"I don't think it's a good idea that you go there." Ben is sitting on my bed while I pull a hoodie over my stomach. "I know he's at the office. He won't be there when I get my things."
"You're almost nine months pregnant, Del. You could pop any minute. And who gets to help you then?" I roll my eyes at his fatherly behavior. God, Celine please give this man a kid of his own.
"You're right. It could happen any minute now, which means that I need to pack my bag for the hospital when I'm popping. And these things are still in the apartment." And I don't want him to beat him up again if he would come home by coincidence.
"I'll be okay, Ben. And if something would go wrong I'll call you. Deal?" He knows that it doesn't make any sense to fight with me about it because he knows that I would win that argument either way.
He gets up, walks to where I am standing and kisses my forehead bafore he wraps his arms around my shoulders and keeps his chin on top of my head. "Be careful, okay?" I let out a snort at his concern. "He's never hurt me. I won't even meet him."
He nods and then finally tells me to go.
____
Okay. In and out. Nothing special. He's not even at home. I turn the key in the lock and then open the apartment. I haven't been in here for two months.
And I'm in shock at what I see. I don't know when the last time was that his cleaning lady paid him a visit. But it must've been long before I left.
The whole apartment smells like smoke. He's never smoked inside before. And there are countless whiskey and beer bottles laying around. "God, what happened to you?" Tiago runs over to me, attacking me with love as I so my best to kneel down to him. "Hi Tiago. Aww I missed you so much."
I'm starting to feel bad for Mason as I look around again. It seems like he is just breaking as much as I am. Or he's not one bit concerned about the whole thing.
I get a trash bag out of the kitchen and start cleaning up the bottles and cigarette rests as much as my energy lets me. Surprisingly, I got to pick up all the bottles in the apartment and am now almost falling asleep while standing.
Then, I finally get to the things I actually wanted to do. I almost didn't make it up the stairs because of my exhaustion. But I made it. And I didn't waste any time with packing.
But I notice something. Almost everything in this room is in its place. He must have cleanied it right after he ruined everything that day I left him in here. And I see the drawer chest under the TV.
All the pictures we have here. They make me remember so much. The picture Mason shot of me at the beach. It was before our engagement. We were at the beach because I insisted on watching the sunset.
I was wearing a beach dress and he shot the perfect angle. My little belly looked so amazing in this photo. The next one was one we made ourselves. After our engagement. He held my belly and I had my hands on his.
There are many more pictures on it. One where he said something that made me laugh so much. He took the picture as I wiped away the tear with my pointer finger. He said this is his all time favorite picture of me.
And I have to look away because I'm not planning on crying again. Even tho it's already too late for that.
And I was almost done. Until I heard the front door open. And by Tiagos' happy reaction, I know that he is home. So I hurry even more, so that I can leave as soon as possible.
"Angel?" Oh no. He's in the same toom as I am. My back is turned to him, what I'm pretty happy about. I sigh and look down to the bag. Zipping it up, I put it over my shoulder and look at him for the first time in so long.
Damn him for looking so good. Damn him for still giving me those stupid butterflies every time I look at him. Damn him for still loving him so much.
"What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the office?" I ask him, trying to avoid eye contact. "I took the day off. Didn't feel well." I nod at his answer and see how he probably wanted to ask me what I'm doing but then sees the bag and decides to not ask.
"You cleaned up downstairs?" He asks as he throws his thumb back to the stairs. "I did. I think that my emotions did something with me thinking I still live here." "Thank you." Is the only thing he says, followed by a 'you didn't have to tho.'
"I think I should go now." I say as I try to walk past him. But he stands in front of the doorway and gently grabs my wrists, holding them between our chests.
"Can we please talk?" His grip isn't firm. I could easily just rip my hands out of his and leave. But I can't for whatever reason. "What do you want to talk about?" I ask more to myself than him. I just look down at the floor. At our feet. Everywhere than at him.
"Everything." He makes it so hard to nor break down and cry again. And I won't do this anymore. I try to get out of his grip, take a step to the right and was ready to leave when his grip tightened a little- still not hurtful and went to the right too to block my way. "Please?" He sounds so worried. So scared.
I think that the reason why I already know that I can't say no is because I am still so drawn to him.
Not just because of our child. But because I kind of have the stupid feeling of hope. Because I still love this man like very day before. And this is really dangerous.
"Okay."
____
I want to not like Mason. I just can't. I love this human way too much to hate him.
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