I have no idea how Lysander turned "Julia! Is that Ryan?" to "Kill Maria! Chick chat dye in?"
I mean, like seriously, how? Magically hearing? Or is it just a stupid boy superpower? I know I won't get that power. But I don't want it, so good for me.
It was so embarrassing just passing my house like it was just a random stranger's house. Sorry! Did you want me to know me house so well that I knew the number of bricks on it? Well, sorry, I don't got a lotta time.
I knew it, the second someone started yelling, I know it was my mom. How? Who DOESN'T know their mother's voice?
Well, I also could tell it was my mom because her voice sounded just right yelling at random people. You know, those scary Karens that just come to you with their Gucci purses getting ready to throw them at you? Yeah, that same voice. That's my mom.
"Hi... mom." I said. Lysander was smiling like the idiot he was. Dang it! He probably found my secret Cheeze-it stash! How dare he?
She frowned. "Weren't you taken away by some random police guy?"
Well, duh, yeah I was. And she didn't even bother asking if I was okay. I love my mom so much.
'Random police guy.' That's a better name then Martin. Hmm, maybe that's what I'll call him from now on. But I still hope I'll never ever see him again.
"Yeah, I was. I did a thing called coming back home, I don't think you've ever heard of it." I told her. Lysander was still silent.
"Hi, Ryan." She said, reaching her hand out for a handshake.
"Oh. Ryan? Who's tha-" I elbowed him. "Oh, yes. That's me. Ryan. Stupid me! How could I forget? Ha-ha." He laughed. Like a robot. No, I think it was more maniacal. Either way it didn't sound human. I don't think Lysander's human, though.
"So, Ryan, how's your little brother?" My mom asked.
"My.. brother? Oh. Yes. Oh. Yeah. My brother - he's doing fine. What about yo- what about Julia's brother?" He asked. The idiot.
"Oh. Julia never told you?" My mom asked, glaring at me.
"We're friends, not child caretakers! We're not supposed to compare how beat up our brothers are! 'Oh hey, my brother has five bruises on his face!' 'Oh hey, my brother has six! One more than yours!' Is that what an everyday conversation is supposed to sound like?" I asked.
"I don't like it that you're this sassy," my mom said.
"I don't like it how there's no such thing as free gold. Well, life ain't fair, dear momma." I told her, grinning.
She sighed. Then she just walked into the kitchen, leaving us alone, standing there.
"So, Ryan, how are you doing today?" I asked him.
"Oh, ma'am, I'm going great. Thank your highness so much for asking thee." He said dramatically. The only thing he's actually good at. Hah! Roasted.
"You said something wrong! 'Thee' means 'you.' You're supposed to say 'thy.' That's the correct way of saying it, sir, Ryan."
"Does it look like I care?" He asked. He actually truly look intrigued.
"Yeah. You do look like you care."
"Okay, fine. Maybe I do. But still! I'm not in drama class or super dramatic or anything." He said.
"You're dramatic enough to be in drama class. But the minute the teacher saw your annoying face she's probably like: 'Nope, I don't want this kid in my class.' Matter of fact you actually are super dramatic, idiot. Pay attention." I told him.
"Pay attention to what? The only thing I can pay attention to is the food over there." He pointed to my pantry. Or my house's pantry. But I dominate over it like the whole time so it's basically mine. Only thing is, my mom's the one that's paying and buying the food. I love my mom, like I said before. So he doesn't know about my Cheeze-it stash, which is good.
"Pay attention to life, you brainless monkey!" I snapped at him.
"I'm a monkey..? I never knew... I love how I'm the only monkey that's not obsessed with bananas. Maybe I'm a hybrid! Part monkey and part flying thingy!" He said, stupidly excited.
I sighed. He doesn't even know his own species? I hope he dies a monkey plus 'flying thingy' hybrid.
"'Flying thingy?' There's a lot of flying things in the world? Part gnat? I agree. Or maybe part fly? Yep, you're just as annoying. Or maybe you're just part air." I said.
He gasped. "I'm part air?"
"Yes. Yes you are. You're also part water."
He stood in a dramatic position. "Tis I am one with the sea! Tis I am part Poseidon! And part Percy Jackson!!" He announced.
I just stood there, annoying, arms crossed. "Yeeeeeeah. Congrats. Woohoo! Now, you're going to be Ryan and nothing otherwise. Please. Also, my mom's caught up you're the 'brother of the guy her son punched' not the 'guy her daughter's not supposed to hang out with.' Yep, totally. So you're going to be two different people. Or if you want to be three, I could make you another person - the weirdo you are." I told him.
"Wait... your mother doesn't like me? She's got a
T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E taste. I'm awesome! And perfectly likable. Tell your mother she needs to get new glasses." Lysander exclaimed.
Yeaaaah. If I could, I'd agree with my mom. But I'd be a bad person, and the very kind person I am, I'm just going to stay away from that conversation prompt.
"Okay. Listen to me." I told him, slamming my hands on the table.
"That sounds easy." He said. Well, anything that he says sounds easy is probably impossible for him. You get used to it.
"So," I started, "my mom thinks you're the brother of the kid her kid punched."
"What kid?" He asked. Oh, boy. This ain't gonna be easy.
I narrowed my eyes.
"Okay, okay, fine. I understood. But she's not wrong... I am the brother of the kid her son punched..." he sassed.
"Well, could you let me finish?" I asked impatiently.
"Well, why'd you stop talking in the first place? It was just N-A-T-U-R-A-L thing to do when the other person stops talking. Oh, wait! I spelled it right! Yay! Finally," he muttered the last part to himself.
"You can spell, great, wonderful, yay. Now, she also doesn't want me to hang out with yo-" he cuts me off.
"WHYYYY? I'M AWESOME! AND AMAZING! WHY-" he stops all of a sudden.
"Is everything alright?" My mom called from the kitchen.
"Yeah!" I yelled back.
"For one," I told Lysander, "shut up."
"And two, you're just lying to yourself. Your ego is bigger than everyone else's in the world combined."
"Ooh, ooh, ooh! We could have the ego contest to see who has the biggest! I'll definitely win! Maybe the prize should be a thousand pounds of Cheeze-its." He said excitedly. Maybe I should've given up telling him a long time ago.
"Now, shut up until I say you can talk." I told him.
"Okay," he said.
"Did you not hear me? Don't talk unless I told you you can! My mom won't take forever in the kitchen."
He nodded. Finally! Tis he knows what he shall do.
"Okay, so, my mom knows that you were taken by the police. She doesn't want me hanging around you, and she's afraid you'll get crazy and find a way to murder me." I was over exaggerating, but it was fun seeing the amusement on Lysander's face turn into horror.
"You've given me a good idea- oh, wait. Sorry. Go on." He said. I roll my eyes.
"But she also wants me to hang out with the "brother of the kid who got punched by my son" and now I have no idea what to do. She's basically telling me to stay away from you and hang out with you!" I finished.
"Why is your dad looking at me like that?" He asked, no longer worried about not shutting up, "He's scary."
My dad? How did he know my dad?
My dad pointed at Lysander.
"You! I know you! You're the guy that's supposed to be in jail."
___________
Yes. The chapter has officially ended. I'd consider this a pretty quick update. I want to wake up with reads, votes, and comments, just because it feels nice I have a billion notifs XD.
How was this chapter?
Dedicated to KeefeRealSister !
Thanks for making it to this point! What was your favorite part in this book?
Don't forget to comment, vote, and share if you liked this chapter! I know it wasn't as funny as the other ones, but... yeah.
Anyway have a nice day!
Somerandomhuman88