Liam
It had been a few weeks since we had taken that trip and my head was spinning.
Every time that I thought about Rena, I felt like smiling. That couldn't be normal, but I also liked it. I thought about way her eyes would squint a little when she would smile, when she'd shake her head at something I'd say or...
This is what would happen every time.
I couldn't think straight when it came to Rena and I didn't know what to do.
It's also why I drove from my place to my parents, to look for something that Rena wanted, because I couldn't help myself it seemed.
I had to head into work tomorrow, despite it being a Saturday, and I couldn't take Bea with me or leave her alone, so I asked Rena. She was someone I trusted and it was only for a day.
She seemed excited to do it and began to tell me she would plan a whole fun day, for some reason the day included a projector and I just had to get it for her.
I knew I had one when I was younger, but it was at my parents house. So whilst Bea was at a playdate for a few hours, I drove up to my parents' house to find it.
Pulling up onto the driveway, I knocked on the door and took a breath, knowing exactly what would happen once this door opened.
"My baby!" Mum yelled as soon as she opened the door, pulling me into a tight hug.
I patted her back in return, as I felt my bones being crushed whilst in this hug.
"Mum, please," I winced.
"Yes, honey. Please, stop," I heard my Dad say, walking up to us.
Mum let go of me, then promptly elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to wince now.
Yeah, this went just as I expected.
"You came all the way over here for a projector?" Mum asked.
"I'm working later and Rena agreed to babysit for me, she wanted the projector for some reason," I told her.
Mum nodded slowly, with this weird smile on her face. "And you didn't ask why?"
I shrugged. "No."
Again, she smiled and nodded. I feel like I should question it.
"Why didn't you just bring Bea to stay over here?" Mum asked.
"It's only one night," I said.
"We'd like to spend time with here too," Dad mentioned and I smiled.
"I'll bring her over soon for more than just a night," I told him.
It was quite sweet how much they doted over Bea and how much she loved her grandparents.
"Okay, well, the projector must be somewhere in the attic," Mum began to say. "If you really want it then-"
Before she could even finish, I was running up the stairs. "Thank you. I'll go check," I shouted behind me.
***
I knew it had to be here, since Mum kept everything of mine from before, no matter how much Dad or I insisted that she throw some things out.
I'm pretty sure she still had a photo frame I made out of dry pasta.
"Find it yet?"
"Ow," I smacked my head on the ceiling hearing my Mum's sudden entry.
"Sorry, honey," she smiled, apologetically.
"It's fine, Mum," I rubbed my head. "Um, no. Not yet."
"Maybe just tell her you don't have it?" She suggested.
That made me frown. "But she wanted it," I said.
I don't know why, but I find it. I just... I didn't want her to be disappointed and also, I kind of wanted to see the smile on her face when I showed her the projector.
"Okay, honey. I'll leave you to it then," Mum said, before leaving.
***
After about two hours of searching, I finally found out.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, I felt my phone vibrate. It was Rena.
"Hey, I answered the phone.
And I smiled again.
What is happening to me?
"Hi," she said. "I just wanted to say it's okay if you couldn't find the projector. Chris had one instead, the one I actually wanted, so it's okay."
"Oh," I replied.
"I'm sorry it was a bother. Did you manage to find it?" Rena asked.
I looked down at the projector in my hand, one that I drove all the way over for and then searched two hours in the attic, and got myself covered in dust for.
Instead of telling her the truth, I smiled and shook my head.
"Not yet," I told her.
"I'm so sorry if I caused any inconvenience," she apologised.
"Not at all. I'm glad you found one," I told her.
"Me too, this will really make the day," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice. "Thank you for trying, Liam. I'll speak to you later?"
She's so sweet.
"Of course. Take care," I told her.
"You too," she said, before the call ended.
I guess I won't be needing this after all.
"Well, did you tell Rena?" Mum asked, she seemed more excited than I was, weirdly.
"She didn't need it in the end," I told Mum, holding the projector out to her.
She looked confused, whilst taking it from me. "After all of that?"
I nodded.
"And you're not bothered that you went to all that trouble?"
"Nope."
Mum held her palm on my forehead. She was taking my temperature?
"Son, are you alright?" She asked.
"Yeah. Of course," I said.
But I don't think I was.
***
I was in a serious mess and so I called someone to help me.
"Thanks for meeting me," I greeted Chris.
It was my lunch hour at work and thankfully Chris was free to meet up urgently, even know it wasn't really an emergency at all...well, it's subjective.
"No problem," he said, taking a seat across from me.
"How are you? And Miguel?" I asked.
"We're both good. As it gets nearer to the winter holidays, he gets excited to take pictures. New York in the winter is a treat for him," Chris smiled.
I laughed. "When all the Christmas things go up - it'll look better."
"He can't wait. I, however, am not a fan of the cold," he said.
I immediately nodded in agreement. "Same."
"Okay, so what was the real reason you called?" Chris asked.
"Just to chill," I tried to be nonchalant.
Judging by the expression on Chris' face, I could tell it failed.
"Okay, I wanted some advice...for a friend," I said.
I knew I had called him for help, but it felt embarrassing. It was like some kind of pre-teen hitting puberty and needed help with my 'girl trouble'.
"For a friend?" Chris raised a brow.
"Yeah," I said, but then cleared my throat because my voice went too high-pitched. "Work colleague," I added.
"Ah, I see," Chris said and there was, what felt like a really long pause, before he finally nodded. "What's the situation?"
"He has...or rather feels like he's developing feelings for someone," I began to explain.
Chris just nodded again and I carried on.
"He says he's confused on what exactly he feels and whether it's appropriate or not."
"Why? Is she married?"
"No," I quickly said.
"In a relationship?" Chris asked.
"She was..." I said, "-according to him," I quickly added on.
"Oh, so she's recently single?"
He was really trying to get into these facts.
"Well, it's not that recent. But she might still be hurting and not over it...again according to him," I told him.
Chris let out an amused breath before nodding. "Of course. Well, how does he feel about her?"
"He said...when she's near it's like he forgets himself and everything else. It's only her in the room. He craves for her to just glance his way, and when she does, his heart stops momentarily only to beat again when she smiles. He looks for that smile - the genuine one. When he sees it, it's like the sun came out over a rainy day and any second there will be a rainbow."
I felt out of breath after that, but it was nice to say this out loud to someone instead of the internal monologues I kept on having.
Chris himself seemed taken aback by it.
"Wow," he let out a little chuckle. "Well, it sounds like your friend is in love."
"No," I said out of shock.
"No?" Chris raised a brow.
"I mean-"
I didn't even know what I meant.
Was I actually in...?
"From what it sounds like, your friend is either in love or on his way to falling in love. He's in deep man," Chris said.
Uh oh.
"But what if she doesn't feel the same way?" I asked him, since that was a very real possibility. "And she just came out of a relationship - not recent but it still has to be soon?"
I don't want Rena to be freaked out by this. We're in such a good place, if I tell her and she hates me or doesn't feel comfortable, I'd hate for that.
"If he confesses, he'll know from her answer whether or not she feels the same way. If she's just out of a relationship - maybe hold off then. Let her heal and move on," Chris explained.
"But what if I...I mean my friend confesses and she rejects him?"
"Let me give you my example," Chris said. "When I first met Miguel, I knew I liked him. I hadn't met someone like him before, the way he spoke, everything about him, just his entire being and presence. But he was still healing from a past relationship. I knew that and kept my feelings to myself- until I went and blurted it out on a random day we found ourselves alone. He said no."
"What?" I asked, surprised.
"Yeah," Chris smiled. "He said he wasn't ready and I guess he rejected me."
"Didn't it hurt?" I asked.
Chris shrugged. "A little," he said.
"It sort of felt great to get my feelings out. To tell him 'this is how I feel about you, how I've always felt.' When he said no, it was hard but it wasn't like it stopped my feelings all of a sudden. If it did - I don't think they were really there. I accepted that in that moment he doesn't have the same feelings, and instead I just waited. We continued with our life, going about our day, maybe I did a few things to remind him I liked him with a note or two, and some texts, but I never pushed it on him. Slowly but surely, my feelings were reciprocated."
I guess that sort of made sense.
Just telling Chris how I felt - even if I was lying and saying it was for a friend - it was kind of freeing. Being able to say the words to Rena, that might just be the best feeling ever.
Although, it was still scary.
"But what the feelings weren't reciprocated?" I asked.
"I still would've been okay with it. I had laid my cards out on the table - it was just up to Miguel. If he still didn't feel the same way - well, then overtime I would've come to accept and understand that, shit as it may be, and moved on with my life," Chris said.
"I see," I replied, lost in my own thoughts now.
If I tell Rena - that I like her, not love, that would freak her out - but if I said the words and she, by some miracle felt the same way, it would be amazing.
If she didn't feel the same way, at least I would have still told her. She'd know.
I just hoped it would ruin things between us.
"We can't force someone to fall for us," Chris said and I looked back towards him. "That's up to them. We can only choose if we want to make that leap first."
For her, I could make that leap.
"Thank you for this, Chris."
"No problem. I hope your friend makes the leap," he smiled.
"Me too," I smiled back.
Just a leap.
***
Hope you liked the read :)