"So this is our last session together Bella" Dr. Gerandy said sitting down across from me.
"Gonna miss me?" I asked him throwing myself back on the couch.
"Would you believe me if I said I would?"
"Probably not you should start billing me for the hair dye you have to buy after your sessions with me, Lord knows my father did" I said with a laugh.
"What are you not telling me?" Dr. Gerandy asked balancing his refill pad on his knee.
"Why are you so suspicious?" I asked him.
"My job"
"Really well mine is I don't want to talk today"
"Why not?" he asked
"Because I'm confused" I explained with a dejected sigh.
"About what?" he asked as I twirled around a bit of my hair.
"I went on a date" I said after a moment of silence.
"With?" he asked fishing for the information.
"Brad Pitt him and Angie just aren't working anymore, who do you think?" I asked him.
"Edward" He said and I nodded "Please tell me you're joking"
"No it was Edward and it was amazing and we talked about old times and then..." I began when he groaned.
"Please tell me you didn't sleep with him" Dr. Gerandy said and I shook my head. "Okay at least you didn't just head straight back into an old habit"
"I wanted to though"
"Really? We're talking about this?" He asked rubbing his eyes before nodding. "Okay what made you want to sleep with him?" he asked.
"I like who I am when I'm in bed" I told him in all honesty "I'm strong and assured, plus it took me so long to find a guy like Edward who makes me feels so beautiful but sexy that I'm just so sick of feeling like crap about myself so I wanted him to make me feel the way I always do when we have sex."
"So was it something that could have been a reality?" Dr. Gerandy asked.
"We're both adults, both stressed looking for relief and we're madly in love with each other. In my opinion it was practically a reality and it would have been earth shattering." I told him. I really was no holds bars with this guy; he would probably need therapy after he was done with me.
"Bella be serious"
"Yes it was almost a reality" I answered.
"Okay and who stopped it?" he asked.
"I did" I told him honestly.
"That's good, how did you stop it?" he asked.
"I just stopped him like I normally do if I'm too tired or if the kids are about to wake up. I just tell him"
"And when did you realise it was going to go too far if it wasn't shut down?" Dr. Gerandy asked.
"If you want porn..." I began.
"Bella this is important" He said looking at me with the look that said 'either tell me now or the guys with the butterfly nets will be breaking down the door' it was a rather wordy look.
"He touched my stomach" I told him "He touched the baby"
"And was your stomach an intimate place for Edward and you?"
"Only when I was pregnant, pregnancy fascinates him; he thinks it's amazing that something we created together would be lying asleep under my skin, which I completely agree with. Plus he told me when I was pregnant last time he thought pregnancy was quite sexy in my case if I'm being honest" I told Gerandy and he nodded.
"This is all very good Bella, by stopping him you stopped an old pattern of yours re-emerging which is what you should two should try and break if you want to be stable again." He explained. "How did Edward react once you stopped him?"
"I think he was embarrassed?" I said not sure. "He got flustered and turned around straight away not giving me a chance to explain"
"And then he got in the car and you haven't talked?" he asked.
"No"
"You decked him?" he asked.
"No, I haven't hit a guy since college" I told him.
"He slipped on some ice and was rushed to the ER?"
"No you'd be confusing him with me"
"Then I'm not sure what happened" Dr. Gerandy said honestly.
"I told him to turn around" I said and I swear he dropped his refill pad.
"You told him to turn around?" he asked and I nodded.
"Impressed?" I asked and he nodded vigorously.
"Then what happened?" he asked scribbling notes furiously.
"I told him that I couldn't go any further until I was better and that I needed him to turn around"
"Then?"
"He did" I said, my own eyes widening realising how huge a step this was.
"Oh my God" He said looking at me like I was cracked. "And you talked?"
"I just told him I loved him and I had a great time." I said "And then he did the same and also said he loves the baby"
"Is that a first?" he asked.
"No but he's never said it directly like that. It's always been 'I love you and that baby' but he literally touched my stomach and said 'love you too Baby' or something along that description it was amazing." I said.
He sat there looking between me and his notes.
"What?"
"Bella you... you...?"
"What?" I asked slightly panicked.
"You've had a break through" He said and I looked at him confused.
"I have?" I asked.
"By realising the similarities in those situations and being able to put yourself in Edward's shoes but making him stay, it projects you want him to anchor you. This is amazing wow, this is a big deal"
"How so?" I asked.
"You've figured out what you want" He said.
"I did?" I asked shocked.
"Yes Bella, come on just put what you want into word" He stated and I nodded.
I sat there silent for a bit before the words came tumbling out, now that I had realised what I wanted it was easy to iterate what I wanted.
"I want an anchor, someone to keep me there" I said slowly realising it was exactly what I wanted. "And I want that anchor to be Edward, my kids can keep me there when I'm in a good place but if I'm in a crap place I need him to... hold me in place" I said and Dr. Gerandy nodded.
"Oh I could cry this is so amazing" He said.
"I know what I want" I said.
"You know what you want"
"Oh my God"
"Yeah"
"What day is it?"
"Saturday"
"Shit he's probably on the road still..." I said scratching the side of my head. "I'm going to Washington" I told him before standing up. "Thank you Dr. Gerandy" I told him shaking his hand before walking out of his office and hailing a cab.
I quickly ran into Leah and James' and grabbed my duffel bag and leaving a note.
Then I went back to the cab and before I knew it I was up in the air on my way to Washington.
I knew what I wanted... and I was going to get it.
EPOV
That was the longest fucking drive of my life
I know.
I sighed as I walked into the house. It was fucking freezing in here.
It was now Sunday and I was only getting here now, I had gotten two flat tyres and shitty road conditions.
"Come on Molly" I called trying to get her to run up the steps, the poor dog was half asleep. "Good girl" I said scratching her head when she jumped up onto the porch.
I then got started on moving all the stuff I had brought with me in the car into the house, wanting to get started straight away before the shipped boxes arrived tomorrow. Luckily all the rooms were painted so I knew where everything was to go.
I had my headphones in as I unpacked but after awhile I realised Molly was barking.
"Mol?" I called pulling out my headphones; I walked downstairs to find her barking and scratching at the door. Probably needed a pee... I opened the door to see a cab pulled up outside. Once it pulled away I saw Bella standing behind it.
"Oh thank God" I heard her mutter "Cullen do you know how many places with this address in this area there are?" she asked as she walked up the drive a duffel bag on her shoulder.
"No"
"Four" She told me. "It's prettier than you described" She said looking up at the house as I walked towards her.
"Not that this isn't a lovely surprise..." I began when she got a really excited look on her face.
"I had a breakthrough" She said and I tilted my head to the side.
"What?"
"A major one" She explained.
"Come on let's get you out of the cold" I said taking her hand and leading her up the steps.
"So I get this doesn't change anything really nor does it mean you and I are fixed as a couple but Edward I know what's wrong with me" She explained.
"Shhh, Sweetheart I get your excited but please calm down for the baby's sake" I told her.
"Okay" She said before looking around her "You have no furniture"
"It's coming tomorrow" I told her.
"So you're sleeping..."
"I've got one bed upstairs but that's about it" I told her. "Back to your breakthrough"
"It was amazing" She said "There I was in Gerandy's office and I told him about our date and how great it was and then I told him what happened at the end"
"Bella I'm really sorry I pushed you..." I began when she shook her head.
"I'm glad you did or I wouldn't have realised this" She explained.
"Alright tell me"
"So he basically had a heart attack with excitement about how I stopped you from just running off and that's when it hit me, alright he did have to explain it a bit before I fully grasped it but..." She trailed off and it hit me.
"You need me to pull you back" I said and she nodded. "Oh my God"
"It's a bit of a mind fuck" She said and I nodded. "You want a beer or a hug?" she asked.
"I'll take the hug because I don't think we have beer" I said in all honesty and she wrapped her arms around me while I let this sink in.
"And I don't want you beating yourself up over this because really this is something I missed entirely" She said "I didn't even realise I was pulling away until after I was outside the front door."
"So you want me to look out for the signs and tell you to come back"
"Basically" She said. "And this seems like I'm totally blaming you for everything Edward but really I'm not. I never knew what I wanted so how where you supposed to help me" She explained and I nodded.
"God I love you" I told her.
"I love you too" She said before my lips were on hers. She moaned as pulled her up in my embrace, up around my waist. I was careful of the baby but still showed how much I needed her right there and now.
"Don't stop me" I told her and she nodded.
"You said you had a bed?" she asked and I nodded carrying her upstairs. I walked her to the houses master bedroom and continued kissing her. We quickly shed each other's clothes, panting for each other.
Once she was left only in a bra and panties and me in my boxers I laid her down on the bed. My eyes glued to our baby, God she was beautiful but that was only highlighted when she was carrying my children.
"Please Edward" She groaned as I reattached my lips to hers, my hand gently running over her baby bump while my other one pulled down her panties. She kicked my boxers down with her feet, sitting up a bit so I could rid her of her bar. Luckily her bump wasn't that big yet so I could be over her while we did this. Watching her beneath me was my favourite.
By now my dick was pulsating waiting to slide home in her warm slick haven. I reached for the head board behind the bed to give me leverage before pushing inside her.
Our breathing hitched as I slowly inched into her all the way. I kissed her pouring all my love for her into it before beginning to move in and out of her.
Because it had been so long it didn't take either of us too long before we began teetering the edge. She weaved her fingers into my hair, tugging at it sending the greatest pleasure pain sensations into me.
When we came it was amazing, her tight walls clenched around me milking me while I pumped all my fluids into her.
While we were both coming down I made sure to move over so not to slam down on her and the baby.
"Oh wow" She said reaching her arm over the top of her head.
"I know right" I said slightly shocked and from her tone I'd say she was too. "Did we really just...?"
"Yeah" She said like she wasn't really sure what had happened.
"K" I said. "How do you feel about it?" I asked her.
"It was freaking amazing" She said leaning up on her elbow and facing me. I propped myself up aswell.
"So you're happy about this?" I asked her.
"Yes you?" She asked.
"Freaking ecstatic" I told her leaning in and kiss her again.
"So what does this mean?" she asked.
"Well I think we need to build up the trust again and communication but already that seems to be improving but I think..."
"We're almost good again?" she asked.
"I think so" I said the smile on my face was ridiculous.
"Oh thank God, I missed you" She said leaning over and kissing me again.
"You have no idea Love" I murmured as our lips connected then. She moved so that she was straddled across my lap, my hands stroking slow circles in her back as we continued to kiss. She pulled away from my lips and I pouted.
"I think you'll be fine when you realise were these are headed" She whispered seductively in my ear before slinking down my body. My dick was wasting no time in catching up on the lost time and was almost fully erect as her smooth hands began to stroke it.
"Oh Bella" I practically grunted when I felt her mouth engulf me. "Bella... ah..." I moaned as she released me only to lick me from base to tip.
Her hands reached out and began massaging my balls making me practically drool for her.
"Mmm" She moaned around me making sending vibrations to my dick.
I came sharply in her mouth, as she swallowed everything I had to give her.
Once I was in my post state of bliss I hooked my hands under her underarms and lifted her up beside me.
"That was..." I trailed of lost for words.
"Glad you liked it" she murmured resting her head on my chest. I kissed the top of her head, but her eyes began to flutter closed.
"Bella?" I murmured kissing along her neck.
"Hmmm" she answered sounding distracted.
"I was wondering what names you thought about for this little one?" I asked smoothing my hand over her stomach.
"I don't know" She sighed. "She doesn't feel like a Lily to me" Bella added.
"And are we most definitely certain it's a girl?" I asked.
"Not yet but I'm going to head down to the hospital tomorrow and find the doctor your Dad recommended. I'm due in for another appointment in the next couple of weeks." She explained and I nodded.
"I'm going to hire a Nanny" I blurted out.
"What?" she asked sitting up. "Edward you know how I feel about Nannies" She said a hurt expression in her eyes.
"I know Bella but I can't do everything" I told her.
"Who said you had to do everything?" she asked.
"It's just until you and I are back in a place where we can fully trust each other Bella. Plus because of your previous pregnancy the doctor is most likely going to put you on bed rest for the last couple months" I told her and she sighed.
"Okay well I sorta knew that was a possibility..." She said although she didn't sound happy
"It's not permanent" I reminded her as she laid back down.
"Keep telling yourself that Edward" She muttered.
"Pardon?" I asked.
"It took me begging you to get rid of your help when the kids were born, first it's a Nanny and then you know you start thinking 'Oh this is nice, I don't have as much work to do' and then it's a chef and then it's a gardener..." She said trailing off but I knew what she wanted to say.
"Oh for the love of God just say it Bella"
"And then it's a maid" She said her tone cold.
"I'm going to pretend for my sanity that that is not implying what I think it does" I told her before standing up and pulling on my boxers.
"Well you know what it does imply what you think it does!" Bella said sitting up and pulling the sheet over her.
"Oh for Pete sake Bella how can you even think that I would do that?" I asked her and she stood up wrapping the sheet around her.
"Because I know I'm messed up and I am waiting for the day you finally accept this and go find someone else. Someone much better" She said. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her tightly pulling her towards me.
"When are you going to get it into that skull of yours that I'm not going anywhere with anybody else. I mean it Bella. I can't make myself stop loving you even though there have been times when I've wanted to. Now I'm hiring a damn Nanny no matter what you said but I just wanted you to know" I told her.
She nodded into my chest before I felt her tears.
"See what I mean about me being fucked up?" she asked amusement to her voice. "I pushed you away again straight away" She sighed, I tightened my grip around her.
"Shhh Sweetheart" I said not letting her move. Strangely enough I felt a sense of accomplishment.
I was doing what she needed me to do.
I was being her anchor.