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Allison had thoughtfully coordinated her wedding right before Jolie's spring break so that Jolie could join a ski trip that her friends from her new school were going on, and wouldn't feel left out during the wedding weekend. Gia knew from her experience with Evie's wedding that as a bridesmaid she wouldn't have much time for Jolie. It was another first as Gia sent her to school with a suitcase loaded with her winter skiwear that they had recently purchased.
As soon as her plane touched down in New York, she could feel her nerves flare up. The next couple of days needed to be about Allison, but the Monday lunch with Nick left her anxious. Just last week she had seen pictures of him with Jill on a mission trip in Haiti with some of the Forever Friends students, who were apparently there while on spring break. They were working with a group called My Life Speaks, in the town of Neply, that ministered to handicapped children in Haiti who were often discarded because of lack of resources. Pictures of the couple holding babies, playing games with children, and even serving food to the community played in Gia's mind as she recalled Jill's posts. Nick had always shown such compassion for others in need, and Jill was obviously good at helping him further that goal. As painful as it was to admit, the two were good together.
~~~
Allison looked beautiful in her wedding gown as she appeared at the back of the aisle. From her place next to the other bridesmaids, Gia looked around the room at the guests. When her eyes locked on Nick's she froze. This wasn't expected. She knew Allison had invited him, but she figured he wouldn't return from the Haiti trip until the next day. Looking closer to see who he was sitting with, she saw an older woman on one side, who was clearly not his date. The other side, however, was obscured by a large man in the pew in front of Nick's. Thoughts of Jill occupying that seat kept her distracted for the next few minutes of the ceremony. It was only when the person next to Nick shifted and she saw it was another man, that she relaxed and was able to refocus on the wedding. Her previous tension dissipated, but that still didn't change how much just the sight of him affected her. At least she didn't have to watch him with Jill. If she had to see him gaze at Jill with that same look of love that she had grown so fond of, she wasn't sure how she would get through the evening.
By the time the bridal party was finished with pictures and entered the reception hall, it was packed. There were a number of people in attendance from Morgan Stanley which gave Gia a chance to catch up; it had been months since she had been to the office. She couldn't help but search out Nick, and it didn't take long to find him. He was the one with a swarm of women surrounding him. She was determined not to let his presence affect her, yet all her past feelings for him rushed to the surface.
"Hi."
Gia turned to the all too familiar voice. "Nick." The look on his face was cold and blank, not like before when his eyes practically spoke to her with every glance.
"Gia."
"Hi." She forced a smile and stared at him, unable to speak.
"I... I heard you're in the process of adopting Jolie. She's living with you, right?"
Gia nodded, still trying to reign in her surprise that he approached her, not to mention calm the butterflies fighting within her.
"Good, I'm happy for you. I had planned to send a gift down for the two of you..." he took a deep breath, "but you made it clear you didn't want anything to do with me. Not only would you not answer my texts, you didn't tell me you were in Charleston. I had to hear it from someone at the office."
Gia frowned and mumbled, "I'm sorry." She shifted on her heels, feeling uncomfortable after his comments.
"It's... whatever. I wasn't going to infringe on your privacy by finding out your address." He ran a hand through his hair and something flashed in his eyes. "Anyway, you'll be a great mom." He bit his lip and his breathing faltered. "She's a lucky girl."
"Thanks." Gia swallowed the lump in her throat. "So, um, where's Jill?"
"Jill?" His hand went through his hair again. "She's not feeling so well."
"Oh." Gia looked around, suddenly remembering they were surrounded by a room of people. "Well, I guess I'll see you Monday."
"Can we not talk here?"
"No, this isn't really the place. But I do want you to have a chance to tell me the things I wouldn't listen to before."
He nodded and his jaw clenched before he spoke, "How's Evan?"
"Evan? Um, fine I guess. I haven't spoken to him in several days."
Nick raised a brow. "Hmm. Okay then, I guess I'll see you Monday. You mentioned you would be at the office that morning?"
"Yeah, I'll text you when I'm almost ready and we can meet in the lobby."
"Okay then." Nick smiled and took a step back. "I should probably say something to Allison and Stephen before I leave."
"Not staying for cake."
"Um, no, I have something I need to take care of." He smiled and then moved away leaving Gia shaken.
He was probably going to check on Jill, but didn't want to rub it in. He was thoughtful about that at least, though it hurt to know. Of course she shouldn't expect anything different, since she came to New York with the knowledge that they were dating. He was a good man and treated those he cared for well.
His comments about Gia not responding to him after their break up surfaced in her mind. How is it that even though he was the one in the wrong by keeping his past from her, she somehow felt guilty for not hearing him out all those months ago?
This was not turning out the way she expected. She was sure she'd not have to see him until Monday, then she would let him say his piece, tell him she really forgave him and it would be done. They would both have closure. Seeing him beforehand just left her unsettled. Tomorrow called for some reflection time with her sketchbook at Central Park. Hopefully it would help her decompress and emotionally prepare for their lunch.
~~~
Monday morning Gia was anxious to get work out of the way so she could talk with Nick. During her time at the park the day before, she concluded that she was fully released from the emotional pain of the hit and run, her parents' death, and the abuse by her aunt's husband. She had felt like the release happened after going to her parents' grave, but questioned if it was real and worried that seeing Nick again would trigger the pain. But after their meeting at the wedding, she was sure it was real. The only pain left between them, was in regard to his lying and hiding things, and the fact that she admittedly still had feelings for him.
It was strange being back in the expansive headquarters building after months in their quaint historical building in Charleston. John Stein, her last mentor, had carved out some time to work with Gia, and the morning was filled going over questions she'd prepared for him.
"I'm going to grab some water from the break room. Care for anything," she asked John when they stopped for a break.
"I'm fine, thanks." He held up his coffee mug.
It almost felt like old times as she entered the break room on John's floor.
"Gia! Fancy seeing you here. It's been too long. How's it going down south?" Chris approached and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
"Fine. Things are fine."
"I hear you're doing great at the Charleston location. I'd love to come down and see it some time."
Gia smiled, not really knowing what to say. Chris was a nice guy, but he'd always been a little too forward with her, and she didn't want to encourage him.
"How about lunch today? We could catch up."
"Oh, I, uh, have lunch planned with Nick." She nervously tucked some hair behind her ear. She didn't want it to sound like something it wasn't, since Nick had a girlfriend, but she also didn't want Chris to think it was a lunch that he could join in on.
"Wow!" His brows shot up. "You two trying to work things out?"
"No, nothing like that." She shook her head adamantly. "He has... a girlfriend." That really hurt to say out loud.
One side of Chris's mouth quirked up. "You haven't heard then?"
Gia frowned. "Heard what?"
"Apparently he broke things off on their mission trip last week." When Gia looked at him skeptically, he raised his hands and added, "You know how fast gossip travels around here. My guess is he never really got over you. He moped around here for months, you know. To me he didn't look much happier when he was dating that girl. What's her name? Jen?"
"Jill." Gia was floored by what she was hearing, but trying to hide her emotion.
Chris shrugged. "Well, now you know, for what it's worth."
"Thanks, Chris." She forced a smile, and grabbed her water, before waving goodbye. Maybe Chris wasn't so bad after all. This new information about Nick, though, left her feeling lost. Was that really true? Nick had not mentioned they were broken up when he asked about her. She tried to recall his exact words, then shook her head. Either way, she'd have to ask more specific questions at lunch. As hard as the answer might be, something in her needed to know.
~~~
There he was, as handsome as ever. He looked good at the wedding Saturday too, but she'd been so shocked to see him that she didn't really take him in. Today she was prepared to savor every detail, knowing this would likely be the last time she saw him. He was still the beautifully handsome man she had been in love with. Even if he had broken up with Jill though, from his attitude at the wedding he clearly was ready to move on from Gia, and besides that his home was over seven hundred miles from hers. After finding out how Jolie felt about having to change schools so much, she wasn't about to move her again. And would he even be interested in starting something up with her again now that she was a mom to a teenager? Her eyes went wide. Why was she even thinking these things? This wasn't a date, and they weren't here to make up. With that in mind, she steeled herself for what she knew would be a hard conversation.
"You ready?"
Gia nodded and Nick placed a hand on her back, guiding her out the door into the chaos that was Times Square. She tried to regulate her breathing as the feel of his hand stirred something deep inside.
Maybe small talk would distract her thoughts. "It feels strange being back after all this time. Charleston can get crowded with tourists, but it still isn't as chaotic as this."
Nick smiled genuinely at her as he led her to the Irish pub where they first bumped into one another. It jarred Gia and sent her mind back to the beginning of their relationship. The ups and downs, her insecurities in the beginning until he finally admitted what he felt. This was their place... before the end, before she knew the truth. The subtle ache that had been building since she saw him at the wedding was growing exponentially, no longer something she could ignore. She only hoped that after today's conversation it would begin to lessen.
Once seated Gia ordered immediately, ready to get their conversation over with.
Sounds from the restaurant faded into the background as Gia tried to begin. The seconds seemed like hours as they watched one another warily. She jumped in. "So, you went to my parents' grave?
Nick nodded.
"Thanks. I, um, finally made it there myself at the beginning of November. I assume you put the flowers there, and the picture frame?"
"I hope you don't mind." He raised a brow. "Did the flowers still look okay? That was four months earlier."
"Yeah, the flowers were fine, and no, it's fine... the picture." She fiddled with the silverware. Arranging it and straightening it on the table. When she looked back up, the side of Nick's mouth curved up. She smiled back, her breath catching as she realized what he was thinking. "Anyway, it helped me." She shrugged. "There were things I'd kept bottled up since I was twelve, and forcing myself to face them helped to break free from the hold they had over me. It was good to see their grave again, and I also went past my old house. The one that I grew up in, but also lived in with my aunt and her husband." Nick was watching her closely. "I had not been back there either since I left. I always feared going back would cause memories of the abuse to resurface and destroy me. Instead, what overtook my mind were the good memories with my parents."
"Gia, that's good. That's really good." Nick reached for her hand before pulling back.
Strangely enough, she wished he'd followed through and grabbed her hand. Something deep within was craving more of his touch. "It is good." She straightened in her seat. "Things are really good for me right now. As hard as it was to hear the truth of your part in my parents' deaths, it also brought me some closure." When he looked at her confused she shrugged. "Before it was just a nameless drunk who hit them and left the scene, but now I know more. That helps me, as strange as it may sound... even though it doesn't change things."
He flinched when she mentioned what he did. "I really am sorry Gia. I was young and stupid, not that that makes it right. If I could go back in time, I would fix it." His pleading eyes looked at her. "Tell me, is there anything I can do for you to help make up for it?"
She frowned and shook her head. Inside she could feel tears fighting to break through, and they weren't because of what he had done to her parents, but because of what she had lost with him.
The waitress dropped their food off, and hurried away, seeing them in an intense conversation.
"I see now that I never should have waited so long to tell you what I did."
Her eyes narrowed and she continued to frown. "You should never had started dating me in the first place without telling me." As much as she had forgiven him, the fact that he kept such an important thing from her was still wrong and he needed to see that.
Sadness seemed to overtake him. "Gia, you never would have given me a chance if I had told you in the beginning. I-"
"You don't know that." She spat out, then she rethought it. "Maybe we just weren't meant to be."
"I refuse to believe that. I think God brought you here for a reason."
"Yeah, maybe to give me that closure and to bring Jolie into my life."
"No, it's more than that, there is something between us." He pointed between the two. I feel it every time I'm around you. I felt it the first time I saw you." He paused and looked at her, and she saw the look that he used to give her, when his eyes would bore into her soul. "You feel it too. I can tell."
"She shook her head. You were just looking for a way to appease your guilt. Atonement for what you did." The truth was she did feel something between them, but she no longer believed what he felt was the same. He was confusing his need to make things right with her with love.
"That's crazy. Why would I go to the extreme of marrying you if I just wanted atonement. There are other things I could have done."
"Like sending money to my grandfather every month, and creating a scholarship for me in college? Or maybe starting a mentoring program and then scholarship program for foster kids?"
His brows furrowed and then he shook his head. "Arianna?"
Gia nodded.
"Yes, I did that for atonement. Well, the Forever Friends started that way, but then it came to mean more to me. But the Forever Friends scholarship was more to honor you and the fact that your circumstance brought about the whole program." He bit his lip. "I just didn't fully explain that at the gala, because... well, you know."
Gia tried to gather her thoughts. "And you say that we were meant to be, that you feel something between us, but don't you think it's because you have an emotional response attached to me, the girl you felt guilty about, the girl you sent money to all those years."
"At first I thought that was the case, which is part of why I fought my feelings for you. But eventually I realized that wasn't it at all."
"I don't know." It was much easier to believe his feelings had been misplaced guilt, and she certainly wasn't ready to risk her heart again.
"I can't make you believe me. I understand you're hurt, and... I have a history of not being entirely truthful with you, but I'm done with that. You know everything, and I promise I'm an open book from here on out." He waited for a response, but Gia looked at him in silence. "I do wish you hadn't waited so long to hear me out. It might have changed things."
"That's not really..." Gia was trying to keep from getting angry. "I wasn't ready, that's not something you or I could control."
Nick sighed and eyed the bits of food left on his plate. "Gia, are you dating anyone?"
"What? What does that have to do with... that's not what we're talking about."
"I realize that, but are you?"
She wanted to say yes, just to see his response. She could easily say Holden. That would surely make Nick jealous, and Holden made perfect sense with them not only spending time together at work, but also outside of it because of his niece and sister. Eventually she shook her head. "No." She wasn't going to lie, and especially not when she had just gone after him for lying.
"I thought for sure you would be dating Evan by now."
"You're on about that again? I've told you before, I don't think of him like that." Nick had seen what she'd been unable to, Evan's interest in her. She didn't like the turn of the conversation. They weren't supposed to be talking about her romantic life, or lack of one. This was too dangerous for her heart.
His phone buzzed and she saw Jill's name flash across the front, but he quickly dismissed it and flipped it over.
The waitress walked by and Gia asked for the check, anxious to end things. Nick pulled it from her hand as she was reaching for her wallet, so she threw down money, determined he wouldn't give her one more dime.
As they left the pub, she finally got up the nerve to ask him, "Weren't you dating Jill? Chris said you broke up." She wondered now if Chris had been wrong.
"Chris?" Nick's face paled and he looked guilty. "Um yeah we did."
"Break up?" He nodded at her. "But-" She started to mention she'd just seen pictures of them in Haiti the week before, but didn't want him to know he'd been stalking Jill's Instagram. Instead she asked, "Why?"
He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and stopped just outside the Morgan Stanley building. "I, uh, she thought I still had feelings for you. She asked me to prove I was over you."
Gia's heart began to race at his words. Whatever she imagined him saying, it wasn't that.
"I couldn't." Nicks eyes found Gia's, and she could see the moisture in them. "I'm not, and I honestly don't think I ever will be."
What could she say to that? "What?" Gia's heart began to race as she waited for him to expound.
"That thing Jill wanted me to do... was cover a tattoo."
"Cover a tattoo?" She never knew he had a tattoo.
"When we went swimming in Haiti, she saw a tattoo I had done after you broke up with me."
Gia watched him wide eyed.
"It's... I'll just show you." He opened the photo app on his phone and found what he was looking for then handed it to her. "It's over my heart."
Her hand involuntarily covered her mouth as she stared at the picture of her initials over an infinity symbol. The design of her engagement ring was called an infinity twist. It was as if something inside of her shifted, leaving her off balance. Why was he telling her these things? This meeting was supposed to give her closure, not leave her longing to go back in time and work things out. How could they go forward when their lives were now headed in such different directions.