"So are the two of you fucking yet, or..."
"Cas! Shut up for Cauldron's sake." Ren mutters the latter and I perch myself on the arm of the chair Ren sits in, as every chair is taken.
They each arrived moments ago- howling as we emerged from the same room. Cassian still won't leave it alone, giving us knowing glances every now and then.
"How were the king and queen after we left?" I ignore the vulgar comment from the male.
"As if nothing happened." Rhys replied. Many eyes rolled and faces scrunched into a sneer at the memory of Iagan.
"What was that all about?" Nesta doesn't hesitate to ask the question everyone is wanting to know. Heads spin to face Ren- awaiting her response.
I feel her body tense beside me and I send a wave of reassurance down the bond, letting her know she doesn't need to explain herself if she doesn't want to. Her family wouldn't judge whether she answered or not.
"Iagan and Ginerva are- my parents. They kicked me out of their home years ago and I never planned on returning. Cleary I should've stayed away." Tears line her eyes but she holds them back from trickling down her cheeks. My heart aches, wanting to pull her close.
"If it wasn't for his dogs, Az and I would've killed him for what he did." Cassian mutters.
"What good would that've done? We'd all be banished ; never again invited to another event-" Rhys tries.
"Good riddance." Nesta mumbles and nods and mumbles of agreement radiate around the room.
"It's my family's tradition. My mother would've wanted each of us there." At the mention of his mother, they back down.
"Why were you banished, Ren?" Nesta questions her again, followed by not-so-subtle glares from everyone in the room. Even I don't know this story and as intriguing as it is I don't think she'd want to share it so openly. Especially not after tonight's events.
"Ali, I'll escort you to your room." She looks up and smiles before mumbling down the bond, get me out of here.
Cassian whistles as we leave and the others join- hollering loud enough we still hear as we wander through the halls.
We stop between both her door and mine, turning to meet each other's eyes. The darkness blending with her irises.
We spend a few more seconds in that moment of silence, before her lilting voice whispers, "I kissed a female. That's why they banished me all those years ago." My heart breaks as a single tear falls slowly down her blushed cheeks. Yet another reason for me to slit their throats or watch as Cassian and Az do it. Either sound fine.
"Ren-"
"You say 'I'm sorry' and I'll have to kill you." She chokes on a laugh and another tear slips from her eyes. Instead of my useless empathetic words, I pull her into a hug and her face buries into my neck.
~~~
"If you insist you aren't fucking, do you at least feel the bond?" Cassian still hasn't left the whole Ren and I topic alone since Ginerva caught us holding hands in the centre of their hall full of Night court and Montesere fae.
I give Ren a look silently asking if it'd be ok to tell them all now- even though I'm the one with problems when it comes to the bond.
"Yes, the bond is there." They each shout and praise us, which would feel amazing if I were comfortable with said bond. I want to be, I really do. The heightened feelings and emotions from the bond are amazing whenever I'm in her presence, but it still feels forced and fake. Like it isn't me who finds her attractive, but the bond, the Cauldron or fate.
This bond has me questioning everything I'm feeling and it's tiring to constantly ask myself whether I would pursue this relationship if a mating bond didn't exist between the two of us. Would we still be destined?
"I'm really happy for the two of you. I hate to ruin the bubbly atmosphere this morning, but I have news." Rhysand talks over the dying cheers and smiles of the court. If I'm honest, I'm happy the attention is diverted before anymore questions are fired at us.
"As you all know, the human camps around Velaris are constantly in danger from any fae either from Velaris or any other courts. Jurian, Lucien, Vassa and I have been planning to build proper houses for them, their own village a little distance away from Velaris and with it's own barriers to stop fae of any kind from entering. I have powerful fae working on this in the city-"
"So no fae at all will be able to enter?" Nesta objects. Her attachments to the humans sparking clearly behind her eyes. I'm sure Rhys was expecting her involvement.
"The border will be guarded and some fae can enter on foot depending on whether the border decides to or not. I've requested the barrier to determine itself whether fae can enter only if they have good intentions. That'a the bit they're struggling with." Nesta nods along, taking in every bit of information as if this little project of Rhys's is gravely important to her. Her expression showing nothing about whether she's happy with the answer.
"How do the humans feel about this arrangement?" Renae questions next.
"Some have taken the news well, whilst others prefer to be left alone. It's expected considering all of the attacks," everyone seems satisfied enough with his reply, "I just want to get sturdy houses built for them so they aren't so easy to break into. The barrier is an extra that can be added whenever.
"How can we help?" I speak up, showing I'll help in any way I can. Hopefully the others will follow and not pester Rhys with more questions.
"The village will need plenty of spare hands and power to be built. Nesta, I'd like you to help the group of fae trying to form a barrier, ensure it's exactly what we need. Elain is already helping with their research. I just- just help out any way you can think." He faces each of us and smiles gratefully. I lower my head in a bow- accepting the task.
Alongside healing in Velaris, I think I would be able to put in a few hours helping build up the human village- Velaris 2.0.
"I could do a few hours after some of my shorter shifts." I match Rhysand's smile and he gives me a look, appreciating my sacrifice.
It's not as if I have an attachment like Nesta or Elain or Feyre has, but the humans remind me of my siblings. Constantly looked down upon and deemed helpless creatures that a best forgotten about. I'd help anybody like me and my siblings- just like Adara taught me.
My mind looks back on the elder human man that refused my help and many others that resisted and my heart feels as if it's been snapped into smaller pieces. The trauma they must've endured to refuse my help.
After everyone mumbles and nods agreement to help with Rhysand's plan, they break off into their own conversations.
"So you've both accepted the mating bond? Because tradition says it's the female that decides whether to accept, but that seems a little- complicated." No shit. Cassian pipes up after a few moments of conversation pass.
I avoid the stares I'm receiving from everyone, including Renae. The very question I've been dreading and avoiding. How am I supposed to decide whether I want this? How can I trust a split second decision to control the rest of my existence. It isn't as easy as they make is out.
"We haven't got that far yet, Cas." Renae answers when I show no interest in doing so myself. I feel guilty for practically ignoring his question and the expecting stares across the entire table.
I spend the entire day, the entire week, thinking about Cassian's question. The question I see in Renae's eyes, intertwined with her features. The very question haunting me. How am I supposed to know the answer to something so huge and forced?
If I accept, I have to stick by her side 'til death parts us and possibly drive myself insane thinking about whether the choices I've made and will make are because I wanted to or because fate's bond made me. If I choose to decline this bond, I have to live with that potential regret for my entire existance.
"You don't have to make the choice right now, you know?" Renae's lilting voice bounces of the walls of my room which I've been laid inside for hours after returning from the construction of the human village. The Mother knows how long she's been stood their listening to my thoughts through the bond.
"Not long." She replies to my thoughts again.
"You seriously need to teach me about these mental barriers Adara told me about. They keep mates out right?"
"I'm sorry for eavesdropping. Seriously, Ali, take all the time you need. You can spend your entire life deciding if you'd like." I drop back against my pillows, returning to the position I was in before she interrupted.
"You make it sound so easy."
"I know it isn't. Trust me, after I kissed my first female my mind raced until it pounded with pain, due to all of the overthinking. The bond was rushed, for the both of us. But in addition to that, you aren't used to female companions like I am and I am fine with you adjusting for as long as you need to." She stalks to my bedside, leaning over so her face was in sight. She meant every word- not only can I read her thoughts as proof- her eyes say it.
Thank you. I lazily respond through the bond and close my eyes to drift off to sleep. Whether she stays beside me all night or not, I don't mind. Knowing she'll wait for as long as I need has given me peace. Whether she'll keep the promise or not.
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