Y/N POV: Now that I was in a more comfortable space, I felt Kiyo's words of admiration towards his sister sink in. I know Kiyo cared about me...I...know he did, he must've... But even still...it hurts, the face he made before he died...I can still see it. I...hate it...I hate that face of agony and betrayal he had, why did he have to kill for someone out of his reach when I was right there...? Was I not forward enough? Maybe...I should've died instead. I should've died in place of him...it's not like I have a future anymore. We all say that we'll reach a brighter hope in the end...but...Kiyo was my only hope...without him I feel...so very useless. I had so many opportunities to stop Kiyo from killing Angie and Tenko...why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I save Angie? I had so many opportunities to do so...so why didn't I? I...was probably too much of a coward. I...was too weak. I walked to my personalized bookshelf, books were neatly placed on the shelves and it had books of all kinds. I picked one of the shelf and giving it a certain look I lifted up my arm, and putting all my strength in it...and threw it against the wall, causing a deafening thud across the room. I've been working hard all my life and for what? There is no future for me anymore without the both of them. There is no hope for me, I'm going to die a useless death.
Was it so selfish of me to want a friend? Was it so selfish of me to have desires of my own apart from work...? Angie believed in Atua more than anything...but little did she know that in the Ultimate Academy...there is no god, we all die and we can't do anything about it, no god is watching over us just like Kiyo isn't watching over us, he's dead, his soul got destroyed along with his physical body and I couldn't stop it. I hate that, I...despise what his sister made him think, no sibling nor lover would ever make their other half feel as if they owed them anything like that to them. I hate how even Kiyo did all he could to please his sister...she still killed him, she killed him with a smile. Why do...the good people in my life always suffer? Was that my fault too? What did I do that was so awful to deserve this? I begun to feel more blood trickle down my nose, however the pain had almost numbed itself by now. However, more anger bubbled up from inside me. Almost unconsciously I grabbed another book and threw it, what was the point of my Ultimate? I'm as useless as a newborn infant, but even then at least an infant has a future. "DAMN IT...D-DAMN IT ALL!" I yelled angrily as I grabbed the bookshelf by its side and with using my entire body and arm strength...threw it to its side, books scattered on the floor and a loud crash filled the room, making my ears ring for a few seconds. In mere minutes, seconds or hours...my Ultimate lab was almost unrecognizable, books were all over the floor and one of the many bookshelves had a shelf torn off, pens were bleeding ink onto the floor...similar to Angie and Tenko's corpses, all my documents of the academy and notes on all the students had become all black and stained with ink. Little pieces of the wall were beginning to break off because of all the books that were thrown at it, never before have I been so angry and sad, I destroyed book after book, not caring enough to even hesitate, not caring if they were important to me or not.
If I ever find the mastermind of this killing game...if I ever find the one that lead Kiyo to his death...I will be sure to beat them within an inch of their life. I will never forgive them. I looked down at the destruction of my Ultimate lab, I never wanted my Ultimate anyway, I can live without it. My sister had more of a future then me despite me being smarter, she got the good looks and good personality, I don't have either of those, even I can admit that. How...am I supposed to live with myself now...? Am I...just supposed to continue living? I...can't do that, I simply wont be able to...why am I thinking like this? What...made me so insecure about my very being? What...had me so paranoid for my entire life? Oh...wait...
I remember... I've always known... I just never wanted to think about it.
However...was it really my fault? No...It must've been, this is my punishment for not preventing it from happening, it was all my fault.
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"Hey, Y/N. Can I talk to you?" My peer asked me. "Oh, yes of course. What is on your mind?" I asked my pupil. "W-Well...I-I would really like you to go out with me! Y-You're so kind to everyone and I really admire that!" The girl yelled, bowing her head. "...Wh-What?" I mumbled in confusion, I was supposed to be tutoring her, this was nothing more. "A-Apologies, I cannot accept your feelings. I-I'm...rather uninterested." I sweat dropped. The girl looked obviously agitated by my response, she didn't look used to people saying no to her. Sitting in my chair with her on the opposite side I begun to grow nervous, wanting to just end the conversation. "Well...if that's all you wanted to say then-" I tried to get up from the chair however felt myself stiffen when I saw the girl get up and walk to me swiftly, sitting in my lap with an irritated look on her face, a look that would itch itself into my mind. "No one in there right mind would say no to me, I've been tutored by you for months! You know how boring those sessions were? Don't you think I deserve something that isn't good grades!?" She yelled at me. "G-Get off, this cannot be appropriate!" I yelled at her, sweat dropping. I wanted to push her off, however my body refused to move out of fear, I could barley think clearly. "Do you just not like girls? Is that it!?" She yelled. "N-No, not at all! J-Just get off!" I yelled as my hands death gripped the arm chair I was sitting in. "Why are you so scared for? Doesn't every boy love things like this?" She questioned. I felt myself tense up when I felt her legs wrap around my waste loosely, making her face grow closer to mind as she grabbed my shoulders gently for support. "G-Gah! G-Get off, get off!" I yelled, I felt scared. I wasn't nearly as strong as I would've liked to be back then.
I was supposed to be the bigger person here, I can't just push her away, violence was supposedly never the answer. "Were you always such a prude?" She asked me as she caressed my cheek with her cold hand. I couldn't talk anymore, I felt as if I was on the verge of crying, what was I supposed to do in that situation? "If you can just give me half an hour, I swear I can change your mind about rejecting me earlier." She whispered as she shuffled closer to me, I could feel our hips touching and her chest being pressed up against me. Tears threatened to pour out of my eyes as I began to stutter incoherent things. "Aww, you truly are adorable, the way you quiver with fear is so cute, I could just eat you up. You're so cute I could just eat you!" She said with a funny look in her eye.
I didn't know what do to in that moment, what was I supposed to do? I was never told what to do because in my world. That kind of stuff never happened to boys and I believed that, wholeheartedly.
I could feel her hands travel my body, my face, shoulders, chest and even lower. I felt her shuffle away from me and just as I was about to leap up from the chair, I felt her hands touch my thighs...getting closer to my crotch area. That was the finally straw, I couldn't deal with it anymore, I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away and got up from the chair, backing away from my so called pupil. "I-I told you to stop...! Wh-Why...didn't you stop...!?" I yelled at her, I felt my body shaking from all of the unwanted contact. She quickly recovered from my little shove and got up from the floor, making her way towards me again, grabbing my shoulders and leaned in, our noses were basically touching at that point. She looked...really angry. "I really did try to be gentle, perhaps this wouldn't have happened if you didn't give me the correct signs. In the end, it's all your fault." She spat at me, her voice dripping venom.
It was my fault for not preventing it from the start.
"...I-I have to report this to the principal, th-this...cannot be okay!" I shakily yelled, she seemed unfazed by my statement. "Oh? Is that right? Would they truly believe you? I'm the girl here." She pointed out. "Wh-What?" I said, my brain was running so quickly and with how weak my heart felt I couldn't even register the feeling of her letting go of my shoulders, backing away a little...and grabbing my arm, bringing it towards her chest, making my hand press up on it. I had jumped once I had finally registered it. "One word to the principal or the authorities and I can just spin it on you, your fingerprints are on me now." She threatened. "B-But..." I mumbled. Why was this even happening? "I am the girl and the fact that you had told everyone that you were a boy, no one is ever going to believe you, and if they did what good will it do? You're the boy...so you should've enjoyed it." She said. "...P-Please, just let g-go of my arm." I said with my bottom lip quivering. Once I felt her grip loosened I took my hand away.
It was all my fault, but the reason as to why it was my fault was never answered. I don't even know why it was my fault. It just was and there is nothing else to it.
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I...don't remember much after that, not like it would matter nor would I like to remember...who would believe me? I...think the reason I didn't say anything even despite having the advantage was most likely due to the fact that I simply couldn't risk it, if what she said was true and she could really get me in trouble with the so called evidence she had...my life would get destroyed. The money I had saved up to move my sister and I out of my fathers grasp would've been all for nothing. I couldn't risk that, no matter the advantages I had...I couldn't risk it. Nothing matters anymore.
I sat on the ground of my now destroyed Ultimate lab. Did it even stop after that encounter with her? I don't think so, my father wouldn't have let me skip out on tutoring my peers no matter what, I remember that she continued to grope me on several occasions after the incident. She had told me that I should always stay silent and to not tell anyone. Deep down I knew that I could definitely get her in trouble, that much was a fact. However I never told anyone, not even my sister. I'm...just happy that it stopped eventually. I remember as clear as day that she had once returned to school looking beaten up, she had bruises all over her skin and couldn't pick up a pencil correctly for a few weeks, due to her wrist being stomped on, therefor she didn't come to any of my tutoring sessions anymore. It was around that time when my sister became rather protective over me, at the time I thought it was all just a coincidence, it probably was, my sister had no way of knowing that happened to me, if she ever knew...she would be heartbroken to have known that she couldn't have stopped it. However, once my other peers took note on the fact that she avoided me and always jumped when I would show up in the room and that she wouldn't even answer her friends questions about me, they all took their own assumptions, rumors were spread quickly, some said that I assaulted her, some said that she was jumped on her way home, some even say that I was making her pay for my tutoring sessions...in a way that I don't like thinking about.
They hurt a lot at the time...and they still do. Even in the end, my reputation did ending up getting destroyed, only a handful of people didn't outcast me with the exception of my sister. She seemed to grow a form of resentment to my peers for resenting me and even more for the girl who started it all especially. That one peer of mine...is the first person that I ever grew to hate, I hated her every being, her touch and all. She destroyed whatever reputation that I built up and she just sat at the back of the class grinning at me behind closed doors. Was that why I was so jumpy at times? I like to think that I have grown past it...however I'm not so sure now, I still hate talking about those subjects and I hate looking myself in the mirror, no matter the amount of showers I took the feeling of her touch never went away. I feel like society made me keep quiet, the very thing that I had tried to become a member of. I never did get treatment for what happened, did I?
I doubt my father would've listened to me anyway, he was too always traditional to think that stuff could ever happen to a boy. I think...the reason crossdressing became apart of my daily life was so I could be treated well, people usually only have a soft spot for cute things, and people find girls more aesthetically cuter than guys, so all I would have to do then was become stronger physically and then life should be better. It did end up working eventually. However the trauma of being touched and the feeling of weakness was still there, I still depend on others to give me worth. Because without the people around me...I truly have nothing, not even a future.
I looked down at the floor of my Ultimate lab, I slowly sat down and bent my back to cup the sides of my face. I felt tears slowly drift down my face, I could semi taste the dried blood that had formed, everyone should be sleeping right about now, what time was it...? Why does it matter. I felt my emotions get the better of me yet again as I began to cry, this cry was less anger and more sorrow, it was quiet, with the echo of my slight gasps in between cries could be heard. I'm sorry Angie, I'm sorry Tenko... I'm sorry Kiyo. I'm sorry everyone.
I cried for a long while, minutes, seconds, hours? I forgot time just like I forgot time similarly whenever I would hang out with Kiyo. I cried about everything, my past, the peer that had sexually assaulted me, my sister, the slight pain in my hands, Kiyo, the people that I had hurt within one night, the despair that I'll never get out of here, everything.
I ended up waking up laying down on the couch on my Ultimate lab, I assume that I had dragged myself here. I looked up at my Ultimate lab to see everything fixed, not a single book on the floor in sight. "...G-Good...morning, Kiyo." I mumbled, I felt notably more tired than usual, almost as if I never slept. Once I got up I felt a sharp pain in my neck and back, I would assume that sleeping on a couch wouldn't be so rewarding in the end. Everyone should be gathering at the dining hall right about now. But I don't think I will be attending, no one is going to want be there anyway and I think the embarrassment will be too much for me to bare... I'm probably going to die either way and I don't think I've eaten well in a while, It'll be a complete waste of life for me to just starve to death, I want to die in a way that wont make my sister mad, like killing myself, she will yell at me if I just kill myself, I don't want to make her mad. I got up from the couch completely and begun walking to the dormitories, I doubt I will see anyone there at this time. I don't want to go to breakfast with a messed up face. Once I opened the door to the building and walked inside I saw Shuichi just leaving his room.
"A-Ah, hello Shuichi... Did you sleep well?" I asked the detective who turned around quickly upon hearing my voice. I slowly began to walk up to him. "...D-Did I scare you? S-Sorry about that, it was a dumb question upon what we...w-witnessed the other da-" "Y/N... Are you okay?" Shuichi asked me with a serious expression, catching me off guard a little. "I know that you were close with Kiyo, and...I know that seeing him die must have been awful for you to watch." Shuichi said. "...H-Heh...you s-sound as if I hold a grudge against you and that y-you're about to apologize." I pointed out, Shuichi looked notably shocked by my statement. "You...don't?" Shuichi sweat dropped. "...I-I don't think I could ever be mad at you, I understand what y-you had to do, you...wanted to live just like everyone else. I-I'm sorry that I tried getting in the way of that." I said as I began to bow from the hip. "Y-You don't have to do that, I think...I can get where you're coming from." Shuichi said. "S-So then you must understand why I'm not going to come to the t-training sessions anymore, correct?" I asked. "What?" Shuichi sweat dropped. "I-I can't do it. What I said to Kaito was...extremely unlike me. And I think directing Kaito's a-attention onto you and Maki would be the sensible thing to do, you two...have so much potential" I said, and without giving Shuichi time to argue with me I walked past him into my room.
I made quick work to make sure I had a clean handkerchief and the photo was undamaged. I washed my face and changed my clothes. And with a hint of hesitance I opened my door to walk to the dining hall, I think with how quick I was just then I should get to the dining hall just as quick as Shuichi. As I walked to the dining hall my mind began to wonder. I would always be excited to wake up in the mornings to see Kiyo in the dining hall, I wonder if I'll get to see him again...in another life, haha, until we meet again I suppose. With shaky hands I opened the doors to the dining hall and walked in, sitting myself down. Now that I think about it more, do I even deserve the food given to me? Why was I here again...? I must've forgotten. "What's wrong, bro!? You're not gonna eat!?" Kaito yelled. "If you don't eat, then Gonta will eat you instead, Shuichi." Kokichi said. Ah, it would make sense that they would talk to Shuichi, he's rather likable. "Ah, he'll eat me? Don't you mean my breakfast...?" Shuichi sweat dropped. "Speaking of Gonta, where is he? I haven't seen him this morning." Kaito admitted. "He's not here yet?" Shuichi questioned. "He's probably still sleeping..." Kiibo said which was followed up by Miu sighing. The atmosphere is heavier than usual, I guess everyone is having a hard time, how sad.
"Heeey! You guys have no energy! You need to look alive! You're all still teenagers!" Himiko yelled, looking more alive than ever. "H-Himiko?" Shuichi mumbled. "Your 'good mornings' are too quiet! It's cuz you're so quiet that you feel down!" Himiko yelled. Miu only took that as an opportunity to sigh louder. "I didn't mean you should sigh louder!" Himiko yelled. "...Weird. I thought you'd be one of the most depressed out of all of us." Maki said. "Of course...I'm depressed. This is the most depressed I've been in all my 200 million years." Himiko admitted. "200 million years!?" Tsumugi yelled, sweat dropping. "But...being depressed wont help those who died rest in peace...Tenko and Angie, too. If I stay depressed, they wont be able to rest in peace either. So in order to make their deaths have meaning, I've decided to live my life with positivity! S-So anyway... Please...t-take care of the...new me..." Himiko stammered out. She's going to make me feel jealous of this newfound confidence of hers. I wonder why I didn't have the glow up like Himiko did. What a shame. I guess not everyone can grow significantly because of their friends death.
"You're out of breath already. You're going full speed right out of the gate!" Kaito pointed out. "But it's just like Himiko said. Those of us left need to look to the future and live. For all the others' sakes." Tsumugi said. "Yeah! Let's cheer up and work hard! This game is just getting started!" Kokichi yelled happily. "Game?" Shuichi sweat dropped. "Huh? Isn't that what we were talking about! Ughhh...but now that there's less people, I might...be the next victim... Woooow, so exciting! But I definitely don't want to die! Well, I guess that's mostly the same for everyone else! Ah-hahahahahaha!" Kokichi laughed. "You're still saying crap like that at a time like-" However just as Kaito was talking, the doors to the dining hall burst open, revealing Gonta.
"Everyone! This serious!" Gonta yelled frantically. "Oh, no... The Colossal High School Girl is on the other side of the wall, isn't she!?" Kokichi yelled. "Okay, maybe not that serious, but Gonta went to courtyard before coming here..." Gonta trailed off. "The graffiti? Was more added to it?" Shuichi questioned. "Yeah. More letters added..." Gonta said.
Th s
wor d
s
ine
o ic ma
"I'm not sure what it's trying to spell... 'The swords'? Or maybe 'this world'?" Kiibo said. "Wh-What about the world? What does it mean? Is there some crazy story going on?" Tsumugi questioned. "It's probably just graffiti, right? We should ignore it." Maki advised. "No, I don't think that's a good idea." Shuichi argued. "...Why? Do you want to die?" Maki questioned. "What?" Shuichi sweat dropped. Dying doesn't sound too bad right about now, it's a shame that it probably wont happen.
"No one here takes credit for it, right? But now there's more added to it. It must have some meaning." Shuichi said. "So, seriously, none of us here wrote it? Is this is a prank, you better speak up." Kaito sweat dropped. "But Gonta stumbled onto the writing by coincidence, right? If it was a prank, then they would've done it in a more obvious spot, not in the grass. There's nothing more depressing than an unnoticed prank." Kokichi said. "It's like a titty no one wants to fondle!" Miu yelled. "Well, it could be Gonta writing it, since he was the first one to find-" "Gonta never do that! Gonta never make trouble for everyone! It's...ungentlemanly." Gonta said, interrupting Kokichi. I highly doubt that Gonta would do it. My theory is that one of us did it, I doubt it was Monokuma. So if I were to narrow it down to one person my guess would be Kokichi. Certain letters of the graffiti prove that it could be him. After every trial more graffiti gets added, and with the few letters now missing, my guess it that after the next trial, the message should be clear.
But I must put Kokichi's lies into consideration, if it really is him and that graffiti really is supposed to be hinting at something, I doubt we can trust it. However needn't it matter to me, I doubt I will live for another couple of days, with Himiko now more energetic than ever I have become the weakest link. That simply cannot do, the weakest link should be cut off at all costs. Haha, how disappointing for my none existent future. "Well, I don't really get it, but... Maybe it's some kinda clue. Thanks for the support, Gonta." Kaito thanked. "...Gonta just glad to help. Gonta want to help, even little. Tell Gonta if you need help with something, okay?" Gonta said. "O-kay, got it! I'll tell you if I want you to punch someone." Kokichi said with a happy smile on his face. "No! You don't get to tell Gonta what to do anymore!" Himiko yelled, sweat dropping. "Y-Yeah... Gonta learn after Insect Meet and Greet..." Gonta said.
"Tch, booooring." Kokichi said. I wonder who the next victim and culprit will be. It's a sad but interesting thought. All I know is that my chances of surviving how I am now...is extremely low. If I keep this up...I'll be dead by the time the groundbreaking information about the outside world is revealed. How so very unfortunate for me... I'm excited for the day.
Word Count: 4314 (If you have any questions about Y/N's backstory I would like to here them, I want everyone to be on the same page...literally)