"Osman?"
Bala choked, and Ceyda swallowed as Selcan's cries rang through the commotion. "Allahim, don't make me suffer this pain," Bala prayed before breaking into a run to her wounded lover. They laid Osman's stretcher in the small open hut where the dervishes, Sheikh, and the two women gathered.
Ceyda slowly made her way to them, praying not to lose another brother. She heard the dervish that brought him tell Edebali he was unconscious when he found him and that the arrow in his back was lodged too deep to take out. Ceyda remembered Zohre Hatun dealing with something similar; she used a hot iron to press the skin, making it less harmful to pull the arrow. Unfortunately, Ceyda hadn't stayed long enough to see the ointment. She immediately turned to help the dervish light fire and pulled out her dagger to rest in it as Selcan tore out pieces of white cloth to stop the bleeding.
A few dervishes rapidly prepared ointment to rub over the wound while the others brought in helpful equipment. Ceyda handed the Sheikh the dagger when it was hot enough, murmuring a few instructions as he slowly loosened the arrow. "Selcan Hatun, prepare the iron," he called out.
"It's ready, Sheikhim," Selcan answered promptly. "How does the wound look?"
"It's tough; it won't be easy if it touched his lungs. We will do our best. The rest depends on the Sultan of Wisdoms. Ya Shafi!" Osman groaned at the impact and slowly the Sheikh managed to pull out the arrow. He handed it to Ceyda who put it in a bowl of water as Selcan rushed over with the hot iron.
"He's bleeding too much, Baba!" Bala notified as Edebali pressed rags on the wound before gently bringing the hot iron to it. Osman winced and so did the others as Edebali whispered, "Ya Shafi," and the cauterizing was done. As Selcan and Sheikh Edebali bandaged the arrow wound, Ceyda took the time to examine the bloodied arrow. She realized with a clench of her jaw that they belonged to the Mongols, learning to identify Balgay's arrows rather quickly after her unpleasant stays in his company.
Edebali and Zulfiqar Dervish left the women, and Ceyda grabbed the rest of the ointment, sitting beside her aunt to rub it over the bruises and cuts on her cousin's face. Bala watched Osman from the opposite side, and Ceyda realized that she hadn't given her a word of comfort. She frowned at herself but continued spreading the medicine, wondering if the information of those who did this to Osman would be useful.
Her thoughts were cut short when a trample of horse hooves was heard. She peered at where Sheikh Edebali was standing to see Boran and Goktug dismounting their horses and walking toward the Sheikh. Ceyda sighed in relief to see them unharmed- or at least less wounded than their Bey.
She passed the medicine to Selcan Hatun, rubbed Bala's arm soothingly along with a warm look, then made her way to the Alps.
"What happened to him?" she questioned once the Sheikh left them. She studied them carefully; Boran's face was also framed with cuts and bruises, but Goktug seemed fine- though he was a little pink. They were silent for a few moments, so she spoke up, "Balgay did this, didn't he?"
Goktug nodded slowly, and Boran winced, in anger or pain she couldn't tell. "We were ambushed by our own...they handed us to the Mongols," Boran informed bitterly.
Ceyda remembered Konur telling her something similar. She couldn't bear hearing Bahadir or her uncle's name again, so she turned her attention to Boran's wounds. "You don't look too well..."
"I'm fine...how is my Bey?"
"He will get better, InshaAllah, and you will too. Come with me." She wouldn't take no for an answer, so she started for the hut before he could protest to get more medicine and a jug of water, waiting by a log a few feet from the hut. Limping to her with Goktug, Boran sat down, and she started rubbing ointment over his cuts as Goktug awkwardly sat beside him, watching her. There was a moment of silence when Ceyda broke it. "You stink," she smiled, and the corners of Boran's mouth twitched.
"How's Konur?" He smirked back, and she pretended to never hear him, and instead, pressed on one of his bruises, making him inhale sharply and change the topic. "How are you here?"
"I made up with Selcan yenge and Bala. I thought to help them build the lodge." She left out the part of being told to come here. "How are you here?" She glanced at Goktug.
"I tricked Balgay into letting me capture Boran, and we searched for Osman Bey until the tracks led us here," he answered, and she hummed in surprise.
"Are you sure you're not dripping blood on me?" Boran playfully glared at her red right hand, and she chuckled lightly.
"It wouldn't make a difference anyway; you're already covered in blood...and dirt. Did someone step on you?"
"Well...it wasn't just anyone," said Goktug, and Ceyda raised her brow.
"Alright, don't fill me in on the details of Boran's torture," she shuddered. "The rest will heal over time...and no one will see it, so you're done."
Boran scoffed. "Thank you, Doctor Ceyda," he said sarcastically, and Ceyda shoved him aside to sit, grabbing the jug of water she brought to clean her hands before passing them to the Alps.
There was another moment of silence before Ceyda buried her face in her hands. "I'm bored," she whined. Her attention span was getting shorter and shorter over the days.
Boran groaned too. "Don't bother me, I'm already tired. Look, they have chickens, go stare at them."
"No." She looked back at the hut to see Bala by Osman's side, tears dropping from her eyes. She sighed at her insensitiveness. But somehow, she didn't feel any sorrow for Osman or sympathy for Bala and her aunt. She felt...nothing. What is wrong with me?
It was dawn by the time Bala left Osman's side to sit by Selcan near some trees at the far end of the field. The Sheikh and dervishes ordered themselves in a small circle and were praying with their eyes closed for focus. Boran's eyelids were drooping, and Goktug disappeared behind the trees that led into a forest, leaving with an excuse to take a walk. Ceyda stood and adjusted Boran's head so that it leaned against the trunk of the tree behind them; he was now sleeping.
Her instincts taking over and pulling her toward an unconscious Osman, Ceyda glanced around the lodge; everyone was busy. She found her dagger resting by the small table beside her and grabbed it, staring at Osman curiously and maliciously. Whispers raced through her mind, thoughts that weren't her own but became them as the whispers loudened: Kill him. The iron fist of the Mongols wants it so. Your father orders it so. Kill him!
She raised her dagger, an evil smile gracing her lips. "Rest in torture, Osman Bey." She thrust the dagger down...
...when a pair of strong hands gripped her own, pulling the dagger out of her grasp, and Ceyda fell to the side with it, screaming in frustration as her hands slammed the ground. Reality placed itself in front of her and her screaming died down, replaced by short and quick breaths that came out as rapid gasps. She blinked to see Selcan and Bala staring at her in shock while Sheikh Edebali looked at her with confusion, and a concerned pair of striking blue eyes jolted her memory, and she remembered what she did. Someone peeled her off the floor, and she looked down at her trembling hands. Her dagger was thrown a foot from her, blood on its tip. She pushed off the man who held her and ran into the forest.
When her legs wore out, she dropped by the trunk of a thick tree, panting as drops of liquid fell from her eyes. "What have I done...what have I done...what have I done?" she cried, her hands hitting the sides of her head. "No, no, no." The whispers returned: You failed. Go back! Kill him! She hit her head harder to get them out. "No!" You defy your commander's orders? "Shut up!" You dare disobey your father- "GO AWAY!" And they did.
Hands gripped her arms and Ceyda fought against them in terror. "It's me," someone said in a calming voice, "it's me, it's me." The smell of woods and musk enveloped her. It was Goktug's voice. He rubbed her arms and took her face in his hands.
Ceyda stifled a sob. "What have I done?"
"Nothing, nothing. You didn't hurt him," he soothed, wiping her tears with his thumb. "You didn't hurt him."
Ceyda calmed a little, and after a few moments in his arms backed against the tree, staring at the dark sky. "I didn't mean it-"
"Shh, we know you didn't."
She sniffed and thought about the whispers, the instincts that weren't her own. She turned her gaze to Goktug's. "There's something wrong with me," she whispered. He started to shake his head but she continued, "I still hear him. He haunts me...he fills my mind with his words....Please don't let him take me. Please don't let me hurt them...please," she broke into quiet sobs, and Goktug let out a shaky breath before letting her head rest on his shoulder.
He remembered Balgay telling him the potion never failed, especially those made by the Kara Shaman. It seemed as though the brainwashing effect was delayed...and it was his fault for giving it to her. His fault she was like this. His fault she was still hurting.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, shutting his eyes as a tear escaped. He watched Ceyda ease into sleep on his shoulder and rested his head on hers. "I'm sorry, my love."
---
The light of dusk woke Ceyda, and she blinked into awareness when she felt something hard beside her. Slowly, she turned her head to see Goktug sleeping a half inch from her, his hand on hers. She widened her eyes and shifted to the other side. "When did that happen," she muttered, glimpsing the forest around her. "How did that happen..." She wracked her brain but scarcely remembered anything from the night before.
"You're up early."
Ceyda nearly yelped in surprise as Goktug took a seat in front of her. "Where did you..." She glanced at the empty spot beside her, and Goktug snickered.
"And jumpy," he remarked, then became serious. "Are you alright?"
"Er-Yes...What are we doing in the forest?"
Goktug's face fell a little, but he quickly masked it with a confused expression. "You don't remember what happened?"
"Would I be asking you if I did?"
"Well, you ran into the forest because you were upset over...it doesn't matter. We should head back."
Ceyda nodded, and they got up. She smoothed down her tunic when she noticed the usual glint on her wrist was gone. She frowned. That was expected.
"Wait, before we go..." Goktug held up a hand when she was about to walk off and pulled something delicate from his belt, a bracelet. Her bracelet. "It...uh...you dropped it last night." He held out his hand and she smiled gratefully before placing hers in it. He clasped the bracelet on her wrist and let his hand linger on hers as he came closer, her back was now against the tree, and her heart raced as he brought his lips to her knuckles. Then his gaze met hers. She felt as if she would melt into the blue of his ocean eyes.
"Thank you," she managed to say- though it was more of a whisper. And then he spoke.
"Our last conversation was interrupted...I want you to hear what I have to say before it's too late." Ceyda wordlessly encouraged him. "Ceyda, I...like you."
Ceyda swallowed then smirked. "I don't hate you either."
"No, I... I really like you. I've known it ever since that night in the caravansary. And I was never good with words, but when I'm with you my tongue runs. When I look at the full moon at night and you, I find that you are more beautiful. You livened my dark life with your spellbinding laugh, Ceyda. You have me lost in your space eyes. You melted my icy stare with your warm gaze. You broke my stone heart with your sweet words. You made me a better human, Ceyda. And I love you with all my heart and more...and-" he sighed and longingly gazed at Ceyda before his next words stopped her heart, "Marry me already."
It took a few seconds to process his words; Ceyda was speechless. His every word shot sparks of fire down her heart, and the way his ocean eyes bore into hers set a fire in her stomach. The feeling wasn't unpleasant, and Ceyda's mouth curled into a smile, then a grin, and then she broke into laughter. Delighted, surprised, grateful, excited; the feelings rushed through her like a waterfall, and soon Goktug joined in. He laughed and effortlessly lifted her off her feet, spinning her until her laughter slowed, and he put her down. The forest was still and silent except for the breaking of a twig; it was like the last ten seconds of joy never occurred. Involuntarily, an image of Siddik formed in her mind, and the fire in Ceyda's heart livened then faded. It was like her tongue was caught in that fire, and she felt a pang of guilt as she watched the light of hope in Goktug's bright blue eyes dim with her silence. "W-will you marry me?" he asked quietly. Her feelings twisted into a knot, and she squeezed her eyes shut as the image of Siddik stubbornly stayed in her mind. "I-... I don't- I'm sorry, I need more time," she whispered sadly after what felt like an eternity of anxiousness, and Goktug's face fell noticeably. She inhaled sharply and brought her hands to his arms, gently pushing him back. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? W-what do you mean? Don't-don't you love me?" he pleaded.
Ceyda didn't know what to do or say without feeling jabs of guilt and sorrow. She never really thought of him that way, the way he thought of her, and if she did it was always a feeling that faded, never lasted long enough to be considered much. It was painful to see him plead. To see him hurt. Because of her. And she knew even if she was with him, it wouldn't be fair. Because she would never be able to love him as much as he loved her. She would only hurt him again. And that was the last thing she wanted. It was better to let him down now...before it really was too late. "I-I can't. I love..." She sighed and tried averting her eyes from the more than painful look in his eyes. "...I don't love you." Sorry wouldn't heal his hurting, so she decided to just look away and remain silent, even if it made everything worse.
After endless suffering, he looked away. "I-...I...don't understand." He thought of when he handed her a Mongol chief hat to hide her hair in the caravansary, when he added a scarf to it for her, when she smiled at him, laughed with him, teased him, hugged him, the day he set her free in Alisar's kiosk, their moment in the bushes when she forgave him and he nearly confessed his feelings for her, their glee by the horses, and hundreds more. ...I don't love you. He chuckled dryly as he thought of what always interrupted their moments. Who. He thought of Boran's teasing of Konur and Ceyda, the way they looked at each other. Konur was her friend from childhood, and he was a stranger. How could she ever love him after everything he did to her? How could she marry him when she barely knew him? He shook his head bitterly, and suddenly anger pumped through his veins. "Of course...it was never me. Ah, Goktug, ah, how could you be so blind?"
"Goktug, don't do this. It's not like that...I'm at fault. It's me, okay. Please, don't beat yourself up over me. I'm selfish, heartless, and worthless. You don't deserve me." She knew it was true no matter how much it hurt to accept it, and she couldn't let someone as pure-hearted as Goktug feel worthless in front of her.
Goktug was quiet for a moment. "Why, Ceyda, why? I would fight the world for you. Run to the ends of the galaxy for you. Love you until the day I die...so why-"
"Because I could never do the same," she confessed quietly.
He scoffed. "You would for him." Ceyda's brow knitted together, and she stared at Goktug in shock. "He doesn't love you, Ceyda. He's toying with you. You're wasting yourself over him. Tell me, has he, even once, confessed his love for you? Anything?" Ceyda could not believe him, and her earlier thought of Goktug being pure-hearted withered away. She took a deep breath and started to leave as Goktug continued spitting words, "He will hurt you, and you will come back to me. And I will be here, waiting. For you." Ceyda speeded her pace until Goktug's words were only a distant echo, "You will come back to me!"
By the time she returned to the lodge, it was morning and Osman was sitting in the hut with a smile on his face, accompanied by Selcan, Bala, and the Sheikh, each of them wearing a grin. Ceyda also saw Boran, Dumrul, Ayaz, and Konur waiting for him some distance away. Something told her it wouldn't be wise to see Osman now, so she wordlessly obeyed the voice and avoided him. As she was making her way to the Alps, a prickling stopped her from doing so. She sighed and made for the horses instead.
"Ah, Kahraman...how you have it easy...You don't need to deal with humans, flawed humans, selfish humans, cruel humans...How would it be to just ride across lands, away from all those who can hurt you? Free from the invisible cage love traps you in..." While she was busy grooming Kahraman, trying hard to get Goktug out of her thoughts, she heard footsteps near her and turned to a pair of dazzling blue eyes. She gasped, her heart starting to beat furiously. "No, no...leave me alone, please."
"Are you afraid of me?" The amusing and mocking tone scared her to the point she ducked behind her horse. "Please, please, leave me alone," she cried.
"What is this?" A hand took her wrist, and she fought to break free. A laugh was heard, and she clenched her fist so hard her knuckles turned white. Then...
SMACK.
"What is wrong with you?!" She panted in fury and ignored the stinging in her hand. "Just leave me alone! I said no!"
"'No' what? What's wrong with you?" As Ceyda faced Goktug, she realized it was not him at all. Ouch!" He rubbed his bright red cheek, and Ceyda covered her mouth in shock at what she had just done.
"Konur..." She looked over to the group of Alps who were definitely staring and heard everything, and she saw that Goktug was among them, glancing at the scene. She shut her eyes and winced at the red mark of her hand imprinted on his cheek. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she muttered continuously, quickly pulling out a cloth and pressing it to his cheek. She bit her lip and removed the cloth; it was still red. "It..er..doesn't look half bad..." She chuckled nervously as he shot her an annoyed look and a hard glare.
"Why would you do that?" he questioned.
"I... thought you were someone else...sorry...a thousand times...multiplied by infinity...sorry." She pressed her lips together and slowly handed him her rag. He snatched it, his glare softening a little.
"Who the hell are you scared to death of?"
"Er...no one, just forget about it. Why would you sneak up on me like that?"
"I was trying to talk to you. Anyway..." he took hold of her wrist again, noticing the gold chain. "Where did this come from?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she pressed her lips together. Ceyda then glanced between it and him; Konur looked intrigued, curious. "The market," she replied airily. It was true.
He eyed her. "I know that. But who gave it to you?"
"Why do you care?" she teased.
"I don't-" he sighed, and she smiled. "Who gave it?"
"Are you jealous?"
"What?" he laughed. "Why would I be...no, I'm curious. Who gave it?"
He was obviously lying, though he masked it well. "The trader," Ceyda replied honestly, but he didn't buy it.
"Ceyda, I'm asking one more time. Who gave it to you?"
The corners of her mouth twitched. "The trader," she repeated. He nodded slowly- there was something off about his laugh and teasing voice, Ceyda noticed but thought it was because of her slap and ignored it. Instead, she pulled her hand out of Konur's grip, which hardened in his interrogation, and continued grooming the horses. She heard him sigh as he left to sit down with the other Alps, then fought to hold back a laugh.
Konur clenched his fist as he sat down by the Alps, stopping himself from shooting Goktug a hard glare as his brother's words ran through his mind. What Ceyda and Goktug were unaware of was that they weren't the only ones in the woods earlier. Boran informed Konur of what happened to Ceyda the night before once he arrived at dusk, and he immediately set out to find Ceyda. When he saw Goktug with her, he froze. Hidden behind the cover of the trees, he saw Goktug give Ceyda the bracelet, heard his romantic confession, his marriage proposal, saw how he spun her around as they laughed. Konur couldn't take it anymore, so before her next words could pain him further, he rushed out of the forest. They were too engrossed with each other to notice the breaking of a twig, what he stepped on by accident as he sped away from them. Questioning Ceyda about the bracelet and hearing her lies only fueled his anger along with confirming his theory of her hiding something- her acceptance of the proposal.
Ceyda looked over her shoulder to see Osman walking over to the Alps, looking much better. He noticed her by the horses and smiled before making his way over. Ceyda ignored the feeling of fleeing and waited for him. "How are your wounds, Bey?"
"What wounds?" Osman smiled, and Ceyda chuckled.
A few cuts and bruises on his eyebrow and lip were visible, but he was grinning like they were never there. "You look extra happy today, Beyim," she remarked with a sly grin as she spotted Bala smiling shyly by the hut. "Won't you share the reason behind it with your dear cousin?" she teased.
"Of course..." He grinned from ear to ear. "Sheikhim, Edebali...approved our marriage proposal. InshaAllah, Bala Hatun and I will be married soon."
Ceyda broke into a laugh. "Hai MashaAllah! May it be good, Bey. I wish you and Bala Hatun eternal happiness and armies of children. May Allah make your love for each other grow with every day."
Osman nodded and smiled. "Thank you...Yours will happen soon too, Ceydam." Ceyda's face started to fall, but she shook it away and just nodded. "Come, we have much to do before that." He led her to the group of Alps, and she hesitantly sat down beside Konur who shifted away from her, curiously. So Ceyda shifted with him and just smiled as he stared ahead stubbornly.
They talked about recent events: Kilic's death, Burcin shooting Bamsi, Gunduz confronting Alisar in his kiosk, and Alisar wanting an agreement between them at Sogut.
"Kara yılan," Osman insulted the Sanjak Bey after hearing about that. "He knows there won't be an agreement. He's afraid of shedding blood in his mansion. That's why he wanted a meeting." After a wave of silent agreement, Osman told them his thoughts about Alisar taking action soon. "But we will act faster," he confirmed.
"Beyim, Dundar Bey will come to the meeting," Boran informed.
Osman shook his head. "It's not bearable anymore, brother. Only blood can clean this betrayal. Death is nearing for my uncle and Bahadir." Ceyda nodded slowly. "Goktug, take Ceyda with you." Goktug and Ceyda shared a look, Ceyda wanting nothing less. "You will be Kongar again," Osman said, and Goktug winced. "You will be, so you can go to Balgay. He will keep his eye on you, so be careful. You will sneak in and tell me where that snake is staying. Balgay will be the most important trump for Geyhatu."
"Yes, Osman Bey," Goktug said, casting Ceyda a smirk that well reminded her of his boyish smirks as Kongar. She gulped as Osman told the others their duties.
Ceyda decided that obeying her Bey for Allah's cause was greater than what Goktug and her were going through so didn't protest when they set out to find Balgay's camp.
"We will go by foot from here," he told her after some riding, dismounting his horse as he cautiously studied his surroundings. Ceyda wordlessly followed him through a mass of lively green bushes. She carefully pulled out her weapons and he held his hand to her arm as he looked ahead. Ceyda smelled smoke nearby and the familiar Mongol stench along with hearing the clanking of swords. He gestured for her to slow down, and she nodded as they knelt by the bush ahead to see several Mongols training, their camps set up behind them.
"We found them," Goktug said, and Ceyda peered at them, "So, they settled here."
"Ceyda, go inform Osman Bey. Be silent. And be careful."
Ceyda was surprised he didn't bring up anything else but grateful nonetheless. Glad to be away from him, she sneaked out of the bushes to her horse and broke into a gallop toward Osman Bey.
---
I know nothing about love so sorry again for the cringy 'romantic' writing heh. Ya like this Goktug moment?