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She left, she actually left with him. She's staying at his place, in his bed.............with him. She said she didn't sleep with him but...........she........I can't believe this.
...
I sit at my desk and stare off into space, she's sleeping with him. But I refuse to believe that, she would never sleep with him. I mean it took her a while to open herself up to me, unless she loved Zach the whole time.
No, I refuse to believe that. She loves me, she loves me, I know she does. She's not sleeping with him, she's not. She wouldn't do that to me, right?
"Hardin?"
I look over at Sam, she's stayed with me the whole day. She just talks about dance and the wedding tomorrow, I was only going to go if Tessa wanted to but now that we are in this awkward place I don't know. I didn't even wanna go in the first place, fuck the wedding and fuck everything in between. I'm done.
"I'm the flower girl." She says while she colors her drawing book.
"What?"
"In the wedding, I'm the flower girl. I have this pretty dress and shoes and Kelly said I can wear makeup and that someone is gonna do my hair." She says.
I don't really care but she seems excited and I don't wanna be a dick.
"That's cool Sam."
"You're going to the wedding right?" She asks.
I move around the papers on my desk.
"I don't know Sam, I have a lot going on."
She becomes really quiet.
"But you and Tessa promised." She says quietly.
"I know, but Tessa is...................busy.........she's really busy and I'm really busy ok."
"She looked like she was crying this morning, is everything ok with you two? She's usually smiling and wearing high heels and makeup, you two are usually all over each other.........you guys barely talked today."
God she's nosy.
"We are..................we are just taking a little break for the moment."
The crayon falls from her hands and she looks at me with a shocked.
"YOU GUYS BROKE UP!"
"No....................we are just taking some space."
To me she's still my girlfriend, she's always gonna be mine.
"How could this happen, you two were supposed to be together forever."
"We are still together, sometimes things just don't work out as planned. Adults have real problems Sam, you just wouldn't understand."
She stays quiet.
"Do you still love her?"
"Of course I do, but sometimes love isn't enough."
The real truth is that I'm a disgusting monster but I can't tell Sam the reason we broke up is because I used Tessa to win a bet.
"I think you guys should talk it out."
"Yeah well talking only works when the other person is willing to listen."
I sigh.
"I don't want to talk about Tessa anymore Sam."
"Ok, sorry." She says quietly.
She continues to color and I just stare at my computer screen.
"Did you eat today Sam?" I ask.
"Nope, I didn't have time. And I can't reach the cabinets in the kitchen to grab my cereal."
This poor kid I swear to god I'm gonna kill Steve before his wedding.
"It's 3 in the afternoon, you haven't eaten anything?"
"Nope."
Great.
I grab my keys and phone.
"Come on, grab your coat." I say.
"Where are we going?"
"Lunch, come on."
"Ok." She says excitedly.
She stands up and I help her put on her jacket before we walk out the door, she runs down the hallway and pressed the elevator button. By the time I get to the end of the hallway the door is open, we get inside and she presses the lobby button.
...
When we get to the car she walks to the passenger door.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Getting in the car."
"Get in the back."
"Why?"
"Because you're 5 years old and two feet tall."
She crosses her arms.
"I'm 9 years old and 4 feet tall."
"I don't care, you're not sitting in the front. That's not your seat."
She rolls her eyes before she opens the back door and sits down, I walk around and get in.
"Do you have your seatbelt on?" I ask.
"Yup."
I turn on the car and slowly pull out of the parking lot.
"What are we getting?" She asks.
"I don't know, what do you want?"
"Whatever, I'm not picky."
"Yes you are, you're allergic to everything Sam."
She sticks her tongue out at me.
"I can't pick what I'm allergic to Hardin, I was born with it."
"Yeah yeah yeah, you're just weak."
"Whatever."
The rest of the ride is silent, I turn on the radio and she hums along to the songs.
...
We get to the diner I took Tessa once before, it was the night after the first party. I help Sam out of the car and she holds my pinky finger while we cross the street, I guess she's not so bad. On the list of people I hate she's not on the top, I guess she's ok.
When we walk into the diner they sit us at a booth and I'm pretty sure everyone thinks she's my kid, whatever. I don't order anything but a cup of coffee, Sam orders a sandwich and some fries which reminds me of Tessa.
God I miss her like crazy, I saw her today and I miss her so fucking much.
...
Sam colors her menu while I pick at my fingers.
"How did you know you were in love with Tessa? Like is it a feeling? Do you just know?" Sam asks.
I sigh.
"I don't know Sam, you just know."
"But how? You just wake up and know you're in love?"
"Yes...........no...........look........you just know, you always wanna be around that person and you love everything they do, the way they breathe, the way they chew, the way they smell, how they look in the morning..........no matter what they are wearing they look amazing and you picture your entire life with them and you wanna wake up with them every morning and you wanna fall asleep next to them every night.................you just know Sam."
"Wow...........you thank all those things about Tessa?" She questions innocently.
"Yes Sam...............I love her........I love her so much." I almost whisper.
She looks at me with sad eyes.
"Hardin I promise I'm gonna help you get her back."
She rests her little hand ontop of my inked bruised hand.
"I promise." She whispers.
She's not bad at all.
"Thanks Sam, but I don't think you can fix this one. I don't think anyone can."
"You need to have more faith, I got this Hardin. I may not have been able to save my parents but I will save you and Tessa."
"Thanks kid."
I admire her faith but I don't think anything will help me, I did this to myself. All I wanted was to love her and I ended up pushing her away.
Her food comes and she quickly devours it, she must have been hungry.
She washes her hands in the bathroom and I pay the bill before we walk back to my car.
...
"Thanks for lunch Hardin, I hope you come to the wedding tomorrow. It's gonna be fun, I promise. I saw the place at the rehearsal, it's super fancy."
"I'll see Sam, and I thought you hated the wedding. Don't you hate Kelly?"
"Yeah, but I'm the flower girl. For two minutes all eyes will be on me and I get all the attention for once."
That's sad.
I pull up in front of the office building.
"You want me to walk you upstairs?" I ask.
"No, I got it. And don't worry, tonight I'll come up with a plan for project get Hessa back together."
She claps her hands.
"Hessa? What the fuck is that?"
"You know, Hardin and Tessa. Hessa, I came up with it. You like it?"
"Sure."
"Great, now go home and get sleep. You look like crap."
She smiles before she gets out of the car and runs inside, I watch and make sure she gets into the building before I drive away.
Hessa? I swear that kid is something else, at least she has hope that Tessa and I will get back together. I wish I could say the same, I don't think I can fix this but I refuse to give up without a fight, I deserve my happy fucking ending.
...
While I'm driving I get a call from Kim, I ignore it but she calls back.
"Annoying ass bitch."
I answer the call.
"Kim when someone doesn't answer the first time it means they don't want to talk."
"Yeah and that's why you called Tessa five times in a row right?" She says sarcastically.
"Tessa? You talked to her? Is she ok? I know she's at Zach's , how could you let her go with him?"
"Hardin calm down, we have bigger problems. I think Zach is trying to seduce Tessa."
I slam in the breaks hard.
"I FUCKING KNEW IT!"
"Calm down, she doesn't like him. She's in love with you, I shouldn't be telling you this because you're an asshole but I hate seeing you guys fight. Look just listen to me for once, you need to go to that wedding tomorrow."
"Kim how the fuck do you even know about that?"
"Hardin shut the fuck up and LISTEN! I'm mad at you, no I'm fucking furious that you used my bestfriend.........no my SISTER like that! She didn't deserve that but I know you love her, I know you do and she loves you and I refuse to see the best thing that ever happened to you walk out of your life! You're an asshole and a dick but I want you to be happy, you're going to that wedding. She's going, she doesn't know you're going so this is going to be your chance to make this up to her, put on your big boy pants and pull yourself together."
Shit.
I hate when she's right.
"Kim..............I don't when have a tux.......I hate weddings."
"Are you kidding me Hardin, at least come up with a better excuse. I'll drop of a tux at the apartment tomorrow, now go home and sleep. I'll call you in the morning."
"I won't answer."
I love pissing her off.
She hangs up the phone.
A wedding, I don't even wanna go to that stupid wedding but...................I need Tessa.............I need her. I hate Kim, she's always right. That bitch.
...
When I get to the apartment I unlock the door and immediately I'm hit with the smell of food, her food. The apartment is clean and the French Vanilla candle is lit.
She's here.
She's here.
My keys fall from my hand and I run down the hallway.
"Tessa.................my girl............oh baby I thought you would never come home I...."
I open the bedroom door, my eyes scan the room but it's empty.
"Tess.........darling?"
I leave the room and check the bathroom, her studio, the guest room, laundry room, everywhere...............she's not here.
All her stuff is gone and every trace of her has been swept from the apartment, I look at the dining table and see her key................she's gone.
I fall to my knees in the middle of the apartment and I start to cry.......she's gone.........she's gone.........
"She's gone."
I'm able to pull myself up, I walk into the kitchen and see her cooking.
I can't do this.
I run to the bathroom and drop to my knees in front of the toilet, I start throwing up. My stomach aches and my head is pounding, my hands are shaking and I'm crying.
She left.
She fucking left me.
...
I mange to clean myself up and get in bed.