"Second time seeing that nice car outside," said Hux as he emerged from the living room door.
I look up, seeing him holding two cups with whatever hot drink inside before going back from drawing. "Blue one?"
"Yep. Yours?" inalok niya sa akin 'yung isa at kahit kakatapos ko lang ng pangatlong baso simula nang magstart ako kaning pag-uwi, I accepted it. "Looks familiar, think I've seen it before."
"You clearly said you've seen it twice already," I sai, tilting my head to him and smiling. "Maybe that's why."
But Hux was inexorable. "I think I know someone who owns the same car."
He knows Louie? Oh... yes, of course! He was the one who invited me over to Louie's party! Siyempre kilala niya pero... didn't his girl the one who invited him and he just invited me because she invited his man? Yes.
"People could have the same cars since it's offered to everyone else," I said. "Anyway, what brings you here? No girl matters?"
"None." he smiles. "Just visiting you. Everything all right?"
I put up my laptop and smiled sadly. He reads it but I quickly stopped him, "I'll find one soon."
"You're already graduate in Philippines, why aren't they accepting you?"
"They are. The timing just wasn't right." and I told him about this call I got from a new coffee shop and they called me because they are interested with seeing me again. The next meeting happened earlier but I didn't come. "Yes, I was stupid." I said that makes him groan. What can I do? They just wanted me to greet customers every time they enter the place, the pay is good, but I know deep in me something is up to them kaya hindi na ako tumanggap.
"Will try other establishments tomorrow, Hux," I mumbled. "Besides. this commission is offered with big price. Enough to sustain me for next month."
Hux humbly smiled and just let go of my ditching possible job. "Good to hear."
He stood up, his grey pajamas hugging all over his down and I feel the loose part of my PJs. I was waiting for him to answer pero wala akong narinig and I just listen to him saunter around the living room. The world is stilled outside, just like how it always be since winter starts. Almost done shading the face of this person when he stood in front of my position, behind the glass table. "Ron."
"Hmm?" I didn't look up. How could be a simple structure of some space be intricate to draw?
"Something troubling you?"
"Ha?"
Lace of worries is evident on his sculpted face. We've both grown our beards and looks like we, too, find it time consuming to shave it again. Those friendly eyes became deeper than ever, "Tell me, mate. I can listen. Sleep seems to come around tomorrow."
Is he asking if I'm alright? Yes, I just couldn't find myself feeling it nowadays. Good thing Hux coughed and pulled me out from thinking about what happened before the play last week. "All good, mate." I said. "Nothing to worry about."
"Any upcoming anniversary?" muntikan na akong matawa dahil akala ko anniversary ng couple ang tinutukoy niya but I halt. "Want me to stay here so you can have company?"
"No," bulong ko. "It's still far... mom and dad's." bumaba ang tingin ko saglit.
"Nothing's wrong, Hux. Really." I said, briskly. "What made you say and think about that?"
Our eyes didn't met again and he paced back and forth, suddenly unable to talk. We've never seen each other that much after what happened that day, that's why I am curious how did he know something is really bothering me. If he's like me, if he's like Aki and I, then maybe I would tell him. But no...
"Just in case," in a low voice, he smiles a little. "Mom told me you were acting strange every time you leave and come back in here."
"I did look— what?"
Then he proceeds on telling me how Auntie Zori, his mom, always saw me every morning looking around the block, anxious, and that's the same thing I do every time I went home from school. Mukha raw akong may tinataguan o kaya natatakot na baka may tao sa bahay ko. "She mentioned you weren't like that, we're just worried mate. Of course... you're currently alone."
"Oh..." I look away. "Maybe I watched too many crime videos, I became paranoid." sabay tawa.
"Crime videos?"
"Documentaries!" giit ko. "Sometime, I watch some to keep my up at night. I grew the same fear people from it is feeling, maybe a killer is lurking under the bushes or under my sink."
Finally, the worry etched on his face went past. He took the same seat he took earlier and asked to see if he could take a look at what I'm doing. "This part is too sharp, is this what her cheek always look like?"
Although Hux won't admit the truth, he has the same talent as mine. But he's not using it frequently in the reason he doesn't need to since there's some job that's keeping him up. Wala pa akong nahahanap kaya ito na lang muna gamit ko.
I left him for a while to wash my face and see from my side, the window is not thoroughly closed and small chuckles of the kids from neighboring house can be heard. I don't know if I'm seeing it right but the white hue around seem to thin.
"Is there some time the winter doesn't stay longer than the usual?" I asked when I got back.
"Yeah. Why?" I told him about what I noticed outside. "Maybe it will start to dwindle from now on. But not sure. The signs you can use is if you start to see animals coming on your way every time you go outside."
"Or finally see the others use their cars again." I laughed after he said right to me.
He can't stay long kaya hinatid ko na lang siya kahit sa veranda lang. Before he goes, "Oh, I almost forgot!"
"What is it?" I tucked my fists tighter inside the jacket's pockets. "I'm going to bed right away, Hux. Thank you."
"Not that but good!" he chuckles. "But Mom said something about guy with white Volkswagen came around at afternoon yesterday! Did you know about that?"
"White car?" sino na nga uli 'yung nagpunta noon na... "Ah! That guy Luicito?"
"Have no idea," he shakes his head. "Maybe it is. She's worried it's the one you're afraid about. Knew him?"
"Not much. He seems fine. Uncle mentioned him to me before. That Luicito is just checking the house when we first met. Nothing to worry about."
A sudden realization hit me. "What?"
"Oh... nothing." kinagat ko ang sariling labi. "I just remembered it's the same time I lost my old one."
"Recorder?"
"Yeah. Sad." ngiti ko at tumingin na sa labas. "Go home now, mate. I'm supposed to be early tomorrow, let's call it a day? Thank you for the coffee and checking me out here!"
He nudged it like it's really nothing. "The least thing I could do now..."
Hux has gone now inside their house but I'm stilled in my position. Maybe it's because I thought I saw Louie's car in front or maybe he sounds sad when he walked away. Dunno.
***
What Hux told me still haunting me the next day. I even caught myself talking to Uncle's portrait, wishing he was moving like those portraits at Hogwarts and hope he'll finally tell me what was that Luicito doing to this house. Even with their untimely demise, they still let me know that when something happens, the house is all mine and all the assets that come with them is ready to claim right away from my bank. I never used any of those as of the moment, feeling that if I did, sobrang kapal ko na gamitin ang hindi pinagpaguran. Aside from that, if what they left for me is already settled, what's with the sudden visit of that man? Nakalimutan kong itanong kung pumasok ba uli kay Auntie but the house is still complete. Luckily, my recorder is in my bag that day.
No way I was the one who suddenly lose the old one. Bakit ko naman wawalain iyon?
Still reeling about myself not being adequate enough to be that garrulous when they're still here, I almost didn't notice the man waiting in front of the house. God damn, I really want to know what scent he's wearing?
Akala ko magsasalita siya pero wala. I tried not to peek at his face, even if it's worthless since he's wearing a cap and it's covering his face, I still did. He's fiddling something in his phone and I quickly made my way out of the premises.
What is Louie doing here? In bare morning?
I try to pan my attention to the area around me and saw that snow is starting to melt down. If I hadn't seen him, I would immediately notice there's sun slicing through thick white clouds. But the country is still frigid, I put on two jackets today but it's still not enough.
"No... Don't look behind." I said but still did. Before I turn right, Louie's still in front of my house, phone beside his ear and looking down.
Seriously? Is he meeting someone? Why park in there? Only if Louie is familiar to me, I would know who he's here for. As soon as I turn around and sight the long golden, draped with small snowflakes, my phone ringed.
Wala akong klase ngayong araw. Well, there really is. But none of my classmates bothered to come since our professors are out of town for some school matters. Maybe whilst I'm waiting for Ava in the designated place we're meeting today, I can do some assignments left for us. But maybe I wouldn't be able to do it since she just texted she's already at the Olive Garden and just waiting!
Ang napag-usapan ay 9:30! Malapit pa lang mag-nine.
Anyway, I just replied I'm on my way and almost had an heart attack from almost losing my grip to my phone because someone just horned so freaking loud behind me! I don't know... I don't know but I'm sure my face is contorted in annoyance from what happens, however, when he lowered his window and flashed his weird smile on me again, my face turned neutral again.
"Sabay na tayo!" he said, exuberant.
"Uhm..." napatingin ako sa labas. "Got some business somewhere."
This is the first time he's really stopped and wait for me to come out and see him. Just like what Hux said, minsan bigla-bigla na lang pumupunta 'yan, and I don't even know why. How would I? Didn't I ignoring him? Because aside from I don't want him to know what happened to their main actor... we were not that close?
"Kaya nga sabay tayo!" he clicks something beside him. "Have you eaten? Daan muna tayong drive thru then off to go."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Our... business is not... the same."
"Yes, it is."
His phone light up from the front of his car and ignore it after reading what's flashed on the screen. "No. Thank you. Really going somewhere."
I quickly turned my back agaisnt him and fasten my pace. Though it's futile since he's riding a car that could chase me even if I act like I'm the Flash, I forgot to wear my sock and it's starting to tremble so bad.
"Come on, it's a small act for me to do."
"No." I said, briskly.
As soon as I reached the gate, naghanap na ako ng masasakyan. But unluckily, looks like he'd interrogated everyone and asked not to fetch me up. "Good to finally see you okay." Louie parked in front. "You know... you're not.. that..."
I stare at him back. There's a small gleam of triumph in his eyes but I rolled my eyes. "I'm not your friend."
"What would you do if I want to be one?" he leans on the window and look above me. This feels wrong. "Ouch. I thought I'm already one."
My current friends is only Hux's family and his girlfriend. Although I want to add new ones since I'm staying here for good now... him calling my... friend... sounds wrong. I can't figure out which sides are wrong and Louie and I couldn't be like that.
"They are not gonna get you, Ron." God. "Olive Garden is city away, even if they did have you, expect huge bill. Nag-iipon ka, 'di ba?"
"How did you know?"
"I just know." he mumbles and smiled again. Just like Akiro, his eyes are disappearing every time he smiles with that... weird... no, is weird even the right word? It's like I'm saying his smile is hideous but it's not... it's just... odd how it does.
"You meeting Ava, right? Bound to meet them too today. So come hop in, let's not waste the opportunity to get the waffles from drive-thru, eh?"
I'm not expecting him to go outside and almost open the door for me. Hindi ako sasakay sa kaniya pero nang sunggaban ko siya para pigilan, he interpreted it as I finally agreed! Which is not!
"W-what are you doing?"
"I don't mean harm to anyone, Ron. Just opening the door for you."
"Haven't I said I'm not coming?"
"Yes. Almost four times already," he smirks. "They are already waiting, and I bet you're really looking forward to your money? Come inside and think that this is a peace offering because I still think I did something."
We exchanged long stares but his was intense than mine, he looks like he's got enough and peaceful sleep. I just slept for few hours. And maybe if I did sleep early, I would be still able to deny his offer but admit it or not, I'm too tired...
Really. Really that I could fall asleep while my body is lying on his leathered car seat.
***
Almost slept upon arriving at the exact location. The food he bought for us was not even opened nor moved. But I hid it in my bag and used the coffee, almost stale and cold, to wake my wits up.
"After you," he said, again. I've never been into any Olive Garden in my life. Several cushion chairs and mahogany tables are aligned on the right wing while the left is just for the counter and probably, the kitchen too. "She's there."
Louie pointed Ava's familiar back and her pigtails. I nod to him and start to walk towards her. Wala siyang kasama sa table but when I peruse my eyes more around, I noticed that some nearby tables from her is occupied by the people who acted in the play!
And Aki is... there, too. Only luckily his back turned against us. The everlasting question inside my head is that... did he saw... me that day? I don't know the answer since I left already and just knew that he still pulled the play off and won the competition.
I knew something was done to him by those group of fifth years and it amazes me how he still accomplished the play...
"Hello." sabay pa kaming dalawa ni Louie. Only that he knocks the table thrice and when Ava returned his smile, naupo siya hindi sa table ni Ava, he took the empty seat beside the person adjacent to Aki. Removing the cap he's wearing, he sighed so deep and ordered something.
"Take a seat Georgy!" I did. "Is it early? Was I too early?" she laughs.
"Nah it's fine." did she order already. The amount of good smell of food from the kitchen is making my mouth watrmer. "Good thing we had pretty free time today."
"Yeah! Yeah, agreed!" she picks something inside her bag. "Want something? We could order something first! But here what's I promised!"
I try not to be looking like a damn excited about having the money I've worked hard for them and just accepted it with small smile. "Thanks. Thank you for trusting me over that work."
"No, thank you because you came! And thank you for not breaking our trust!" she giggles. However, a small gleam of trauma crossed her face. "Are you still accepting commisions?"
"Yes. Definitely." I tucked it safely inside my bag but I noticed that a hundred Canadian dollar bill is separated from the actual pay I've got. "Oh, you gave too much."
She scans my hand offering back the note but she laughs it off and pushed it more to me. "That's yours, Georgy! No joke!"
"But... you're hundred too much from what we talked."
"No, I gave you what I promised. That one is from the one who brought you here!"
My mom and dad? "Oh... I quite don't... Louie?" my face lit up when he popped up.
"See, you know? Don't fret about money now, Georgy! It will start to distant itself to us, you see!" She raised her hand, chuckling, and I thought for a second she's calling Louie from behind but only the waiter.
My finger lingered through the money and think about things he could think of giving me sudden money.
"I'll be coming back minutes from now to have your order," the young staff smiled after giving the menu.
I accepted my defeat and said that eating a cracker for breakfast is not enough. Hindi ko pa naman nakakain ang binigay ni Louie na galing drive thru kaya kahit small platter lang. But hell no, I might starve myself better.
"Too expensive," bigla kong sabi na wala man lang pag-iisip. "Ava."
"Yep?"
"I still have other business to come to, mind if... I won't stay longer and dine?" the staff returned but I politely said I'm not ordering. "I'm really sorry, maybe next time! When I'm... capable to spend... you know."
Ava has no idea about what my life is but I think I did tell her a little bit. "Oh! Sure! S-sure! I was about to say it's on me."
"A very nice thing for you to do. I appreciate it." I put back my bag on and stood up. Something was alerted behind. "But thank you. Really. For trusting me."
Suddenly, she pulls me for a hug and I almost laughed from her teary eyes. "Sure! Sure! Not a problem!"
I smile a little and look at my seat without reason. "I better get going."
Pahakbang na sana ako pero bigla niya uli ako hinatak, "Are you free this weekend?"
"Not sure. Why?"
She lets go of my hand and grabs something from her purse. A pamphlet. "Come with us thus weekend! We're planning to camp almost near Niagara! Celebration!"
Just seeing the falls in the pamphlet ignited some dreams inside me. "Wow. Thanks. Will think about it!"
"Everyone's coming! So should you!" she yanks away her arm. "Take care, Georgy!"
Nodding my head relentlessly, I hid the paper inside and look for some ride. It feels new to see the sun rays slicing through the clouds. But it's still the same shock I've felt when Louie, too, exited the restaurant.
"No. Mall is probably close here. It's where I'm going." pauna kong sabi.
Bigal siyang napahalakhak sa pagiging agaran ko sumagot kahit wala pang tanong. "Wala pa akong sinasabi."
I chose not to answer and just try to book online. No one's available. Looking at the hillside and those cars passing by, I think about using the car from now on, the winter is coming to an end and the road will all be unblocked with chucks of snow and be safe to cross again. But at the same time, I don't want to. Maybe if I finally land a small job, then I don't have to worry about the petrol.
"Coming?"
"Hmm?"
Nginuso nito ang bag ko and it took me few minutes to understand, "Don't know. You are?" again, why am I slipping words I don't intend on saying?
"Not sure, either." he laughs and crossed his arms. "Depende. Kung pupunta ka."
"And why is that?"
Louie didn't answer. I peruse the hill on the other side of the road and just sigh, "Something happened that day."
No answer from me.
"Tama ako, right?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Tawagin ko si Akiro, want that?"
My hand flew on his arm and he stared at it with such great enthusiam I yanked away quickly. "N-no! No... No. Why would you call him? Never done anything bad t-to him."
Dali-dali akong nagbigay ng distansya sa amin sabay tingin sa loob. One of the play actors took the seat I was seated on earlier and everyone of them are already eating. I've got no idea about what happened but my perusing them caught Aki's attention that he looks at my direction and I deflect it right away.
"Kumain ka muna sana."
Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili. God. My heart is pumping so wild. "Nah. I'm all good."
"Bumalik ka na sa loob, wala kang mapapala sa akin." dagdag ko nang hindi siya gumalaw. "Oh, you're asking for my pay to the drive papunta rito?"
Before I could even open the zipper of my bag, he stops me from fully wrapping his palm on mine. It's when I noticed how fair he is and how his long fingers feel so soft I thought about mine who's full of calluses from working on art. "You can always act nothing had happened but you can't hide it. You can't hide everything that's meant to be known by everyone."
"Wala akong alam sa sinasabi mo."
Our faces is gone with any smile or amusement, just staring at each other without moving, no breaking it apart. "I... I want to be your friend." he murmurs.
"Y-you've got nothing to exploit from me." my voice broke apart. "Do you still need me when there's lot of peole around you? Especially every time you held a party?"
"They... are not permanent to me."
"Neither am I," he looks hurt after I said that. Lumambot lalo ang hawak niya sa kamay ko at parang bumagsak ang puso ko nang tuluyan siyang lumayo at tinalikuran ako.
I jumped a little when I caught his body shivered from whatever he's currently feeling. First of all, why does he want me to be his friend? I mean... it's not a bad idea... He would be the first Filipino friend of mine here, tapos... ano pa ba? I haven't got the chance to really meet him but from everything I've seen a facet of him, he's nice. And I'm nice, too. It's just.... for the first time, I feel weirded out about some person asking me to be his friend.
I've got some friends I left in the Philippines last year. All of them did the same thing Louie did three minutes ago, and I accepted them without hurry but... why is this... feel so...
And why did he say they are not permanent to him? I want to apologize for answering too immediately, it's not true... I can be a long-lasting friend... I can stay to something as long as I will feel happy and contented. And him asking it sounds like he's been looking for a single person to crash his thought about people not staying for too long with him.
My lips is shaking and palms starting to water, looking back inside, they are still eating but laughing loud inside. "Uhm..." I began. "Louie."
He didn't stir. He's not quivering from something but his stare is too long from afar. "Hey," tinapik ko siya pero hindi pa rin gumalaw. Instead, I changed my position and stood in front of him.
My heart sank more as soon as I saw how dry tears are visible from his square face. His eyes are shut off but he noticed my presence and I felt really bad because his face is now devoid of any emotion.
What should I do? I didn't even know he's... sensitive like this! Should I admit sometimes, especially when he's around, my mouth is saying something before I realize I talked already? If only I could take back what happened and said that whatever it takes, I will really do my best to be permanent to someone else and not do what my family did to me, for being temporary, I would...
"P-please?" his whisper shrilled.
For the first time since we've met each other, I smiled. Like the real one. And it felt really good I want to just stay like that for the rest of my life or I'll finally lose my sanity.