As the days grew colder and the wind began to whip through Apis Mellifera, Blake should have found herself excited for each new day. Fall was her favorite season. She loved the crunch of leaves as she walked through them, the cool air blowing her hair behind her, and she loved the fashion sense of everyone in fall. There were people like her, whose style was light and airy, and then there were those like Nora, who bundled up in winter coats the moment a single leaf fell from a tree. Most of all, she loved wearing scarves. Scarf weather, as she called it, was something to look forward to year-round. As Blake stood outside the library, her hands wrung around her scarf. It felt like it was choking her, no matter how loose she got it.
She opened the library door. Penny was on the tips of her toes pushing a book back onto the shelf, but the library seemed deserted except from them two. As usual, Blake thought.
"Hey, Penny," Blake said, "Do you have a minute?"
"Sure!" Penny gave the book one final push before turning to face Blake. "What's up?" She took a look at Blake's face and immediately copied it. "You're worried about something."
Blake smiled. "I really am an open book to you, huh?"
Penny walked around the bookshelf and motioned for Blake to follow her. The two went to their usual chatting spot, the back corner of the library, where two dilapidated beanbag chairs had molded themselves to the girls' postures. Penny sat down in her chair daintily while Blake fell into hers. Dust shot upwards, causing Blake to cough.
"Sorry, haven't had much time to clean around here," Penny said.
"It's fine," Blake said, "Just a bit of dust."
"So, what's on your mind?"
Blake sighed. A lot had been on her mind since the incident with the apiary. That day had catapulted her far forward in her life. "I'm not quite sure where to start."
"Why not start with the beginning?"
"You know that Yang and I are dating. We have been for quite a while now, and I'm happy. I'm happy when I'm with her. I enjoy the time I spend with her, and I enjoy talking to her," Blake took a deep breath. "But a couple of weeks ago, I went to her house, and I saw a pot of amavissets on the table. I asked her where she got them, and she said that Ruby had given them to her for her birthday. I just kind of froze up. I know what the amavissets mean – they're a sign of love and a promise of marriage within a year's time, but I'm just..."
"Unsure?" Penny asked.
"Yeah, unsure. I feel as if this is rushed. I feel happy that Yang is looking forward to marrying me, but I'm just not sure about it. What if the amavissets aren't about me? What if something happens, I mess up, and I just shrink inside my house. Inside my skin. What if I mess up so badly that Yang never wants to see me again? What if I'm not good enough for her?"
"Blake..." Penny said.
Blake's voice began to hitch. "I really, really like her, but what if I do something wrong? And if we get married, sure, but what if something happens after? Something really, really bad?"
"Blake, how much do you know about the story of the amavissets?"
"J-Just that if a person receives them, they will have good luck in love, and be married within a year's time. That's what happened with my parents, that's what happened in the story, but what if that isn't what happens with me?"
"The story isn't just about marriage. The amavissets are a symbol of a linkage of souls. You're not just getting married; you're becoming one with your soulmate. That means that you are good enough for her. Let me ask you a question, Blake. When was the last time Yang texted you?"
"The last time she texted me?" Blake asked. She pulled out her phone, a picture of her and Yang beside Yang's motorcycle shining from her lock screen. "Let me check. It was this morning... it was a short video of a cat that sounds like it's saying 'good morning'."
"Did it make you smile?"
"Yeah, it did. Yang likes to send me good morning texts even though I wake up two hours before her."
"So that means you're on her mind as soon as she wakes up. It means she thinks about you, and texting you to say good morning is a part of her routine, just like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast – it's just something she wants to do."
"I guess..." Blake said.
"Listen. I've read enough books about soulmates, and I know you have as well. It's always love at first sight – romantic quips by day and a sultry moan by moonlight. The soulmates in stories never have problems with each other, it's always from an outside source that tries to keep them apart. But that's fictional. Every relationship has struggles. Challenges. Problems. Everyone stumbles, but the important part is that when you stumble, Yang is there to catch your fall, and when she stumbles, you're there as well. The hardest part about being there for someone is actually being there for them. Yang opens up these avenues of conversation, ways of making you aware that she's on your mind, that she cares about you. She wants you to know that she is there for you. And I know you're there for her."
The image of Blake soothing Yang after the sting appeared in Blake's mind. She had pushed Yang to challenge herself – and Yang got hurt because of it. But Yang didn't resent Blake, nor did she blame her. When Blake asked Yang to trust her, she did. For all they knew, Yang could have had a deadly allergic reaction, but Blake felt out everything. She was there for Yang through the problem.
"I know why you're here, Blake," Penny said," It's not about the amavissets."
Blake looked over to Penny and tilted her head.
"It's about Adam."
Adam. Her first boyfriend, and her most recent partner before Yang. All the way back in high school, the two had dated for several years. Blake looked up to him, a smart, cunning upperclassman who barked away any guy who dared to look at her. She felt that Adam had really cared for her, up until she saw him with another girl around his waist.
"What about Adam?" Blake asked.
"You're afraid this will turn into something similar. That you trust Yang, you love her, but something will happen, someone will get hurt, and it'll be another five-plus years before you can build up the courage to open up to anybody, maybe even me."
"Adam was a jerk. He was headstrong, manipulative, he-"
"He made you feel safe, though. And happy."
Blake frowned. "He did."
"You haven't felt this happiness since, and you don't want it to go away. Did Adam ever ask you how your day was?" Penny asked.
"Not usually, he asked about my classes but not anything about my home life."
"Did he ever talk to your parents?"
"My dad didn't like him. They were at odds from the moment they laid eyes on one another."
"Did Adam ever send you good morning texts?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Now for the next part. Did you ever challenge Adam?"
Blake tilted her head. "Challenge him how?"
"Did you ever act first? Make him do something he wasn't ready to do, or push him to finish a task he found insurmountable."
"No, he always had a clear mind. He never bothered me with his problems."
"Did you ever make the first move in your relationship for anything?"
"No, he always suggested things. He even got angry once when I asked him to stop one day after school."
"I remember that, he was driving you home. Here's the thing. With Yang, she sends you good morning texts. She asks you about your day. She has problems that she trusts you with. She's there for you. On top of that, you push her to be stronger. You're her number one motivator and number one fan, even when she's not at her best. I remember you telling me that you kissed her first. Yang's not the aggressive type, and she's honest with you to boot. From what I see, this marriage is just a special day, nothing more and nothing less. You're already her true love, and she's yours."
The two sat in silence, the musk of the dust settling down after their conversation. Blake leaned back in her beanbag chair and sighed, but soon a smile spread across her face.
"Thanks, Penny. I knew coming to talk to you was a good idea," Blake said.
"I'm always here to help." Penny gave a silly salute before leaning back in her own chair. "But you know this type of talk isn't free."
"It's been free in the past, though, hasn't it?"
"Yeah, but we always talk about other stuff too! Just because I'm a sucker for books doesn't mean I don't like to hear stuff between real people as well! Has Yang proposed yet? Did your mom make any new tea blends? Is Ruby liking her new job? I barely have time to leave the library, so come on! I want gossip!"