The next day rolled around and by that point I had made up my mind to give Newt space and not try to talk to him. Not that I would know what to say, anyway.
And surprisingly, it wasn't as difficult as I had previously thought. He wasn't being rude or obviously disregarding me, he just wasn't directly talking to me, so it made social situations much less tense.
And I was very thankful for that as we all sat around the large council table, munching on toast and fruit as Vince talked over his plans for the upcoming months. Our main agenda was how we were going to get Minho, Aris and Sonya back, so, that's predominantly what our meetings were about.
It turned out that Vince and Jorge actually had quite a few helpful connections, so they were just discussing how to use those best to our advantage as I sat there with my head down eating an apple.
But it appeared that zoning out and not listening was my downfall, as I realised Frypan was yelling my name directly in my face.
"Y/n! Are you paying attention?"
My head lifted up to scan the room, and I noticed that all eyes were on me. I swallowed thickly, realising that they must have been trying to get my attention for a while.
"Did you hear what we have been saying?" Vince asked, as he shot me an annoyed look. I took another bite from my apple and through munching I replied, "Nope."
Jorge sighed heavily while everyone turned their attention back to Vince. I could feel a small twinge of embarrassment appear in my cheeks, but I pushed away the feeling as I didn't have time for it. Instead, I turned my full attention to Vince as he began speaking again.
"As I was saying, if everything goes smoothly and I can continue to make contact, I'm sure that a face-to-face meeting to discuss logistics will go ahead in the next couple of weeks. From there-"
The so nonchalant nature of the discussion caught me off guard, when I realised, I had no idea what they were talking about. "Wait. Face-to-face meeting? With who?" I asked, clearly aggravating Vince further, but honestly, I didn't care. The man sighed again as he turned to face me.
"There's others out there just like us, and they have intel on how Wicked moves kids in and out of cities. So, a couple of us are going to meet with them to discuss plans." I nodded my head to show that I understood as another question formed in my head.
But someone else beat me to it before I could even open my mouth. "Who are you taking?" Thomas asked, flicking his eyes between me and Vince.
The man clasped his hands together on the table as he took a small breath in. "Well, I haven't figured it all out yet, but I was thinking you and Y/n."
What?
My eyes widened so far, I thought they'd pop out of my head as I watched everyone else's expressions take in the idea. Most seemed to nod their head in agreement; all except Newt.
He looked mortified. So concerned and frightened of the idea. But he wasn't the one to speak, Brenda was. "Why them? While I don't think it's a bad idea, why did you pick those two? I think I would give it a good go." She said as she straightened up in her chair.
She has a point. Why out of all people, has Vince chosen me for this?
Vince nodded slowly before sitting himself down. "I chose Thomas because he seems to be the leader of this group, and I think out of everyone he deserves to be the one who helps get them back," This time, Vince turns to me before saying, "And I chose Y/n, here, because she's scary good at fighting, and honestly, I think with her there, none of them would try anything if they knew who she was."
I looked down at the table again, not really wanting to meet anyone eyes, but luckily, I didn't have to as Vince cleared his throat to speak again. "Right, well, that's enough for today. See you lot later." He said, as he packed up his things to leave the room.
I thought maybe I'd stay, as I wasn't done with my food and I really didn't want to go back to the sleeping quarters, but as the others began to leave, I noticed that the only person that stayed probably didn't want to be around me.
While the last of the others had run through the door, it left just Newt and me in an uncomfortable silence, during which he just stared down at the wooden table before him. I wanted to say something - anything - just to stop whatever this was. But no words came out.
After a few minutes, he finally got up to leave, and I realised that I probably wouldn't get another chance to talk to him alone, so it was now or never.
Fuck the plan I had earlier – it can wait.
"Newt, hold on..." I called after him, and just as I thought he was going to ignore me and continue on out the door, he stopped right before he could and turned around. It honestly shocked me so much that I realised I hadn't thought of what to say next.
He stared at me blankly, not seeming angry or upset, just emotionless. I was definitely not used to seeing him like this. And still, he didn't say anything, as I realised it was me who was going to have to continue the conversation if I want him to speak to me again.
"Look, I'm-"
Oh, for fucks sake I'm useless at apologising.
"I am- I'm really sorry... for- everything, really." I could feel words and sentences forming in my head again, "I didn't want to lie to you, I just- I didn't think it was the right thing to do – to tell everyone I mean. I didn't even know what it meant myself."
Newt still wasn't speaking, but he didn't look uncomfortable or annoyed, so I figured I might as well keep going if he's just going to stand there like an idiot. "I- I think a part of me realised what it meant quite early on, but I just didn't want to accept that was who I was... that I was just a part of Wicked's team that was responsible for so much shit."
I'm used to speaking in short but full sentences, ones that don't particularly hold any emotion, or make me stutter due to how uncomfortable I am. But this time felt so different – I really don't like it.
"So, I am sorry. Not for not telling you – but for the part I must have played in it. And I would just also like to say, that I don't appreciate you ignoring me, as everyone else has accepted what happened, and- I get it-"
He sighs and bites at his lip carefully, before looking me straight in the eye. "I'm not trying to ignore you, Y/n." I almost forgot how calming his voice was, and it took me a second to register that he was actually talking.
"Not ignoring me? What do you call this then? Look, I get that you're mad, but you can't keep-" His eyes widened at my words, and he interrupts me before I can go any further.
"Mad at you? I'm not mad at you, Y/n. I'm upset that you lied to me. I don't care that you worked for Wicked for fucks sake, I'm upset that you never told me."
I felt like putting my fist through a wall, or giving him a massive hug. Either or.
Is that really all he's upset about? He's not even mad, just upset?
I sat back down quickly on the stool next to me, because I felt like if I didn't then my legs would give out on me and I would just fall straight onto the ground.
"Wait, so, you're not mad?" I asked, totally confused at how he isn't livid with me. But all he did was chuckle slightly, before moving further into the room and stopping basically right in front of me.
I forgot how he could so easily tower over me, which, a lot of the time, I wasn't used to seeing. He smelt fresh, like he had just gotten out of the shower, and his hair looked washed and combed.
"No, Y/n. I'm not mad. It just hurt when I found out you had been lying to me all this time." I pushed my lips into a thin line, as guilt bubbled back up into my chest.
I pushed my eye line to the floor, staring at the dusty ground with great intensity. I know he's watching – I can feel his eyes on my face, but still I don't meet his eyes.
And as I couldn't think of anything else to say, Newt continued.
"Show me."
My head snapped up back to his. "Show you what?" I asked, confused about what the hell he was on about. He moved forward slowly, making him seriously close to me again.
"The tattoo. I want to see it."
My eyes widened in shock, and I immediately adverted my gaze to my left forearm where the tattoo laid. Newt noticed instantly, and very cautiously lifted my arm to examine. Before doing anything, he looked back at me as if to ask, 'can I look?', and as I nodded my head, he began to pull my sleeve up to my elbow.
I felt so weirdly exposed, as I hadn't shown anyone the mark before, but here I was, showing Newt, the boy who never fails to confuse me.
As he finally lifted the jacket far enough up my arm, he began to examine the mark, not being able to tear his eyes away from it. I didn't know what was so mesmerising about it, but then again, I've had to look at it for the past few weeks while he hasn't even known about it.
And then he did something I was not expecting.
Very delicately, he bent his head down and kissed it. It was so soft that I'm surprised I even felt it at all, but he did, and he lifted his head back up slowly to look me in the eyes again.
"Thank you for showing me."
And it seemed as if he really meant it.
-
A/N: absolute qts.
if my uploads become less frequent, i am sorry, but i'm currently working two jobs and am doing my college work constantly. i swear to post as often as i can, and i have a couple pre written chaps so i'll upload them soon. hope you all understand <3
next chap should be up by next weekend x