Chapter Thirty One
Lienna
I woke to a ringing in the ears and a pounding in my head that was beyond natural. My cheeks burned feverishly and my nose was filled with an unfamiliar scent of spices and sweat. My mouth was dry and I couldn't seem to move.
Where am I? I slowly and painfully pushed myself up. My eyes focused on Ben's peacefully sleeping face, hair carelesly ruffled. My eyes wandered down, examining without concious volition his back muscles. Ben? What was I doing here?
I stumbled off of the bed. A rush of vertigo pushed me closer to my senses.
Did I- Oh my Odin. I didn't! I couldn't have been that stupid.
I tried to remember what had happened. We danced, and he got me a drink, and... I searched through my clouded head. There was a reason I avoided alcohol.
Ben got me a drink, and another, and another. Then, we danced some more. That was okay, besides the heavy drinking. Ugh, no it's not okay.
Then, he pulled me into a less crowded corridor. I swallowed hard. Odin help me now.
"Oh, Lienna, we were on fire, weren't we? I mean, you're an angel while dancing, you look like one too. Kiss me."
"What?"
"Are you as innocent as you look, or do those endless eyes hide some enchanting dark side to you?" He leaned in closer, smelling my hair. I giggled, too drunk to care. "Come on, Lienna. Let's see the Angel of Asgard."
"No," I replied, still giggly. "No, Ben, I'm engaged."
"Only engaged. What's a kiss? He won't know." Ben grinned.
I was relieved and mortified. Only kisses, but I let him kiss me. Then I slept in his bed, and at some point, he got off of the couch and joined me. Nothing too terrible, but my stomach still churned. I did this. Luckily, I couldn't see daylight through the windows.
I slipped out of his room and stumbled as quietly as I could through the corridor to my room. I made a mental note to never drink again. This was awful. He was awful. I was awful.
Burning with shame, I slipped off the beautiful green dress Loki gave me and shoved it deep into the wardrobe. Then, I drew a hot bath and scrubbed myself until my skin stung. I needed to feel clean; I couldn't stand myself. I felt so unloyal, so stupid. I put on a black dress. Then, I combed through my wet hair violently, pulling out incredible amounts. Finally, I got so frustrated that I picked up a pair of scissors and cut it to just below my collarbones. Now that it was gone, my face was highlighted even more. The dark circles stood out more underneath my eyes, and my skin appeared a sickly shade of white.
Disgusting. Disgusting disgusting disgusting.
My eyes stung, warning that tears were coming. A lump of pain formed in my throat as my jaw trembled. "No, Lienna," I chastised, my voice cracking. "You're not going to."
Biting my lip didn't help. I cried, long and hard and quietly.
I'm a mess and I don't deserve to be engaged and I don't deserve a prince in a palace I don't even deserve that bastard Ben I shouldn't have danced with him or said yes I should've stayed with Thor I shouldn't have fallen in love I shouldn't have fallen in love.
A knock sounded at the door. "Lienna?" It was Thor.
Oh Odin. I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
"Lienna, if you're in there and you don't want me to come in, you need to tell me. Otherwise I am coming in," he informed me.
I didn't move, or rather, I couldn't move. My body ached and I lacked the simple motivation to open the door for him. Slowly the door opened and there stood a worried Thor.
He stepped forward and enveloped me in his arms, pressing my head into his chest. "Lienna, we were so worried. None knew where you had gone and we searched and searched and, sweet Allfather, look at you. Are you alright?"
I shook my head slightly. I didn't deserve this.
"Lienna, what happened? Loki is in a near terror and Frigga is crying! Please," Thor pleaded. "Tell me."
I looked up at his crystal clear blue eyes. He cared so much about me. They all did. Loki could barely live without me, Frigga treated me like her only daughter, and Odin at least showed concern for me. And I had gone and messed it up.
Thor brushed my hair out of my eyes. "Are you sick?"
I nodded.
"You require attention, I can see it in your eyes." He swept me up off the floor and carried me out of my room before I could refuse.
I can't do this. Everything hurt and I couldn't seem to sort out the storm in my mind. Why? Why did I do it?
"I found her, brother," Thor whispered. My heart dropped.
Thor passed me to Loki, who immediately looked me over. "Lienna, what happened?"
I began to cry again. "Loki, I'm so sorry."
"Sorry about what? Lienna, love, what happened?" Loki wiped the tears away from my eyes.
I swallowed hard. "Ben."
Loki's eyes filled with anger and worry. "What?"
"He and I were dancing, and he brought me a drink and I've never had strong drinks before and I had another and another and suddenly he kissed me and my mind fails me then and then I woke up in his bed but nothing happened to my memory and I am so sorry. I'm disgusting and worthless and unloyal and I am sorry."
"Almighty Odin," Thor whispered, shocked.
Loki held me closer. "Lienna, none of this is your fault."
I was confused but the sobs stopped anything else.
"Thor, go tell Mother. This- this cannot go unpunished." Then he refocused his attention on me. "Hush, darling, you're okay, you're safe now."
What? Was I in danger? I buried my face in Loki's neck, pressing my hot face against his cool skin.
You'll feel better soon, I promise. A wave of cold spilled into me with the thought from Loki. I won't let you go.
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sorry if this comes off as confusing, it'll make sense later. lots of love to all of you and twenty votes for a new chapter :)