Keep Running

Chapter 17

The farther away I get, the clearer the memories are. They don't necessarily make more sense. But they're clearer.
"What are you doing here?"
"I---I need to talk to you," I said, not at all all right, walking into the other man's---I guess barrack. Some sort of dorm. He's in uniform; we were in the army or marines or something of that nature.
"What's wrong?" he asked, clearly concerned. It's late, after ten.
"I don't---I don't know---I can't fucking sleep," I said, my voice cracking as tears running down my face.
"It's okay, come here," he said, putting his arms around me.
"I'm scared. They did shit to me---they did shit to my head," I said, my voice shaking.
"When they had you?" he asked, his voice calmly urgent.
"Yes. It's what they keep trying to get me to tell them, but I just want to go home. I just said they had me in the camp that's it. I'm not telling them what they did to me," I said. I was shaking like a leaf.
"I think you need to tell them," he said, "They did something to you---is that this scar? On the back of your head," he's touching the base of my skull.
"They fucking cut me up---I don't know what the fuck they did. I want to go home," I said , "You can't tell them."
"I won't say anything. You know that."
"Yes, I do," I said, and then I started kissing him. And he did not seem to mind that. Goddamn it.
"Please just let me help you," the man said, holding me as I pressed my face into his neck.
"Let me stay here tonight. I never fucking sleep and then I'm just lying there alone and I think I'm still there and I hate it. I hate it. Just let me lie here with you," I said, melting into his arms.
"Okay, yeah," he said, stroking my hair.
So who was doing experiments on me? And who wanted to know? Our government? The same one I belong to now? Or a different one? I'm so confused. The other guy didn't even have a name on his shirt. I still don't have anything.
Gwen and Jonah have fallen asleep again in the train car. I am left to stare out the window, try to think. Try to remember. And wonder if Dano survived falling off the train. He can warp himself places why not warp to safety? I know why. He can't do it when he's scared.
"Why wouldn't you wrap yourself away?" I asked, washing the burns on his arm as he sniffled. "You do that shit, teleporting yourself places or whatever."
"I was scared," he said.
"Then why did you disappear from my side and go in?"
"She was scared, I had to save her."
"It was a cat. You almost died," I said, tiredly. They made me change his dressing and such when he injured himself. It was easier; they didn't endanger any nurses.
"So did she, she was frightened. I wanted to go save her, but the fire got worse," he mumbled, coughing. We had taken him out because they wanted him reading minds for whoever this arsonist was. Instead he decided to warp his dumb self into a burning building to save a kitten.
"Yes it did. You can't do things like that. Look at you," I said, gently washing his chest. The worst was on his arm. "If you can warp in, you can get out."
"It's not easy---if  can't see where I'm going. And I can't find minds and I can't when I'm scared. And I wanted to be back with you and I never can find you," he said, sadly.
"Then don't leave my side," I informed him, "You've got stop trying to save animals and bugs from whatever. Clint's getting mad you keep messing up the rat traps."
"But they have feelings. Bugs do too. I feel them die. I don't like it, everything has feelings," he said.
"Except me right?" because I'm not real.
"No. You do. Just because I can't feel it doesn't mean it isn't there," he said, putting his little hands on my head and smiling that winning complete moron smile he has trademarked.
"You believe that?" I asked. I didn't think I was supposed to feel as much as I did.
"Of course. I love you,  you're my dad.  And even though you don't read minds, you believe me---right?"
"Of course," I didn't think the psycho was capable of loving anything, "Come now, you have to go to bed, you have school in the morning. You're going to be good in class aren't you?" He has to watch videos now because he tried to kill the last teacher. She wasn't nice to him, but still. He didn't need to attack her because she killed a fly after he asked her not to.
"Yes," he said nodding hard, "I'll try hard. Thank you for being my dad." He hugged me again. And I patted his head because I didn't want to be his dad. I was not his dad. I am not. Stupid shit. Can't he have someone else? Surely he got himself off the train and to safety? He's got some self-preservation doesn't he? I already know that that is a no.
"What time is it?" Gwen had fallen asleep again next to me.
"It's almost morning, go back to sleep," I say. Little Jonah is fast asleep on the bench.
"Don't you ever sleep?" she asks.
"No, I don't," I say, shaking my head.
"Did you remember anything else?"
"No," I lie.