- Federico -
Happiness.
Since I was a little kid I have believed that happiness is brought to a person by those around them.
Since I was a kid those around me have never brought me happiness, which proves my theory right.
Until Rox.
We've been laying in silence for about 10 minutes since she asked me a question I don't think I know how to answer. I think she thinks I didn't hear her, which is why she asks again,
"Federico? I asked you a question" she says as she props herself on my chest, her arms under her chin as she looks up to me.
I know she asked a question, I'm just hoping I heard wrong so I don't have to answer. I don't think I can without putting my emotional baggage out.
She asked, and I quote "Why are you not an asshole?" but I think she meant it more as, why am I sweet to her and not the asshole she was expecting me to be, I'm not sure though which is why I ask her what she means
" I mean, how come you haven't tried to kill me, not to be stereotypical but most men in your place are nowhere near as nice and open as you, so yes, I want to know why"
I never saw myself as who she's describing, I never thought I was being sweet, or caring, or open.
I simply saw what she deserved and treated her with the intensions to never let her forget her worth.
"I was 3 years old when my father hit me for the first time." I begin because as much as I hate talking about my father, he made me who I am.
"I was 5 when I saw him lay a hand on my mother for the first time."
I leave out the part where my father beat me purple afterward, hoping it will make me forget, but it just added to the rage.
"7 when I started to understand that the arguing, the hitting, the resentment that he felt, that was because of all the affairs, all the regret to being tied down because of the family legacy"
"And once he saw that I understood the reason behind his behavior, he decided I was no longer the piece f shit that tied him to his marriage, but the person he could leave his empire to.
Lots of kings wait until they die to let someone take their throne, but my father realized he had no option when I finally turned 16 and made him regret everything he did to my mother."
"Training since I was 8 gave me all the strength I needed of course, but it wasn't physical strength that made him realize he was done, it was me outsmarting him, taking the thing he liked the most about life which is the empire he built. I took it away from him just like he took the light out of my mom's eyes with all the abuse he put her through"
Roxana's hand moves, taking a grip of my own and holding it, saying all she needs to say.
"The day I finally had the courage to stand up to him and show him I'm the man he will never be, I promised myself that if I ever found a woman I loved enough to protect like I protected my mother, I would never treat her the way he treated her"
"I don't do much Rox, I give you the bare minimum which is respect and love, both things you deserve. Only you. Seriously, If you were anyone else you would've been dead by now, I only vowed myself to you, so only you get me."
Roxana moves so she's straddling my lap on the bed, both of her hands making their way to my face as she leans in and gives me a quick peck before pulling away, her thumbs start to caress my face as she simply says something I didn't know I wanted to hear from her until now,
"You, Federico Morelli, are an amazing man," she says as she wraps her arms around me and rests her head on my shoulder
It was all worth it.
- Roxana -
Happiness.
I think it is such a strong word that holds weight on too many shoulders due to the expectations we have from it.
I think happiness is what you make it, I think that everyone is capable of finding a bad situation and turning it into something good if you have enough light within you, because when a person has a light inside of them, it will show on the outside.
I think happiness determines ones true feelings,
I think you should have gotten that chance at happiness Luca,
I say as I sit, looking down at the grave I'd never thought I'd see.
After what Federico told me today we stayed in bed for a couple of hours, just enjoying each others presence. I was trying my best not to cry when he told me everything, he doesn't deserve any of what happened.
I almost told him I loved him, and I know the silence between us didn't allow that, but I didn't want him to feel as if I was only saying it out of pity
Yeah I'm aware I'm holding it off.
"You know Luca, it would be very helpful if your ghost showed up sitting on the edge of the grave like in movies so your ghost could give me advice"
"But that's not gonna happen, and even if it did I'm pretty sure I know that you'd tell me to go for it, never miss an opportunity"
"What a hypocrite you were, you missed so many opportunities that you shouldn't have Luca. You deserved more too."
Federico is in the kitchen by the time I get back, sitting on the stool by the big island on his phone, his head immediately turns when he sees me walking into the kitchen.
I love how no matter what he's doing, if I'm in the room he drops it and pays attention to me and what I'm saying.
I love how every morning he gives me a kiss whether I'm awake or not
or when he massages my head while washing my hair in the shower,
When he hugs me
When he's around me
I simply love him.
So much, that I blurt it out.
"I love you too"
He stops moving and just looks at me, stunned. "And I have for a while I just never found the opportunity to say it or the right time to tell you that I am falling in love with everything about you."
He stands up and starts to slowly walk towards me, not saying a word.
He's worrying me.
"You love me?" all I can do is nod before he pulls me in and wraps his arms around me, slowly bringing his lips to my cheek and leaving the smallest, sweetest kiss on it before he moves on to my other cheek, then my nose, then the corner of my lips until finally kissing me on the lips for a little longer before pulling away, moving his hands to my face and holding it
He's looking down at me, his eyes scanning my face until he does something I don't think I've ever seen him do.
He smiles.
Federico fucking Morelli smiles.
At me, he's smiling at me.
"Holy fuck, do I love you cara mia" He says, barely above a whisper, like he can't believe it
"Mmmm, I love you too"
"Do you now?" He says, a grin forming
I nod, a grin of my own forming, "But you can't tell anyone, you'll ruin my reputation"
His hands let go of my face as he starts to slide them down slowly until they wrap around my wrist, my hands automatically going around his neck,
"I don't think your reputation could be ruined, you killed jackson and sent a piece of him to all the mafies as your welcome back gift"
"His name was James," I try to hold my laugh back,
"Well he's dead now so I don't think I give a fuck tesoro"
"Fair enough"
We stay silent for a while, enjoying each others embrace before he speaks,
"We should re-marry" He says, shocking me
"Huh? but we already had a big wedding"
"Exactly, one we didn't care about. Let's have another one, just the two of us"
"Really?"
"Yeah, I wanna see you in a wedding dress again, you looked beautiful. We could make it like a vow renewal per se" He continues, his hands sliding down and loosening their grip on me as they grab my ass,
"Okay, I'd like that. You sure you want it to only be us?"
"We're all we need."
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This chapter was pretty emotional for me as I added scenes that related to my life and what I went through in my childhood, so I really do hope you guys enjoy it.
I'm sorry this took so long, it wasn't intentional. So many things have been going on at once but I can promise you it will never take this long again.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and that all of you are staying safe, please stay safe.
Much love,
- R