listen to daddy issues by the neighborhood & empty by chase atlantic while reading
xoxo
RAFE
Sweat drips from my jawline and down my neck as I sit in the passenger seat of the car. Even with the air blasting on low, my body is doing everything it can to cool itself down. Waves of nausea ebb and flow, causing me to push my thumb and index finger on a pressure point. It helps for a second, but the withdrawal symptoms are too powerful. The only thought running through my head is cocaine. I am willing to do anything to get it, which is one of the reasons I sent Avery inside. All she had to do was get the silver Rolex from my bedside table drawer and bring it to me. That alone could give Barry what he needed for at least a few months. My mouth begins to water at the thought.
I look at the time on the dashboard, it reads 9:47 am. Although it feels like I've been sitting here for an eternity, it's only been ten minutes. She should be out by now, what's taking her so long? Anxiety starts to creep into my head. What if this was just some sick joke to lure the cops to my house and arrest me. That's why she hasn't come out yet because she's waiting for them to arrive.
Rafe, breathe.
I sit in the leather seat for a few more moments before taking matters into my own hands. My head pounds as I stand, feeling dizziness take over. I press my hand against the tinted window and regain my balance. There are three of everything right now, each mirror of the original looking more distorted. My feet slowly carry me down the stone driveway, careful not to walk too fast in fear of vomiting or passing out. When I reach the back door, Rose comes into view. She rushes over to me and swings the door open.
"Rafe, what happened?"
"I'm fine, Rose. I need something from my room." I speak firmly, moving past her and towards the stairs.
My stepmother pulls my hand. "Your father isn't going to like that you're here. Make it quick."
I take each step slowly, holding onto the guard rail with clammy hands. My breathing is shallow but calm as I climb the staircase. The ten steps feel like fifty. When I reach the top, the door to my room is open slightly proving that Avery was here. I step into the barren room and dig through different drawers, empty bags of coke litter them and it takes everything in me to not turn on a flashlight and look for any extra.
My vision blurs slightly and I screw my eyes closed. The action causes vomit to rise in my stomach like it has been all day. I'm used to the feeling of pushing it down by now, if I've made it this far, I can continue without throwing up all over everything, including myself. I pull open the drawer and dig around for the Rolex. Where is it? I pull the handle so hard the metal rips from the inside causing it to break into pieces on the ground. I crouch down and look through the stack of papers, pens and bags finding no sign of the watch.
Red is all I see, and I feel the anger inside me grow stronger. "Fuck!" A new hole appears in the light blue wall and I slowly pull it out of the drywall.
Loud footsteps come closer, and I turn to face who I think is going to be Rose but turns out to be my father.
His eyes land on me, then the hole in the wall, then back to me. "Rafe, what are you doing?"
"I'm looking for something."
He pulls the Rolex from his pocket, the small crystals glistening in the sunlight that sneaks in through the window.
"Where did you-? Why do you have that?" I stumble over my words and move closer to him.
My dad pulls back. "You're not giving someone this watch."
"You don't understand. I need that to pay..."
He looks at me and immediately knows what I am talking about.
"I tried to get clean dad, I did. I'm sorry." My voice is weak as I apologize, the emotions of withdrawal and seeing him catching up to me.
"I know, son. I know." My father pulls me into a hug and a tear falls down my face. I've never been one to be weak, but everything I have ever done is for my family.
"I love you, Rafe. So much." His words bring a smile to my face and for a split second my body feels whole again. There have been very few times I have heard that throughout my twenty years of living, and it still feels just as good as the first.
I wipe my eyes and pull away from him. He surprises me by placing the watch into my hand and closing my fingers around it.
"Promise me this is the last time you do this." My dad's eyes bore into my own and I nod, wanting him, wanting myself to believe I will keep it.
He walks down the hall and into the office, closing the door behind him. I glance one last time before descending the stairs.
Shit, Avery.
"Hey, dad?" I call and just as he opens the door a loud pounding rattles the floor beneath me.
"What the fuck?" I whisper, making eye contact with him. His blue eyes turn to ice along with a blank, distant stare on his face.
"Rafe."
I ignore his words and move as fast as physically possible down the swirled staircase. The pounding continues below me, and I swear I hear muffled screams.
My dad grabs at my arm, hanging on for a second. I push him back and he groans at the impact of my elbow in his chest. The sound gets closer as I make my way into the cellar and I see the metal door vibrating due to the force.
"Avery!" I call, knowing it's her.
"Rafe!" She calls out my name, muffled by the thick element in between us.
My father grabs me again, slapping his hand across my face. "She is a liar, and a thief! I found her in my office. She is just like the pogues, nothing but trash."
I strike his own face and when he realizes what I just did, he begins to laugh. This is a laugh I've only seen once in my life and it is the most spine-chilling noise I have ever heard.
"Fine, Rafe. Have it your way."
The door unlatches and Avery falls to the ground at my feet. Her hair is matted with sweat from what I assume screaming and trying to beat down the door. She looks up at my dad with dark blue eyes holding an amount of anger I have never seen.
"You are a disgusting piece of shit, and I hope you get locked up for the rest of your life for nothing other than being your goddamn self." Her words boom against the tight space, despite how raspy it sounds.
My father stands still with his eyes locked onto hers and says nothing. That is a look of a thousand thoughts running through his head. I know my dad, and I know he isn't perfect by any means, but for him to lock Avery in the fucking wine cellar crosses the line.
"Don't be surprised if I don't come home." I mutter under my breath as I turn to walk back up the stairs.
"You will when you need money for your drug addiction."
The red I saw in my vision returns immediately. My brain shuts off as my fists fly into my dad's face. Avery's screaming behind me sounds like it's from miles away and it feels like seconds before I am pulled off him. My vision quickly returns and when I blink Rose and Avery are holding me back from my dad's crumpled body.
"Rafe. Get out of here, now." Rose looks at me before kneeling to help my dad. He groans when she touches the side of his swollen, bloody face.
Confusion etches my face, as the last thing I remember was me telling my dad I wouldn't come home. How did it go to me nearly killing him in such a short amount of time?
"Let's go." Avery pulls me up the stairs by my wrist. Blood drips from my knuckles and onto the hardwood floor, but I don't clean them off. My mind is zoned into cocaine, and cocaine only.
The two of us are silent as we get into the Range Rover. She starts and the time on the clock says 10:05 am. I wasn't even there twenty minutes and shit hit the fucking fan.
"He lives out near JJ's house. The stop sign at the end of his road leads you to it." I tell her and she nods, keeping her eyes focused on the road.
"I swear to God if Ward touches me again, I will kill him." She spits and I turn my face away to hide the amusement. She's hot when she's mad.
Avery turns her head towards me. "You do realize he locked me in a wine cellar, right?"
"Fuck, I know that, okay!" I yell, looking down at the speedometer; 95 miles per hour.
She takes a few deep breaths through her nose. "Are you okay?"
I don't remember the last time I was ever okay. "Just peachy. Should be up here on your right."
Avery turns down the gravel road which leads to my favorite and least favorite person's house. Besides myself, of course. My dirt bike is sitting next to the lawn chair where Barry is sitting counting money.
I slowly get out of the car and make my way over to him. My knees feel weak, along with my pounding head.
He notices my state immediately. "You look like shit, country club! You're not here empty handed, are you?"
I roll my eyes, the action alone wanting me to throw up. "Yes, Barry, I have your shit."
Avery watches me pull the Rolex out of my pocket and throw it at him. I see a smirk appear on her face when it hits the dirt at his feet.
"A Rolex? Shiiiit, you're down bad, huh?" Barry's nonchalant attitude makes me want to grab him by the throat, but I remain calm as he walks inside. He is there a few moments before returning with a large bag filled with white powder.
I snatch it from him and nearly rip it open with my fingernails. Barry laughs at the feral action, but I could give less of a shit what he thinks. He's a drug dealer, that's what he's for. Avery hands me the key to my car and I dip it into the cocaine. As soon as it hits my nose, I feel the headache start to subside.
"Jesus Christ." I curse, pulling more to my nose. The drug enters my blood stream almost immediately and I throw my head back, relaxation washing over me.
Barry looks at me with wary eyes. "Calm down now, Country Club, that's good shit. Can't have you dying of an overdose on me."
I laugh lightly. "I'm your number one customer."
Avery gives me a look that says she is ready to go and I re-tie the bag and stuff it in my pocket. I walk around to the passenger side, too high to even know how to function a vehicle despite how riveting it would be to fly down these backroads.
"Okay, you got what you needed. Now what?"
I smirk, thinking of all these possible ideas I could do to her. My mind wanders for a split second before turning back to reality. "Let me tell you a story."