"You guys are going to the beach next week, right?"
The familiar bell chime of the alert tone on my phone rung out a bit in the outdoors, disappearing with the petals of fallen Sakura leaves in the regular atmosphere of spring.
"Yes. We have a lot planned."
My fingers flew across the keyboard, typing at a way faster rate than when I wasn't using my phone at all. Amari-san diligently texted me throughout the camp to keep me busy, and it really improved the speed and style of my texting (even emoticons...who would have thought).
"Eeeeh~ anything for YOU in particular? ^_−☆?"
I sighed as I hinted at the message sent. Obviously relating to you-know-who and I, and yet I was still going to lazily beat around the bush as always. I really had my fair share of Yū-kun throughout this whole training regime- mind, presence, feelings, and all. I never expected it to get THIS intense.
"Not really.. I might swim with Kiyoko-san.. Or do the water balloons with her. d(^_^o)"
Send.
Not even a fraction of a minute later, a white reply box rolled in with the rest.
"GAAAH! Kameko-chan, at least tell me you'll have a decent bathingsuit....."
"Define what you mean by 'decent'. (~_~;)"
"You know! A cute two-piece that'll get guys to be ALL OVER you! Such a nice figure, Kameko-chan!~ Use it well!~ o(｀ω' )o"
I was ready to type a response, but another text came before I had time, stopping me from continuing the process.
"Especially for Yū-kun!"
The only text that ACTUALLY made me show emotion outside of the screen. My cheeks tinted the color of the tree's petals above me as I furiously clicked the buttons of my device.
"If I ever were to do it, I would choose to! And not for anyone."
"Mou, mou, Kameko-chan!~ But Yū-kun would be so happy seeing you!"
You don't know that for sure, Amari-san.
Nobody really does, or is it just me?
I huffed, bending down to lean my elbow on the crevice between my calf and thigh, and placing the bottom of my palm on the bottom of my chin languidly.
"I wouldn't know. It would be weird."
Why does she always bring him up? If I asked, it would help.. But, I wouldn't want to take a big conversation starter away from me- and my first friend, of course. Maybe I should deal with it longer, than tell her how I really feel?
Yeah, that's the case! I can't figure it out myself! I still need time.
I nodded in muse as I looked down to the screen with a new message notification popping up in a banner
"What's taking you so long? Thinking about him? ^_−☆?~"
A sudden text appeared right in front of me when I turned to look down once again.
How could I be so easily defeated like this? Amari-san could read my mind miles away sometimes, and it really gets to me.
"Not really."
"But you still ARE! Spill it, Kameko-chan! I'm here for that!"
Two thumbs hovered over the keyboard as my mind ran with the decision to tell Amari-san. She really IS like a more intense version of Sugawara-senpai. Those two would be partners in crime, really.
"I've just been thinking about it."
Is that okay? I think it gets my point across just fine. But it's pretty vague, she isn't going to settle for that.
"Really? Give me something particular! His face? His laugh? You liking him? They way he might be in b-"
"LIKING HIM."
I finished as quickly as possible with a hot red color spreading all over my face. The last comment was probably wildly inappropriate, so I NEVER wanted her finishing something like that. You really seem like Yū-kun #2 as well, Amari-san.
But, that text was impulsive and I was going to get TOTALLY bombarded for this..
"EH?! I KNEW IT!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER, KAMEKO-CHAN!! WAIT, ITS NOT APRIL 1ST RIGHT? OF COURSE NOT! KYAHHH! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))"
I could personally feel Amari-san's radiance and excitement jumping out of the screen and smothering me. It didn't feel the ever growing battle of bad or good choice in my mind, as I slightly shook with anxiety over talking about girl problems.. With a friend? I was so nervous it was pathetic just to look at me this way.
"Sugawara-senpai brought it up, so I decided I should choose. I'm having trouble though :/."
I poured a bit of my feelings into this one to see if Amari-san actually wanted to immerse herself into this mess.
"I'm guessing it's how he feels about you? And Kiyoko-san doesn't help, right?"
Spot on.
"Yes. It troubles me. I just really want to get rid of this feeling."
"YOU CAN'T!"
Her words shouted and me and stung a bit in my chest.
"This is what comes with love, Kameko-chan! You have to tackle this in order to know how you truly feel! If not, it just as good as going back to square 1."
I frowned. I didn't know how to feel, after all. For such a dull girl in the classroom, Amari-san was such a wise advice giver. Either that, or I'm just dense and easy. Or, I truly don't understand what I have to do still to find out how I really want to feel.
"I can't compete with Kiyoko-san. You know that. And he treats me like he does anyone else, so that factor is ruled out as well."
"If you tell yourself that, than it'll only be true and stuck in your head. Step up, Kameko-chan! (￣^￣)ゞ!"
Stuck in my head, Huh? Wouldn't I be running from the truth? Or is that in my imagination as well? God, is this confusing. Faith can only save me now, then?
"I'm still unsure if I'm in 'love' yet."
"Than you're going to need a push, of course! You can't decide out of the blue!"
I smiled. Well, it was true.
"I'm proud of you for taking the steps! Don't loose faith, Kameko-chan! You're stronger than you look! （＾ω＾)"
Is it now that I just realized how lucky I was to be with Amari-san, and have her as a close friend? The person who I could actually share anything with? That I feel is a replica of me on the other screen, like a more couraged and hopeful me? This is what I truly love, but is it bad to want something else like that?
"Thank you, Amari-san. For everything ^ - ^."
A little emoticon was definitely not enough to show the happiness and relief welled up within me, but hopefully she'll sense even a little bit.
"Come to me with more next time! Especially all the Nishinoya looove~"
Thanks for bringing back the jittery feelings in my stomach, Amari-san.
"I'm not sure that's what I'll be talking about, b-"
"YO, KAMEKO-CHAN! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"
An outside voice broke me from the technological world and made my head shoot up out of nervousness and embarrassment to see how long the person was there- especially to see the messages.
I've come face-to-face with the person I've been talking about in THAT manner.
"Y-YŪ-KUN! I-I W-WAS JUST-"
"Texting someone, eeeh?~ Did Yumiko-chan give you someone's number?"
He smirked playfully and slyly, only making my face burn up even more at the subject introduced.
"NO! I mean, n-no.. Just the usual.."
I said, desperately trying to avoid his gaze by turning my face and hiding most of my face in front of my hair.
"C'mon, Kameko-chan! Tell me! AAAAH, isn't it Fujioka-san in our class? You're with him a lot!"
I shook my head at the libero, explaining afterwards how we only went to each other for homework.
"I see! By the way, wanna be bus buddies on the way to Okinawa?"
Yū-kun cheekily grinned and threw a lanky arm over both of my tense shoulders, causing nervous jitters to flow from there on.
"B-b-bus buddies?! I thought you were with Tanaka-san!"
I shook with wavering confidence in my time.
"Ooh, about that.."
Thin strands of blonde hair closed in onto the side of my forehead as the volleyball player leaned in to whisper something as he continued.
"Tanaka-san's living his dream!~ He got grouped with Kiyoko-san by default! What a lucky guy.."
Yū-kun sighed dreamily at the thought of his senpai, which tugged at a few strings in my chest. I brushed them away, not wanting to have that feeling on my mind on top of it all.
After all, he was close.
Too close for comfort.
Wide eyes and and a slightly agape mouth made it clear how much I noticed all the little features I now saw up close.
Therefore, I quickly shuffled away from the libero and turned slightly away from him for the sake of my own sanity.
"T-that's fine.. I'll sit with you.."
I merely muttered into my knees as I stated it.
"It's a little thanks for giving me your number!"
"Is it that important?"
I questioned, turning to look at my friend with a slightly confused expression.
"Wh-what do you mean by that?"
He asked, his confidence wavering.
"I believed you to be a lot more popular, Yū-kun."
"O-OF COURSE! I'M JUST IN DEBT TO YOU, I MEAN! THAT'S ALL!"
The libero declared and huffed dramatically as it was his turn to shift away from me.
"Sitting with you is a prize?"
I chuckled at his over-the-top-actions.
"If you didn't want to, you could've said so."
I couldn't see him now, but a gut feeling definitely told me he was pouting right about now.
"Well, its not like I don't want to.."
I remarked, hugging my knees to my chest as I gazed at the boy in hopeful forgiveness.
"Stop teasing me then, Kameko-chan! You're too mean sometimes!"
Yū-kun shouted, scolding me for finding fault within his request.
"I'm sorry. How about I sit with you to make up for it?"
The volleyball player looked absolutely defeated now, with a solemn expression on his cheery face. I've overstepped the joke to breaking the poor teenager.
"I'm just kidding. How about practice?"
And he cracked a smile on that stone face of his.
As I stood up, my mind gradually faded into a flashback of my conversation with Sugawara-senpai and his advice. It wasn't mentioned before, because it never dawned on me to see how much power was behind those words until now.
"Amari-san says that when you're in love, everything looks colorful. But it's not like I would find those colors, or anybody would find those in me."
"Well, why don't you find the first shade? Maybe it's a big, bright color! Or tiny and not really noticed until that point. I think that's the first step in love if you're looking for those colors to fill your life, Nakemura-san."
"I guess that's out of reach for me then, huh? How can I give someone a rainbow? It can't be just as simple as a smile, can't it?"
"You see, Nakemura-san, you might have already been someone's rainbow from the very beginning. Whether you notice it or not, color is there in you. Somewhere. All it takes is for you to see it in yourself."
Sugawara-senpai heartily smiled, the skin beneath his eyes crinkling considerably.
"And of course, a smile could always be that first color for anybody!"
And those words were the first push I've had to the emotion I've been afraid of admitting for a long time.
And it could've been just as simple as showing a smile, like Sugawara-senpai demonstrated.