I came home crying. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy and my sight super blurry.
The boys went home so I brought Eleven back to Mike's place.
I just didn't want him to be alone right now and Eleven wanted to stay at his house.
As soon as I got on my bike to ride home I started crying.
It was a miracle that I didn't cause an accident.
"Emma? Is that you?",a voice suddenly called.
It was Steve.
Shit I completely forgot about him.
I quickly tried to wipe away the tears but it was useless.
"Emma, Jesus, what happened?",Steve asked worried and got in front of me.
"N-Nothing.",I replied and avoided eye contact with him.
"Then why are you crying? People don't cry when it's nothing.",he asked a bit upset and raised my chin with his hand so that I had to look Steve in his face.
"Steve, please, just leave me alone, okay? I can't deal with this right now.",I muttered.
"What? No. You're obviously upset. I can't just leave you alone.",my brother whispered.
"Oh my God, you are such a hypocrite, I can't believe it.",I raised my voice at him. "Will's dead, okay? I saw them pulling his dead body out of the fucking quarry. We saw his dead body. Some little kids had to see their dead best friend. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?"
"What?",my brother whispered in shock.
I just snorted and and rushed past Steve, upstairs to my room.
"Emma, don't you dare walk away from me!",the brunette shouted after me and ran up the stairs as well.
I quickly sprinted into my room and locked the door.
Soon loud hammering was heard. "Emma, open the door. You hear me? Open this fucking door and talk to me."
"Go away.",I screamed with tears in my eyes.
It was all too much. Will's death, my fight with Jonathan, the toxic relationship I had with my brother.
My whole body was shaking and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I pressed my hand onto my chest and clenched it into a fist.
Shaky breaths escaped my mouth as I tried to calm down but I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face.
"Emma, please. I just...I want to help you, okay? I know we don't get along that well anymore but I know you, okay? I don't want you to lay on your bedroom floor and cry alone, okay? I know how bad your panic attacks can get. You just shouldn't be alone right now.",Steve's muffled voice came through the door.
I ignored him and dragged myself into the bathroom and looked the door there as well.
Sobs echoed through the room and made me fell so alone in this world.
Will was gone and I felt like it was all my fault.
What would have happened if I had driven Will home in that night?
Maybe I could have saved him or at least made sure that he could have fled.
I felt awful and tired and just so shallow.
He was gone.
He was really gone.
My thoughts wandered to Jonathan and guilt immediately hit me.
I felt selfish when I sat in my bathroom and cried, while instead I was supposed to be with Jonathan or the boys and would have to comfort them.
I took a deep breath.
"This is ridiculous.",I mumbled to myself. "Pull yourself together, Emma."
I was still a bit shaky but made my way to the door.
I didn't know how much time had passed but I prayed to God that Steve would be in his room and not in front of mine to continue annoying me.
Slowly, I approached the door and unlocked it.
As soon as I did that the door was opened abruptly and I felt someone pulling me into a tight hug.
"I hate you so much right now. Never do this to me again. I was so worried about you.",I heard Steve's muffled voice.
My eyes widen. What was happening right now?
"Ehm- I'm- I'm fine, Steve. I'm okay now.",I whispered still a bit confused.
"W-What? You just cried for ten minutes, Emma. Don't tell me you're fine. That is bullshit.",my brother started to raise his voice.
"I just...Can you drive me to Jonathan's place? I- I need to see him. He needs me.",I said and wiped the tears from my face.
"Forget it. You need to rest and calm down a bit. I'll make you some tea or something and then you are going to sleep. You look horrible.",Steve replied.
I groaned annoyed. "Since when do you know what's best for me? We haven't had a normal conversation for years. Are you sick or something? I'm the one who has to be worried if I'm being honest."
The brunette rolled his eyes. "Shut up and go to the kitchen. I'll make you a tea and you can go and see Jonathan tomorrow. He's most likely with his mother anyway."
I sighed. He was right but I'd never admit that.
"I want peppermint tea.",I grumbled and went downstairs.
Steve smiled to himself while watching me walk away.
"I know.",he mumbled softly.