July 2007
"How can you possibly be built the way you are?" Chad traces lines on to Ryan's hand.
"Me? Do you even know what you look like?" Ryan repositions so his head is in Chad's lap.
"Yes, which is why I feel qualified to tell you how hot you are." They both laugh but Ryan feels the dullness open up behind his ribs. The days are just a countdown to Julliard and the longer this goes on, whatever it is, the worse it's gonna hurt him to leave.
"So when did you like, tell people?" Ryan doesn't even know where the question comes from,it's out of his mouth before it's even fully formed in his mind.
"About us? They had to tell me." Chad laughs again then looks a little more serious when he sees Ryan's face. "What?"
"No, uh, nothing. That's cute." The thought that Chad was so obviously crushing on him gives Ryan butterflies. He dreads losing the little feelings like that, the blush when they catch each other's eyes, the way his name just sounds right in Chad's mouth.
"Ryan?" Cha waves a hand in front of his eyes.
"Hmm." He'll be across the country not feeling any of those things, just the dullness.
"Are you okay? You've been kind of a space case lately." Maybe he can concentrate Chad's energy and wear it like cologne? Or, better yet, inject straight into his veins and get all those warm fuzzy feelings undiluted.
"Yeah, just thinking about college is all." For that split second Chad reminds Ryan of the Mona Lisa. Incredible in every way, with a smile he could write ages of material on, and it's entirely painted on his face.