Chapter 43

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I've been living on the streets for four years now but I've never felt so lost. And when you're lost, the only place you want to go is home. Since I've just walked out of what I considered my new home, the only place left to go is prison.

But it's dark and I can't be bothered walking around trying to find one of the local gangs, so I head to Alice's.

Shane isn't home to answer the door. While I wait for longer than normal, I wonder what has happened between them since I last stayed here. Has Alice gone through with IVF? Has it been successful? Are they even still together?

"Coming!" I hear Alice call and when she opens the door and stares at me through the screen, her body slumps. "Jesus, Jess, why'd you make me come all the way down the stairs? Just walk inside next time!"

My mouth drops open. Alice's stomach is swollen through her Blondie pajamas. "Oh my God ... Alice ... you're ..."

She throws open the screen and ushers me in. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a swollen balloon."

"You're pregnant!"

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" She grins at me. "Get inside. Coffee or tea?"

"Tea please."

I follow her into the kitchen and she sets the kettle on the stove. "You look like shit. Have you been in the clink today?"

"No. Just ... had a rough week."

As I sit down at the kitchen table, I notice a different vibe around the house. There's something of a glow about Alice and everything else seems tidier than usual.

"What kind of tea do you want?"

"Does Shane still have that Japanese green tea?"

Alice smiles. "Of course. Shane has everything when it comes to tea."

"Where is he?" I only ask because I'm used to seeing him lying on the couch.

"He started taking more shifts at the plant to pay for the baby. I'll be going on maternity leave in a few months, so we'll need all the money we can get."

"How far are you?"

"Thirteen weeks."

I stare at my hands guiltily. "Has it been that long since I've seen you?"

She snorts and pulls a mug down from the cupboard. I love the way Alice is never offended by anything I say. "Probably. Though, I didn't actually know I was pregnant because the dumbass doctor told us it wasn't possible, then I started getting horrible morning sickness and – oh, guess what? I'm pregnant!" She rolls her eyes. "Thanks Doc, thanks a lot."

I remain quiet while she explains how hard it was to adjust to the news and when the excitement settled in, they sat down to make a plan. Her story distracts me only for a moment until she starts asking me what I've been up to and why I look like I tried to drown myself in tears. I must've cried a lot on the way over here.

"Nick and I broke up," I say.

Alice lowers her mug and reaches out to grab my hand. Our relationship has always been weird, like an auntie/niece kind of thing only we met in prison. Yeah, Alice was in the clink with me just for a night and we talked for hours and after Shane bailed her out, she offered me a place to stay. She knew me from the start. But now that feeling of guilt is creeping back into my mind. If I'm charged with murder, Alice and Shane will be investigated. And with the new baby that will put too much strain on them. She always knew what she was getting into inviting me into her home, but my next move could permanently damage her.

At this point I'm too exhausted to make a decision. I'll figure out my next move tomorrow.

"Sorry Jess," she says. "I know you guys were happy together."

I nod slowly.

"Plus, he was the only guy to stay with you for longer than a week that didn't own a motorcycle and have a name like Big Joe."

I laugh. "Big Joe?"

Alice shrugs. "Whatever. Some biker name."

Laughing feels good, so I continue to do it and we drink more tea and talk about other things until Alice calls it a night. She doesn't even ask if I'll be leaving tomorrow, she just accepts the fact that I'm here.

I stayup and try to watch some television, but then I think of Nick. I make more teaand stare out the window at the silvery glow of the street, but then I think ofNick again. I can't not think ofNick, so I decide to go to sleep. And what do you know? Even then I think ofNick. 

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