The golden sun was so alive and so were the seas outside. The crashing of the feral waves could be heard - so gentle, so calming, and so relaxing, but the more the waves ran to kiss the sleeping shore, the more it sounded like bombs, exploding and slapping against the surface. The palm trees were swaying along the breeze of the wind. A new day was up, yesterday died. Cate slowly moved on the bed. It was still early, but her eyes wouldn't want to sleep anymore. She slowly opened her eyes, rubbing her orbs to peel away the remaining heaviness out. When she was fully awake, she sat up on the bed right away. Her clothes were scattered on the floor, and when she looked at herself, she was naked. She immediately covered herself with the blanket. How did it happen? She couldn't remember a single fragment from last night, but she was getting some patches when Abby came out of her room's bathroom wearing nothing, but her own shirt.
"Hi, good morning. I didn't have anything to wear and didn't want to go back to my room yet, so I borrowed your shirt. I hope it's okay." Abby flashed her a smile as the young woman picked a lotion, "I'm gonna ask some of this too." She added, raising a bottle of lotion on hand before she went on to pouring it on her hand, and applied it on her skin.
Cate sat on the bed, silent as a corpse. She was trying to open her head and rewind what happened, because she couldn't really remember a single thing. She felt fine, her head wasn't throbbing, but she lost the memories of last night. All she could pick was the fact that she and Abby drank last night at the bar, but she didn't have a piece of how she came home, and now she woke up naked and Abby was inside her room. The blonde was pulled into reality when Abby sat on the bed and started placing kisses on her neck.
"Hey, stop... stop." Cate spoke, pulling the blanket more as to cover herself.
"Are you okay?" Abby sweetly asked as she moved to sit beside her, "Why?"
Cate sighed before she turned to face her, "I don't remember last night."
Abby's lips parted. A moment of silence came until Abby cleared her throat. She shot the blonde a look - something that the blonde couldn't decipher what look was it. Abby then bit her lower lip.
"You don't remember last night?"
Cate shook her head, "No."
Abby's lips drew into a thin smile, "Okay. Well, I can help you remember." Abby jested and without hesitation, she moved and kissed the blonde.
Cate was shocked. Abby's lips were on hers, but despite the millisecond-freeze of her brain, she was able to move away, causing the kiss to break.
"What?"
"Abby, I'm serious."
Abby heaved a sigh, "Look, I'm offended." She looked at the blonde seriously, "You really don't?"
"I don't."
Abby got up from the bed and started picking up all the discarded clothes on the floor. She then moved towards the sofa on the other corner and put all of the clothes there before she walked towards the blonde and stood in front of her.
"See those clothes? We peeled it off from our body last midnight." She sat beside the blonde on the bed, "We had sex last night."
"Oh my goodness." Cate silently muttered to herself as she ran her hand across her hair while the other one stayed on her chest, still holding the blanket to cover her body.
Abby turned to face her, "Look, we had a lovely midnight. We enjoyed and we loved it. I can even ---"
"Abby, look." Cate pulled the blanket more, "You know I love Sandra. I love her still and you know that. What happened between us was a mistake. I was honest with you about me wanting to make her jealous and that's it. I cannot give you --"
"I'm not asking for anything." Abby cut her off, "I know you love her, you told me that." She then held Cate's chin and gently rubbed it with her thumb, "We had a lovely midnight, but that's just it. I am not asking for anything. No strings attached. We were drunk and it happened." Abby smiled, "Okay?"
And finally, Cate smiled. Abby smiled at her once more before the younger woman stood from the bed.
"I think I should go back to my room, and you need to do your things too. We'll be having breakfast with them and I think it's time for you to apologize to them for yesterday." Abby walked towards the door and paused, "And no, if you're going to ask me to side with you, I am not. You were really a bitch yesterday. You hurt Sandra and that was bad." She wriggled her brows and laughed, "You have to say sorry to the love of your life. Now, I need to get going. I'll see you later at the resto?"
Cate rolled her eyes, "Okay, Sandra Bullock fan."
Abby laughed, raising her hand to show the blonde a middle finger. Cate laughed in return. When Abby finally left, the blonde got up from bed and went inside the bathroom to take a bath. The day didn't guarantee forgiveness, but she was hoping that this day would turn out the best. She didn't take much time and within an hour, she had already walked out of her room. Cate's heart was beating abnormally fast as she trudged towards the resort's restaurant. She knew her friends were disappointed and angry on her and she was well-aware of the fact that they may not talk to her. When she arrived at the restaurant, her friends were already there, except for Sandra. She then gulped a bag of courage as she walked towards the table. Abby had spotted her walking and so the younger woman gave her a smile. When she arrived at the table, everybody was silent. Jen looked at her and gave her a friendly nod. Cate took a vacant seat beside Abby.
"I know I was an idiot yesterday, and I want to apologize for my behavior." The blonde broke the silence.
All of her friends turned their heads on her, but none of them dared to speak a word. Cate heaved another sigh. She then looked at her friends and tried to show a face of sorry.
"I really am sorry. I was a bitch yesterday." She added and looked at Helena, "Helena was right." She gave her a smile and Helena smiled at her too, "I'm sorry, guys. I'm really sorry."
"We understand." Jen smiled at her, "It's fine, but I think you should also say an apology to Sandra."
"I believe you should." Julia added.
Gillian reached Cate's hand and held it on the table, "Why don't you go to her room and ask forgiveness for being a bitch? Say how thankful you are for her saving you, too."
"Is she awake already?" Cate asked.
Jen shrugged, "I don't know. But I think it'd be best if you'll go to her room and then after your talk, you two go here so that we can have a nice breakfast."
Julia smiled, "That's a really great idea."
Cate's heart finally settled. She stood up from the table, relieved and happy. She was thankful how understanding her friends were. She smiled at them.
"Okay. Wait for us here. I'll promise this will be quick." She jested and when she received nods from the people on the table, she ran out of the resto.
They were finally falling into where they should have been. Cate realized how dumb and stupid she was for the treatment she gave to Sandra the other day. She still didn't know how to stand in front of her, let alone say the words that she so wanted to say - Sandra for her was too much, an inch of her could make her go malfunction. But she would do it; she would knock on her door, stand in front of her, look her in the eyes and utter her sincerest apology. She could barely do it with her knees subtly shaking, but still, she could try to withstand the tremors of her body because it was Sandra; the woman she fears, and the woman she loves.
Cate inhaled as she stood outside the brunette's door. If she could do it her way, she would launch herself to her, back her against the door and kiss her before she would say she's sorry, but no - she'll woman up, utter an apology and if Sandra permits, she'll kiss her because she missed her so much. Days of being together weren't enough because they were obviously torturing each other, and now, Cate just couldn't hold it back. She loved her, so much and too much that her heart could do and with crossed-fingers, she was hoping that right after their talk, they could patch things up once again.
She knocked twice. Outside, she waited for the door to open, but it didn't. She knocked again, this time, silently wishing for Sandra's beautiful face to show, but again, the door remained close. Cate held the knob, twisted it and when she did, she found herself alone in the room. The space looked clean, as if it was cleaned a minute ago. Realizing what's happening, Cate's heart raced to hammer against her chest. She franctically half-ran to the bathroom and Sandra wasn't there. With her hands shaking, she walked back towards the dresser and when she opened it, Sandra's things were gone. Cate bit her lip and in an instant, her tears fell. Sandra was gone, and she didn't know where she was. She didn't know if Sandra went home or what, all she knew was that she left. Cate's knees brittled as she stood in the big room alone. She knew and was sure that she was the reason why Sandra left without all of them knowing. With tears falling from her eyes, she walked towards her bed and when she reached it, there she saw a folded sheet of paper.
Dear Catherine,
I call onto you in secrecy, through my sincerest longings and dearest missings, I slowly whisper your name beneath my breath as my heart gravitates towards the thought of you and our cascading memories vivid in my mind.
&. the short infinities I found in your smiles
&. the cryptic melody playing from behind
I hopped from one deep thought to another, yet no phrase could touch the core of my unending whines; of what should be and not be said. Perhaps I've never thought about relaying this grief anyway, for all I thought about was living in befores so I won't be missing you in all these afters.
&. our time was precious
&. golden we once were
Now skies are gray and so are we, or is it just me? I miss what I believe we had, and I would not do the same with any other. This peaceful chaos within me is quite suffocating. To give in or not to- I sometimes cannot choose, and I mostly am stuck in between maybe's of all the almost can-be's I'm not much certain about.
Tonight, I'm diving in deep into my soul's chasm, hoping to find peace beyond the borders of both bliss and hurt though I know melancholia will still linger like rhythms, for these atoms I embody will still be in hunger for warmth from every little thing that both made and tamed my agility. By the time you will read this later, I'm gone. I won't be coming back to the place where I call home; I ain't coming back. I have realized that I am wounded because I keep coming back to the places where I got bruised. I'm trying to find a new place and don't worry because I will. I hope you will be happy with what you have now with Abby. I wish you both the forever we never had.
Sandra
With the sheet of paper on her hand, the blonde broke down on the bed. Could it be that Sandra heard them last night? Was she really hurt about the event that morning? Whatever the reason was, Cate cried for she lost her for the second time around, and this time, she knew she's not coming back.
***