ため野矢の: Because of Noya

手順 Steps

Love.

Love.

L-O-V-E.

Looooovvvee..

Love?

It's such a funny word.

I sighed quietly as the pen held loosely within my fingers repeatedly tapped the surface of a white clipboard. I was bent over on the windowsill of the room Kiyoko-san and I shared, dreamily gazing out into the vast area of land decorated with a few stars in a pitch-black sky- the dim light of a worn-out lamp being my only accomplice.

I made sure the tapping was loud enough to keep me within my deep thought- but quiet enough keep Kiyoko-san in a steady snooze.

Returning to my thoughts....

What was love? Have I ever been in love before? If so, when? Was it when I was younger like Yū told me?

But more importantly..

Did I 'love' Yū?

I've recalled times when he's 'moved me to the brink of a beating heart', like shoujou manga stated... But was love one of those feelings? I've shared a close connection for a long time, but is it conventional or friendship wise?

An index finger lazily dragged down the cold surface of a clear window, leaving hot, smudgy fingerprints following the touch.

I feel like he would be an interesting partner.. But would he be happy with me? If I even liked him? If HE even liked ME?

I chuckled at the thought.

I do like Yū. I've decided it a long time back that he was a good-hearted person. We've grown a close relationship as many have stated- but is that all? Am I going to soil my first close bond with something as unrealistic and far-fetched as love?

More importantly, how can I be EXACTLY sure Yū feels that emotion towards me? He's said he liked me when we were kids, but..
That's when we were KIDS.
A lot has changed over the years. His tastes. His feelings. Everything, really.
Except his height?

I snorted at my own joke, which stirred Kiyoko-san ever so slightly. I immediately halted as she did so, to avoid more noises that could wake her up.

Speaking of which..

He obviously has fawned over Kiyoko-san for the longest time. Who would not have? She's the epitome of beauty. Thick black hair, icy blue eyes- hell, even a beauty mark to top it off. If his taste is towards her, than the thought of me being in that league is just no chance at all.

The way he looks at her with big eyes and a dorky smile on his face- like he would ever see me in the same perspective. Not to mention pretty pervy, and that's not really attractive.

He's not going to wait for you to catch up!~

Those words echoed in my mind. Damn you, Sugawara-senpai. Having to make me rethink what I feel. Or even having me think this deeply at all.

And that factor just tops it off. I know if I decide my feelings too late, he'll leave me behind. He's a fast-paced person after all- everything is a blur around him.
And me?
Probably the slowest person around. Time is stuck on slow-motion for me.
It's like a rabbit and a turtle, really.

Now I have to rush towards love head-on? Before it's too late?

But.

"Actually, yeah.. I think she was my first crush."

I don't.

"If it's okay.. Can I give you my name?"

Love.