"So how was your date last night missy?" Michael said, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
I slapped his shoulder, "Don't call me missy. My date was lovely, thank you for asking. I appreciate you coming to get Luke." I handed him a cup of hot chocolate that I made for him this morning and he immediately stood up to grab it from me.
"Is this what I think it is? Oh fuck yes it is! You even remembered the marshmallows." He opened the lid and poured them in and slowly began to drink it, despite how hot it was. Michael claimed I made the world's best hot chocolate and he was willing to fight whoever thought otherwise.
"Alright Clifford, how did the data collection go?" I asked as I started shuffling through the reports on my desk.
He shook his head, "Not telling you unless you tell me how your date was." He continued to slurp his hot chocolate as he eyed me over the rim of the cup, waiting for me to tell him more details.
I rolled my eyes, "I said it was lovely. What else do you want to hear?"
"Details! I called Ashton this morning and he wouldn't tell me anything."
I laughed, "That's because it's classified information." I was really just playing with Michael's mind at this point.
"You little shits. I expected more from you Roxie. I thought we were buds." he whined as he chewed on the rim of his cup. He opened his eyes wide and began to pout. I was such a sucker for the puppy dog face, which was ironic considering I did it to Ashton all the time.
Michael's newly died blue hair paired with his pouty cheeks with his bottom lip stuck out like a two year old made me cave after a few moments of internal contemplation.
"We went out to dinner and then walked on the beach and then headed home. There are you happy now?" I groaned.
He leaned back in the chair, "That's it? That was a shit description. Did you guys make out at least? Ashton's a pansy I know he wouldn't do anything more."
Michael was worst than a high school girl, "Yes we did, now can we please stop talking about this!" I walked over to the door to head down the hall, "Now stop being such a little shit yourself and get to work."
I turned around and bumped into someone. My breath hitched when I was met with a cold hard stare.
Evan.
"Mrs. Winslet, is this how you speak to all your employees?" he questioned, peaking into my office at Michael who was crushing his cups so hard in his fist it might as well be dust by now as he glared at our visitor.
I cleared my throat, "No not at all, what I can I do for you today Mr. Sinclair?"
"My company is starting a new research grant program in order to make ourselves seem more diverse and appealing to people willing to invest in our company. In addition to being very profitable, we want to also show that we can do good with our wealth in the community. We are visiting various companies to see who deserves the grant by observing the work done throughout the day. We wouldn't want to give our money away to just any research company." he explained.
I nodded, "Very well. If you excuse me, my intern and I must begin our day."
"Oh and Mrs. Winslet. Your boss informed me that the research grant will only be awarded to one project. Based on our decision that grant will also determine who moves up into the head researcher position that opened up in your company. Your boss believed it was only fair to give the best of the best the rewards. He has no tolerance for less than perfect work, especially since your competitors just published a very valuable scientific paper. Since he had trouble deciding who should take the position, this grant was the best way for him to make his choice in the fairest way possible."
My blood was boiling, "Thank you very much Mr. Sinclair for informing me."
I turned to Michael, "Mr. Clifford, follow me into the lab so we can begin the PCR tests for the day." He nodded, grabbing his lab coat off the chair and following on my heels. We pushed passed Evan and walked down the hall to my lab. We swiped in and I was thankful for the blinds and sound proof nature of the lab. Michael closed the blinds as I stood against the door, gathering my thoughts.
"What the actual fuck." Michael said, running his hands through his hair, making it stick up in every direction.
"Michael what am I going to do?" I said, my voice shaking with panic.
"Why would he even be doing this? Does he not have any other person to fuck around with?" Michael continued to talk but my mind stopped listening. All I kept focusing on was that Evan was here, in my place of work, literally controlling everything. I know my boss was a complete idiot who got where he was by bossing others around to do his work, but how could he allow something like this? How could he allow a complete stranger from a non-science company to just come in and call the shots? I know it would be a win win for both sides but just...how?
"Roxie are you listening?" Michael was standing in front of me now, gripping my shoulder.
"I...I-I can't..." I gripped onto the lab bench, leaning forward and squeezing my eyes shut. My chest felt like it was on fire as it rose and fell in order to get enough oxygen. It was impossible though, almost like a losing battle as I could feel the walls of the room moving in on me. I could feel my grip loosening on the table as my palms became sweaty. I heard Michael cursing and panicking as he grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me to the corner of the lab, sitting me down on the floor. The room was spinning as I tried to focus on Michael as he tried to dial his phone, almost dropping it in the process.
"Yes you need to get here now...no now...god damn it she's freaking out she's going to pass out any second...okay, okay." he said into the phone.
I could sense Michael sitting near me on the floor, but I was too afraid to open my eyes so I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my head in my hands. I tried to focus on my breathing like they taught me in therapy so many years ago but it wasn't working. My thoughts were too overwhelming and I was already in an uncontrollable spiral of panic. I couldn't focus on anything, not even Michael trying to talk to me. I could hear his voice but I couldn't fully comprehend what he was trying to tell me. It was like trying to hear someone talk underwater. The attack just wasn't ending but I tried as hard as possible to focus. Every second felt like hours.
"Michael...I can't...I-I can't...it hurts..." my ribs felt like they were going to snap any second if my throat didn't relax soon to let the air flow into my lungs.
I heard the door click open which made my heart beat even faster. I tried to lift my head but I was weak and my vision was blurred. My hands were clutching my chest as I continue to gasp for breath.
Whoever walked in yelled for Michael to get ice and I soon felt a pair of strong hands prying my hands away from my chest.
"Roxie. Roxie baby listen to me." I knew that thick Australian accent all too well but knowing he was here made me panic even more, especially knowing Evan was just in the next room. "Open your eyes baby." he pleaded as he moved my head gently, placing an ice pack on the base of my neck. The cold ice against my skin was an instant shock against my clammy skin.
Ashton gripped both of my shaky hands as I finally opened my eyes, spotting Michael peaking out the windows to make sure no one was coming. "Roxie baby you have to breath. Focus on my voice, everything is going to be okay." My body was so tired, my chest still burning. I focused on the ice on my neck, the little droplets sliding down my back and soaking my shirt. I listened to Ashton telling me to breath in and out, inhale and exhale. It took a few minutes which felt like a century but I eventually calmed down. My whole body ached from being so tense and I felt my makeup running down my face as tears streamed down my cheeks.
"Ashton you have to get out of here." I breathed.
He leaned forward, engulfing me in a huge hug, "Jesus Roxie you literally scared the crap out of me. I've never seen you that bad. You were literally choking. I was seconds away from calling professional help."
"Uh guys I hate to disrupt your cute cuddle fest but the devil is coming out of the lab next door and is on his way here." Michael called, scrambling away from the window.
In one swift motion Ashton scooped me off the floor, "Michael, cover for her, tell whoever she's in the bathroom. Get them to come back later, you're good with bullshitting." Ashton said as he carried me into the cold room.
"Y-y-you bring m-m-me into the c-c-cold room?" I said, now shivering sitting on the floor.
Ashton took off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around me as he kneeled in front of me, "Well I didn't want anyone to find us and you need to cool off. You're still sweating." He paused before continuing, "What happened?"
"Evan is here for his company observing. He has control over who is given the head researcher position." I said. My breath could be seen in front of me due to the temperature of the room.
"Are you kidding me? I knew Marty was a lazy ass but I didn't think he was this bad. What did he do to make you so upset?"
"He's everywhere Ashton. I can't even go to work without him being here. I can't visit my family, I can't go to work, he's cornering every aspect of my life. What's next? You?" I explained, shivering.
Ashton took off his shirt handing it to me, "Here put this on. I don't want you to catch a chill since your shirt is soaked with sweat and water from the ice. I'll just put my sweatshirt on."
My life couldn't have been more crazy. I was sitting in a cold room with my shirtless boyfriend after having a major panic attack due to my psychotic ex-fiancé being a controlling freak.
"Ashton I can't take your shirt..." he leaned forward, slipping my blouse over my head like a doll so I was sitting there in my bra.
He pushed his shirt at me, "Take it. Don't make me dress you."
Just then Michael opened the cold room door, quickly shielding his eyes, "Jesus guys! I thought you would at least kept your clothes on in a time of crisis."
I slipped on Ashton's shirt as Ashton slipped on his sweatshirt. I was thankful I wore jeans today otherwise Ashton's Red Hot Chili Pepper shirt would have looked pretty awkward with a pencil skirt.
"Shut up Clifford. Is everyone gone?" Ashton was so serious, it was so odd to see him not smiling or giggling.
He nodded, "Yes but they said they are going to stop by later."
Ashton grabbed my hand, "Common we are going home." He stood up, picking up my shirt and walking out of the cold room into the lab.
I pulled my hand from his and stood next to Michael, "I can't go home. I have to finish the day." My voice sounded horrible due to how badly my throat hurt.
Ashton sighed, "We are not arguing about this. You are pale, your makeup is running, you look like you're about to drop. You need to go home to take a shower and rest."
Just as I was about to counter, the door clicked open and Evan walked in. "Mr. Clifford is Mrs. Winslet...oh I see you have company."
Ashton's jaw immediately clenched, "I was just leaving. I had to drop clothes off for my girlfriend since Mr. Clifford said there was a minor chemical spill. I wouldn't want her to have her Armani blouse that I bought for her ruined."
Evan looked between the three of us, completely unconvinced, "Well Mrs. Winslet has to explain to me the research she and her intern have been working on so you should be going now."
Ashton look over to me for me to challenge Evan's requests. Instead I nodded in agreement to Evan. I walked over to give Ashton a goodbye kiss, but he turned his cheek. Before I could say anything he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
The rest of the day was exhausting. I spent two hours with Evan, having him ask me irritating questions that were so stupid a high school science student could have answered them. I had to be polite though if I wanted to even be considered in the running for the grant. I had a feeling I wasn't going to get it though, mostly because it would be a delight to him seeing me crumble.
I walked into the house, Ashton was sitting on the couch watching TV, not even bothering to acknowledge my presence.
"Hey" I said, taking a seat on the couch across from him. I said it again, but he didn't for one second break his eye contact with the TV.
"Ashton!" I yelled, causing Indie to scamper off into the other room. Ashton calmly reached over, turned the TV off and looked over at me. He raised his eyebrow but didn't say a word.
"Why are you so mad at me?" I asked. I never thought a gesture such as turning your cheek could sting so much but it really did bother me. It was signed in the back of my mind for the rest of the day.
"Because you decided to stay at work when I told you to come home." he said. His tone was short and annoyed.
"Ashton I couldn't just leave. I would have got into huge trouble and you know that. I would have love to just come home but I don't have that luxury." I explained. Ashton had the type of job where you could write songs in your pajamas at 2 am with other famous artists and only had to go to the record company twice a week, maybe 3 times max. I on the other hand, did not have that ability to earn money like that.
He shot off the couch, "No that's not the reason. You are so fucking scared of Evan that you stayed at work. Marty wouldn't have given two shits if you went home and you know that because he's a lazy ass. I fucking hate that you're afraid of him!"
"You're right." I said. There was no reason to argue with him when he was completely true. If Evan wasn't there I would have just went home, but he was there. He is controlling my job and my ability to get promoted and it pissed me off. I didn't want to seem weak and I definitely didn't want him to try to find another way to ruin me if I had walked out.
Ashton's jaw clenched and balled up his fists, "I found out this morning I have to go away for awhile, to see my brother. How the hell am I suppose to leave you when I saw you in the state you were this morning? You were literally choking and on the verge of passing out, all because of Evan. How do I even get on a plane and go to another state and know that I'm not 5 minutes away and I can't help you!" he was screaming at this point.
I stood up walking over to him, trying to grab his hand to calm him but he pulled away, causing me to sigh in defeat. Without another word, I walked off to my bedroom. I had no energy to argue with him and I knew whatever I said was going to infuriate him a million times more. It wasn't worth it. I wasn't sad he had to visit his brother, he had to do what he had to do and I know his family was very important to him. I would be a horrible girlfriend if I was mad at him for leaving. I wasn't even angry with him because everything he said was the truth. I was scared of Evan and I was a mess this morning. Ashton just tended to verbalize his stress with anger, but I refused to fuel it.
I walked over to my closet, pulling out a t-shirt and shorts and grabbing a towel before heading down the hall to take a shower. My muscles hurt and I longed to feel the warm water and soap on my skin. I clicked on the bathroom light to find Ashton sitting on the counter, which literally scared the crap out of me.
"Geeze Ashton, what the hell?" I said, throwing my clothes and towel on his lap since he was taking up most of the counter as I began looking through the bathroom cabinets for my soap and shampoo.
"How do you do that?" he asked, his tone flat.
"Do what?" I asked as I rummaged through the multiple scents, finally deciding on the cherry blossom body wash.
"That thing, where you don't say anything and walk away. You don't spit angry words like I do or raise your voice, you just bite your tongue." he was quiet and mumbled his words as he folded my clothes into a neater pile.
I stopped and turned to him, "Because I've learned that you don't say things out of anger because you never know when those are going to be the last words someone else hears." The thought of my parents flashed in my mind, but I quickly pushed it away. I went to turn back around to turn the shower on, but Ashton grabbed my hand.
He sighed, "I'm sorry I got so upset, I didn't mean to raise my voice I just hated to see you in the state you were in. It was terrifying to be honest. I just don't want to leave knowing you're home alone, what if you need something or if Evan does something..."
"Ashton, I've been by myself before and although I may have panic attacks from time to time I can manage to be in your house alone. You cannot stop your life because of me." I explained.
He smiled weakly, "Are we okay?"
I nodded, "Yes we are fine. Can I please shower now?"
He rolled his eyes jokingly, "Fine fine" he said before hopping off the counter.
After my shower I headed off into my room and crawled under the covers. The dark room and warm covers was the perfect environment for long dreams, snoring, drooling...
and the light flicked on.
Without even turning over, I could hear Ashton humming "Isn't She Lovely" as he made his way closer to me.
He used one finger to poke me in the middle of my back, "Are you up?"
I groaned, "I am now." I still had my back to him and my eyes were still closed.
He started to use both his hands to push me closer to the end of the bed, "It's only 11:00 why are we going to bed so early? Why are we in here today anyway?"
I scootched over to the edge of the bed, "We? This is my bed and I happen to be tired."
He wrapped his arms around me, "Shit I forgot my blanket and I forgot to shut off the light." The bed shook as he jumped out of it and I could hear his feet pounding against the floor as he headed down the hall. Moments later I heard him dragging the blanket against the carpet and the room became dark again. He took the covers completely off me before laying his blanket over me and then placing mine on top. The bed dipped down slightly as he climbed back into bed and got comfortable with his arms around me. He kept fidgetting, trying to get comfortable before he eventually settled down.
"Hey Roxie?" Ashton asked, practically yelling in my ear since he thought I had fallen asleep.
"What Ashton?" I was growing slightly annoyed. All I wanted to do was sleep but Ashton was wide awake, almost like a kid who ate too much sugar.
"I'm glad you're okay."
I opened my eyes and sighed as I flipped over so I was facing him, "Me too" I said. The attack shook my body up pretty badly. If Ashton wasn't there, the only saving grace I would have had was when I would have passed out from exhaustion. I closed my eyes as I felt Ashton reposition himself on the bed once again.
"Hey Roxie?"
"Yes Ashton?"
"I'm never going to forget to give you a kiss again before you leave for work."
I couldn't help myself from smiling, "Stop blaming yourself for my panic attack. You're being ridiculous."
Silence settled between us before Ashton spoke again, "Roxie?"
I moved over so I was resting my head on his chest as he laid flat on his back, "Mhmmm?"
"I can't fall asleep" he confessed as he played with the ends of my hair.
I sat up, propping my head on my hand as I laid on my side, "Roll over on your stomach."
He started to protest but I cut him off, "Shut it Ash, just do it."
He stuck his tongue out at me before rolling over on his stomach, crossing his arms in front of him and resting his head on the pillow, "Now what?"
"Shut up and relax." I said, before I started massaging his back with my free hand and humming to him softly. As I ran my hand up and down his spine and shoulder blades gently his muscles slowly relaxed as he sank deeper into the bed. I kept humming, as I laid down the same way, resting my cheek on the pillow as I watched him with his eyes closed and his breathing steady. His blonde waves were resting on his forehead in my favorite mess and his dimples were gone, only to surely make their appearence when he awakens. I closed my eyes, happy to know he was finally relaxed and sleeping.
"Hey Rox?" Ashton whispered. I opened my eyes to see his were still closed.
"Yes?"
"I never could sleep right until I met you. It was like I was constantly restless, like I was missing something I never knew I needed."
I leaned over, kissing his forehead, "I'm here now, you won't have any more sleepless nights. I promise."
"Promise...is a...strong....word..." he mumbled.
I closed my eyes and hugged him closer, "Yes but so are we."