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After watching the snow for a while I get up and walk to my study, I look through my shelf until I see "The Song of Achilles". I grab the book and walk back into the kitchen, instead of going for my usual coffee I make myself a cup of tea. I walk back into the bedroom and sit on Tessas side of the bed and lean my back up against the wall.
She read this book in a day and I've never seen her get so worked up about a book, I find it cute how upset she gets upset about book characters. She treats each story like it's real, as if the characters are alive.
I was working in my study and she burst through the door crying, I thought someone died. I pulled her in my arms and asked her what happened, to my fucking surprise she was crying because of the book. I laughed at her and she got mad at me, to me it was funny but apparently she was "really upset". She's such a baby.
I shake my head before I open the book and turn to the first page.
"NO! STOP!"
I look up from the book.
Who's screaming?
Sam.
I drop the book and quickly leave the room, I run into the guest room and open the door and run inside. I see Sam tossing and turning, I run to her side and gently shake her.
"Sam.............SAM..........wake up........it's just a dream."
Her eyes open and she sits up, she wraps her arms around my neck.
"Hardin?"
"Yes."
She lets go and wipes her tears with her hands, she sniffles.
"I'm sorry." She mumbles.
She attempts to stop crying but more tears just pour out of her eyes.
"It's just a nightmare? Just take a deep breath."
She takes another breath.
"Come with me." I say.
She follows me into the kitchen and sits on the stool, I pour her a glass of water and hand it to her. She takes a few small sips.
"Thank you.............sorry if I woke you up." She says.
"I wasn't sleeping, you're fine kid."
I lean on the counter and cross my arms.
"Do you have nightmares often?" I ask.
She looks down at the floor before she looks up at me.
"Yeah, I thought I could stop them from happening but.......I can't."
She takes another sip of water.
I don't think I ever realized the similarities between Sam and I until now, Tessa would always tease me and say that we were like the same person but I never agreed. I guess she was right..........she's always right.
"What are they about?" I ask.
She shakes her head.
"I don't wanna talk about it." She mumbles.
"Are you sure? I think it will make you feel better if you tell me."
I walk over and sit next to her on a separate stool.
"Ok, but you have to promise not to tell anybody.........not even Tessa."
She sticks out her pinky.
"Pinky swear." She insists.
I roll my eyes before I wrap my pinky around hers.
"I promise."
I should probably tell her that I'm the last person that should be making a promise.
She rests her hands in her lap.
"So............there was one night, this was before my mom left us. They were fighting like usual, she was mad because he came home drunk with another woman's lipstick all over his mouth. They would usually just scream until one of them left the house but this night was different, I was laying in bed when I heard a huge crash in the living room. I ran in there as quick as I could and I saw......"
She starts crying again and I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to go to comfort her.
"She was laying on the floor bleeding, he hit her. And he kept hitting her...............I tired to stop him by grabbing his arm but he pushed me back and I stumbled over my feet.......he stormed out of the house and I tried to help my mom................the next morning he came back with a bouquet of roses and diamond earrings. I never forgave him, I don't think I ever will......but each night no matter how hard I try to forget I just can't stop replaying that same night in my head, it just doesn't go away."
I look at her ears and see the diamond earrings she never takes off, I guess she keeps them as a reminder.
She sniffles again and takes another sip of water.
"Sam...............I get nightmares too."
Her red eyes look up at mine with curiosity.
"You do?"
"Yup, ever since I was a child."
"Why? What happened?"
"Something bad, but that's not a story I tend to share with anyone so just be happy I told you this bit."
She rolls her eyes.
"Do you still have them?" She asks.
"Yes, they stopped for a few months but then........they came back."
"What made them stop?"
Tessa.
"I.......I don't know."
Liar.
"It was Tessa wasnt it?"
Damn kid.
"Yes."
No point in hiding it anymore.
"Well I don't have a boyfriend to stop my nightmares."
"Yeah well you're too young for boyfriends, boys are.........bad and they only want one thing?"
"What do they want?" She questions.
Shit, I really stuck myself in a hole.
"Nothing.........that's not the point Sam, you don't need a boyfriend. Tessa didn't stop my nightmares just because I was dating her, she stopped them because I love her and she loves me. You just need someone to lean on, someone to have your back and who you trust."
She shrugs.
"My mom used to sing to me, when I would get nightmares she would sing to me. But then she left and............sometimes I sing to myself but it's not the same."
She looks up at me with doe eyes.
"Yeah well I don't sing so looks like you're shit out of luck."
She scolds me.
"Ass."
"What did we say about cursing?"
"Whatever, who's cares. It's not like anyone pays attention to me anyway."
"You get used to it."
"What do you do when Tessa isn't around, how do you sleep?"
I sigh.
"I don't."
She stays quiet.
I look at the stove clock and see that its 3am.
"Come on, it's late." I say.
She hops down from the stool and we walk back to the guest room, she climbs into the bed and I pull the covers over her.
"Go to sleep, goodbye." I say.
I turn to leave.
"Wait." She says.
God.
I turn around.
"What?"
She sits up.
"Can you tell me a story?" She asks.
"No."
I turn to leave again.
"Please." She begs.
"I don't even know any stories kid."
"You literally wrote a book, your apartment is full of books so stop lying."
I sigh before I sit on the edge of the bed.
"Fine, but then you go to sleep."
She claps her hands.
"Deal."
Ok, story. Do I even know any kids stories?
"Once upon a time there was this girl and this guy, they fell in love and lived happily ever after. The end."
I stand up to leave once again.
"That's not a story." She complains.
"I don't know any kid stories Sam."
She sighs.
"Ok."
She lays back down.
Shit.
I sit back down on the edge of the bed.
"So there was this girl, and she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world. She had a smile that lit up a room and had a heart of gold, she was the best person in the world. And there was this guy, he was a real asshole. Everyone hated him, he hated himself. He wasn't sure there was much left to live for until he met her, and she completely flipped his world upside down. And at first he was in denial, he tried to push her way but she kept coming back. He was bitter and grumpy until she snuck her way inside his soul and consumed him entirely, and the moment he knew that he loved her was when he looked into her eyes and knew that he wanted her forever."
I look over and see she fell back asleep, I slowly stand up and leave the room. I lay down in bed and close my eyes.
...
Later the next day.
...
Sam sits on the couch and watched Tv while I do some school work, I need to do something because if I sit around and do nothing it will eat me alive.
Suddenly Sam bursts into my study.
"Hardin Hardin!"
"What do you want Sam?"
"I have an AMAZING plan to get Tessa back." She says with excitement.
I put down my pen and spin my chair to face her.
"Oh yeah, what's your plan?"
"You could ask Tessa to marry you! It's perfect!"
I shake my head before I spin back around and continue writing.
"No."
"What do you mean "no", it's perfect."
"No Sam, end of discussion."
"Uhhhhh, you're so annoying."
She walks back into the living room.
What is it with everyone and marriage, they act like that magically fixes everything.
My phone rings, it's Tessas mom. Oh my god.
I quickly close my office door before I answer the phone.
"Hello? Mrs. Young?"
"Hardin, oh thank god. Is Tessa there? Is everything ok? Is she alright?"
"Uh, I think it's best if you call her."
"I have been calling her for the past five days but she hasn't answered, is everything alright?"
I can sense how worried her mom is.
"Shes not here right now, Uh...............I'm sorry."
She sighs before she hangs up the phone.
I run my hands through my hair and pull hard.
...
2 Days later.
...
These last couple of days have been weird, it's just been me and Sam. She left yesterday, her flight was rescheduled and she flew to her grandparents house. I was a bit worried about her flying alone but there wasn't much I could do.
I can't believe it's Thanksgiving, Tessa is at her parents house I think. I'm here, sitting on the couch watching crappy Christmas movies, I was supposed to go with her and here I am. I hate being alone so much, I really really do.
I just miss her and wish that she was here, I was actually looking forward to seeing her parents again. I just felt so at peace when I was with them, I never had a family but her parents welcomed me with open arms and it felt.......good. I felt like I finally belonged somewhere.
I hear keys in the door.
What the fuck.
Kim walks in.
"You know, I gave you that key for emergencies."
She looks at me with shock.
"Hardin? Why are you here?" She ask.
I pause the Tv and stand up.
"I fucking live here, why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be in "Disney"." I mock.
"Very funny, but our trip was canceled because of the snow. I've been calling Tessa for the last three days, I figured my plan worked and you guys made up. Where is she?"
I pour myself a cup of coffee, I don't bother offering Kim one.
"She's at her parents, and no....we didn't make up. She actually hates me more now."
I fake smile before I drink the coffee.
"Oh my fucking god, what did you do now?" She asks.
"Let's just say I fucked up, bad."
She takes a sharp breath.
"You know Hardin, I'm trying REALLY hard to help you out of this hole you dug for yourself but there's only so much I can do unless you PUT DOWN THE FUCKING SHOVEL and STOP digging!"
"Look I know ok, but there's nothing I can do about this. I fucked up big time, I'm just giving her space. She clearly doesn't want me so I'm doing what she wants, I'm giving her time to....heal."
I crack my knuckles.
Kim walks up to me.
"Hardin.................you are so lucky I put up with your bullshit. Tessa has had space, and now is your time to FIX this!"
"Kimberly she told me she wishes I was dead, she doesn't want me ok."
I walk out of the kitchen and back into the living room, I sit on the couch and un pause the Tv. She follows me.
"This is about the book isn't it."
I look at her.
"You read my book?"
"Of course I read your book, Hardin you're literally like my stupid younger brother. I went out and bought five copies, that's not the point. Look what you did was so fucking shitty but the book was...........beautiful. I overheard some ladies at the book store saying that your book is getting nominated for an award."
"Yeah whatever, it's doesn't even matter." I mumble.
She sits next to me.
"Why do you always do that, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go after her!"
"She didn't like the book, she can't forgive me. There's no point."
"So you just give up."
"No, I haven't given up. I'm just giving her space."
"Space, you're such a fucking idiot Hardin! The more space you give her the more she thinks that you don't care about her."
"Yeah well what am I supposed to do, she doesn't answer my calls or my texts or my emails."
She stands up and paces back and forth until she stops and stares at me.
"Why are you staring at me like that? It's fucking creepy."
"Go to her parents house."
"What? Are you crazy? Do you want her kill me?"
"No I'm serious, go right now."
"They live three hours away."
"So, if you leave now you'll make it. Hardin it's thanksgiving, go get her back."
"No, I'm perfectly fine right here."
She laughs.
"Yeah, right there on the couch, you haven't shaved in days, your hair is a mess and your shirt is all dirty. When was the last time you showered?"
"Fuck off Kim."
"You know I'm right, now pull yourself together."
"Whatever."
I'm not going to her parents house, I can't. She'll kill me.
"You know what Hardin, I'm so tired of trying to help you. If you're ok with being alone and unhappy for the rest of your life then fine, but stop acting like it's you against the world. There are a lot of people who care about you in this world, the sooner you realize that the better. Do whatever the hell you want, Tessa loves you and if you love her then you should go after her before someone else does. Happy thanksgiving asshole."
She grabs her bag and storms out of the apartment.