listen to angels by chase atlantic u won't regret it ;)
I cross my legs as I sit down on the white loveseat. Rafe wipes under his nose as he comes up from doing a line. His blue eyes land on me as I wait not so patiently for whatever story he is about to tell me.
"Ever since I was young, I have always been treated differently by my dad." He speaks, his gaze staring out into nothingness as his mind wanders to his childhood. "Different in ways of how he spoke to me, spoke about me, and simply acted around me. It was like he never fully trusted me."
I nod, letting him continue. "I was always talked down to, like I was stupid and here on this earth to fuck everything up. Even when I did things perfect, it was never good enough; Not compared to Sarah."
My heart hurts for him already. I can just imagine a young Rafe running around trying to be a man for his dad. A boy who became a man too fast because of the things he saw in his own home.
"He wasn't always like that though. My mom died in childbirth with Wheezie. I was six when she passed, but from what I can remember she was the best mom in the world." He smiles, thinking of her. She must have been some sort of angel to deal with Ward.
"I'm sorry." I intervene, and he waves his hand, "it's fine. I'm glad I got the time I did with her."
It's a strange feeling to listen to Rafe speak highly of someone other than himself or Ward. If she were alive today, would he be half the person he is today? So angry and mad at the world.
"Anyway, back to the bullshit. When Rose came into the picture, I was ten. She immediately took the place of my mom. She acted like she never existed, and neither did my dad. He put on a whole new face for her and moved on from the death while the rest of us were still trying to process life without a mom. I was the only one who was really affected by it because I was the oldest, but I know it still sucked for Sarah and Wheezie."
I nod, listening intently. I like this side of Rafe, the vulnerable one. I'm starting to think he's never told this story out loud.
Rafe leans down and cuts another line. He takes it quickly before continuing, "my dad treated Rose like she was our mom. He never mentioned her, Alice was her name, and if one of us did, it was a slap to the face. He didn't want to make Rose feel uncomfortable by bringing up our real mom, he wanted her to believe she was that figure now."
"He hit y'all that young?" I ask, astounded at the confession. My dad has always been so loving and kind, I could never imagine him putting a hand on me now, much less at ten years old.
The blonde shrugs, "he hit me at least. Never laid a hand on the girls. Like I said before, I was the only one who really remembered her, so I had questions."
"As I got older, the number I became to it all. He would raise his hand to hit me in anger and I would just stand there and take it. The inside of my body was paralyzed by the feeling of nothingness, and it hasn't changed since." Just when I thought my heart couldn't break anymore for the boy in front of me, it does.
I move to put my hand on his thigh. He freezes at the action but doesn't move. I don't think he's ever experienced what someone truly caring for him is like.
"Being fucked up is the only time I feel alive. It's when I truly feel the most like a human being because I don't have to think about anything other than getting more drunk or high."
I look up at him. "Can I ask you something?"
Rafe nods and I clear my throat. "If Ward has done this for so long, why do you still drop everything for him? It's just hard to understand..."
He nods again slowly and plays with the frays on my jean shorts. "I want him to love me for me, and if I help him maybe he will."
"Rafe..." I trail off, feeling tears well in my eyes. This whole story has broken my heart in a million pieces but has also put it back together because he is telling me.
It means he trusts me.
"All I've ever wanted in this world is to be loved, Avery, but I've never found someone who understands me. There's something wrong with me, I know it. I-,"
My head shakes back and forth, the words falling from his mouth hard to believe. "We're all a little fucked up, Rafe. Just because you think you're hard to love, doesn't mean there aren't people who don't."
Rafe nods and pulls hits bottom lip between his teeth. "And what's your story?"
I don't push him for more information. He gave me more than enough backstory, and pieces will come together with time.
My eyes peer over to the white powder. "I think it's only fair I get some of this too."
The blonde laughs lightly and cuts a line for me. I inhale the drug sharply and tilt my head back, feeling the effects immediately.
"So, my story." I smile at Rafe slightly and he tilts his head with raised eyebrows. "I'm from outside of Atlanta. I grew up in a pretty small town where moms created more drama than their kids."
Rafe snorts. "Sounds familiar."
Agreeing with him I continue, "my backstory isn't that exciting, my mom and dad got divorced when I was fourteen, um,"
I'm cut off. "Why?"
"She fell out of love with him. They were high school sweethearts, went through college together and then had me. When my dad lost his job, I remember waking up in the middle of the night to my parents fighting over it. She wasn't worried, she was embarrassed. She said that this would ruin her image as a socialite." I tell him.
The blonde laughs. "So, you were a kook?"
I hit his leg. "Nowhere close. My mom is Kie's mom's sister. They never got along for reasons I don't even know. My mom always said that Aunt Anna slept her way to the top, but I don't think so. Kie's family inviting my dad and I to stay with them was essentially saying 'fuck you' to my mom."
"Your mom sounds like a bitch." Rafe says bluntly and I laugh, "tell me something I don't know. So, we've been here since, and I couldn't imagine life any differently."
I look up at Rafe whose blue eyes are peering down at me. He looks like he wants to speak but doesn't know what to say. I knew he had secrets but being easy to talk to was not one that I expected. He is an amazing listener, with eyes that burn into your soul making you feel so heard.
"I guess we both have fucked up families, huh?" He speaks, breaking the silence.
"You could say that." I smile, peering off at the sun over the water.
Rafe brings his hand into mine and rests his head on our joined fingers. His hair is messy, making him look young and innocent. He is usually so put together, it's a nice change to see him relax. Our eyes meet again, but this time something feels different about the interaction. Our eyes hold more understanding of one another, an understanding of who we really are. It doesn't change who he and I are, but how we see each other. A newfound respect for Rafe Cameron has been added to the list of things I didn't think were possible to do, but here we are.
"Hey Siri, play The 1975." Rafe speaks into his phone and almost immediately The Sound blares across the living room.
My lips curl into a grin and the blonde pulls my hands, my lower half rising from the couch. His tanned arms wrap around my back and begins to move me back and forth in an awkward dancing position. His eyes glimmer as they search my face and I let out a squeal as he spins me around.
"Dancing is not your thing, Mr. Cameron." I say, my bottom lip pulled between my teeth.
Rafe smirks down at me. "Mr. Cameron, I like that."
I roll my eyes and look out over the balcony. The world seems so hectic, but between these four walls, it's the safest I've felt in a long time: even with the pogues. Rafe's finger pushes my face back towards his and big blue eyes stare down at me. His gaze moves between my eyes and lips, and time feels horrendously slow as he leans down and places his lips against mine. Electric waves shoot throughout my body at the feeling of his mouth on my own. Nothing has ever felt so right. Rafe's tongue plays with my own for a moment before pulling away.
"Thank you." He speaks. Rafe expressing gratitude. Add it to the list.
"For?" I hum, moving back and forth to the song in the background.
He looks away, almost embarrassed. "For listening. No one ever has."
I say nothing and kiss him again, the same feeling arising in my chest like the last time. This feeling is beginning to scare me, not because it's happening, but because it feels so good. Good feelings always end up coming back to hurt me, and I know if this ends, it's going to hurt like a bitch.
ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ
I love them sm