Chapter 27° Coward
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,,Damn-" Lia cursed under her breath, as she quickly turned around and slipped her slim body behind the stone column once again. That was close.
She quietly counted to five in her mind before leaning forward again and looking around the corner. And luckily she hadn't counted a second less, because at this very moment Remus Lupin turned and turned his back to the corridor in which Lia was hiding. His caramel-brown hair was a bit tousled by the swing and Lia couldn't help but think how cute he looked. As she continued to look at his figure while walking, her eyes fell on his hands, which he covered at that moment by pulling the long sleeves of his dark brown knitted sweater over. A habit Amelia knew all too well of herself. She now did it subconsciously out of reflex when she felt out of place and didn't know what to do next. She covered her knuckles and clawed the soft fabric with her fingers.
However, she didn't have anymore time to think about this, at least not right now. She had to leave. And so she turned on her heel and quickly walked down the corridor in the opposite direction than Remus. Staying at the side of the way, to stay hidden in the shadows of the walls, Lia made her way towards the stairs and stepped down into the dungeons.
She left more and more doors and paintings behind her until she was facing the Slytherin portrait hole. She quickly mumbled the password and stepped into her commonroom as soon as the picture swung aside. With quick steps she crossed the green and silver room and looked for the stairs to the girls' bedrooms. When she opened the door to the room she shared with three other girls, she quickly snuck in and closed it behind her. Sighing, she let herself fall onto the bed that was stocked with her duvet.
Since her faupat with Remus, yesterday at the courtyard, she has systematically avoided him and avoided him at all costs.
As always, she had gone very early for breakfast, so that she only shared the great hall with four other students and two teachers, none of whom sat at her table. And she preferred it that way too. She really didn't feel like being besieged early in the morning with any fuss or something like that.
Actually, Lia would have had transfiguration at McGonagall today with Remus and the other three marauders. But even if she enjoyed this class, she didn't want to be confronted with all four gryffindoor at once. She wasn't sure if or what Remus had said about their meeting yesterday or the past few weeks, so she thought it was better not to give any of them a reason to approach it, or just not give them an opportunity.
Lia skipped lunch and stayed with a couple of sandwhiches that she had fetched from the kitchen the day before, which she ate with relish and in peace in her room.
As is so often the case, she would make up for dinner alone in the kitchen when everyone else was already in their room and let the evening fade away.
She knew that this behavior was absolutely childish and stupid, but Lia just didn't know what else to do. After how she acted yesterday, she just didn't know what to say to Remus. She was ashamed that she just ran away from him without saying another word. She had left him alone, even though he had already apologized several times. And actually he hadn't done anything wrong, Amelia knew that. She was sorry to have left him behind without giving him an explanation, because when she was out of his field of vision, she had looked back again and observed the sad look, as well as the collapse of her friend. He seemed so confused and overdone. Almost hurt and vulnerable, helpless. And that's only because of her. Because she was too cowardly to say anything. Too cowardly to explain. And too cowardly to even think of an excuse. She hadn't even apologized, or at least said goodbye.
No, she just ran away. Like a coward.
But in truth it was exactly the opposite of what she actually wanted. Amelia wanted to be near Remus. She felt so comfortable with the boy she once thought was so different and unbearable without even knowing him. With him she felt understood and protected. A feeling that not many gave her. The feeling of being normal.
Amelia liked Remus. She was drawn to him and it was absolutely new to her. Almost scary. She was drawn to his relaxed manner and his shy smile, which in some cases turned into a mature laugh. And she loved that laugh. How the blush rose up his neck to the tips of his ears and how he snuggled into his sweater when no one else would notice.
She wanted to find out more about Remus, but Lia was sure that he would have to think she was crazy after her latest behavior at the latest.
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The evening grew old and Remus was more frustrated than ever. He had spent the whole day looking for Amelia, desperately wishing to find her somewhere. Remus had searched every corridor he crossed down to the last inch with his eyes and even in transfiguration he had hoped that the girl with raven hair would someday walk through the door and take her place in the farthest corner. But in vain, she did not appear.
He was sure: Amelia avoided him and avoided any contact.
Even while eating, which he spent with James, Sirius and Peter as usual, he had looked every minute at the other table with its green paneling, but when he completely emptied his plate, he knew it was useless. Lia didn't particularly enjoy spending her meals and often in the great hall with her housemates.
It was precisely this realization that ultimately brought him to where he was now. In front of the kitchen, which was run by the houselves. Remus hoped that luck and fate would stand by his side and Lia once again sneaked into the kitchen alone in the evening and dared to eat something, because she had not attended dinner.
Nervously and hopefully Remus kneaded his hands uncertainly, which he had again covered with the sleeves of his sweater. He inhaled so deeply that he was sure to feel the air between his pores and let it out again with just as much force. Why am I so nervous anyway?, he thought to himself. Maybe because you've been looking for the girl that you chased away because of your rash behavior all day and she may be behind that door?
,,Oh, fuck it-" Remus mumbled, as he pushed the two-sided door that led into the kitchens open and stepped in. It took some seconds for his eyes to adjust to the sudden light that flooded into his face. The whole way down here, he had walked through the darkness of the night and so this sudden change was quite distracting.
Blink, blink, blink. After he was finally able to see a clear thing, he saw what this thing was. Or let's say which person.
Thank Merlin, Remus thought. It really was Amelia. Looking right into his eyes, the blur in front of his pupils finally disappearing completely.
Lia had heard the opening doors and she immediately jumped to her feet. At that time, she hadn't expected anyone else to come into the kitchen. It was seldom anyway that she even met other creatures there who weren't elves. But the fact that Remus of all people was standing in front of her in this rare case frightened her and completely upset her. It had worked all day until now.
Remus let his gaze wander over the slytherin in front of his eyes. Her hair was tied in a neat knot behind her head, from which thin strands of hair had fallen out to frame her face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and her lips were a crack open. She wore a wide knit sweater in colors of green and silver, on which front a snake perched. And to cover her legs she had put on black sweatpants that had to be bought from a Muggle store. She looked so naturally beautiful whatever was covering her body and no matter how her hair was styled. She just was gorgeous.
,,Hey, I'm sorry to scare you." Remus apologized as soon as his eyes found hers again. ,,I was hoping to find you here." he also said to make clear that he wasn't here on accident.
Am I that transparent?, she thought in silence.
Pointing to the chair besides the one Amelia just said on, he stepped forward. ,,May I sit?"
However, Lia still didn't know what to say, so she just nodded and sat back down, focusing at the table in front of her. There was a plate of cookies and a carafe of milk, as well as a glass. However, there were now two glasses, both filled to the brim. The elves must have heard Remus, Lia thought.
After she had composed herself once and for all and met Remus with the same smile as usual, she pushed the biscuits further in his direction and took one.
"I'm so sorry for violating your privacy." Remus began. "It was really not on purpose."
But after some seconds of silence and und spoken words, Amelia only made a dismissive gesture. "I'm sorry I ran away like this. That was really rude, I was just a little panicked. "
,,But why? I would never make fun of your painting or anything you do. You know that right? " Remus asked, putting his hand on her arm to make her face him fully. He didn't want Lia to think that he was not to trust or something like that.
He wanted him to believe her and let him in.
"Yeah, I know it's just- no one has ever seen my drawings," she said in a lowered voice that made Remus blush as soon as he understood the words.
"I don't show them to anyone, not even Laurie, Mo or Jay. It's something very personal to me. But I know that one was mistaken and you couldn't have known it at all. "
,,I'm sorry to just have left you without an explanation." she repeated, meeting his eyes with a look of guilt and urgency. The urgency for him to forgive her. To understand her.
And Remus did. He wasn't even mad at her, he had been mad at himself. And when he saw this look of guilt, it reminded him of how he felt the evening before.
However, the realization that she was honest with him about the reason she left and opening up about how this is personal to her warmed his heart and made it tingle a little bit. She wasn't mad at him and didn't push him away. She didn't leave him.
He slowly brought his hand to hers that laid on the table. He laid his own one on hers and grabbed hold of her fingers. Giving them a light squeeze, he grabbed a cookie with his other hand and gave Lia a true and honest smile, drawing slow circles on the back of her hand.
,,It's okay, thank you. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this."
Not really understanding why he thanked her for, Lia returned the squeeze of hand and smiled at him herself.
That's how they spent the rest of the evening: Eating cookies, whispering words of understanding and silently smiling at each other and to themselves.
And as Remus closed his eyes that night to fall into a deep sleep, he dreamed of deep dark eyes and the smell of fresh lavender once again, while Amelia was greeted by the scent of books, sweaters and chocolate, as she took hold of a scarred hand that intertwined with hers.