Dear Sim Jaeyun,
You were here for our last session today and I was happy. I didn't care anymore that you didn't attend it twice or that you didn't text me for days but that was okay.
What mattered was the present, not the past, isn't it?
Due to my excitement at seeing you, I didn't mind looking like a crazy girl as I run towards you in the library and took you in a hug, but you shrug me off like I was nothing again.
You didn't kiss my cheek, you didn't call me in my nickname, and you didn't play with my hair. I couldn't see the warmth I'm trusting within your eyes to tell me that it was still the same, that you still love me.
All I saw was your eyes looking down at me in regret, as if I were a mistake and it reminded me of all the times I was watching you from afar because I knew then, it would return back to the way it was.
Only this time, there would be no you and I.
There would be you in Seoul and there would be me here in Brisbane.
I asked what was wrong but no words escaped your mouth which was shutly tight. Instead you flipped through the pages of the Chemistry books and reciting to me how you already studied it in advance, that you don't need me anymore, so this tutoring is now officially finished.
And when I approached you to take the seat from beside you, the spot where I used to be welcome, now all you'd done is push me away like I was nothing.
Like I was nothing to you.
Then you said it to my face, "We should stop seeing each other from now on"
And for the first time, I cried because you said it without ever looking at me. Those words were the things I never thought I would hear from your mouth.
You were supposed to be all sugar and sweet things, but why did you suddenly become sour and bitter?
I stood there in front of you with tears running down in my cheeks as I clenched my fists. I thought about everything you told me in the past few weeks when we're together.
Was I really the most interesting girl you have ever seen?
Did I really make you forget your reality?
Did I actually have the most beautiful smile?
Or was all of it just a lie?
I wanted to hate you. I wanted to punch you and kick you to feel the same pain inside me. To show how much you hurt me.
To how much you decided to open me like a book and be the one to burned down my own pages with your hands.
But I just stood there in utter shock as you walked away from me without looking back.
Why? Why did you do it to me, Jake?
You hurt me.
But then, I knew, like in the books you used to talk about to me, maybe you were just a chapter in my life.
You will not be there until the end of the line.
Sincerely yours,
Y/N L/N