It's difficult
Watching us fade
Knowing it's all my fault
My mistake
Yeah, and it's difficult
Letting you down
Knowing it's all my fault
You're not around
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Zayn! This is wonderful!" Mrs. Malik threw her arms around her only son. I sat there, smiling, at the scene. It was a genuine smile. The kind of smile that comes when you know you've found a home.
Zayn's family was so warm and welcoming when we entered. They all embraced us both equally in tight hugs and wide smiles. Zayn didn't beat around the bush this time. He told them we both had an annoucement, so we needed to say it now. I guess he didn't want a repeat of last time.
We all went and sat in the living room. A white couch was on one side and two matching chairs on the other. A fire place was to the side, and a door leading into the kitchen on the other. His family, mom,dad, sisters, they all sat staring at us on the other end. I didn't want to say anything, and Zayn knew it, so he took a deep breath and said, "We're married." The girls squeeled. "And Kate's pregnant." This is where you all came in. Hugs and congratulations were all being passed around. They all seemed genuinely happy. So I was happy.
The groupd started talking, discussing Zayn and I's plan for the future. Mr. Malik talked about the difficulties this marriage would lead to, but he also discussed the joys and wonder of having a child. Zayn's sisters were all giggling and trying to pick out the perfect name for the baby, boy or girl. During all this commotion, Mrs. Malik lead me into the kitchen.
The kitchen was small, an island with a breakfast nook and enough cabnits to house a grocery isle. I watched her as she went straight for the coffee pot and poured a glass. Next, she went to the fridge and pulled out a bottled water and handed it to me.
"Kate, I cannot tell you how excited I am." She smiled brightly at me.
"Me too," I replied smiling.
"No, I'm extremely excited. I know you're both only children yourself, but I know these things will work out for the best. I have faith in both of you."
I set the bottle down. "Thank you. That means a lot."
She set the cup of coffee down in front of her and leaned over it. A deep breath excaped her lips, and, for the first time since I'd arrived at the Malik's, she looked unhappy. Worried, almost. Her fingers tapped the glass slowly. It was like she was trying to tell me something. It was definitly something internally.
I could only imagine what it would be. She had just told me she had faith in Zayn and I. What could be the bad part? Something about the baby? The marriage? I needed to know!
I looked back at the door, picturing what was going on in there. Probably Mr. Malik still lecturing, Zayn telling him he knows and it's going to be fine. The girls were definitly on their phones and computers looking up names. Each a different gender.
I laughed to myself.
Mrs. Malik looked up at me. "Kate," she finally spoke. Another deep breath. "What about One Direction?"
My heart sank. One Direction? I had totally forgotten all about the band until now. I was so wrapped up in my own little problems that I forgot about it. The whole band was ruined because I had to go and sleep with both of those boys. It was my fault.
Not to mentioned I ruined Zayn's career. It's what Zayn loved most. This is what made him money. This is what he had to support himself. And now, after missing out on years he could've been at the university, he had nothing. Nothing! Nothing to support himself, much less the baby or I.
I've ruined his life.
"What about One Direction?" I gulped. She knew all this, too.
"Well, don't you think you should apologize to them. Not to be rude, but you both ended it." I knew she meant I had ended it but didn't want to hurt my feelings. She was just sparing me.
But what would we say? "Sorry I slept with Zayn and Harry both and got pregnant. Then they had to fight over me, so of course they didn't want to sing together anymore. And, oh yeah, One Direction is over forever. Sorry guys. I know you did nothing to deserve this, but it's my stupid actions, and I'm not even in the band!"
No. You can't just do that. I'd have to think of a better way.
"I guess you're right." I said.
I couldn't really focus on this topic. My mind was too much on Zayn and ruining his life. I couldn't keep doing this. He deserved much better than me. Someone who didn't go around sleeping with his bandmates. Someone he could trust 100% and have a bright future with. Not some roadie girl. Not someone who couldn't even support herself.
Life was so unfair sometimes. I knew what I had to do now.
"Hey, Katie." Zayn came through the door, smiling. My stomach flipped. "It's nine. I think we should go home. Big plans tomorrow." He winked. Big plans? What big plans?
"Oh, okay. I'll get my coat." I told him.
We headed out the door. Everyone waved and told us to come back soon and keep us updated. I told them I would. I lied and told them I would. We got in the car and drove back into town where Zayn's appartment was.
As he parked, I sat still and didn't unbuckle my seat belt. I told him we should probably go for a walk to talk. He was cheery and said sure. But we needed to be home early tonight. Of course. Big plans tomorrow.
We walked in silence to start out. Then Zayn tried to hold my hand, but I pulled back, insisting they were cold and hid both hands in my sleeves. He nodded approvingly. He was so happy right now. I was going to hate doing this.
"Zayn I ne-"
"Lovely night, isn't it?" He asked, unitentionally cutting me off.
"Oh yeah. Lovely." I laughed uncomfortably. "Zayn, I really need to talk to you."
"Talk." He said simply.
"Zayn, I can't....I can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?"
I inhaled deeply, and exhaled slowly. "I can't be your wife."
He didn't say anything at first, just shoved his hands in his coat pocket. Then he finally spoke after what seemed like ages. "Why?"
Tears began to creep back into my eyes. They were coming over the edge. I had to wipe them off gently.
"I've ruined your life." I whispered.
"Ruined my life? You didn't ruin my life! You made it better, if anything." His voice was begining to raise. It took me back to his fight with Harry.
"Yes I did. I ruined your life. I ruined Harry's life. I ruined the bands life. I ruined the life of all your devoted fans. I've ruined everything for everyone!" The tears were spilling over like a waterfall at this point.
He stopped and laughed. It wasn't mean. It wasn't cruel or with any intent to hurt me. It was like he was just told a hilraious joke. "You're insane." He shook his head and continued to laugh.
This was my moment to take the situation farther. "Insane? I'm not insane. I ruined everything, and you know it. I can't be with you. I want you to just go back with your band. Never see me again!" I stood there and yelled at him, my face a mess from running make up.
"Don't be so selfish, Kate. This isn't all about you," he said solemnly.
"Isn't about me? I'm the one carrying the child. You have no right to ever say that to me."
I began to walk away, but he pulled me by the arm back to him. I jerked away and kept walking. I shoved my hands in my pockets and let the rain storm continue.
I heard Zayn's voice behind me. "It isn't that easy, Kate! You can't leave like this!"
It is never easy, but I still kept walking. I couldn't look back. He'd keep coming back to me, trying to get me back, but I wouldn't let him. Eventually he'd have to give up and get on with his life.
I knew in my heart I'd just let my walls break from around me and the foundation cave in. And it was all my fault.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
PLEASE READ THIS BELOW!!!!
So..... I hope you liked this chapter! I don't know when the next one will be up!
Please keep reading and comment! We're almost at the end of this journey (okay like four or five more chapters at least, but soon!)
I'll definitly have to know if I should write another story after this one. So if you like it, please tell me if you like it or not. I have to make a decision soon and plan.
Thanks
-Hannah :)
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