CHAPTER 10
IRENE
When you have butterflies, are anxious, or are nervous, you are at your most powerful... Many people allow this power to consume them rather than honing it and using it. Another quote goes, "A big challenge, a big pressure is like a fire, a raging fire."
You can either let this fire consume you and completely consume you, or you can gain control of it, harness it, and blow it right at your opponent in Dragonball Z style. That's what I'm attempting to do: control my emotions and take advantage of the adrenaline.
But the things that frighten other people have never frightened me. I'm not scared of men in golf carts, scary movies, or roller coasters. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of, but it wasn't this moment, particularly tonight in this ongoing event.
"Let's go serve at the front table, Hyun. Come on, those are the most well-known business owners and bachelors." Wheein said to me while I was waiting for the other tray to be served, and I know who she's talking about and where those are.
"No. I'm not going to do it. Those people are bachelors. I'm fine in the back. You are free to leave if you so desire." I stated.
The moment business owners enter the hall, I get nauseous, almost as if I have two hearts frantically beating in my chest instead of one. Under the falling snowflakes, my hands were tingling and I was sweating profusely.
Even though we had previously stayed at the chefs' home and had been told by the event organizer to stay for a while and leave when the time came, my heart is racing so fast because they've arrived. She's arrived, and I'm going to stay away from them for as long as I can. Even though we're wearing masks over our mouths while serving, I have to stay away so they don't see me.
Wheein had no idea that the people she'd been fancing and adoring were my friends. Nobody knows they're the people I told them about before, not even Premo, who's worried because I'm not feeling myself tonight because I'm afraid they'll see me.
I was terrified when Jennie and Chaeng called me last night, especially because I had cried for an hour before they called, and you know what your voice will sound like if you speak after crying. I'm hoping they fall for my lie because my throat isn't in good shape.
It's difficult for me to lie, but I did so, and I'm hoping they fell for my words trap while we were talking. I'm not even sure if I'll see them and meet them during their remaining days in Italy, which is the bonding that Jennie and Chaeng desired, even if it takes more than an hour. I can't think straight and have no idea what I'm doing.
My strategy would not work with me. My mind is in disarray, and I don't want to ruin everything I've worked on for almost two years in a matter of months.
"Why? What if they talk to us and we get a better chance to work with them? Hyun. It's fun to be a fool every now and then." She said it again, and I simply ignored her and went to get the tray to deliver the food to the other tables.
"Fine. I'll go there on my own." That's something she said that made me shake my head. She was desperate to see those people, oblivious to the fact that I am close to them.
I also noticed Mister Kun from Italy, who is sitting next to Lisa at the other table. Those people know me for being a jerk. Why is the world teasing me? It's no longer amusing.
We were assigned to look for foods to place on plates, but I preferred to serve the business owners right now, ignoring the fact that the people I am ignoring and avoiding are on the front desk, and Wheein is probably already nearby serving their food.
I also heard Lisa's short speech and I am proud of her because she truly deserves to be at the top and leading the business industry. I am very proud of all of them. I also discovered that Seulgi is missing her date, and I'm curious as to why she didn't have one. Jennie and Chaeng were completely honest. I thought they were playing a joke on me last night.
I excuse myself before the serving arrives, and Wheein joins me to use the restroom and then leave right away because they needed people.
We also met Premo in the hallway, and I believe she's going to use the restroom as well, and she told me that she saw two business women in tuxedos walking back to the hall, and she even asked us if we saw them, but we didn't. She forgot to greet them because she told us she was shy and couldn't say anything because the two seemed so serious talking to each other.
"Sir, enjoy your meal." I said this as soon as I served the businessmen's meals, and they smiled back.
"I really appreciate it." Some of them express their gratitude, which is a positive response. They still noticed my presence because some of the business owners I've been served with plates and such are not aware of my presence and are seriously talking to each other, which is fine with me. It's their world they're living in. However, it is not a major issue.
It wasn't a very tiring job serving the foods and wine to each table of the business owners who are here tonight, and it took us a long time to finish. We're now standing in the buffet area, aware and alert in case someone needs something from our service.
"Hyun." I look up at the person who has just called my name, and it is none other than Premo.
"How did you find your way here, you were on the other side of the hall." I explained that their group had been assigned to the opposite side of the hall, whereas me and Wheein had simply become separated.
Each of the four food sections was assigned two main chefs. And we were all main chefs: me, Wheein, Premo, Jean, Nancy, Mark, Jinyoung, and Jihyo, with the rest of the team being regular chefs.
"I just want to make sure you're okay now." She said this and even tapped my shoulder while we were looking at the business owners in the hall.
"I'm fine now, Premo; don't worry about me." Simply put, I said.
"Are you certain?" She asks me again, and I smile as I look into her eyes. "Yes, I am. Don't be concerned. I'll be fine."
"Okay. Then I'd go back there before Jinyoung chokes me to death, but he's been looking for some random girls who were here. He's incredible. Just give me a call if you need anything, okay?" She says something, and I just nod and walk away, but the moment I turn my back to get some water, Wheein is looking at me, most likely grinning.
"What was the point of that? You're really forgetting when you and your partner are talking. I'm just passing through, you know. I'm not a ghost or a phantom. Hello?" When she asked me, I just shrugged and walked past her to get a bottle of water to drink. I'm parched.
She teases me after that, but I ignore her, and it stops when we return to the room where we were waiting for the event to begin. We don't forget to assist the staff in loading the plates into a food cart and transporting it to the building's dishwashing area to clean the dishes.
They refused to let us serve the fruits next, and they suggested that they handle the serving, so we let them do it.
I'm not sure if I'll be thankful that they didn't see me or that I had the opportunity to go to their place and let my nerves calm down, but I can't just sit still. We have no idea what will happen next.
"That was a lot of fun." Jinyoung said as he clapped his hands.
"Yes, it was exhausting, but you kept getting on the guests, particularly the girls. What's the matter with you, they've got their dates." That makes us laugh, according to Premo.
"Why? I'm just going about my business here." Jinyoung defended himself, but we all know what he can do with just a smile, and they'll fall for his trap.
"I believe he got some of their phone numbers." Jihyo added that this causes Jinyoung to shut up. "See. I was correct."
"Fine. Okay. I obtain some of their phone numbers, which they then provide to me. I simply receive blessings." That, he said, was the end of his relationship with us.
Until Wheein says something or asks us a question. "Has anyone visited the front tables?" Some of us were drinking water, while others were wiping our brows. The other chefs were already eating their dinner, so we told them to come back later after we rested.
"Nobody?" She even added that they have yet to respond.
"I guess I'm lucky tonight." Wheein stated, and we can see how happy and proud she is right now.
"Why are you so lucky tonight?" I ask her, and I know they're waiting for her to explain what she's been saying.
"I went there." She said this while crossing her arms across her chest.
"Then what?" Jinyoung asks her, and even Jean can't say anything to Wheein, which is probably not a big deal for her because all of the people present tonight are well-known business owners from around the world, but they are dying to go there as well.
"Miss Lisa Manoban's place at the table. I went there and even talked to them for less than a minute. They were all very attractive. Did you know that they are both gorgeous and handsome? The four ladies also smile and say hello to me, and I feel like the floor is about to devour me at that moment. I was extremely shy. Oh my goodness. The lady who has been sitting next to Miss Manoban is intimidating, but not when she speaks to me. Oh my goodness."
I wanted to laugh at Wheein's praise for my friends. Now I'm relieved that she isn't stalking them on social media platforms, and while she may have seen me in the photo back then, the photo in which I was present is far too old and hasn't been updated in a long time.
We've never been big fans of reading newspapers, but I'm sure she's seen them in a magazine or even on TV at some point.
"Really?! You actually talked to them?! Why didn't you drag me along with you?!" Nancy stated, placing her palm in her mouth. Earlier, she was not reacting to what Wheein was saying.
"You're far away, so I don't have a chance to call you, and Hyun refuses to serve the foods on their table. She made a big mistake by passing up the opportunity to approach them." Wheein stated, making a tsk sound.
Yes, I would have made a big mistake if I had gone with you earlier.
"They just asked how my night was, and I told them it was fine. But did you know that one of their group members isn't smiling at all? Nah, it's okay because she nods at me. She is, however, cute."
After hearing those, I spit the water I was drinking. "Careful." Premo said this, and she even stroked my back. She even provided me with a towel. "Thanks." I appreciate it.
"I'm envious now." Mark added, and join the conversation. "But I believe the two CEOs there are already married." It was Jihyo's response that drew their attention, not mine, because I know who she was referring to.
"The who?" Premo inquires at this time.
"Miss Manoban and Miss Kim, I believe their dates tonight are their wives. You weren't paying attention to her brief speech earlier. Oh, my goodness." Jean even rolls her eyes at them.
"And the two were the leading owners of a bar." Mark added, as if he knows what he's talking about.
But Wheein was not taken in by their words. "You're lying. What about the other one?" She says.
"We are telling the truth. The two CEOs who are now leading the business industry are already married, and the other two people are the owner of a well-known bar in South Korea who is now building other branches of the bar throughout Asia, and the last person is a restaurant owner. What if we have our quiz right after this event, and your score is zero? Oh, my God." Jean yelled at Wheein, Nancy, Premo, Jihyo, and Jinyoung, all of whom believe she is lying.
"Thank goodness we aren't in middle school if we have a quiz after this event." Jinyoung stated this.
"Wait a minute, what the f*ck?" Mark said something shockingly similar to what Jinyoung said.
"But there's a catch. A businessman is looking at Jihyo with interest, and I believe he likes her." Nancy teases Jihyo even more, and this becomes the topic, and they want to know what the guy's name is.
Following that conversation about my friends who didn't know I knew those people, we shifted how we met and greeted some other business women and men earlier, and after that we also had our dinner, but unfortunately, when we were all done eating our dinner, Miss Syl entered the room smilingly, forcing us all to stand from our seats and greet her.
"Tonight was a good and successful night for the rest of the team, and I am proud that those outside were pleased with our service and the foods we prepared. They have provided no negative feedback."
"We are delighted, ma'am." Jinyoung's words made us all smile.
"Now, get ready because the event will be over in an hour." Miss Syl added, It's as if someone threw me a full bucket of ice because I know where it's going to end up.
"Are we prepared for what, ma'am?" Jean inquired of our boss, and Miss Syl smiled at all of us as if it were good news, but I believe this was not for me.
"For the crowd's introduction to all of you later. So get ready and arrive backstage in 10 minutes. We'll be waiting for you. I have to leave."
After that, I went deaf, and it feels like my knees are weakening and I need to take a seat again. I know the rest of the team is overjoyed because they will be introduced in public, but I am not. I'm not prepared for this. I'm not prepared to see them, or for them to see me.
I need to devise a plan. I need to get out of here. I didn't want to go on stage, so I immediately stood up from my seat, excused myself, and ran away from them.
"Hyun!" I heard them calling my name, but all I could think about was getting out of there and hiding so I wouldn't be introduced in public. Until I was no longer inside the room and hall, and I was here at the back of the building, taking my seat on the cement staircase, and there was enough light coming from the street lights and the light post to illuminate the area.
I'd been sitting here for a few minutes, calming myself and wondering what I was going to do when I heard footsteps approaching me and realized I didn't have to look for it, thinking it was Premo again.
"Premo, please leave me alone. I'd like to be alone. If you don't climb the stage later, our boss might scold you, so go back inside and tell Miss Syl and Mister Henry not to introduce me to the public. Right now, I'm not feeling well." I simply stated, and I even buried my face in my arms, which were wrapped around my knees.
But the Premo I was used to teasing or scolding me for entering the hall is no longer speaking to me or even approaching me to join me sitting on the cement floor.
She's quite that I've discovered, but I think the world is really playing with me right now, or should I say with us, when the person I'd known was Premo isn't her.
Compassion causes pain. You feel responsible for everything when you feel connected to everything. And you can't just walk away. Your fate is intertwined with the fates of others. Either you learn to carry the Universe or you will be crushed by it. You must become strong enough to love the world while remaining empty enough to sit at the same table as its worst horrors.
Usually, destiny is just around the corner. Its three most common personifications are thief, hooker, and lottery vendor. But what destiny does not do is make house calls. You have to go for it, and I am dealing with the most terrifying scenario I can imagine.
"Why are you hiding from us? Bae." When I heard the person's voice speak at my back, I stiffened and didn't want to move.
Is this a dream? Is this a nightmare? I even asked myself, but I don't think it's a dream because I'm sweating cold right now and my mind has gone blank. This was the last scenario I expected to happen, but it is currently taking place.
"We've been looking for you, and you're just passing through the same hall as us without our knowledge? I'm not sure if it was a blessing in disguise when my phone started ringing earlier and I had to answer it because it was urgent, but I didn't expect you to be here?! What's the matter with you?" When her voice rises, I even flinch.
"You're afraid to be introduced to the public because you're afraid we'll see you on stage? Right?! Why do you always hide from us when you know we have your back and will always be by your side, Bae Joo-Hyun?"
My body began to tremble as I sensed her rage and the way she spoke to me. Even though I can't see her face, I know she's enraged, and I'm afraid to look back at her.
"LOOK AT ME! STAND UP BAE!" she yelled, and my ego was also degraded by the way she raised her voice at me, so I stood up from my seat on the floor and turned my body to face her.
It is, in fact, her. Kang Seulgi and I'm trying to avoid this person.
"SO, WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW IF I DON'T WANT TO SEE Y'ALL? WHY ARE YOU EVEN CONCERNED?! MISS KANG SEULGI, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SHOUT AT ME OR EVEN RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME, AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ME." In a fit of rage, I yelled.
But I was taken aback when she approached me and dragged me not towards the hall, but around to the parking lot. "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE." She exclaimed, but I regained control of my hand by pulling it back to me, causing her to let go of my hand.
"SEULGI, I'M NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU. YOU ARE NOT MY PARENTS TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO." I yelled and began to cry.
"PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!" I added that I was about to walk away from her when she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. My emotions were jumbled, and they were becoming heavier in my chest.
Confession is always a sign of weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets and suffers in silence. But I'll do my best to lie when necessary.
"I'm sorry," she says softly now, rather than loudly. It's gotten a lot calmer now.
"I'm sorry if I cheated on you and ruined our previous relationship. I wish I could go back in time and let you explain your side, but I didn't draw any conclusions based on what I saw. Perhaps we're still happy and didn't go this far. I'm sorry, Bae. Please accompany us. Let's head home." She says that makes me cry even more and explains why it feels so bad and how she said those words made me feel pain.
"Irene, I still love you. I always do, and it never goes away."
We were in that state when Premo ran out of the hall and saw me and Seulgi. "Hyun!" She yelled, and I motioned for her to come to a halt, which she did.
"I have to return, Seulgi. I need to get to work, so please excuse me. Take your hand away from me." I ordered her, but she wouldn't let go of my hand. I heard her chuckle behind my back.
"Did that person become your new lover now?" She says.
I ignored her words and tried to remove my hand from her grip. "Please let me go, Seulgi." I even said this while attempting to wipe the tears that were still streaming down at my cheeks.
"Is he as good in bed as we were, Bae? Is he even a better kisser than I am?" Seulgi said something that shocked me, and I turned my body to face her.
"Kang Seulgi, never dare to change the reason for our breakup and the end of our relationship. You're the one who cheated on both of us, and don't ever tell me about it. What if he's now my new lover? Why do you give a damn? You don't own me, and we've been done for a long time." I yelled angrily, but I kept my voice low enough so that Premo didn't overhear what I was saying.
"Now, let go of your filthy hands on me before I call some sec—" I was cut off when she drew me closer to her body, and I could feel her lips crushing into mine.
"Hmmmph!" I fight for her to let go of her kisses and even punch her in the body, but my eyes widen in shock when seconds later I was dragged by someone's hand and Seulgi was hit with someone's knuckles. "Sh*t." She muttered a curse.
"SEUL! PREMO! STOP!" When they both started throwing punches at each other, I yelled.
I tried to stop them, but they're too strong for me, and I can't stop them from almost breaking each other's faces. And I'm glad security was present to prevent the two from killing each other.
"YOU'RE A JERK!" Premo continued to yell angrily at Seulgi, whose lips had been popped and blood was pouring down on them. I turn away because I can't feel sorry for her.
But what I did was drag Premo with me out of the hall, and we immediately went to the highway to take a taxi. And as we were leaving the area where Seulgi was, I heard her call my name, which I ignored. "BAE! COME BACK! PLEASE!"
I was hoping she wouldn't tell the others what had happened, but if she did, it was game over for me.
"Hyun, who is that jerk? How dare she treat you in that manner, and how does she even know your name?" Premo stated that as soon as we get a taxi, I will give the driver my address and bring Premo there to clean her wounds, but I did not answer her question and scolded her at the time. "How dare you approach me and punch each other in the face?"
"She deserves it. I saw how she dragged you and forced you to kiss her, so I dashed over to you both and yanked you away from her. She's the one who punches me, so I punched her as well." She explained.
"But it's not good to see you both almost killed each other. You're the one who punches her first, Premo." I respond.
"I'm at a loss for words. I became enraged. Sorry." I sighed when she apologized.
"Have you brought your phone? We must inform them, particularly our boss, that we are leaving. Was the initial introduction completed?" I ask her and scan her face; she doesn't have many wounds in her face and only has a small wound near her eyes, unlike Seulgi, whose lower lip was blown out, but we still need to cure it for her.
Blood was dripping from it, so I wrapped it in the towel she had given me earlier and asked her to stop the blood from flowing out.
"Yeah. When you leave the room earlier than expected. I didn't get a chance to follow you because Miss Syl saw me and called me to come with her to help some people inside the hall, and I told her what you said when she was looking for you and wasn't there during the introduction. You have nothing to worry about because they didn't tell us our names and only said our team's name in front of them, and after that I ran towards where you ran from and saw you both in that state, and I apologize for being late. If I was earlier, you might not have been able to drag her by and treat her like that."
"It's all right, Premo. I'm still grateful for your presence. It is a huge help." And to think about it, the world is playing a game with me and Seulgi.
Premo didn't talk the entire ride to our place, and I paid the fare to the driver by getting my money inside the house, and the landlady was surprised when we arrived home earlier than I had told her I would.
She was also surprised by Premo's condition and began treating her wounds, and Premo explained why she had been beaten up.
We also called Miss Syl and explained why we had already left home, and she understood why because we had told her that we had been hit by someone but had not told her that one of the business women inside that hall was the one with whom we had just met. I told Wheein to look for our bags and to meet us here after the after-party.
"You must notify the appropriate authorities." When she's finished curing Premo's wound, the landlady said, and I'm glad that my baby is sleeping peacefully in our bed in the bedroom, and we left the door open for me to see what he's doing, especially when he wakes up or even cries.
"I'd like to, but I believe Bae will be the one to report it to the authorities due to the harassment." Premo stated.
"No. Let's leave it at that for now. If we report it to the authorities, we will have no idea how powerful they are. I don't want to be a part of anything incidental." I responded, and I could see their disappointment in their expressions.
"All right if that's what you want, iha." This was stated by the landlady.
"You have nothing to be concerned about ma'am. I'm fine, and all we have to do now is be thankful that the person did not follow us." I say something.
"That's fine, but I'm not sure if that person will bother you again, iha. I'll be the one to report her to the authorities and have her imprisoned without hesitation."
I smiled at what the old landlady had said, and she bid her goodbye afterwards because she had something important to do, and I walked her out the door, and she told me to lock and secure everything in our place, then return to where I had left Premo after I had locked everything.
"Thank you for your help earlier in that location, Premo. I'm not sure what I'd do if you hadn't come." I thank her and take her seat on the sofa facing my son's bedroom.
"I told you. I've got your back at all times, and I'm curious why you don't want to report her to the authorities." She explained.
"Let's just forget about it." I said this while leaning back on the sofa and closing my eyes.
"Are you sure you're all right, Hyun?" She said, and I just nodded, but my eyes were traitors, and I burst into tears.
"Come on in." When I heard what she said, I moved closer to her, and she hugged me, and I cried on her shoulder, remembering our interaction with Seulgi.
Why does it feel like what happened before is resurfacing, causing my heart to ache and hurt so much? Why am I feeling sad because of how she spoke earlier and how her voice shakes when she speaks to me? Why do I have the impression that I can feel her pain and that I am the one who is in too much pain when I see her getting punched by Premo? Why do I want to run up to her earlier, hug her tightly, and tell her that I want to go home with them but don't?
Something is holding me back, and I know it's my heart because of the trauma and pain I've experienced in the past.
So I cried until I couldn't anymore and ended up knocked out in Premo's arm, but I know she carries me to our room so I can sleep and rest.
Never run back to the person who broke you before, but that's what I felt like I was about to do when I saw her and heard her voice. And I'm not going to deceive myself any longer. I'm missing her.
"S-seulgi." When I started dreaming about our date in Jeju Island and how we were happy and lovingly looking at each other and how we planned our family, I whispered.
There are winds of fate that blow when we least expect them. They can gust with the ferocity of a hurricane, or they can barely fan one's cheek. But the winds cannot be ignored, bringing with them a future that is often impossible to foresee. But the winds cannot be ignored, bringing with them an unavoidable future.
And I'm terrified of the fact that 'THERE ARE NO SECRETS THAT TIME DOES NOT REVEAL.'
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