Midnight August 18, 2020
"I need to go see my dad" I say pacing around the quiet living room. I haven't been able to sit still since we arrived.
"Your mom said your dad is stable and I told her we will watch over you" Namjoon tells me for a third time. I know he is doing his best to keep the promise he made to my mother but I refuse to listen. After Namjoon got off the phone with my mom he explained that she asked for him to keep an eye on me and not let me go to the hospital. Her excuse was the hospital policy on guest but I know better.I know she doesn't want for me to see my dad that way. Namjoon took her words seriously and once the members were ready to head home they practically made me come with them. I wanted to go to my house but Hobi would not let go of me until I was in the car. They sat me in the middle of Jimin and Tae who took over the duty of watching me to make sure I would not run away. We all came to the shared apartment and Ella, Min and Ara were already here waiting for me.
"Sun there is nothing you can do there. The hospital is only allowing for one person to stay" Ella says approaching me and she is the 10th person that has tried to get close to me since the news. I have been avoiding physical contact from anyone that comes close even though everyone has tried. All I can think about is running until I am out of breath. The only person that has been able to get close is Hobi and not because I let him but because something in me can't refuse his touch.
"Just think about your mom right now and she needs you to be strong for her and you need to listen to her needs. Right now she needs for you to be safe" Jimin says standing up from the couch where all the other guys are sitting. He walks behind Ella and just like her he stands there. He seems to have the same idea as Ella. They both look like they want to hug and comfort me but they are waiting for the small crack in my tough exterior that will let them in.
"You also need to have some food, the guys told me you haven't had any dinner yet" Ara follows Jimin but she does not wait for me to let her in. She comes around Jimin and Ella that have been standing at an invisible lines. She approaches me as gently as she can and her sweet sad smile calms my beating heart. She starts to move her hand to touch me but I take a step back. I don't want to refuse them but I can't help it. I don't have control over my body tonight. I notice a small glimpse of disappointment in her face but it fades in seconds. She goes back to her smile but this time is full of understanding. "Lets go to the kitchen and I will make you something yummy" she says and for a second she reminds me of my mom when she talks to Jun Jun. The love in her eyes is enough for me to break my stubbornness and follow her to the kitchen. I look up to Jimin and Ella and they do their best to hide their triumphant smile. I don't look at the others but I know they feel the same way. They have all tried in vain to get me to eat something. It took Ara's sweet motherly voice to finally find the small crack.
Once we are in the kitchen I stand by the fridge while I watch Ara make ramen. Yoongi enters the kitchen after us and for a moment I forget everything that happened today as I watch him and Ara. He hugs his girlfriend from the back and nestles his head between her neck and shoulder. She doesn't seem to mind even though she is busy in the stove and he takes a deep breath like he is trying to breathe her in for the hours he was away from her. Yoongi might seem like the less affectionate of the guys most of the time but I have noticed he is never like that when he is around Ara. After he kisses her neck I look away to not intrude in their moment. I hear him ask her to make a bigger batch of ramen since some of the guys are also hungry and I smile for the first time since everything happened.
"There is that sweet smile" I look up to see Hobi at the entrance of the kitchen and I watch as looks from me to Yoongi who is still hugging Ara. By the looks of it Ara will have to cook the whole meal with Yoongi on her back. Hobi smiles probably thinking the same. "Get a room Hyung" he says walking to stand next to me and we both watch as Yoongi grunts but does not move from his position. Hobi chuckles and his laugh is so contagious I cant help but do the same. "Oh I missed that sound" he whispers close to my ear and the proximity makes my heart skip a beat.
"Ara do you need any help?" Ella walks into the kitchen and I am thankful Hobi and I are no longer alone. I feel him pull away from me and we both watch as Ella smiles when she notices Yoongi and Ara. "Looks like you already have all the help you need" Ella chuckles.
"You mean this guy?" Ara says without turning around probably because Yoongi does not let her. "He is just tired and thinks I am his bed and pillow" we all laugh at her comment and Yoongi grunts again. We watch as Ara pats Yoongi head with her free hand. "There, there Mr. grumpy"
"What did I miss?" Namjoon comes around Ella who is still standing at the entrance of the kitchen watching the lovebirds. We all watch him waiting for him to notice what we are laughing at and once he does his smile is as big as the apartment. "Hyung you are not letting the girl breathe" this makes Yoongi lift his head from his favorite spot and he turns his head to speak.
"Why is everyone up in my business. I missed my girl there is nothing wrong with that" He says matter of fact. "Plus did you all forget what time it is?" he asks and I watch the others scrunched foreheads. They all seem to think hard on what he means. "its past midnight which means this goddess of a woman gave me the biggest gift in the world 2 years ago" he answers all our non spoken words and just like that goes back to his spot. "I was not there back then but I promised myself I will be glued to her every time I have the chance. No matter the place or time"
"OMG yes" Ella says excitedly "Mia's birthday"
It takes some time before I can fully think about my situation again and I am thankful to the guys and my friends. While I ate Jungkook, Jimin, Tae and Jin joined me and kept me busy with questions about my dance crew. They all learned about Nari and Kang and how they have been treating me lately. Jin had the ridiculous idea that Nari was jealous of me and what Kang could feel for me. After the late dinner some of the guys headed to their different destinations with Jin and Min going home to their apartment and Namjoon and Ella doing the same. It was very difficult for the guys to convince the girls to leave me but I kind of forced them to go. I knew Ella had a long day with being in the ER for most of the morning and she needed to rest for her and her baby. I also knew Min was tired since she had stayed with Ella while Namjoon was working. They eventually agreed to leave but only after they found out Ara had the idea of me staying in the shared apartment with her and Yoongi. Hae had called me during dinner after Min let her in on what was going on and she had told me she would come pick me but Ara didn't let her and the other girls agreed without anyone asking me what I wanted. I didn't argue because honestly I wanted to stay close to Ara. She had been the only one to infiltrate my mental wall aside from Hobi but I was not afraid of her as I was afraid of what Hobi could do to my emotional wall. I know for a fact that he could knock it down with just one puff. Min and Ella felt secure living me in Ara's hands knowing I would only be a few apartments away and they had access to me any time they need to check on me. That made me feel very loved and cared for and I will always be thankful to them for their kindness. After the couples left the others decided to stay in their own rooms for the night. JK, Tae and Jimin admitted they also wanted to be close by just in case I needed them and of course Yoongi stayed with his girl. Hobi was a different story. Him staying was never a question and the protective way he acted since the very beginning was a dead give away. I knew he wasn't going any time.
Now that everyone has gone to their rooms the living room is back to being quiet and I can finally hear myself think again. The distraction of my friends was nice while it lasted but I knew it wasn't for ever. There are so many questions I have about what happened today and I know it will be a long time before I can find the answers. How could my dad do this to himself and to his family? Did he not think of his kids and wife? Will we be able to recover and move past this? The feeling of wanting to walk away from all this comes back and I am angry at myself for thinking just like my father. He did what he did because he wanted to run away from his problems.
I hear my phone ring and I jump startled from the loud noise that breaks the dead silence. I look at it hoping it's my mom with news about my dad. It's almost 2 am and I haven't heard from her in hours. I see Kang's name on my screen and all hope disappears. I contemplate on not answering the call but with all the bad news today I am afraid that he is calling because something happened to the dance crew. I pick up the call and take a deep breath ready for what ever this call will bring.
"Hello" I hear him say.
"Hello" I copy not knowing what to say.
"Uhhhmmm. Sun I hope I didn't wake you, can you talk for a moment?" He says and I can hear hesitation in his words.
"I was already awake. What do you want to talk about" I say sounding harsher than I mean.
"I heard about what happened with your dad today and I wanted to tell you I am here if you need me" hearing someone else talk about what happened makes it real and not a dream like I was hoping. I am glad Kang talks again and stops me from being able to continue torturing myself. "I know I am the last guy you want to hear from today. Specially after the way I treated you but I really wanted to apologize." He takes a deep breath and I stay quiet. If he wants to apologize I won't stop him. "I didn't mean to act like that with you. I have been very stressed lately and you just got caught in the crossfire" he continues and it doesn't get lost on me that I have been caught in that crossfire for weeks now.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it" I say not wanting to hear anymore. I am too emotionally tired to deal with Kang and his bipolar attitude.
"It's not fine, I shouldn't be treating girls the way I treated you and specially not you. Specially the way I feel about you" he says the last two words in almost a whisper and even though they peek my interest I dismiss them. This is not the time or place to think about his hidden meanings and unspoken words.
"It's truly fine. It was not a big deal and you don't need to apologize it was just a misunderstanding" I say in my best cheerful voice hoping he will take my words and go.
"I just don't want our friendship to be awkward. I want everything to be back to the way it was before. Do you think we can do that?" He asks and his voice is hopeful. I want to feel like him but right now I can't think about what I want.
"Yes of course" I say faking every word and it's hard to stay on the phone without breaking down. After being a complete dick for weeks he picks today out of all the days to try to fix things.
"Thank you, that's a big relief" I can hear him relax and I do my best to do the same. "I'll let you go it's really late and you should be asleep. Your grandparents will get mad if they notice you are awake at this time" I smile at his words. If he only knew where I am staying and how far he is from the truth.
"Yes you are right. Good night" I say hanging up before he can start to ask questions. I look down at the phone and my smile has not left my face due to his mistaken words.
"I guess he didn't think I was being serious today" I hear Hobi speak and I turn around to see him standing behind me.
"I don't know what you mean?" I say confused at his words.
"I thought I made it very clear he is not allow to talk to you" I watch him walk towards me and his eyes are as intense as this morning.
"He just called to apologize" I say thinking this will make him realize he is being ridiculous by asking Kang to never talk to me again. If he didn't talk to me again he couldn't have apologize.
"Yeah and you accepted his apology so quickly" his words are mocking and they sting more than I expected. "All he had to do was call and you are all his" he walks closer to me and his words might be mocking me but his eyes show he is hurt.
"I am not his" I say and to my surprise my voice is full of frustration and anger. How can he say that to me? I am not an object Kang can own? No one owns me. I can't believe the affect his words have on me and when he stands inches away from me the thought of slapping him crosses my mind for a split second.
"Yes you are right!" He says with a half smile and his change in attitude confuses me. "you are mine"