Akaashi is fucking exhausted.
He'd spent the weekend trying to distract himself with studying, which didn't work because he was too worried to stay focused for more than a few minutes at a time. Kuroo invited him to watch him play games against Kenma (which he lost horribly, to no one's surprise), but even then, Akaashi couldn't understand what was happening and didn't care who won, because Kuroo still hadn't heard from Bokuto.
Saturday melted by very slowly, Sunday even slower.
The anticipation to see Bokuto this Monday fell flat, as the lady at the front desk - whom Akaashi learned was named Kiyoko - said Bokuto didn't even come in today.
He sort of wanted him to get in trouble for it, that way he could feel bad, too, for missing work. He wanted Bokuto to feel at least a little terrible, so that way Akaashi didn't have to take on the load by himself.
Akaashi never really cared about something as much as he did in this situation, and he blames Bokuto for the whole thing.
Stupid street racer. He deserved to get arrested, really.
But Akaashi couldn't hold onto that.
Everything felt weird. It was strange to fall asleep and even worse to wake up, not knowing what was going on with him.
Akaashi sighs and watches the table, the sky cloudy. The clouds were ashy and invasive, as if hanging onto the burden of Akaashi's heart, too. There was no light streaming from the glass panes, and Akaashi almost longed for it.
"'kaashi~. Don't tell me you're still worried." Kuroo slides into the seat across from Akaashi, leaning forward on his elbows, two new, green drinks in between them.
Akaashi keeps his mouth shut and stares at the ice floating in his cup.
Both of them were done with work for the day, and with the two exams Akaashi had at the end of the week, Kuroo thought it was good to spend time here at this hour, when the cafe was mostly quiet and he could sort the floating pieces of his head out.
Which was fine, but the silence let his worries fester and he wasn't sure how much he liked it.
"I'm sure he's okay!" Kuroo pipes up again, his hair falling into his face as he shoots both of his hands up in the air between them. "He always is."
"It's his own fault." Akaashi leans back in his chair. "If he got arrested, then it's his fault."
"Ah, blame. That's one of the stages of grief, you know. Next is acceptance, and then you'll get over it for good!" Kuroo nods with raised eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood, and Akaashi sighs.
"I really hate you."
Kuroo squints and shakes his head in mock disappointment. "The lies you tell."
"Can we just go home? I'm tired." Akaashi cards his fingers through his messy hair and glances toward his drink, only halfway finished, while Kuroo's own was holding onto melting ice.
"Okay. Take your drink with you, it's good!"
And it was good, but Akaashi was too tired to sound convincing, thankful that Kuroo didn't mind.
~❀~
Walking down the sidewalk into their neighborhood was such a foreign feeling.
The apartments were all full, yet, it felt like nobody lived here. It's as if the two of them slipped past an invisible boundary and into another dimension, where time stopped altogether when you slept and the morning sun shined that much brighter when you woke up.
Not that Akaashi minded.
Feeling alone was different when you didn't want to be.
"You think Kenma would like pistachio ice cream?" Kuroo asks suddenly, one of the random topics he's tried to press into Akaashi since leaving the bookstore.
Akaashi shrugs, the creases under his eyes getting heavy as their apartment seems farther away than usual, looking down the road.
"Maybe. He seems like the type." Akaashi says, and Kuroo nods enthusiastically.
"He does look like it, right?!"
Akaashi smiles at Kuroo's excitement of them thinking the same way. "Yeah."
"You know, I..."
Akaashi picks his head up when Kuroo's voice trailed off again, much like the other day before the cops showed up, and he gets that same uneasy feeling in his chest before he lets his gaze follow Kuroo's.
There are blue lights settled on the asphalt, and Bokuto is leaning against the closed door of his car, arms folded across his chest. His eyes are making zigzag shapes from where he was looking around, as if waiting for someone or something to happen.
"Bokuto?" Kuroo's voice breaks the silence, and Bokuto perks up to look in their direction.
Akaashi expects Bokuto to wave frantically, to maybe shout a hello! back and explain what he was doing here.
He did not expect him to rush past Kuroo, only to bend down a little to reach Akaashi's waist.
Akaashi stops, and there are arms around his middle and Bokuto is squeezing him so tightly it feels like the sky around them is spinning. His glasses are pressed against his face, but Akaashi didn't mind the ache so long as Bokuto was here.
He smells like the linen fresheners he kept in his car, a soft note of cologne on his button-down making Akaashi's stomach flip for the first time in a while.
He hated the fact that he yearned for it.
Akaashi doesn't really register what's going on until Bokuto pulls back, his expression almost scared.
"Ah-I'm sorry! I didn't..." He drops his hands from where they were in between them, before one comes up to rest on his forehead, so obviously relieved. Akaashi felt like his chest would cave if he looked at him any longer. "I'm just... really glad you're okay. And that you didn't get arrested. I was really worried, Daisy."
Akaashi blinks, his head not reacting quick enough to keep up with the thrumming in his chest, and his face is hot and he is missing the safety of Bokuto's touch almost immediately after it's gone.
He wants to hug him again, wants to punch him and push him and scream at him for having him so concerned over the weekend. He was irritated, but his heart was hammering and there was bubblegum in his throat, suffocating that much more that he was here after being gone, still tasting the candy that stretches through Bokuto's voice despite wanting to spit it out for so long.
Bokuto was stupid. He was such a fool.
"You had us really scared, Bokuto." Akaashi's eyebrows come together in the middle of his forehead and he pouts to the sidewalk. "I'm glad you're okay, too."
"I missed you today," Bokuto says. "I'll buy you two flowers tomorrow to make up for it!"
Akaashi smiles at the usual enthusiasm in his voice and nods, holding onto his elbow. "You'd better."
"Hey! I'm here too!" Kuroo makes a face, and Akaashi takes a breath that somehow fans the heat in his cheeks.
Bokuto laughs and raises his fist to Kuroo, who gently hits it with his own. He has one of those grins on his face, and if Akaashi didn't know any better, he would have thought they were best friends.
And Akaashi knew he shouldn't be envious, but the heat simmers in his chest and he can't hold it down.
"Did you get arrested?" Kuroo asks, and Bokuto shakes his head.
"Nope! 'tsumu hid me in his garage for the weekend while the cops were circling the area, but I left my phone in my car trying to get out." Bokuto rubs the back of his neck and has a sheepish grin on his face. "Then I saw all your missed texts. All thirty-eight of them!"
If it wasn't so dark, Akaashi was sure he could have seen the blush.
Kuroo rolls his eyes and Akaashi is thankful for the stability of the nighttime, not sure he'd be able to keep up with Bokuto's shining eyes in the daylight.
"Did you win at least?" Kuroo asks, and Bokuto nods cheerfully.
Akaashi was glad for him, despite knowing he would win the race anyway.
"I did! I hope I was able to get you two some money."
"You got me some." Kuroo nods his head towards Akaashi. "Akaashi didn't even bet."
Bokuto raises his eyebrows and looks at Akaashi, and the other is practically blinded by the spotlights on him, by the silent questions circling around his head. They were going way too fast, that even if Akaashi wanted to, he couldn't catch one to give a solid answer to.
"Why not?" Is the one Bokuto chooses to ask aloud.
Akaashi shrugs and looks to the floor again, watching the grass next to the sidewalk billow in the wind. "I just came to support, like you asked me to."
"But-"
"I had fun." Akaashi shrugs, remembering their conversation at the soba place again, knowing that's really all Bokuto wanted. "So, it's okay."
Bokuto's lips stretched into a grin as he watched Akaashi practically smolder with embarrassment. He did not have a good reason for this one, either, but he liked to pretend Bokuto came up with one for him.
Kuroo is quiet, and there are more unspoken conversations happening between the three of them before Bokuto nods and drops it.
"Okay! Well, I have to go, I just wanted to stop by to make sure you guys were also okay before I go to Namaso." Bokuto says, making his way back to his car. "Thank you for coming to the race, by the way!"
"Why are you going back to Namaso?" Kuroo asks, Bokuto shutting the door to his car after getting in.
"Atsumu and Shouyou wanted to go to the disco! There's a big one in Namaso that they wanted to see."
Kuroo makes an ah sound while Akaashi picks at a thread on his jeans, finding more interest in that rather than Bokuto. He was here for what felt like a split second, like they didn't have enough time together tonight, and Akaashi almost wants him to stay and tell them about the race, ask how he avoided the police, maybe about how Noya knew him.
"Have fun! Drive safe! Text me when you race again!" Kuroo waves, and Bokuto smiles and promises to give details of the next race for the two of them to come to.
While he and Kuroo ate dinner together on the sofa, watching reruns of a cartoon they've seen about a billion times, there was a strange feeling in Akaashi's chest about the next race.
What if Bokuto got arrested? What if his attorney couldn't help him out this time?
Akaashi didn't like thinking about how he would deal with it.
So he stops. Just for tonight.