondering if roles were reversed would they give up on anyone else in the group? If it were Pope they would spend all night looking for him, thinking of every possible place he could be. With me, it feels like it was an easy way out. It feels like they didn't try, or didn't care to risk losing sleep to make sure I was okay.
A snap of a branch brings me out of my thoughts and speeds up my heart rate. I put my head between my thighs and breathe slowly against my skin, careful to not give myself away.
"Avery?"
Rafe.
"Oh my God. Rafe, you're okay."
He crouches down next to my small frame and wraps his arms around my body. He is shaking from what I can only imagine is fear and adrenaline. My hands grab his neck and push him into my chest, wanting to protect him from what is going to happen next.
"There's no getting out of this, Avery. Everyone knows, they're going to do everything they can to find me."
I run my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down. "We will figure something out, okay? I'm going to be here with you every step of the way."
"No, Avery. I'm going to take you down with me. I can't fuck up your future. You have college, and you'll meet a great guy who can provide for you far away from here and you'll forget all about it."
I hadn't realized I was crying until I feel my wet cheeks. "Rafe, no. Please. I don't want to do that. Being with you makes me happy, and takes me away from reality."
A light laugh falls from his lips, "that's because it isn't real. It's a fantasy. You're going to have to wake up at some point."
"No, no, no." I run my hands through my hair, pulling at the dark locks as anxiety runs over my body.
"I'll be okay. When have I ever not gotten out of something?"
His calm demeanor should bring me back down to earth, but it only makes me lose my shit even more. My breath becomes more shallow and I can't control the shaking that overcomes me.
"We can- we can hide. Somewhere no one will find us. We can leave town right now, change our names and never look back. You didn't kill Peterkin, Rafe. You don't even remember doing it. How-how is that fair?"
Rafe grabs my hand and brings it to his chest. "I'm not letting you do that. I'm Rafe Cameron, remember?"
"You're my Rafe Cameron. Please, baby." Tears stream down my face and onto the dirt. At this point there should be a small lake forming with how many there are.
Blue and red flashing lights come into view and my chest tightens.
"Rafe. We have to do something."
He remains silent for what feels like years and just as I go to speak he grabs my hand and pulls me up from the ground.
"Do not let go of my hand, okay?"