Jun felt like he was going to cry and he held them in with all of his might as he ran through the grand halls.
He dashed through various halls before he opened the door to the embroidery room of their grand house.
He saw his mother stitching her embroidery in the candle light as the moonlight shone through the large window behind her.
She looked up at him as she stopped her embroidery. Jun closed the door behind him as he walked in front of her.
"It's a little early for you to be back from your training, what happened my sai waji[1]?"
"Don-"—Jun started as he tried to not cry but to no avail—"Don't call me that! I'm not your sai waji..." He sobbed as he wiped the tears away with the long sleeves of his robe.
His mother put her embroidery down on the side table as she stood up. "Sai waji...why do you say that?"
She cupped Jun's face with her hands as she looked at him with sadness in her eyes. Jun slapped his mother's hands away. Tears continued to stream down his face, even faster somehow.
"I said I'm not your sai waji!" Jun was practically shouting at his mother at this point. "I'm just a failure! I will never do anything right! I'll just disappoint you and father..." Jun sniffled as he looked down at his feet.
His mother brushed a piece of hair away from his face which caused him to look up at her. Jun felt as her thumb caressed his cheek to wipe the tears away.
"Sai waji...my forever precious tuzi[2]." Jun watched as her lips pressed together into a sad, thin line. "You'll never disappoint us or anybody. You're so talented with a good heart."
"But father told me how I wasn't his son th-"—Jun choked up—"that I'm someone else's son. That I'm you and-" Before Jun could finish his explanation his mother cut him off.
"You're father is under a lot of stress right now, sai waji...He loves you very much but..." his mother did a deep sigh, "he hears and sees things that me and you don't. It bothers him and he knows they aren't real. But at times they feel all too real."
"But-"
"Shhh," she said as she put her soft finger on Jun's lips, "don't fret. He would never want to hurt you. And it'll tear him up to see you like this."
Jun put a hand to his left cheek which screamed as he touched it.
"He does?" Jun's voice was filled with hope, but doubt still lingered in it. His mother gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Yes, tuzi, and you'll make all of us proud next year." She pulled Jun into a tight embrace. Jun clutched his mother's shoulders as he cried into her.
She gently rocked side to side which caused him to start to calm down. He loved both of his parents deeply.
But he still could see his father yelling at him and the flash of the back of his cold hands.
————
Jun felt as Misaki soon began to rock back and forth which caused him to start to calm down.
The memories of his mother started to flood his brain as he calmed down which caused him to squeeze Misaki tighter.
"Don't worry sai bān," Misaki said as she began to gently rub his back in soft, short circles, "I know how you feel. To lose a loved one is painful, especially at the hands of another. But the gods will never let evil prevail."
Jun sniffled, nodding his head while still in her shoulder.
But he still felt guilty as Misaki had never lied to him, she even told a story as personal as she did, while he still lied to her. And when they first met each other as well. He had lied on the real reason why he was going to Perenykisk.
He still couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth.
Jun knew that she would be utterly disgusted by him.
And he would cause her to lose face because she treated him so well.
When he's just a deceiving prostitute.
He felt so guilty and felt like a dishonorable liability.
"I'm sorry..." Jun apologized as he bowed again at her.
He was utterly pitiful.
Misaki then hit him on his right shoulder.
"Don't say that! You have nothing to be sorry about," she said as she began to rub his shoulder.
Jun managed to stifle more tears as he stood up and looked at her.
"I think I am over tired," Jun lied as he rubbed the back of his head. He wanted to stop crying and have his memories of his mother be brought back to him.
Misaki had good intentions but it was too much for him to handle.
"Have good dreams then sai bān. See you in the morning." And with that Misaki went over to her bed. Jun stood completely frozen for a few seconds before looking out to the vast, foreign land of the West.
He still felt the ghost of Misaki's embrace around him and hugged himself.
Deciding to imagine the ghost feeling of his mother and father hugging him.
Jun looked up at the night sky to look up at the stars.
The clouds were few in the air which allowed the stars and galaxy to been seen clearer. The orange and purple galaxy looked like a line of spider webs across the sky with bright stars within it. He then saw smaller birds fly across it.
The birds didn't shriek like the Western hawks that Misaki told him about nor were they as big. Instead they did a familiar crow of a pheasant. As much as their crows calmed him with familiarity of the East it still made him slightly uncomfortable.
As their crows still sounded foreign to him.
————
Jun sat on a stone bench, huddled in a little ball, as he looked up at the night sky.
The purple and blue galaxy above him seemed to dance among the bright stars in perfect harmony.
He was currently sitting in his family's immense garden that he had ran to after had cried to his mother. The embarrassment of crying like a child in front of his mother was too much for him to bear so he decided to retreat to the familial gardens.
It was very calming for Jun to sit among the nature of the garden.
His bench was situated on a stone path that passed one of the many large ponds in the garden. A moon bridge went over the pond while various exotic and naive trees surrounded this section of the garden. The garden had other sections as well.
From piles of intricately placed rocks, forest of bamboo, a pagoda, or a grand view of the mountains of Huaza. Jun looked down at the pond to see the perfectly serene water as it reflected a painting of the starry night sky with impeccable accuracy.
A soft crow could be heard which caused Jun to look up in one of the nearby trees. In the highest tree in this section of the garden he saw a pair of his family's golden pheasants. They were an extremely lavish animal which were gifted to his parents for their marriage to wish them a long, prosperous, and lucky marriage.
As the male birds had exquisite golden crowns and a red underneath as their main focus which were lucky and sacred colors in Huaza.
He saw as the two birds, male and female, roosted together in the tallest part of the tree. Their soft crows at night calmed Jun.
He would come out to the garden when he wanted to feel safe and be left alone with his thoughts. Jun could also hear crows of wild pheasants when he would walk along the forests that were at the edges of the city.
Jun looked down at the second sky in the pond as he thought about his parents and all the expectations everyone had about him. He began to unconsciously play with the ends of his long, black hair while his mind wandered.
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder that caused Jun to flinch and almost fall off the stone bench. He looked up to see his father sit next to him on the bench. Before Jun could speak his father spoke.
"I love you."
These abrupt words took Jun off guard and caused him to become confused. He then felt as his father wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side. Jun didn't protest as he rested his head on his father's shoulder.
"I promise I'll never let anything hurt you, nor would I ever want to hurt you."
The both of them looked out into the garden as they sat in silence. Eventually Jun finally found it in himself to speak.
"I love you too."
———
1 Prince in Huazan.
2 Rabbit in Huazan.