~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Manny: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roi: I finally found the one, JC. Her name is Bacon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DeStorm: Hey Watson! How does Sherlock's arse taste?
Liza: I wouldn't know.
Liza:
Liza:
Liza: But I assume it tastes like genius.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colleen (To Ro): I've actually never seen Star Wars.
Justine (After Ro tells her Colleen has never seen Star Wars): She’s never seen Star Wars?! Ro, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars.
Justine: And that's 'cause they lived them Ro! That's 'cause they lived the Star Wars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LeLe: Bye, Eva! Bye, Joey! Bye, Oli! Bye, Tim! Bye, Eva!
Joey: You said “bye, Eva” twice.
LeLe: I like Eva.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex: Tim, you gotta treat a car like you treat a woman.
Justine, Alex’s girlfriend: glaring intently Go on…
Alex: No, I sense I’ve made a mistake of some kind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safiya: Okay. Rule number 1, do not go off on your own. Rule number 2, if you do go off on your own, do not go in the woods. Rule number 3, if you do go into the woods, never, ever, EVER make out in the woods, or you will DIE in the woods…
Colleen:
Safiya: Where’s MatPat and Manny?
Colleen: Breaking rules 1, 2 and 3.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ro: I’m so risky now! Last night I went to a crazy club! And this morning I ate yogurt that was 2 days past the “eat by” date. I am like a maniac!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sorceress: I thought you were dead!
Joey: I get that a lot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colleen: Even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Alex, relieved: Oh, well that’s good-
Colleen: grabs Person B by the shoulder …But we’re not on my planet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jael: I’m wanted in a couple states.
Jael: Fifty, actually.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oli: Now that you quit smoking, what do you tell people when you come up here?
Tim: That I need a break from their crap.
Oli: Fair enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Another incorrect quote brought to you by me)
Roi: Do you really expect that I didn't think this through?
JC: You never think things through.
Roi: Do you really expect that MatPat didn't think this through for me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joey: So, when did this happen?
Justine: I was thinking of dying my hair red.
Joey:
Ro:
Ro: Babe, that doesn’t answer the question.
Justine: That’s the information I have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tyler, dramatically: It’s out of my hands, Joey. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny.
Joey:
Tyler: But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.
Andrea Russett, cleaning her throat: Ahem.
Tyler: As are you.
Liza: Ahem.
Tyler: And you. And-
Jesse: Is literally just sitting there
Tyler: Oh, I don’t know you, but I’d like to.
Joey: Tyler!
Tyler: I gotta go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willy: I’m sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.
High Tower: You didn’t have a happy childhood?
Willy: My favorite toy was a hammer. You finish the puzzle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DeStorm: The next person who says ‘owo’ or 'uwu’ is under arrest for crimes against humanity.
Alex: Cwimes against huwumanity.
DeStorm: I am going to break your fingers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oli: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Tim: Of course! As they say in France, ‘mi casa es tu casa’.
Eva: That’s Spanish.
Tim: People speak Spanish in France!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drive-thru guy: Bye, have a nice day!
Liza: Bye, I love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Justine: grabs Alex by the collar and kisses him passionately on the lips
Justine, pulling away, out of breath: You’re still not my type.
Alex: You make me sick.
Justine and Alex: kiss passionately again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MatPat: I always get the vibe that you like, hate me or something.
Nikita: What? Me, hate you?
Nikita, softly: You’re right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ro: You didn’t really have a crush on me, did you?
Justine: I- I think I did at one point, when we first met, but we became such good friends that I was kind of suppressed it in favor of that relationship.
Ro: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, me too.
Justine: What?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tyler: What’s your plan?
Andrea Russett: Don’t die.
Tyler: Okay, but beyond that?
Andrea Russett: Don’t die.
Tyler: That’s not a plan. It’s a general demand of living.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sorceress: I’d never stab anyone in the back. That’s such a boring form of betrayal.
Joey: You’ve literally stabbed people in the back, like, fifty times.
The Sorceress: Well, I’d never do it again because it got boring.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MatPat: If you've got questions, just ask.
Roi: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?
MatPat: ....... If you have any relevant questions, just ask.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DeStorm: Be the bigger person!
Tim: No! I'm 5'3 and bitter. You be the bigger person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teala: Safiya, are you having a depressive episode?
Safiya: Depressive episode?
Safiya: I've been having a whole depressive series for a while, AND WE'RE ON SEASON FUCKING FIVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Justine: Rosanna is my best friend, I would never date her.
Ro: Breaths
Justine: Shit, never mind. Hellooo Ro-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MatPat: Our first year as a married couple and we’re still in love.
Manny: In your face, those who said we couldn’t last a year!
Nikita: I stand by my wedding toast!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oli: Would you please not LeLe this into a worse situation than it already is?
LeLe: Hang on, did you just use my name as a verb?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tyler: Anyone d-
Alex: Depressed?
Liza: Drained?
Gabbie: Dumb?
DeStorm: Disliked?
Tyler: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ro: DeStorm, spell "Perfect".
DeStorm: R-O-S-A-N-N-A
Justine: Alex, spell "Perfect".
Alex: A-L-E-X
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eva: The night has always been a mystery to me. Because I go to bed at seven-thirty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joey: Pals' night, done right, is about bonding. Sharing problems, origin stories, secrets.
Tim: I'll start. I worked my way through school as a phone sex operator. 1-800-DJFeelGood.
Matt: I would totally call that. Um... I used to steal cars. Okay, who's next?
Shane: I was forged in the bowels of Hell to torture the guilty for all of eternity.
Joey: Interesting share.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~