It's a Thursday morning when I walk to the local park. There are children playing with their friends while their mothers sit on the benches, socializing and trying to stop their kids from injuring each other. The air is brisk but the sun is out and I'm kind of looking forward to the community service I have this afternoon.
It's been four months since my trial. And in those four months, I've not only changed my life but the way I look at it. Things don't seem so empty anymore. Life has a purpose.
I've been seeing my family. When my brother graduated, I sat with my parents and Joey in the stands and cheered for him when his name was called. I watched my mother cry and glance at me and smile. Even my dad had tears in his eyes. I don't think I've ever had such a beautiful moment.
Maybe one. Alice and Shane had their baby. When I got the phone call I was in community service and couldn't leave for another hour. I raced to the hospital, feeling as if it were my baby – which would be weird because I'd actually be in the hospital if it were me having the kid. When I came to their room I found Alice in the bed with Shane sitting next to her. Her head was in the crook of his shoulder and neck, the baby in her arms. It wriggled and made little sounds.
I walked into the room and was so consumed with joy that I felt tears spill down my cheeks. I couldn't help but realize that if things went differently with Garcia, I could be in jail right now – or worse – and I'd never get to feel this kind of happiness.
"Hey," I say softly when I come to sit beside Alice and look at the baby in wonder and fear.
"Took you long enough," says Shane. "You missed all of the blood and baby goo."
Alice and I chuckle.
"Want to hold him?" asks Alice.
I nod and carefully take the baby in my arms. "What's its name?"
"Don't know," says Alice. "We haven't named him yet."
"It's a he?"
She nods.
I stare into the little boy's face. His hair is dark and his eyes are so wide. I'm not sure if he's afraid of me or just full of wonder. Probably both.
When I look up at Alice and Shane, they both have wide smiles on their faces.
"It'll be your turn next," says Alice with her eyebrows jumping up and down.
I chuckle. "One day."
They ended up naming him Benedict, after Shane's favorite actor, and since Alice liked 'Benny', that's the nickname he's been dubbed with.
It's been hard to visit them, what with all of the time I've been spending in community service, the fact that I have a curfew and everything else I have to fit in. I try to visit Danny in prison every now and then. Surprisingly enough, he has nothing against me. He knows what he did and that the right thing to do was to confess. He has accepted his sentence. Thankfully he's underage and it's not as nasty as mine would have been.
Lizzie is harder to crack. She still hasn't spoken to me. Danny has been trying to get through to her, but she's trying to forget that I was ever a part of her life. Fair enough: I wouldn't want to be reminded of the night my mother killed herself and my brother shot my father. Regardless of what I went through, Lizzie's night was worse. But I have faith that one day she'll forgive me. She has to.
On a more positive note, the streets are far better off now that Garcia is out of the mix. Not only that – Morrison was sentenced to life in prison. Thanks to an anonymous tip, the police found enough evidence to put him away. Part of me was nervous that I'd be hunted down by the other members of the Mafia for ratting him out. Another was thankful that I finally got my revenge on him for killing Belle.
Speaking of Belle, the St. James youth group run by Pastor Daniel saw me on the news and offered ways to help the 'street people' like me. It couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks to a fundraiser they ran through their church, we were able to raise enough money to start Mercy's center for troubled youth at the old club he passed to Todd and I.
Now here's where it gets interesting. A few days after my trial, Todd and the other Southbend bikers were released with no charges. Naturally I found this odd, so one night when I had enough time before my curfew I decided to find out the truth. I rode down to the coast and found them hanging out, like always, at the park.
It definitely was Connor's body I saw in that bag. They lost Donatello as well in the fight but everyone else appeared to be fine. And I was shocked to find that the new leader of the Southbend bikers was none other than my lifesaver, Todd.
"Well well," says Billy the moment I arrived. "If it isn't our savior, Queen of the Streets."
The others laugh at the look of disgust on my face and I can't resist, I have to go around and hug them all. They congratulate me and tell me that what I did for everyone was beyond recognition. All that sappy stuff. When I get to Todd – lounging on his bike with a cigarette in his mouth and a sly look in his eyes – I know he has something interesting to tell me.
"So how is it that all of you low-lifes managed to get out of this mess, scot-free?" I ask him. "Did you suck off the judge or something?"
Todd climbs off his bike and chuckles as he grinds out his cigarette. "If I tell you, I'd have to kill you."
"No he just doesn't like to brag," says Sam sarcastically. A few of them snort.
"You really want to know?" asks Todd.
I cross my arms. "Do you not know me at all?"
"Alright," he says. "It was Mercy."
My mouth drops open. "What do you mean, Mercy?"
"He knew, right from the day we told you about the Mafia's offer. In fact I believe he knew even before then. And he came to me and asked me to suggest it."
I turn to Billy. "Were you all in on this?"
"Nope," he says. "We were just as in the dark as you Jessie. Only Todd knew Merc was even still alive."
"Really?" I ask Todd.
"Yep. He told me not to tell anyone. And I respected that. He had good reason. If he didn't tell me about Morrison, I wouldn't have been able to plant cameras in the church to catch him killing that girl. Or in the warehouse where you trained. That was a little trickier, but I managed."
"You didn't," I gape. "Seriously?"
"True story. I used the evidence I collected as a bargaining tool. The police were much more interested in catching Morrison out than they were putting us away. They got their evidence and we got a release statement. Also helps that the judge in your case was Mercy's brother."
My mouth drops open again. "His brother?"
"Long story. But he took our side and that's good enough for me. I'll introduce you one day."
I knew that judge looked familiar. He had Mercy's eyes. "What about Morrison's men? Sage, Nate and Andreaz?"
"Don't know, don't care. Probably in prison."
I nod. The sea breeze is so nice on my skin that it pains me to remember I have to be home by seven. I can't wait to be free of the rules again.
"Jess, Mercy wasn't kidding about the club. It's being renovated now and we open in a month. Will you be there for it?"
I stare at Todd. I've never seen so much passion in his eyes before. This is something he really wanted to do, something he cares about. The others are waiting for my answer. And I can't help but wonder ... is this some new revolution for street crews? Will this change the streets as we know them?
It's better this way. No more fear struck down by the high and mighty. No more scrounging for money, selling drugs and robbing convenience stores. Mercy's center might be small but it's the start of something huge. The funds received from St. James proved that.
"I'll have to check with my probation officer," I say with a smile. "But yeah. I've got nothing better to do."
Todd's smile breaks into a grin and he wraps his arm around me in a vice-tight hug. He smells of peppermint musk. I breathe him in the way one might with an older brother. That's what Todd is to me. A brother and a protector and a mysterious old friend.
Billy grunts and laughs and wraps his huge arms around the both of us. And then the rest of the crew joins in the group hug and I can't help but think how strange and hilarious it would be for the world to stop and watch a group of leather-clad bikers in a communal embrace. They break away and start punching each other and swearing to make up for their momentary lack of manliness and I look around at the people who I consider my crew. And I'm excited about what is to come and making new friends and striving to make the streets a better place, one teenage criminal at a time.
So it's strange to hear from the Mafia four months after the trial. I received a formal invitation to a meeting in the park one day after community service. I hadn't heard a single thing since the trial and was thankful that I didn't. A part of me wanted to avoid the meeting, but I figured I can't escape the Mafia so I might as well act brave and face them.
I am standing next to a tree and staring at the ocean, the playground and screaming children behind me, when I hear someone clear their throat.
I turn and see Nate, Sage and Andreaz. They aren't wearing their normal biker-meets-rocker-meets-assassin attire, but rather a casual, business-like get up. They look very out of place.
Again I am struck with a sense of nostalgia and want to hug them all. I settle for a smile and shake my head.
"Well," I say, "the fresh out of jail look really suits you guys."
Sage breathes a laugh. "What makes you think we were in jail?"
"Because that's where I put Morrison, seems only fair you went too."
"That's not how this works, poppet," says Nate in his thick Cockney accent. "Besides, Morrison made the orders an' he should suffer the consequences."
"Really? You don't?"
Sage shakes his head and his man-bun quivers. He always reminded me of Todd – the strong silent type with insanely good looks. "In the Mafia, it's the leader's responsibility to take care of his men. Morrison knew the consequences of getting caught. And we hold no grudges over you. Which is why–" He waves his hand at Andreaz, who pulls from behind him a black briefcase, "–we owe you this."
I hold up my hand. "That's not what I think it is?"
Andreaz pops the clips and reveals neat bundles of cash, right in broad daylight. Quickly he snaps it shut and I look behind me with my mouth open.
"Fifty-thousand dollars as promised for the assassination of Alonzo Garcia."
"Uh ... I didn't kill Garcia."
Sage smiles at me. "The Mafia doesn't have to know that."
Andreaz hands me the briefcase with a wink. It is so heavy, I feel like I might drop it.
"We think you deserve it more than anyone," says Nate.
"I ... thank you?"
All three of them laugh at the gob smacked look in my eyes.
"Until next time, Miss Knight," says Sage.
"I fucking hope not," I grumble.
"Keep both eyes open, eh?" says Nate, "And take care."
"Arrivederci, Jess," says Andreaz.
I wave slowly and watch them walk away. I hold the briefcase in my hand, my heart pounding, thinking of so many things I can do with the money. I'm no better off than I was when this story started. In fact, I have less time to work because of my community service. Fifty-thousand dollars is life changing. I could give it to Todd to go towards the center, or even St. James for their incredible help lately. A part of me wants to give it to Lizzie, but money won't buy her forgiveness.
I think all along I knew exactly where the money needed to go. It is with a smile on my face that I drive Mercy's old Harley to Alice's house. They never had much and yet they always bailed me out when I was in trouble. They worked more than I ever did in my life and yet they fed me till I burst and I just left the next day. They have a kid who probably doesn't complain half as much as me and yet they still have the time for me whenever I come by. And they've kept my bed in Benny's room, just in case I want to stay.
They need this money. Not because they have very little, but because they deserve a lot.
After I leave Alice and Shane with the briefcase that night – ignoring all of their excuses for me to keep the money – and kiss Benny on the head as he sleeps, I decide to walk for a while before catching the bus home to Nick, Maria and Kayla. I'm walking through the lamp-lit streets, a place I used to find such peace when I was fifteen and naïve and had no idea what my future was going to be like. I never would have expected it to go this way, and yet I'm glad it did. Because if there's one thing I've learnt this year amidst finding God, ruining a family, falling in love and learning to appreciate every single good and decent person in my life, it's that I was never truly free until now. Because freedom isn't about having the ability to go where you like and do as you please. It's a feeling. It's having a sense of purpose in life. It's clean and refreshing and it's right in front of me. I can taste freedom. I breathe it in, let it out and smile.