Commander Haught entered the flight deck first, Cadet Earp following close behind. It buzzed with activity. A multitude of lights flashing on monitors and control panels. A hum of intelligent machines preparing the ship for departure from Gideon. Nicole sat in the pilot's seat, motioning to Waverly to sit beside her. Nicole was quiet for a moment, reading a screen informing her of the ship's readiness for flight. Finally, she looked up, her gaze lingering longer on Waverly than she realised.
"Your test scores are above average for close combat flying. Best I've seen for a cadet."
Waverly felt her cheeks redden. Keep it together, she told herself, don't give it away you have a crush on your Commander.
"I'm interested to see how you perform."
That was it. Waverly felt herself sink into the co-pilot seat. If Haught kept talking to her like this, she would never make it through the three months without imploding. She would need a long shower after this first session.
Haught maintained her gaze. "I want to see you fight. I know how good Andherei are in battle."
Waverly couldn't breathe. Was Haught hitting on her? No, she couldn't be. It sounded flirtatious. No, she was reading too much into this. But, what if Haught did fancy her? A match made in heaven.
Haught continued. "I need to say this. So we are clear. I run a smooth ship. Everyone pulls together. No individuals. No shining stars. And, definitely no Earp attitude."
Waverly's love bubble popped right in front of her eyes. "I understand. Got it. No shining stars."
"Good. Now that we understand each other."
Crestfallen, Waverly lowered her head attempting not to look upset. Haught clearly had a problem with her. The Earp name and Wynonna's reputation preceding her on board. Haught resumed her reading of the pre-flight checks, unaware of the effect her words had on Waverly.
The checks complete, she glanced over, wondering why Waverly had not asked any questions. She saw the look on her face, realising she may have offended.
"Hey, listen. I take everyone as they come. Prove to me you're worth keeping and we'll see how it goes. OK?"
Waverly looked up, realising Haught was attempting to make peace with her. She forced a half-hearted smile to show she accepted Haught's gesture. She would do her very best to prove to Haught she was more than capable of being part of her crew. That she wasn't like her sister. That she could be an asset, not a liability.
Other crew members were taking their positions, ready for departure. Haught would fly them out, letting Waverly take control once free of the planet's pull. Her first test in front of Haught, to demonstrate her ability to fly a pulse ship. Bustillos winked at Waverly as she strapped herself in. Waverly smiled back, knowing she had at least one friend on board.
The vibration through the ship told her she was about to leave Gideon.
...---... ...---... ...---...
Ten years earlier (2405):
The fifteen year old Haught scowled at her mother. Her mother's words drumming in her ears. Beating out the same rhythm over and over. Duty. Family. Honour. Duty. Family. Honour. The weight of expectation pressing on her shoulders. Pushing her down. Crushing her spirit. Her mother made everything so heavy. Why couldn't she do what she wanted, not what her parents expected. What they had mapped out for her. Couldn't she follow her own map?
She didn't want to go into the military. She wanted to get lost among mountains, swim in oceans, watch life unfold on the multitude of planets at her disposal. Lose herself. Find herself. Why didn't they love her enough to let her be who she wanted to be? Why did it always have to come back to duty, family, honour? What about freedom? What about fun? What about fucking leaving her to decide what was best?
She sat sulking as her mother droned on. "Your father expects you to follow him. To make him proud. You are a Haught. Elderman Haught's daughter."
Nicole mumbled under her breath. "I wish I wasn't."
Her mother caught the gist of what she had said. "You owe this family everything. Without your father's position you would find life very difficult. You need to grow up, take responsibility for who you are, who you will be one day."
Nicole could feel herself being triggered. Desperate not to cry in front of her mother, she pushed her chair back ready to leave the room.
Her mother knew she was winning. "Don't you dare walk out. I'm your mother, show me some respect."
Nicole stood motionless in the room. All the happiness sucked out. She was trapped, cornered, unable to escape. All she wanted to do was run. Anywhere. Freedom. Where nobody knew she was Elderman Haught's daughter. Where nobody expected her to be anyone other than who she chose to be.
"Why can't you let me be me? That's all I want. Fine, you want me to be in the military, I'll go. But, I'm not staying any longer than I have to. I don't care what's expected of me. That I become an Elder. Rule Gideon. That's not who I am. Let someone else have that job."
Her mother had won. She hoped in time her daughter would understand this wasn't a sacrifice. This would give her the gravitas necessary to lead. A presence in front of those who would be condescending enough to think she was nothing. She was a Haught. Elderman Haught's daughter.
Nicole loved her father dearly. She was doing this for him. Not her mother. She knew he was proud of her. She knew he wouldn't ask her to make the sacrifice her mother was asking. And yet, she knew he would be heartbroken if she didn't follow him into the military.
His death, his murder in five years' time would hit her hard. She would not realise how hard until the time of its arrival. She would not realise how much she would miss him once he no longer was in her life. How she would wish she had spent more time with him, talking, laughing. She loved his laugh. Loved the way he didn't take himself too seriously. Unlike her mother. She loved her mother, but always had the feeling she was letting her down in some unspoken way. Never quite good enough. Never living up to her exalted expectations. Her love forever tantalisingly out of reach. Something needed to be earned. Rarely given freely.
Her father's generous heart proved to be his failing. Stepping in to rescue a stricken ship, just like his daughter would do one day. His ship unable to survive the onslaught. One last message home. Nicole would replay it over, and over, and over, sobbing, her own heart pierced with every word uttered. The one person who had loved her as herself. Faults and all. The lost look on her mother's face. Nicole unable to reach her emotionally. Her mother burying herself in her work for solace, abandoning Nicole in her grief. Unable to express the sadness she felt at losing the one person who showed her how to love another.
...---... ...---... ...---...
Waverly watched as Willa and Wynonna fought each other in front of their father. He was frustrated.
"Wynonna, concentrate. What have I told you? Stop letting your emotions get the better of you."
"I'm not. She's fighting dirty."
Willa laughed. "I'm faster than you and you can't handle it."
Wynonna screamed. "You're not faster than me. I can out-fight you."
Their father stepped in. "Stop. Take a moment. Wynonna, what have I told you about letting an opponent get under your skin. Willa is testing you. Looking for your weakness. Let it go. That's not the Andherei way."
Wynonna stood panting. She desperately wanted to beat Willa. She couldn't. Willa was too fast, too wily for her. Her father was right. Willa knew how to get under Wynonna's skin. Burrow into her insecurities. He beckoned for Waverly to take over. She was only eleven.
"Waverly, your turn. Block out everything else. Watch Willa's energy. See it dance before your eyes. Are you ready?"
"Yes father."
Waverly stood before her eldest sister. She had seen what she was capable of in a fight. She had seen Wynonna with a bloody nose once too often. She wasn't ready. Wasn't able to fight to the level of Willa. She would do her best. Her fighting staff poised before her, looking at her sister's energy field, gauging the moment of attack.
There. She saw it. The rhythm of energy around Willa's body changed. Invisible to those not trained to see it. She could sense the move Willa was about to make. Her sister launched a blow, Waverly outmanoeuvring it, dancing to one side, as Willa's staff came crashing down beside her, hitting the ground with such force it sent Willa bouncing backwards. Wynonna shrieked with laughter.
"Hey Willa, you're not so fast after all."
Rage took over Willa. What she would give to take a swing at Wynonna in that moment. Wynonna's obvious delight at Willa's failed action caused Waverly to lose concentration. She failed to see Willa turning, swinging her staff with every intention of killing the person with her blow, catching Waverly on the side of the head, sending her flying sideways.
A lapse. An act of vengeance. Brutal.
Waverly lay motionless on the ground. Her father running to her, shouting at Willa for such a thoughtless action.
He held Waverly in his arms, blood pouring from the wound her sister had inflicted. Wynonna stood over him, desperate to see if her baby sister was alive. She looked at Willa. Her hatred solidified.
"If you've killed her."
Willa looked shocked. She hadn't meant to hit Waverly so hard. It was an accident. She had wanted to hit Wynonna. Wynonna would have known what to do. She would have ducked, or put her staff up. Anything. She would not have been hit.
Their father stood. Waverly's limp body hanging in his hands. A rag doll, blood staining the ground as it dripped from her head. She was so small. So frail. He worried whether she would ever make an Andherei warrior. She had so much to live up to. He knew she was not a born fighter like her two sisters. They had the edge, always ready to out-fight the other. Pushing each other on, honing their skills in the process.
Waverly was different. She knew how to fight. She was more talented than both her sisters. And yet, it was not in her to be a fighter. Two warriors was more than enough for any Andherei father. If Waverly wanted to be a farmer he would be more than happy with her life choice. Afterall, he had chosen a farmer, her peaceful nature his sanctuary against the brutality of a warrior's life.
His balance. His balm.
Their mother screamed when she saw Waverly being carried into the house.
"Which one of you did this?"
Willa and Wynonna were behind their father, both silent, both realising they had played their part in almost killing their sister. Wynonna looked at Willa. She hated her. She wished she had been on the receiving end of Willa's staff, not Waverly. Willa wouldn't meet her gaze.
"Well. I'm waiting. Which one of you did this?"
Willa met her mother's glare. "She didn't read my energy."
Her mother was furious. "Willa, she's eleven. How could she possibly read your energy correctly. Why do you have to be so cruel to her? She's only a child. Mercy. One of the pillars of the Andherei Code. What are the others?"
Willa's voice was shaking. "Justice. Courage. Honour."
Their mother nodded. "That's right. Mercy, justice, courage, honour. The four pillars, four fingers pointing to the sky. And, the fifth. Where does the fifth point?"
Willa had tears in her eyes. "The heart. It points to the heart."
"That's right. The heart. If you let your head rule you, this is what happens. You hurt the ones you love."
Willa fled the room, knowing what she had done to Waverly, what she had wanted to do to Wynonna, was heartless. Wynonna watched. She too had learnt an invaluable lesson that day. She would get Willa back for what she had done to Waverly.
...---... ...---... ...---...
Nicole executed a perfect departure from Gideon. Waverly was impressed. She knew how to fly a pulse ship. Seeing someone do it so effortlessly was magical. It was her turn. Commander Haught signalled for Waverly to take over. She had control. Don't mess this up Earp, she said to herself.
The ship banked to the right, following the route on the screen in front of her. She would need to make a jump in T-04. She had jumped plenty of times. This would be in front of everyone she wanted to impress. She took a moment. The voice in her head telling her what to do. Stay quiet. Let your actions come from silence.
The monitor informed her she needed to make her next manoeuvre. She checked conditions for a smooth jump, telling the crew to prepare themselves.
"Jump in three, two one. Activated."
The ship launched into jump drive at her command. The motion around them slowed as speed took over. That queasy feeling at having to go through something unnatural hitting most of the crew. They emerged the other side. Several light years away from Gideon. Closer to their new mission target. Haught was impressed. Waverly's ability to calmly take them through a jump on her first day gaining her a nod. Waverly was relieved.
She hadn't killed the crew. A bonus.
Haught motioned for Bustillos to take over as pilot. She left the flight desk, needing to spend time alone going over the mission details. She looked at Waverly one more time before leaving the flight deck. A look that said she approved.
Entering her quarters, she sat staring at the coms screen in her work station. This was going to be awkward. She had felt something with Waverly. Something between them. Not the feeling she had with other cadets who joined the ship for their first three months in space. The look new recruits gave a commanding officer. Awe. Worship. Pedestal polishing. Making her feel bigger, more important, than she actually was.
The look Waverly gave her was something else. Longing. That was it. Longing. Giving her heart to the person she was looking at. It unnerved Nicole. She couldn't. She wouldn't let someone creep into her heart unwelcomed. Waverly was beautiful. Perfectly contoured in her flight suit. That was a given. This was beyond the physical. Although, what she would give to make it physical. Starved of affection. The odd encounter with strangers when on down time from the ship. A drunken fumble. No names. No regrets.
She could so easily find her way to taking Waverly. Her heart began to race. She needed to not think about such actions. It would get her thrown off her own ship. A price she might pay to rid herself of the military. Too high a price for Waverly to pay. It would ruin her career in the process. Any chances Waverly might have in the military. She sensed Waverly wanted to do well. She was good. Too good, perhaps. It could make other members of the crew resent her. They were a good team, but they vied for position. Each wanting to move up the success ladder.
Nicole rubbed her eyes. Be realistic, Haught. The chances of doing anything on board were zero. Or, maybe ten percent, forty percent perhaps. A forty percent chance she could with Cadet Earp and not get caught. Stop, she instructed her brain. No way. Back to zero. Keep it at zero. Safest at zero.
Safe from Cadet Earp and those eyes.