⚠️SENSITIVE CONTENT⚠️
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I woke up with my arms around her, her head was on my chest and her light snores filled the little space between us.
I gently tucked her hair behind her ear and lightly grazed my thumb over her cheek, I haven't been this close to her in ages. I missed her, I missed her a lot. I don't know how we got in this position but I'm grateful, I don't know what it is that always makes us come back to each other.
It's fate.
...
I take this time to gently memorize her face, I haven't seen her this close in a while.
Her lips are lightly rosy and ripped open, her eyes are sunken in slightly, her unruly bangs fall in front of her face. Her hair has gotten longer, I know it's only been a week apart but I feel like I've missed so much. She's still as beautiful as ever but I can see the subtle changes that no one else can, I can see how her eyes have shifted more towards grey than blue. I can see that her fingers have been ripped open, her nails are short and the black polish is chipped.
My poor Angel, she's been struggling. And all this pain and suffering is because of me.
...
Hour later.
...
She slowly sits up and looks at me.
"Hi." She says softly.
"Hey."
"How long have you been up?" She asks.
I sit up and join her.
"Just a few minutes..........you looked so peaceful and I.....I didn't wanna wake up."
That's was a lie but she doesn't need to know that I've been staring at her for an hour.
"Oh."
We both just stare at each other.
"I........I don't know how I ended up on your chest, sorry."
"You don't have to apologize, I really didn't mind."
She tucks her hair behind her ears.
"So I...............I Uh....."
She looks nervous, she looked nervous yesterday too. I don't mean to make her nervous.
"I have a few things to do today so I'm not gonna be home, are you gonna be ok with my parents?" She ask.
"Yeah, I'll manage..................where are you going?"
Is she going to see someone? Or maybe she just doesn't want to be around me.
"I just have a few things I have to do...........I'm leaving to go back to the city tomorrow so I wanted to do some stuff before I leave."
"Oh.........yeah I guess I'm leaving tomorrow too, I actually wanted to talk to you about something." I say.
"Ok, what is it."
I crack my knuckles.
"I know that everything between us isn't fixed and I know you're still upset about the book..........next week I'm having a book sig .."
"Tessa! Hardin! Breakfast!" Her mother calls.
"Coming!" She yells.
"What we're you saying?" She asks.
"Nothing............it doesn't matter." I mumbles.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
I get up from the bed and walk downstairs, she's not even gonna wanna come to the book signing so there's no point in even asking.
...
The front door slams and I look up at Mary, she sighs before she grabs Tessas plate and throws the food away. She starts washing the plate.
I take a bite of my toast.
"What happened?"
I look up from my plate and see Mary staring at me.
"What?" I question.
"What happened between you two?"
Fuck............shit..........think Hardin.
"Uh.......I think you should talk to Tessa."
"No, I tried talking to her but now I'm talking to you. I know my daughter very well and that girl right there isn't my Tessa, Tessa has never lied to me in her entire life. Ever since she was a little girl she was always honest, but now she's shutting me out and the only person who knows why is you. So I'm asking you to please tell me what happened so I can help, I don't know what went down or what she did or what you did but please just tell me."
Her mother's pleading eyes are basically burning a hole through me.
What the hell an I supposed to do, there's no way I can tell her mom what happened. I won't tell the mother of the woman I love that I fucked her daughter for a bet, that's not happening. Not to mention I published the story of how she was raped in detail, god I'm such a fucking monster.
"Mary I................"
"Please Hardin, we both love her. Don't you want to see her happy again?"
Not the guilt trip, now I see where Tessa gets it.
"I made a mistake...................a terrible terrible mistake, and I did something bad. She won't forgive me, I'm afraid I've tired everything."
Her mother sighs before she closes her eyes.
"Did you cheat on her?" Her mother silently asks.
"No, god no, I would never. I love your daughter more than breathing and I would never cheat on her."
She opens her eyes.
"What did you do?"
I look down at my hands, I trace the date I have tattooed on my wrist.
"I lied to her, I kept a secret and I betrayed her trust. And now I'm afraid she'll never be able to forgive me."
Her mother unties her cooking apron and takes it off, she hangs it on the wall before she sits across from he on the stool.
"Are you truly sorry............do you regret what you did?" She asks calmly.
"Yes, I wish I could take it all back."
She fidgets with her wedding ring.
"I believe you." She says.
I look up at her.
"You do?"
"Yes, I believe that you love my daughter. Sometimes we hurt people we love, but everyone deserves a second chance."
"Well Tessa doesn't think I do, there's nothing I can do anymore."
She stays quiet as if she's thinking something.
"David!" She calls out.
She stands up.
"David!" She calls out again.
The basement door opens and he walks up holding a screw driver.
"What is it honey, I'm fixing the washing machine."
"You're taking me to dinner." Mary insists.
David gives her a confused expression.
"Dinner? It's 5 in the afternoon honey."
She scolds him.
"Obviously not now David, but you're taking me to dinner." She insists.
Well this is fucking awkward.
"Ok, whatever you want dear. Just let me put the washing machine back together, I built in a step stool and a clothes line so you don't hurt your back." He smiles.
He walks back downstairs, she sits next to me.
"Problem solved." She says.
"I'm sorry but how is a date with your husband helping me get Tessa back?"
She rolls her eyes and sighs.
"Looks like Tessa found someone just a slow as her father, us young women really attract interesting men don't we."
She shakes her head.
"David and I will be gone so you and Tessa can have the house to yourselves, you can cook or I can help you cook or you and Tessa can cook. Or I don't know, what do you young people do now in days? Is it........Netflix and Chill? I don't really know what that means but I'm sure I can help."
I can't help but laugh.
"Trust me Mary, you definitely don't want to Netflix and Chill."
She frowns.
"Whatever, we don't know what time she's gonna be back. What are we doing?"
Gosh this is really happening.
"I'll figure something out, it's ok."
"Do you need me for anything?" She asks.
"No..........but, do you have candles?" I ask.
She smiles before she runs out of the room, seconds later she walks in holding a huge box of tiny white candles.
"Is this enough?" She asks.
"Yes, thank you."
"Of course, I just want my Tessa to be happy again."
"My Tessa." I say under my breath.
She scolds me.
"I birthed her Hardin, she's mine."
Yeah well I've done a few things with Tessa that's she's done with no one else.
I have to bite my tongue to stop myself.
"Thanks Mary."
I grab the box and walk back upstairs, I walk into the room. Im happy that Mary was so understanding, it seems like everyone sees my love for Tessa except Tessa.
I sit on the edge of the bed and look down at the box of candles, I don't know what I'm doing with these yet. This is all so last minute, gosh I just want her back already.
I look at the ground and see her suitcase, I put down the box of candles and walk over to the suitcase. On top of her clothes is a copy of my book, I reach for it when suddenly something falls out of the book. I reach down and pick it up, it's a Polaroid picture of us. She's sticking out her tongue and I'm kissing her cheek, I smile before I slide the picture in my back pocket.
I have an idea.
I put the book down on the bed and walk downstairs, I see Mary and David putting on their coats. Mary looks up at me.
"We are gonna spend the night at Stacys, we'll be back in the morning."
"Ok." I say.
"Good luck." She whispers.
I smile, they head out the door and I lock it behind them. I run back upstairs and grab the box of candles, I start placing them at the front door creating a path up the stairs towards the bedroom. Once I make it upstairs I put the last candle down, I hide the empty box and quickly run downstairs and rummage through the kitchen looking for matches or a lighter. Eventually I find a lighter and quickly start lighting the candles one by one which takes me fucking forever. Once they are all lit I start cleaning up the room, I shove everything into the closet and make the bed. No matter how hard I try I can't make the bed look as good as Tessa does, how does she fold the corners like that?
Whatever.
Once everything is in place I take a shower because for some reason I'm sweating so much.
I change into black jeans and a black button up before I put on socks and my shoes, I check the hallway and relight any candles that blew out. I go down stairs and grab one of the roses from the bouquet I bought her, I pull the petals off the stem and sprinkle them up the stairs. I'm trying to recreate a familiar memory for her.
I just hope it works.
I hear a car door close outside, I run upstairs and stand in the middle of the room. Why do I feel so awkward?
I grab my book and wait for her.
"Hardin?" I hear her call out.
I hear her tiny foot steps walk up the stairs, god I'm nervous. Finally she walks into the room and suddenly all my nerves disappear, I look at her cute confused expression.
"What's all this?" She questions.
"It's for you."
She faintly smiles.
"Flowers and candles were always our thing." She mumbles.
"They still are." I add.
She puts her purse down on the ground, I walk towards her and reach for her hand. She doesn't pull away.
"Hardin I.."
"Me first, Please."
She nods.
"I know that I broke your trust, I hurt you and I did awful things and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I never meant to ruin what we had...........have........I know you don't believe me and you have every right not to but I just want you to know that you truly are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than anyone and anything. Each and every memory that we created together will forever be the best moments of my life, everything that we have accomplished together proves that change is possible. And I know that it all seems like one big joke because of the bet................but it's not. Sam and Chase and all that..........it's in the past and I want us to move forward. And I know that it will take time, I know you need time. But all I'm asking is that you don't give up on the possibility of us."
Her bottom lip trembles, she takes a step closer to me.
I open the book to the very last page, I look up at her before I look back down at the book. I already have these words memorized but I'm still a bit nervous and I really don't want to mess up.
"And as Hades watched Aurora run away into the distance he knew that every ounce of goodness within him that he has gained left with her.
If you even find yourself in a place where you are loved never take it for granted, falling in love is one thing but finding your soulmate and your best friend all in one person is something that doesn't come by every day. And if I could leave you with any advice it would be to hold on to the the most important people in your life because you never know when they'll leave. Cherish every second of every day with them, memorize their face and permanently engrave it in your head and in your heart. Trace their features with your fingers on early Sunday mornings before the sun rises while they are asleep. Recognize the softness of their lips, memorize the colors of their eyes and the tone of their voice in the morning and in the night. Tell them you love them, kiss them, touch the, remember each curve and each sensitive spot. Remember if they like coffee with cream or black just like us.
And if you are reading this I hope you know that meeting you saved me, that night that we met you saved me. I was never the hero in any way but you gave me the shield and the crown and painted me as your hero, and waking up each morning knowing that there was just one person on the earth who wanted me here was enough. I didn't need millions, I only needed you. You made me realize a lot, a lot about myself but also a lot about people. I no longer hated myself like I did, I don't feel like a burden when I'm with you. You took the shattered pieces of a scared little boy and glued him back together into a man, you taught me to love. And even if you never end up talking to me ever again I just want you to know that you will forever be the love of my life. If you move on and find a man that will love you the way you want I just hope you know that no matter what time line we are in, the sun could explode and the ocean could flood the Earth. I will always love you. It's you, It's me, It's us. We are infinite."
I slowly close the book and look up at her, she's crying. I hadn't realized I was crying until I feel her tiny hand on my face, she brushes away the tear.
"I'm so sorry Tess.......I really really am." The desperation in my voice causes another tear to stream down my face.
She sniffles.
She looks up at me and it's as if we are back in that dorm room, it's like it's the first time I'm seeing her. The real her.
"Hardin." She says faintly.