Was it normal to be sad on Christmas Eve?
After all the craziness with Luka's coma and losing both the necklace and Eel, I had a full week off for Christmas break much to my dismay.
It was pure torture - an entire week to bask in the weight of all my mistakes as I lounged around my room. The best part was putting up the Christmas tree with my parents, since that at least gave me a task. The week was otherwise boring - no akuma attacks and no action to keep my mind busy.
Alya didn't want to hang out for understandable reasons and Luka was moved to the ICU unit after having a sudden drop in heart rate. Even though he was stabilized, visitors besides family were forbidden (including Alya).
It didn't help that season 3 of Wonderous, (my emotional support show), ended terribly with White Tiger moving on from Butterfly. It wasn't fair! Life was hard enough, why couldn't the show creator, Tim Auston, just give me the happy ending I deserved? Why did I have to wait another full year before getting any kind of resolution?
To top it all off, I didn't hear from Felix since break started - he had my number and could easily call or text me. I debated on if I should go to his apartment and give him his Christmas present. I wondered what he was going to do for the holidays. Would he go over to his fathers? Or would he isolate himself?
I sighed - why did everything in life have to be so sad? Christmas was the season of happiness and cheer, yet all I felt was sorrow and loneliness. I couldn't get out of bed. I was so exhausted from doing nothing. For hours and days, I laid in despair - crying on and off - with no appetite.
After fours days into my break, my misery was annoyingly interrupted by a phone call from an unknown number.
"Hello?" I asked. My voice was coarse and sounded as if I was choking. That's right. These were the first words of the day.
"Marinette. This is Natalie."
I sat up straight in bed and fixed my hair (even though it's not like she could see me).
"Oh, Natalie! Hi! Umm...sorry I really wasn't expecting you," I said, clearing my throat.
"Yes, I do apologize for the unexpected nature of this call, but I wanted to ask you a favor."
"Yes, anything!" I said, hoping I didn't sound too eager. But I need some purpose to get out of bed and put on actual clothes that weren't Felix's.
"I'm aware that today is Christmas Eve and you probably want to spend it with your family. But I was hoping you'd come over to the Agreste mansion for an early dinner. Don't worry, we'll have you home for your family before seven."
"Oh. Umm."
Technically I was free. Mom and Dad were catering a party and wouldn't be home until 11pm (we always had a mini-Christmas Eve present opening at midnight so I didn't feel I'd be missing anything).
"I should be free," I said, trying to sound calm.
"I'm very glad," she said.
"Is this like a work thing?"
"If that's what you'd like to consider it than sure."
"What should I wear?"
"I recommend something semi-formal."
After talking logistics with Natalie and hanging up, I felt a little better. At least I wouldn't have to spend most of Christmas Eve waiting for my parents to get home.
I wondered how many people would be at this "semi-formal dinner." Would other interns be there too? Was Alya invited? Would Felix come? Should I bring Felix's present?
I hoisted myself from my bed, and immediately started getting ready. I decided to wear an elegant red dress that I'd been reserving for a special occasion, like today. I straightened my hair and applied a little bit of red lipstick (after all, it was the day before Christmas - I needed to be festive).
My gut sunk when I stared at my final reflection: my neck was bare. I should be wearing Emilie's necklace - if I hadn't lost it. Would Mr. Agreste ask me if I'd found it? Would Felix still be mad?
Maybe this dinner wasn't a good thing. But it was too late to back out now.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
I stood frozen with fear in front of the Agreste mansion. It was a modern day palace - of course I knew Mr. Agreste was rich - but this was a new level of wealth. The Eiffel Tower was basically in their backyard. This had to be very expensive real estate.
I waited for a solid minute after knocking on the large wood door. Please open before I freeze to death, I pleaded.
I was greeted by Natalie who was wearing a navy dress and red earrings to match her hair. She gave me a smile (well, for anyone else it was barely a smile, but coming from Natalie it was a massive grin).
"Welcome home," she said, her eyes widening, "to the Agreste home," she corrected.
I fought the urge to laugh. I knew exactly what it was like to slip up for the sake of love. We were basically the same - two poor women who'd fallen into the Agreste snare.
"Your dress is very nice. Red is your color," she said, guiding me through the door's threshold.
Oh no! I didn't even think about that! Red was the color of Ladybug! Why would I wear this color? Hopefully no one would notice any similarities - after all, a lot of woman wore red.
I was guided down a tall arching hallway lined with pictures of Emilie. Finally we were in the dining hall, with a large black table, a few Christmas candles, and fancy plates and glasses. There was no Christmas tree or really any decorations besides the candles. The house felt a little hollow and dreary - it was more like we were having dinner on a stormy night rather than Christmas Eve.
I panicked when I noticed only four empty seats at the tables.
"Where are the other seats?" I gasped.
"Oh. Did I not make it clear? Tonight's dinner is just you, me, Mr. Agreste, and Felix."
I felt sick to my stomach. When Natalie's eyes landed on the red present bag in my hand, she offered to take it to another room for storing. I took a seat in a cushioned chair as Natalie disappeared with my gift. This was bad - really, really bad. And so much pressure! Even more pressure than the Gala since I was in the privacy of their home.
Suddenly, Felix trudged into the room, wearing a black suit with a maroon dress shirt. I felt a little queasy - he looked so good! Maroon was definitely his color and somehow make his eyes and skin complexion pop.
He stared at me almost as if he was confused.
"What are you doing here?" He questioned, running his eyes over my dress. I was glad I was sitting since it prevented him from completely scanning me.
"Natalie invited me," I said.
"Oh," he scratched his head, "Why?"
Another level of disappointment and confirmation that he didn't want to see me.
"Umm...I don't know. I didn't think this was going to be a private dinner. I thought it was a work event or something."
"No. It's not. So, you have no obligation to stay," he said plainly, checking his watch as if I was already wasting his time.
Was this his way of telling me to go? If that's what he wanted, should I leave? Would it disappoint Natalie?
Before I had a chance to respond, Felix disappeared. Did the sight of me disgust him that much? I blinked quickly to avoid having a R.C.A. (random crying attack).
Within minutes Natalie returned to the table, looking a little flustered. She ordered the maids to flood our plates with American-style Christmas food: Mash potatoes, turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, and rolls. It was a beautiful sight - I only wished I was hungrier to enjoy this glorious food. But all I had was a sick stomach full of nerves and evil butterflies.
"We can start eating. Mr. Agreste and Felix may be a while."
"Is everything okay?" I dared to ask.
"Yes," she said before taking a large, unladylike bite of mashed potato. Poor thing.
She began asking me a string of questions about what I liked doing in my free time - probably to engage me in small-talk. But I kept hearing two males voices in the other room, slowly growing louder.
"I'm leaving," I heard Felix's voice say.
"Felix Agreste, you made a verbal commitment to be here. You will honor your word and swallow your pride for once in your life."
"For once in my life?" Felix questioned, before scoffing in disgust, "For once in your life, you need to stop pretending you didn't destroy this family. What is it you even want from her?"
"She's here to have dinner with us. A family dinner."
"Years of neglect can't be washed away by one dinner," Felix scoffed.
"You watch the way you speak to your father," Mr. Agreste roared.
"Is that what you are?" Felix chuckled. Cruel humor.
The sound of skin on skin. Had Felix slapped Mr. Agreste or was it the other way around?
"You do what you said you would. Otherwise, your words are meaningless, and you're meaningless," Mr. Agreste said.
Natalie cleared her throat. I pitied her. She had tried to talk above the screaming, but even she couldn't hide the family drama.
"I hope you forgive the volume. Every family has their ...skeletons," Natalie said before another large mouthful of stuffing.
Felix stormed back into the room, stamping his feet as he made his way to the chair across from me. His left cheek was burning red - I assume that meant Felix was the reciever of the slap.
Shortly after, Mr. Agreste followed.
The room was painfully silent and the ticking clock on the grey marble wall was unbearably loud.
Felix shoveled down large gulps of food without once looking up at me. Was he embarrassed we heard the fight? Should I say something? This was so awkward.
"Thank you for coming, Marinette," Mr. Agreste finally said, focusing on his food.
"I'm very grateful to be invited."
Felix glared at me for a brief moment before returning to his plate. What did that look mean?
"I hope the food is to your liking," Natalie said, noting my barely touched plate. If I was home in the privacy of my room, this would have been devoured in a matter of minutes.
"Oh. It's great."
Felix's nostrils flared as if he smelled something unpleasant. He shot me another terrifying look.
"Why do you drown yourself in that nauseating, cheap vanilla spray? I can barely taste my food," he grumbled.
Oh no he didn't.
"Felix that is rude," Mr. Agreste scolded, "I think Marinette smells lovely."
Felix scoffed, rolling his eyes, "More like desperate."
He continued to eat as if he had merely commented on the weather versus insulting the core of my being.
"Marinette, tell us about your family," Natalie interjected.
"My dad is a baker and my mom helps him. She also is a part time Chinese teacher at a high school," I said, thankful for a change of topic.
"Very good," Mr. Agreste commented.
"For the middle class," Felix muttered. No one heard him except me. It was a painful jab only meant for me. For me to suffer in isolation.
"Yeah. I guess I am pretty middle class," I said, "I'm surprised even it's okay for peasants to dine among royalty."
Felix glared.
Both Mr. Agreste and Natalie looked confused. This was a private conversation between Felix and me.
"I'm no longer hungry," I said, rising from the table, "Thank you for this dinner. But I feel unwell."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Can we offer to have you driven home?" Mr. Agreste said, rising from his chair and holding out a hand.
"No, I'll take the bus," I said.
I asked for Natalie to retrieve my present for Felix. Yes, he was a jerk and I hated him for his words. But this was a practical gift so I didn't feel bad giving it to such an undeserving recipient.
"Here. Merry Christmas, Felix. Be warned: it's nothing special. Just an average, middle class gift I found at a discount store. And the other thing is something I made with my peasant hands," I said.
Was that remorse in his eyes? Could it be the great and mighty Felix regretted his words? But still. It didn't change the fact that he said it.
I stormed towards the door until I realized I actually didn't remember where the exit was. There were too many long complicated hallways. I wondered for a couple of minutes before finally admitting I was lost.
"You're going to wrong way," Felix's voice echoed. He was following me this entire time.
I grunted.
"Then where? Where is the way out of this miserable place?" I said, slouching my shoulders for dramatic effect.
"The other hallway."
He followed me like a puppy all the way outside. I glared at him as I stormed into the courtyard. He reach out and tightly grabbed my wrist before I could make my escape.
"What could you possibly want now? Didn't you get your jabs in? I get it! You hate me now!" I exclaimed.
"I don't hate you," he said, sending a glance at the cracked pavement. Snowflakes danced in the air before fluttering to the ground and dissolving.
"You have a funny way of showing it," I grumbled.
"Yes. I'm emotionally incompetent as you've discovered," he said sarcastically.
"You're a mean, inconsiderate jerk. That's what you are. Move aside," I shoved off his grip, my eyes locked on the steel gate. All I had to do was make it past the gate and then I'd be free from the terrible gravity of this place.
"Wait," he said.
I sent him a questioning glare.
"I want you to stay," he said firmly. He stepped towards me, showering me with an apologetic look.
"Why? So you can embarrass me more?" I said, crossing my arms and raising my chin as if I was a high-class snob.
"Listen. I acknowledge what I said was inappropriate," he said.
"Well, I'm just sorry you had to breathe the same air as me all this time," I scoffed, "I didn't realize how much suffering I was putting you through."
His face sunk, as his bottom lip fell open.
"I apologize. My words were unfair," he said.
I could feel my throat tighten.
"Is that really how you see me? As lesser than?"
"No. The opposite. It's no excuse but I've just been really frustrated lately. Ever since you left my apartment."
"Cuz I lost the necklace?"
"Because you're haunting me," he said.
"In what way?" I asked, feeling intrigued.
"In every way," he said, his face was growing excessively red. Was it because of the cold? The color contrasted sharply with the snowflakes lining his eyelashes. If it weren't for his burning cheeks, I would easily mistake him to be Jack Frost.
"I still don't understand," I said. Was Jack Frost trying to confess his love for me? If so, then no wonder he was rude. Falling in love must be scary for him. His insults must be his way of fighting his undeniable attraction for me.
He stood there silent, staring at his shiny, black shoes.
"It's hard to explain," Felix said, folding his hands together.
"So, you're just not going to explain it? Tell
me! You can't just drop a bomb shell like this and not explain."
He remained silent.
"Awww! Spit it up! Do you love me or not?" I asked.
He raised his brows in curiosity, "Oh. Is that what you thought this was? A confession? Well, no."
Now I was the one embarassed.
"You made it sound..."
"No."
"You said I was haunting you in 'every way.' That would also include a romantic way," I said, the snowflakes melting on my burning cheeks.
"My apologies again. Poor phrasing."
"Or a Foryidian Slip," I said.
He scoffed, "Don't use words you don't understand."
"You're impossible," I exclaimed, "I'm fed up with your mind games. Goodbye forever."
Again, Felix grabbed my wrist and forced me to face him. He then covered my hands with his, warming them.
"Wait," he whispered, his breath trailing into the air like smoke from a train. Clearly something was on his mind that he kept fighting or refusing to admit.
"No. I don't have time for you anymore," I muttered.
"I don't..." he paused, tightening his grip, sending a wave of warmth throughout my body, "I don't want to be alone today," he muttered.
He averted his gaze again. He wouldn't confess he liked me. But clearly he was feeling something. Why else would he beg me to stay?
"What do you want me to do?" I asked.
"I want to spend the evening with you. So, please. Come back in."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Felix had his own gravity. He was the golden sun, and I was helpless Earth - trapped in his pull - endlessly spinning in circles - unable to free myself.
I stood in Felix's high school room. It was much different than his apartment room which was simplistic and modern.
Instead, this room was lined tall, dark wooded bookshelves full of thick, dusty books. One wall was complete glass which allowed natural light to fill the darkness. He had tables flooded with old maps and magnifying glasses. He even had dead bugs on display - including several butterflies. I wasn't quite sure where the bed even was. It looked like the room of a historian.
"Wow, this is quite something. I take it you like to read," I said.
"Only a little," Felix said flatly.
"Hmm."
"What are all these books anyway?" I asked, my fingers collecting dust as I ran hand across a row.
"They're classics," Felix said, puffing in his chest in what I assumed was pride, "Jules Verne. Charles Dickens. Bram Stoker. Mary Shelley."
"Wow. I didn't strike you as a fiction person. You seem like you'd read the dictionary for fun," I said with a smirk.
"That's hurtful," Felix said sarcastically, a hand covering his chest. Wait. That gesture. So much like Mr. Agreste when I told that he wasn't as scary as I thought. Hmm. Like father like son.
"You remind me so much of Mr. Agreste," I said, instantly regretting my words.
I expected him to snap at me or make a snarky comment.
Instead he wearily took a seat on a black leather couch that overlooked the large window-wall. What a beautiful sight - it was like a large movie screen displaying a snowy Paris.
"I sure hope not," he muttered.
I instantly rushed to his side, sitting down a couple of feet away. I rested a hand on his arm.
"I didn't mean it like that," I said, "you both have similar gestures. That's all."
Felix stared into blank space. Silence fell between us for a long moment.
"If you don't mind me asking, I want to know the dynamic between you and your father," I said, giving his arm a squeeze. I wished I could feel his skin instead of this thick blazer.
"You already heard," he muttered.
"Then tell me about your mother," I quipped, "I want to understand you better."
He sighed heavily.
"Are you tired?" He asked, sending me a wearied expression, "You look very tired."
"I feel fine right now," I shrugged.
"Oh," he seemed disappointed.
"Well, actually I am pretty exhausted lately. Everything has been so crazy," I said just to appease him.
He patted his lap as if indicating he wanted me to lay down. Lap pillow! He wanted to do lap pillow! Usually I was the lap pillow...I never actually used a lap pillow myself. Was this really Felix? Did he really want me to do this? I told myself not to overthink and stay in the moment, otherwise I may go into shock.
I eagerly laid down, my eyes staring up at Felix's jaw.
"You can rest now," he said, making brief eye contact.
"Only if you tell me a story," I said, in a low voice. I closed my eyes, despite my racing heart. Never in a million years would I be able to fall asleep on Felix's lap.
"Fine. What kind of story?" He asked.
"Your life's story," I said with a smirk, as I peaked past my 'closed' lashes.
He huffed, sending his warm breath onto my face and neck.
"You're very persistent," he mumbled.
"Indeed, I am. And also please rub my head," I nuzzled the back of my skull into his lap until I was comfortable.
"Seriously?" He sighed.
"Hey, this was your idea in the first place, so I'm getting my money's worth out of this."
"Very well."
I shuttered as he buried his fingers into my hair and rubbed my head. It felt so amazing and had both a calming effect and electrifying effect.
"I lived an averagely good childhood despite my disabilities. Then my mother died. My father fell into depression. He was never the same. No one was ever the same. The end."
My eyes shot open, "What a terrible story!"
"Are you calling my life terrible?" He questioned.
"Tell me something happy. Sad stories only make me want to cry. And if I start crying I'll never be able to rest."
He sighed again. After a long pause he began:
"My mother. She would sing to me when I was a child. I'm not sure what the song was. But I remember she had a beautiful voice," he sighed heavily, as if the memory was tainted with sadness, "Sometimes I wish I could forget."
"Why?"
"You can't long for something you don't know,"
He said quietly.
"You must miss her terribly," I whispered.
He stroked my temple.
"I miss the way my father was when she was alive. That's what I miss."
His fingers moved to my neck, as he rubbed my collar bone.
"I'm sorry I lost her necklace. The one thing you had to remember her by. I understand if you hate me."
"Seeing you wear it for one night was worth more than the years it collected dust," he said, running his fingers up the front of my neck, over my chin, and across my lips.
My stomach twisted. Was he thinking about kissing me?
"Thank you for the picture frame. And the blue scarf," Felix finally said.
The gift. He opened my gift! Right before running after me. The picture of Mrs. Agreste in his office was curling up and getting ruined. Now it has the properly frame it deserved. And I made him the scarf to keep him warm the rest of winter. I loved how the fabric matched his eyes. I couldn't wait to see him wear it.
"Of course," I said, "I couldn't bear to see your picture get ruined. It needed a home."
He looked down at me with dangerously tender eyes. I usually had a hard time reading Felix, but this was a man who desperately wanted to kiss me.
"I like this," he said in a low voice, his eyes circling my face. I couldn't even tell where he was looking.
I took a deep breath, "Like what?" I said. I wanted to hear him say it. Say that he liked me being close. I was so ready! Ready for my kiss! Ready to hear his true feelings! Ready to be his real girlfriend!
"You're like grass," he said, stroking my hair.
"Grass?" I questioned, my throat growing tight. What a let down! Unless he was going to explain it.
"Very much so," Felix said, his fingers linger near my mouth. Nope. He wasn't going to clarify. Oh whatever.
Why was he teasing me like this? Staring at my lips like that? Yet he wasn't making any moves. This was so frustrating! Maybe I needed to help it along.
"You didn't get me a Christmas gift," I said, trying to sound disappointed.
"Are you trying to manipulate me into getting you an expensive gift?" His face went blank.
"Nope. I want something that's free."
"Nothing is truly free," He said.
"A kiss," I said, reaching up a pressing my thumb against his bottom lip, "I want a kiss."
I then closed my eyes and leaned back, expecting.
There was a long pause, before I felt his soft lips against my forehead.
"There," he whispered, his lips moving against my skull.
"That doesn't count," I whispered.
He smirked, running his thumb through my hair and placing it behind my ear, "Don't be greedy, Kitten."
A/N:
The below song is the theme of this chapter.