I woke up in Allesandro's arms, but I didn't want to get up so I just cuddled further into him.
Allesandro was gently rubbing my back up and down.
After my breakdown I probably fell asleep.
"Good afternoon baby" Allesandro said.
"Good afternoon" I mumbled back.
Even though I didn't mean to share any of the information that I did share, it kind of helped.
It's like a huge weight fell of off my shoulders.
I feel a little better, but not much unfortunately.
"Bambina, we need to talk to you." Allesandro said before picking me up and placing me in a different way on his lap so that I could still see everyone.
I took a deep breath, "about what?" I then asked.
He gave me a look knowing that I probably knew about what, but was just playing dumb.
I looked down but he lifted my chin making me meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry" I apologised.
"For what?" He asked in a gentle sweet tone, I've only heard him talk in that tone of voice to me.
"Everything, you guys found me after so many years and all I do is cause more problems." I said hearing my voice break a little.
"Oh baby, you don't bring us problems. We love you and we'll always do, okay" I nodded my head hesitantly.
"Now, I need you to be honest, this is all important. When do you have the nightmares and flashbacks?" He asked.
"Nightmares, every night unless I'm sleeping with someone I feel safe with. The flashbacks, I don't really know. Some things can just trigger some stuff for me and most of the time I go in panic mode, then the attacks come." I answered back truthfully.
I want to try for them, I need to try to get better.
"Okay, from now on you'll sleep with one of us every night until you think that you'll be able to sleep alone. If you have a panic attack or begin to get signs of getting one or from anxiety, I want you to come to one of us too, so we can help"
"But I-.." I didn't want to say it out loud.
"Come on, you can say it"
I swallowed before answering, "I don't..I don't want to bother y'all even more by coming to you for help" I said
"Baby, you're not bothering us, okay. We will try this for about a month and if it helps we will keep doing this, otherwise we'll look for other options." I just nodded my head.
"Now, you're self harm. I know that that's your only way of coping right now, but maybe we can try different things and ways to help. Maybe talk to one of us about it, but I know that talking in those situations doesn't help always either. So maybe we can look up some different things for you to try as a way of coping. Do something you like maybe, you can do it with one of us in the room or alone. Reading, watch a movie, working out can be one, it's good to built up some muscle, distracts you and is good for you're health. There are many things you can do to distract yourself.
I know that it will not be easy to just stop but, with time it will get better. There is a chance that you'll relapse, but that's okay we will still be here and not leave you, okay."
"Okay" I whispered.
"I think I can help with the self harm for Val a lot." Blake said suddenly.
I knew why but the others didn't.
I nodded my head in gratitude to him.
"....Okay?..Now talking about your physical health, you're still severely underweight. That's why I said that maybe working out could also be some kind of distraction to help, you need to gain some weight and muscle, it's really dangerous what you're doing." He said.
"What am I doing?" I asked confused.
"I know Val, how you don't eat when we're not there and then eat so little with us, if you even eat. I know it's not easy and that it will be hard but you need to try. We'll make an appointment with a dietitian and then make a food plan. You won't have to eat large amounts and stuff all at once, we'll built this up."
I shook my head no, " no, I can't gain weight. Please I'm already fat and ugly enough" I cried barely above a whisper.
He cupped my face in his hand making me meet his eyes, "you're not fat or ugly, you're the most beautiful girl on this planet, don't you ever think otherwise" He said in a gentle but ferm tone.
"Now to help you cope with your past and the effects that it has made on you, we want to ask you if you maybe wanted to see a psychologist. You can always talk to us don't forget that, but we don't know how to help like the professionals do. And if you don't like him or her than we can change the person. We also want to get you tested on some mental health stuff, there will be nothing scary about it, but it could help too. Maybe some medication to help with your anxiety and stuff. But here again, if the medication makes you feel weird and bad, than you tell us so we can immediately stop the medication. Will that be okay for you?" He asked.
This is my last hope, I need to try not only for myself but for the others around me too.
I need to try, maybe it'll help.
I can't keep disappointing everyone around me.
"We can try" I sighed out still not really sure about it.
He smiled giving me a kiss on the head.
"I'll make some appointments for tomorrow with the dietitian, psychologist and for the medication." Dad said before leaving.
What..I-
I didn't know that we would start this soon.
"Hun?.."
"Mhm"
"From now on only the truth, it's best for all of us."
"Okay, only the truth even if it hurts." I said.
"Pinky promise?" Allesandro asked sticking his pinky out. I smiled before answering.
"Pinky promise." I said lacing my pinky with his and kissed my thumb Allesandro doing the same.
"Let's get you something to eat, honey. You haven't eaten in a few days." Allesandro said standing up taking me with him.
I wanted to protest and opened my mouth but he gave me a pointed look making me shut up.
We walked to the kitchen with the rest of my brothers.
Allesandro placed me on the kitchen counter, while most of the others sat down in bar chairs in front of the island.
"Who wants what to eat?" Allesandro called out from the pantry.
"Chips"
"Chocolate"
"Ice cream"
"Cookies"
"Just some candy"
....
Elijah stood up to for getting the drinks while Allesandro took care of the food.
When everything stood on the countertop, Allesandro walked up to me.
"I'm not stupid, what do you want to eat?" He asked.
"I-....I don't know" I said back.
"Do you want some candy or chips some cookies...?"
I have no idea how all these things taste like I've never eaten them before.
"I-euhm...I've never eaten anything like those things before. I don't know what they taste like"I answered back truthfully, only the truth from now on.
Xavier walked up to me and said, " well that means we get to let you taste all the amazing stuff"
We took some more food and drinks and walked to the movie room.
There is food in the movie room but...I don't know actually.
I have no excuse for this.
We sat down and watched the rest of lucifer.
I looked at my brothers and found myself smiling a real smile.
Maybe I could get better and be happy.
I'm going to get better, I have too, it's my only hope.
I cuddled back into some of my brothers and switched occasionally when one of them would literally stand up and grab me to cuddle.