"We have to wipe as much as we can now. She can't remember who the Winter Soldier is."
I sat in a large chair. My body was tilted back. I had a mouth guard shoved into my mouth keeping me from being able to scream. Sweat was dripping down my face from the fear. I had avoided this. I did everything they asked me to so this wouldn't happen. I felt the large metal lower around my head. I began to hyperventilate. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to forget.
I screamed in pain as the electrical currents sent shock waves into my brain. I could feel myself slipping little by little. The screams continued to echo around the room. I felt like I was in that moment for days though it had only been a few minutes. The currents stopped however the pain in my head did not. I was forced to sit up. My body felt limp and weak. It was hard to keep my head up. I shifted my eyes to a man in front of me. His face was covered with a mask. His eyes hidden with a pair of black goggles. The only distinctive feature was the silver metal arm. My eyes focused on the red star painted on to it.
Winter Soldier
2014
I shot up from the floor sweat dripping down my face. I tried to catch my breath as I shut my eyes tightly. The memories flooding back. It was the same nightmare I've had since I came back. Every night was the same. I felt my breathing begin to calm as I leaned my arm over my knee. I took one last deep breath and opened my eyes. They began to focus fully. I looked around the room taking in every detail. The black satin curtain, my body surrounded by wooden flooring under me, grey satin sheets wrapped around my legs.
I'm not there. I'm okay. This isn't a Hydra base. Its one of Tony's houses. I'm not there. I'm in D.C.
I took another deep breath. In and out, I told myself. I pulled the sheets off of me and stood up. I looked over at the clock beside the bed. Impressive holographic numbers flipped in front of me. One of Starks creations he added into the room. The clock read 7:30am. I nodded before sighing.
I hadn't been able to sleep for the past year. The memories from childhood being in Hydra were back. However, I still couldn't remember my second run with Hydra. Everything was coming in pieces. I still couldn't get a full grasp on any memory.
I walked to the walk in closet by the door. The lights flickered on as I walked into it. I have to admit Tony had been spoiling me since I moved here. I looked over to the right where a wall of shirt and pants hung. I shifted my hands through them trying to decide how comfortable I wanted to be.
I knew I was going to have to cover myself a bit. Every day I found myself visiting the Smithsonian. They had opened a Captain America exhibit. Not much interested me but one thing.
I quickly grabbed a pair of black jeans and threw a t-shirt on. I walked to the other wall where my jackets sat and grabbed a black leather one. In the closet was a marbled tabled. I quickly grabbed a pair of dark sunglasses and a plain black baseball cap. I stepped to the other end of the closet. I pushed some clothes to the side to reveal a small safe.
I pressed my finger on the keypad and watched as it scanned my finger. The keypad flashed green before a clicking sound could be heard. I turned the nob and opened it to reveal a simple hand gun. I quickly grabbed it and tucked it into the holster hidden on the back of my jeans. I readjusted the jacket to ensure it would be hidden. Its ridiculous that I would bring this, however after what happened I didn't feel safe anywhere.
I looked to the door of the safe. On the inside was a picture of me and Bucky. Steve had found it at my parents beach house. That story added another list of questions.
Why was I there? Why did I leave the picture there? Who was with me?
I stared at it for a second before scoffing and slamming the door shut.
I walked out of the closet and out of the room. I arrived to the front, where stood the kitchen and living room. A large table stood in the middle of the living room. I could see it glowing slightly. I grabbed a cup from one of the cabinets and opened up the fridge. I snatched a bottle of orange juice and poured it into the cup.
"Jarvis!" I yelled into the void.
"Yes Ms. Black?" I soft British accent spoke above me. Tony had added him into the house for me. He controlled everything in here. However, he seemed to act more like a butler most of the time.
"Tony not back yet?" I asked as I brought the cup to my mouth. The tang his my tongue and burned my throat a little bit. I'm guessing by that I was screaming in my sleep again.
"No. Mr. Stark extended his trip. He should be back from New York later next week." Jarvis answered. I had been busy with Shield work that made me travel back and forth from D.C. to New York. To make it easier Tony opened up one of his houses to me. Fully equipped with Jarvis and everything. On the deal that he stayed here of course.
Tony wasn't ready to see me live by myself completely. Since the nightmares were still happening. Instead he decided they would do the traveling instead. Felt comfortable leaving me here after Steve moved to D.C. as well. I felt bad about it and didn't want to be a burden. However, anytime I argued it I would get a simple "ah, ah, ah." A finger pointed at me, and a "no arguing" answer.
I walked over to the table in the middle of the living room. It was a transparent glass that flashed the second I walked up to it. I looked at it before letting out a sigh.
"Jarvis, can you open the file on The Winter Soldier." I asked.
"Yes Ms. Black." He answered back politely. The table flashed again before brining up a hologram. The words "Winter Soldier" began to type in front of me before pulling up the details I had added into it. I reached my hand up and moved it across. The pages began to slide like a PowerPoint before ending on a sketch. The sketch of the same man I had been seeing in my dreams. It was a rough sketch. Not much detail to it since I never saw the face.
I could only access this file whenever Tony was on trips. He didn't like me falling back into Hydra memories. The way they destroyed me frightened him. He had said I was becoming too obsessive over it. I was just trying to remember what I could. This man I haven't been able to forget. Which was ironic because I seemed to have forgotten most of what I knew about him.
"Jarvis on the sketch can you add a red star onto the metal arm." I asked. I watched as I red star began to sketch itself on to the mans arm.
"Like that, Ms. Black?" Jarvis asked.
I stared at it for a second. There was something about the man that just didn't sit with me right. I wasn't sure if it was my mind playing tricks on me or he really was there. Each night I got a new detail but it still wasn't enough for me to piece together. I remembered his super strength like Steve, I remember his marksmanship with guns. That was it though.
"Yeah, exactly like that." I answered quietly. I lifted up my hand and brought it down, making the file disappear. The table glowed one last time before shutting off. I took one last sip of orange juice before walking away. I quickly set the cup on the counter and walked towards the elevator. I pressed the button on the wall and adjusted the hat on my head. A loud ding could be heard before the doors opened up.
As I stepped in I heard Jarvis speak up.
"Would you like me to call a driver for you, Ms. Black." He asked. The elevator began to shift before heading down into the garage. The door opened with a ding once more. Multiple cars were parked. Some beautiful vintage cars, other newer models. I looked over to the side where my motorcycle sat.
"No Jarvis. I'll drive myself." I answered as I walked over to it.
⍟⍟⍟
I walked around the Captain America exhibit. Children's laughter could be heard throughout. I looked around at the families as they all smiled and laughed with each other. I adjusted my sunglasses as I moved across the room quickly. Glass screens surrounded me with pictures of Steve on them. They weren't what I wanted to see though.
I walked into a new room where mannequins of outfits stood. A large picture of the Howling Commandos was plastered on the wall, with replicas of their outfits stood below it. I turned around to see the one thing I come for everyday. A large glass screen stood in front of me with an old picture of Bucky printed onto it. Large lettering beside the picture Read "A Fallen Comrade" with his name under it.
My eyes traced the lines of Bucky's face. I said it when we first met, pictures really don't do him justice. I felt my eyes began to well up. I missed him. I'm an idiot for missing him, but I did. I looked over to see a small tv screen next to his picture. The tv flashed videos of Bucky with the other soliders. Bucky smiling with Steve. Finally it flashed the video I wanted to see. Bucky and I dancing. I watched as he dipped my body mid dance. I began to laugh before he picked me back up. When he did I wrapped my arms around his neck. His smile grew brightly as he places a kiss on my cheek.
"Not surprised to see you here." I heard a voice say behind me. I snapped out of my trance and turned around. Steve stood behind me. He was staring up at the photo of Bucky before looking back down at me. He was doing the same thing I was and trying to stay hidden with a baseball cap on his head and sunglasses. He gave me a soft smile as I did the same. I turned back around and looked at the tv again. The video I wanted to see had already flashed away.
"Back from your mission and the first thing you do is come to a museum dedicated to you?" I crossed my hands over my chest and let out a small smirk. "A little narcissistic don't you think?"
"Better then a person who's been visiting everyday to look at a picture of her dead ex." Steve responded. I let out a soft chuckle before uncrossing my arms. I gave him a light pat on the back.
"Touché." I replied simply. We both stood there for a second staring at the tv screen. The videos filtered through once more and ended back on the one of Bucky and I. I watched it once again. I was so happy that Hydra didn't fully erase the memories I had with Bucky. I would lose myself all over again as long as I was able to keep those.
"Do you miss him?" Steve asked, his voice sounding somber. I looked over at him and felt my face let out a sad smile. I turned back to the photo of Bucky locking into his eyes.
"Everyday." I answered simply.