He had been okay, really, once he had his violin in his hands, once they were rehearsing as a quartet (who knew how suitable Mendelssohn Italian was for quartet?), once they went into the concert hall for the general rehearsal. He had even been reasonably okay as they went out to the mall, just the four of them, and grabbed a couple of slices of pizza. Eddy had had only one. Well, most of one. But still. He had eaten something.
In fact, he had been okay all the way up to now, now that they were getting ready to go on stage for real, students and instrument cases all around them in the dusky backstage area, the faces around him nervous or relaxed, depending on how many times they had done this before. Would he even be able to walk onto the stage without falling over, considering how his legs suddenly seemed to be made of cooked spaghetti?
Brett squeezed his hand ever so softly, the small gesture surely not visible to anyone with so many milling about. He smiled gratefully.
"Have fun, Eddy. Really, you'll be great."
He nodded and wished he had a little bit of Brett's confidence. For the first time he was happy that he wasn't playing first right now. At least his part was easier.
"You too, Brett. You'll rock."
They followed the stream of musicians as it made its way through the wooden doors and spread out over the wooden stage. A strange thrill pulled through Eddy now, as he glanced into the auditorium and saw the people that were already sitting there, looking curiously up at them. He found his chair and sat down, trying not to shiver anymore.
Was his mum already here? He glanced subtly around the auditorium, not wanting to look too much like he was a little kid, trying to find his mummy in the crowd. But she was there, on the second row, he found her straight away and a smile fought its way out of his lips.
She looked proud, too.
God, he hoped that she would still be looking proud by the time the concert was over. His hands were sweaty, and he wiped them on his trousers behind his violin. Another thing that the whole world didn't need to see. His heart was racing, thumping erratically, even more so when the main doors closed and Mr. Heart walked onto the stage. The crowd erupted in applause and the oboe gave the orchestra its A.
Come on, Eddy. Just tune like you always do. You have good ears. You got this.
No way he could be the last one left tuning, that would be the most embarrassing in the world, but the D string was being annoying, coming out slightly sharp or slightly flat every time he turned the peg.
In the end he blinked and left it where it was. Close enough. It would have to do.
Theo, on the pulpit in a black suit, looked around the orchestra with one of his smiles, that always looked slightly ironic even when he was fully serious, like now. Then he raised his hands and the orchestra raised their instruments as one. He beat the first bar, and they were off.
It wasn't until the second movement that Eddy started relaxing a little bit. So far there had not been any trainwrecks, and the orchestra was sounding great. He took a deep breath during a couple of bars rest and raised his bow with a little bit more confidence.
The outburst of applause seemed to rouse him from some deep concentration he hadn't even known he was in. He put his violin down on his lap and looked around him, bemused, but exhilarated too.
He had played alright, right? No obvious cock-ups? He found Brett's eyes across from him and he saw the smile.
Oh yeah!
They all got up at Theo's gesture and bowed as if they were one person. The applause was raucous now, some students whooping, and he saw his mum as she stood there in the second row, all alone in a sea of faces, staring up at him with her hands together. He smiled back and bowed again with the whole orchestra, that he was now really a part of.