HAPPY READING 🥰
Cindy Washington
Love and loss
Love is the greatest of all, void of a voice but has the biggest voice and emotion in the universe. It is a deep connection of intense affection with both positive and negative, with its virtue representing human kindness, compassion and affection, the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered or provoked it keeps no record of wrongs. This connection is bound so deep that it is long-suffering. Love binds one another together in pure and perfect unity.
Loss is the fact of losing someone or something, simply put. We have no control over when and how we loss someone or something in our lives and we suffer through it. To love and loss is a tragedy. From the beginning of time, we have seen or hear of love and loss. Samson loved Delilah with his life that after she bugged him for many days he told her his weaknesses and lost his strength because of it.
Then there is Romeo and Juliet who is completely frictional both loved each other but lost their lives in the process because of their love.
Whether frictional, biblical, day to day life we all love and lose at one point in our life. Whether our parents, children, partner, friend, family members whomever. We love them at one point and then lose them at some other point in our life. It is inevitable and the pain of losing someone can hurt more than we can bear but life goes on as we think of how they completed us or added to our life one way or the other.
As we grow older we will experience many different types of love and loss but is it better to love and lose or never to have love at all. What drives us in love can never be felt in any other emotion. Love is the universal language that is above all and it's better to have and experience it than never at all. The brighter side to love in the positive realm is falling, hopelessly and completely in the embodiment of another and expecting the same in return but with the negative impact we can suffer long but with all its positive impact it out weights the bad and worth exploring, experiencing and cherished above all even if we lose it all.
CW
Standing in front of the mirror adorning the woman I've become with my self-determination has been one of my weekly affirmations after I branch out on my own. I needed to boost my confidence because I didn't know or see my worth. My self-esteem was a little low and my confidence level as well. I doubted myself mostly because karma always comes after you and I didn't know what I'm truly capable of. I needed to love myself again and give me a chance. As much as I'm determined to get it done I wasn't sure I could. So I stand in the mirror twice a week giving myself what I needed to push through each day.
"Who is this in the mirror?."
"I'm Cindy Washington. A mother, daughter and friend. I'm a confident, hard-working provider and I'm independent."
"What are you?."
"I'm beautiful, a strong overcomer, strong will, benevolent, kind, caring, supervisor and most importantly I'm an important woman."
"Who loves you?"
"My son, my parents, the love of God shines on me and above all I love myself."
After my divorce, I've struggled with myself for years. Everyone recognizes the boldface I put forward but not the turmoil I hide inside. I didn't know I could feel so ugly and useless. I needed to love myself again so I began simple and it grew on me. Today I can confidently stand and look at how my eyes and skin glow. How my smile light up a room and how confidently I can do it with my head held high and my esteem growing by the day. The completeness I feel after years of searching for it. I couldn't believe how much peace and security I found in my skin and valuing myself. How I define myself is how I'm labelled and how I choose to see myself is a label I want to stick on me as I journey throughout life. I refuse to be boxed in by others thoughts of me, it is unacceptable and I decide how I'm valued and how high.
I throw my robe back on and smile at myself. I have come a long way.
The first week of December came by with me in smiles all week. DeMarcus flew me over effortlessly even though I complained the entire trip. He manoeuvres that aircraft effortlessly and efficiently not giving ears to anything I said besides him.
He asks me out and tonight we have a date planned. I've been running from talking to him seriously but it's inevitable.
I did my column on love and loss this month and can't wait to see how my readers take to this topic. I thought it would be in keeping with the festive season approaching and since Christ did the ultimate sacrifice of love and loss for us and my current situation. I thought it would be wise of a topic to share.
I walk out of my room heading to Zoriah's room. We haven't had a chance to talk we were both so busy after I returned a week ago and now that we are in December it's going to be an even rush on both of our careers. This weekend we are both home and I think it's a really good idea for us to catch up with each other.
"Hey, the best friend" I walk into her room and she is on her phone smiling and making kisses face on FaceTime. I sit back quietly on her bed watching as her smile reach her ears and her eyes shine with love. It's the Christmas season and love is in the air.
She finishes her call and turns to me, a smile still edge on her face. "Spill the tea and I want every drop," I say to her.
"It's way too early," she says.
"Trust me you're not getting off the hook this easily, I want every detail."
She laughs sitting up, "well I met Vincent at one of my lessons with the kids. He's gorgeous and a real modern-day gentleman."
"And," I ask.
This connection pulls us together. At first, I didn't want to admit it, I didn't want to put myself out there. You know my fears with my last boyfriend. But Vincent is....., I don't want to jinx it but he's something different. For the past three months, he has been incredible. It's like he touches my soul when we talk and the way he looks at me and pays attention to my every word. Cindy this has never happened to me before."
"I sense some hesitation, what's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong, it's just that I feel this way so quickly and he hasn't voiced out what he feels but he wants to officially introduce me to his son."
"Oh, he has a child."
"You're not paying attention, I say we met at the lessons I teach."
"I heard all that miss thang, but it could have meant he just works there or doing a pickup." She rolls her eyes at me and continues.
"We haven't told each other how we feel yet, I think we are moving so fast."
"Look Zee, there isn't a timeline on love. No matter how fast or slow it moves love will always be love. You say he's generous with his feelings, baby girl action speaks louder than words."
"I see what you're saying but I want to hear the words so I know where it's going, I don't want to assume anything, I don't want to invest all my feelings only for it to be one-sided."
"That's true too, where is his son's, mother."
"She died two years ago and I'm the first person he's introducing to him."
"Is that why you scared."
"It's a big step and I don't know how ready I am, especially with our feelings not laid out on the table."
"It is a big step but if he's ready to introduce you to his son it means he's ready especially you being the first after two years."
"It does, isn't it?"
"I think you two need to talk and really talk so you know where his head is at and you know where it's all going. Please do it before you meet his child. So it's a certain thing."
"I will, it's just going so well I don't want to bring up the complicated stuff."
"Remember he can't read your thoughts so he wouldn't know where you're insecure or not."
"I know, it's just that my previous experience started the same way all good and filled with love until he did a complete 360 on me and in that way I don't know to judge their character well."
"We know men varies from individual, one can be an absolute Saint and always do right by his woman but on the other hand, there is every son of Satan waiting around the corner and we tend to meet them first and it scares us when we do meet the right person that we always fight or we take flight."
"Fight or flight?" Asks Zoriah.
"Means we put up a fight or we run away."
"Oh, I understand. you're so smart, you're such a good friend Cindy."
"Trust me it wasn't without difficulty and I had to learn so much the hard way."
"I know parts of that struggle and trust me you're doing a great job best friend."
"Thank you best friend." We hug and sit up bracing her headboard.
"So what you doing today," asks Zoriah.
"Well, I have a date with DeMarcus tonight."
"You're talking about me holding out when did all this happened."
"After the weekend we spend, when I was in new york we decide its good for us to finally talk. So this is that opportunity."
"You ready though, for all this and where it may go."
"For now, I don't even what to think about where it is going but I want to know what happened all those years ago."
"The way you be moaning and groaning in your sleep says your ready for something else though" she smirks at me.
"I ain't even a shame, it's been so long. I have to restrain myself from jumping his length and riding it long and hard."
We both laugh throwing back our heads, "how long has it been."
"Too long, way too long. The way I need my back to break will take me a month to get my fill."
"You're a freak girl." we laugh even harder and made ourselves even comfortable on her bed.
The rest of the day Zoriah and I spent taking and having a good laugh. We lay in her bed eat and just relax because it's a rare commodity.