Chapter Thirty-Three: The Ride Back and First Kisses
Cole's POV
"I swear on my dad that you said you were straight at some point."
Nathaniel shrugged, "Well," He said, "You've never told a lie before?"
"That's such a lame lie though. I prefer lies like 'no I didn't put ketchup in your crocs and laugh when it squished out'. But I guess it's all about preference."
"Also," He laughed a bit to himself, "At the party... that didn't give anything away?"
I thought back to it, "No? Unless you count taking my sucker, which, by the way, every night I lay awake thinking about that cherry sucker and wondering how good it would've tasted if I got to finish it."
"It probably would've tasted like a sucker."
"You're mom's a sucker... ohhhh roasted. Don't talk to me Nathaniel, I don't talk to people with bad roasts."
Nathaniel yawned, "I guess I won't talk to you then." He said, a lazy, sleepy smile on his face as he looked away from me.
"I- wow. You know, I've heard about homophobia before, but this is too far."
Nathaniel laughed, "How was I-"
"Hush, I don't listen to bigots."
"Stay here." He said, "I'll be right back, I've got to use the restroom."
I nodded my head, busying myself with the concrete as he walked inside the gas station.
I always hated how rough concrete was, but it was a necessity, unless you wanted to eat shit on a snowy day due to the lack of friction.
But then again, maybe that would've been a fun little game.
Who could last longest on the concrete of death on a Wednesday afternoon in January.
It didn't take long at all for Nathaniel to get back.
He sighed as he sat down, "Back to bigots. The closest person to religious in my house is our dog. Get it? Because backwards, it's god?"
"It was a good attempt at a joke." I murmured, "But it was horrible, you don't even own a dog." We both laughed and finally he pulled out his phone.
"No, but I guess I never told you because, well, I wasn't really sure back then, and I also didn't know you all too well."
"I know everybody." I said, leaning my head back against the building.
It had been a few hours and we were still here, still staring at the field in front of us, watching the sun raise higher and higher.
Occasionally a person would walk past us to get into the gas station, but the most they did is glance at us. We'd make a joke about it, something like 'you think they think we're doing drugs?'
But we both knew we'd have to leave soon, both of our phones were getting low, and while my phone wasn't even alive as is, Nathaniel did still have business to do with his dad.
He hadn't dropped my hand, and I wasn't complaining. His grasp was comforting, a drastic difference from the kneading on the back of my neck.
I almost felt like comparing hand sizes to see who truly had the bigger dick since, without actually pulling it out, our hands were the best way to compare, but I didn't.
"You do." Nathaniel agreed, "I was kinda surprised when I first talked to you."
I glared at him, "Why? I'm insulted."
He rolled his eyes, "It's a compliment. Let me explain." He licked his lips sleepily, "I already knew about you before we had met, but I expected you to be less, well, friendly. Like you just had an energy that made things more interesting than I thought it would be like. Like, as soon as you talked to someone, you didn't jump to judgement - I instantly knew that, even if we didn't become friends friends, we'd still know each other. I'm not sure." He murmured.
I looked at him, seeing his gaze already on my face, the sudden eye contact surprised me and I did the only thing I could think of, and placed an 'L' on my forehead.
He laughed, "That too, I remember when you did that."
"Yeah, cause you were being a creep and looking at me."
Nathaniel rolled his eyes, "You looked at me in the halls all the time, the only difference was, I could feel your glare of hatred from miles."
"Well obviously I had to hate you. Look at you."
He looked down at himself, "What about me?"
I scoffed, "Bro, I swear to god. I'm pretty sure I've seen an image of you in a Greek mythology book before. But Greek God's had small dicks, so ignore the accuracy of that statement."
"I'm not sure if that's a compliment."
I sighed, "Well, take it like this. If you asked me to, I would probably give you a blowjob for less than twenty dollars. More than zero though, I have morals."
Nathaniel laughed, "Okay," He said, "I'll take that as a compliment."
I was smiling when Nathaniel showed me his phone.
I stood up, "Time to go?" I said, referencing the text he had gotten from his dad which had read; 'No need to rush home, but we do have work today. Love you.'
"I guess so. Do you want me to drive back?"
I hummed for a second and then dropped the keys in his hand, "If it means I can play DJ than fuck yeah."
~~~
"Good song, no?"
Nathaniel nodded, "I like it, what's it called?"
I hummed, "uh, something about sucking dick and eating ass." I paused, "Kidding, damn, take a joke you homosexual." I shook my head and Nathaniel sent me a grin. "Twenty dollars for the song name."
Nathaniel reached into his back pocket and I instantly groaned.
"What's the point of making those jokes, if you're going to actually do it?" I grumbled.
Nathaniel rolled his eyes, "Cole, I could add an extension onto my house and make you your dream room, and it would barely budge the account. I don't give a fuck about giving you twenty dollars."
I laughed, "You like to play sugar daddy with all your friends?"
He smiled, "No, just you."
I sucked in my cheeks and then let them pop, "That's gay, Nathaniel. You're weird."
His head tilted back as he laughed. "Tell me the name of the song." he went on to change the subject but a smile still rested on his face.
"Uhhhh, it's called Tungs by The Fright. I can save it to your playlist, if you want."
He shrugged, "Yeah, sure, I don't mind."
I pressed the three dots on his spotify and added it to his liked songs.
As we got closer to town, and as my drink slowly got more and more empty - I had grabbed another energy drink - I could feel myself getting more and more nervous.
There was so much I wanted to avoid and, if I could, I'd take Nathaniel and Brian and never come back. I didn't want to come back to school, to my mom, sleeping in a room that wasn't mine, I didn't want to come back to that stupid town where I knew everyone.
It's fun knowing everyone, until you start to realize nobody knows you.
"Cole," Nathaniel said.
I looked up, not even noticing my eyes were foggy.
"Are you alright?" He asked gently.
"Yessir." I said, lying almost instinctively.
Nathaniel didn't believe me, and I knew he didn't, but he didn't say anything. Just slipped his hand back into mine.
I broke.
I was doing that a lot recently. Crying, it wasn't who I was, I hated crying. I had never seen Nathaniel cry, and in my mind, that just meant that I didn't have a reason to cry in front of him, like he was stronger than me.
"I'm scared." I said, "To go back." I clarified.
"Of your mom?"
I nodded slowly, "Yeah..." I shuddered.
"Do you want to talk about it more?" He asked gently, "I'll be here to listen."
I smiled slightly, "Not like you can do anything else, unless you feel like barrel rolling on the interstate."
He smiled and I looked towards the window, somewhat shameful.
"I dunno... I feel irrational because I'm older now, and I can leave when things feel wrong. But," I swallowed, "It was so much for younger me. Like, I got told by her that I wasn't her kid. For awhile I didn't even know she was my birth mom because she was so set and aggressive every time I called her mama, that she wasn't my mom. I used to get degraded to literal nothing, but the same night she'd be in my room and..." I shuddered, holding back a gag. "I think it just makes it worst, remembering that I was kid."
Nathaniel nodded along with my words, his eyebrows creased slightly as if in thought about what I was saying.
"It's just- God Nate," The nickname slipped out, strangely since I had never even thought of calling him Nate before. "It makes me-" Me voice cracked, "I feel like shit." I rested my head ontop of our encased hands. "My head hurts." I whispered, "And my chest hurts, and I feel like throwing up again. I can remember everything." I shuddered, "Every little detail, down to the texture of her hair."
Nathaniel gently rubbed his thumb over my hand back and forth.
"I've never told anybody that." I murmured, "That I remember all of it."
Even my dad thought I was too little to remember. Too young to even have slight flashes of it now that I'm older. I was really young, extremely young. But it still stuck in my head, always in the back of my mind, those degrading words.
"I was the most depressed six year old you probably would've ever seen." I laughed, "I mean, really, I was just so insanely sick to my stomach as a kid. Nothing felt safe. I remember one time my mom tried to pack my lunch. I really thought she poisoned me that day, honestly. But you wanna know something?"
He hummed.
"I still ate that lunch." My voice trembled again, "You know, I went to school and I showed every single one of my friends, I showed my teachers. I showed them the grapes she had crammed in there. She made me a sandwich and it was the grossest thing I had ever tasted, but I still told my whole class that none of their mom's were as good of a cook as mine was." I wiped at my face with my sleeved and sniffed, "I was so hesitant to even eat that food, but I still was so happy. I showed everyone, I even looked for the janitor to show them."
"Oh Cole." Nathaniel murmured.
I laughed, "Yeah, I know. I told her that, when I got home that day. I told her how happy I was that she made me lunch. She spent three hours pushing me around and telling me she only made it because my dad forced her to. She never made me lunch again, after that."
I skipped the song on spotify. "Shitty song... come on spotify." I murmured, "sorry."
Nathaniel laughed.
"Yeah but, I'm just scared." I murmured, "If I god back, if I see her, I just don't know if I'll be able to look her in the eyes without getting scared, and if I get scared she'll get mad.." My heart started racing in my chest.
Nathaniel started moving his thumb again, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Cole." He murmured, "God." His voice cracked and then he laughed, "You're gonna make me cry."
I laughed slightly, looking at our encased hands.
"That story about your lunch, god that hit me hard. You were so innocent."
I glared at him, "I still am, asshole, I'm a child of dog... get it, cause dog backwards is god?" I teased.
He laughed, "I'm glad you are who you are today, Cole. And If you ever need a place to stay, I will literally pick you up from New York to drive you back to my house, and let you stay the night."
I smiled, "How noble of you." I joked.
"I'm serious." He said, "I'd drop anything, I'm serious."
I looked at him and smiled, "I know you are." I said, "Goes both ways. The most I'll have to drop is beating Brian's ass for something, But i'd still drop it."
"I'm honored."
"You should be."
~~~
We pulled up in front of Nathaniel's house and we both stepped out of the car.
"Thanks for letting me get snot on your shirt and vomit on your shoes. I'm sure your parents will love your new cologne." I joked.
"Cole."
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad you invited me to come with you." He said, walking next to me and leaning against my car. "And I'm glad that you took me to that gas station, and I'm glad that you talked to me." He said, "it really means a lot, like, I don't know, it was so nice drinking those stupid internet drinks you made."
I shrugged, "What can I say? I am amazing."
He nodded, "Are you going back to Brian's? Or do you want to come in?"
I shook my head, "I got to go back to Brian's house before he worries I actually did decide to join the circus and run off, doesn't that sound like something I'd do?"
He nodded.
"But, I also have to make breakfast, or 'make breakfast' aka 'stand there poorly making breakfast until Brian's sister steps in and starts making it."
"Yeah, plus I'm sure if you stayed, you'd be overly bored, I have paperwork to do today. Lots of stupid business shit, but I don't mind it."
"I would mind it." I said, "The only strength I have in my hand is from jerking off."
"Not surprised."
"Offended."
"Maybe you're stalling."
"Stalling by allowing myself to get bullied?"
He shrugged, "maybe."
"Alright, buckaroo." I snorted, "No need to jump to confusion, makes your knees hurt." I Winked, "Just like something else makes your knees hurt, and by something else, I mean praying to the lord and savior Jesus H Christ."
He rolled his eyes, "At this pace you'll start carrying around those strawberry candies in your back pocket that you got from the local church."
I copied his action, rolling my eyes, "Bye Nathaniel."
"Wait-"
"Bye."
"Hold on-"
"Bye bye, bigot."
"you're so annoying."
"Bye!" I said loudly over his voice. "Bye, no I don't wanna hear it, bye! No, Bye. Bye Nathaniel, bye-"
There comes a time in someone's life when they really question what the fuck is happening. And in my life, this was that moment.
Nathaniel had his lips pressed gently against mine, nothing special, just gently his lips pressed on mine.
He wasn't even necessarily kissing me, his plump lips were just gently pressed against mind and his hand was placed even more gently on my neck.
He pulled away after I had registered what he was doing.
"Here." he said, standing closer to me than I remember.
I tried to talk but nothing left my mouth.
Tree top... dead ass just kissed me.
On my mouth.
With his mouth.
What the fuck?
He grabbed my hand and dropped something in it, my fingers slowly wrapped around the cherry sucker in my hand.
"I was trying to give you this." He murmured, "I'll see you later Cole."
~~~
Hey guys, how have you guys been? I'm sick right now, not surprising since the mfs here don't know what social distancing and fucking hygiene means.
I never thought it was hard to not invade someone's bubble, but according to the people here they've never had to do anything harder than... not breathe on me.
Also this chapter is insanely long, but there was just so much i wanted to include.
Anyways, did you enjoy?
Comment/vote and ily
*not proofread, pls inform me about grammar or spelling errors*