09/26/2018
Wednesday
These past five days of being in the hospital with Y/N have been the hardest. It had been five days since the shooting. Five days of her being on a ventilator. Five days of being in the ICU and five days of seeing her in pain.
She would cry day and night from the amount of pain she was in.
Nurses and doctors would come in and check on her, giving her more pain meds, updating me on when they would take her off the ventilator and remove the feeding tube they had inserted the day after her surgery. Almost every hour, nurses would come into her room, to check her oxygen levels, make sure her heart rate was normal, performing x-rays and ultrasounds, changing her stitches, and giving her more fluids and food.
While all of this would take place, I'd make sure to hold Y/N's hand and keep her eyes on mine, so she'd keep her focus on me rather than what was being done to her. Even though she couldn't feel most of what was being done because of the medication she was on, I was still able to notice the worry behind her eyes.
"Just a few more and we will be all done Y/N."
Y/N nods her head slowly, keeping her eyes on mine and gripping onto my hand tightly. "Her wounds are healing very well." The nurse begins to tell us whilst applying gauze over the new stitches she had just applied. "Doctor Rivera will be stopping by in an hour to explain somethings with you." I look up quickly from Y/N to look at the nurse, nodding at her words, then returning my gaze to Y/N. "I will see you both later and in the meantime, why don't you both try and get some rest."
The nurse gathers all of her things, writing things down in Y/N's chart, then leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, I take a seat in the chair besides Y/N and lift my hand, using my thumb to wipe some of the tears that had fallen. "You're ok."
Y/N lifts her hand, placing it above mine that is still resting on the side of her face. She begins to very softly caresses the back of my hand, something she has been doing to calm herself down. I smile weakly as she does this. "Get some rest my love."
She nods, then points at me, along with putting two fingers up. 'You too.'
"I will, ok. I'm gonna sleep on the couch." I tell her, standing up from the chair, hovering over her and placing a kiss to her forehead. Once I pull away, I pull her blankets up to cover her, fix her pillow, then walk over to the couch.
Since we've been here, I haven't had the time to leave the hospital to go home and pick up clothes and things I needed. Not that I wanted to, because I didn't want to leave Y/N alone, so Penelope and Derek went to the apartment grabbing some of my things they thought I would need, which I appreciate. They brought over my pillow along with some blankets, books, clothes, and toiletries. The team and Desiree would stop by every morning and visit Y/N and sometimes before visiting hours were over to drop off food.
After I finished fixing my pillow and blanket on the couch, I laid down, grabbing my book from my bag and opened it to the page I left off on.
_
I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep.
I had woken up with my book laying on my chest and to the sounds of the door of the room being opened. Slowly sitting up on the couch, I looked over to see that Y/N was already awake and was looking around the room.
"Sorry, did I wake you guys?" Doctor Rivera asked while walking in and turning the lights on in the room. "No you didn't, we've been awake." I lie, she did in fact wake me up, but seeing how Y/N was already looking around the room, she might've been awake longer than me.
"How are you doing Spencer?" She asks me while taking a seat on a chair besides the counter. I let out a sigh before answering, "I'm doing ok." She pulls out a pen from the pocket of her coat, opening Y/N's chart before speaking. "Well I was reading over Y//N's chart and I wanted to tell you that she has made lots of improvements. Her oxygen levels have improved, she has been able to breathe on her own already, and the risk of her getting pneumonia is very low. Her ribs are healing very well, so are her wounds. I was thinking of taking her off of the ventilator later today."
My eyes widen at her words. "S-she's ready for that?" I question, already unsure of what can happen and all of the things that could go wrong. "Yes, Spencer she is. Like I said, her oxygen levels are great, she's been able to breathe on her own, and there aren't any risks of infections. When we remove the ventilator, we will be monitoring her closely just to be sure that she's ok without it, and if all goes well, we will move her out of the ICU and into a room upstairs. Although the ventilator would be removed, she still will have some issues with talking and swallowing, so we will keep the feeding tube for a few more days, then have her try and eat from her mouth. She will have a sore throat for a couple of days, so her voice will be rather raspy and hoarse."
I stand from the couch, making my way over towards Y/N, and ask a few questions. "Around what time would you remove the ventilator?" I ask before crossing my arms in front of me and looking down at Y/N. She stares into my eyes for a few seconds before looking away at the sound of the doctor speaking. "We would remove the ventilator at 7pm, so in about three hours."
"And her ribs, how are they healing after the surgery?" I question.
Doctor Rivera looks through the chart she has with her, before responding, "They are healing well. The metal plates we put in along with a few screws are helping, but they are mostly healing on their own. It takes about 6 weeks for them to be fully healed, but we always recommend an extra week to be sure. The gunshot wounds she has will be fully healed in ten days, but from what the nurses have told me and in her chart, they are healing perfectly. We all know that she will have a few scars from all of this, but she is lucky to be alive. Any more questions?"
Y/N lifts her left hand, reaching out for mine, to which I take, lacing her fingers through mine. "Will she be in pain when you remove it?" I ask looking between Y/N and Doctor Rivera. Before she could answer my question, Y/N shakes her head no and squeezes my hand lightly. "She won't be in any pain. Once the ventilator is removed, there will be slight discomfort, but other that, she shouldn't feel any pain. Her pain meds will help with any pain she does feel, but we have lowered them to a smaller dosage. Instead of 5mg, we are now giving her 2mg."
It takes me a few moments to gather my thoughts and push all of my worries to the side. Before saying something, I keep my eyes on Y/N, then look at Doctor Rivera. "Alright, um- ok, so when you take her off the ventilator, is there any tests you have to run before?" I questioned. "Yes, we are going to do a few blood tests, x-rays, and ultrasounds before, but other than that, that is it."
"Ok, t-thank you. Are you going to run any tests right now or is that all for later?" I asked. Doctor Rivera stands from the chair she was sitting in, moving to stand besides Y/N's bedside, and says, "I won't run any tests right now, those are all for later today. I came in to check up on her and make sure she's alright, and talk to you about what will happen in the afternoon." I nod at her words and let her do what she has to do, so I stayed where I was holding Y/N's hand and waiting for the doctor to be done.
After about ten minutes, Doctor Rivera finished Y/N's check up and answering a few of my other questions, she then left the room.
Y/N kept a very tight grip on my hand the entire time, she also never let go of me while the doctor was in here. "Are you ok?" I ask while looking down at her. She shook her head no slowly and a single tear fell. "What's wrong? Are you in pain? What hurts?"
I mentally curse at myself because I know she can't answer any of my questions, so I do what I've been doing these past few days.
Wiping the rest of the tears that fall from her face with my free hand, I try to calm her down. "You'll be ok my love. You heard what Doctor Rivera said right?" She nods. "You're already breathing on your own, your ribs are healing and so are your wounds. I will be right here with you, by your side the entire time, holding your hand like I have been doing since we've been here. You will be ok." I lean forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, while repeating sweet affirmations and calming words. "I love you."
As soon as I said those three words, she squeezed my hand four times, "I love you too' and she tried to smile once I pulled away to look at her. "Are you in any pain right now?" I asked just to be sure. She shook her head slowly. "Does anything hurt?" Again, she shook her head no. "Do you want me to read again?" This time she nodded.
Letting go of her hand, I walked over to the couch where all of my things were and pulled out another book since we finished the other one already. I also grabbed my glasses and another blanket for her since the room was cold.
Before taking a seat in the chair besides her bed, my phone started to ring, so I pulled it out of my pocket to check and see who was calling. It was Penelope. "Hey Penelope, what's up?"
"Hi, how's Y/N doing today?" Penelope has been calling almost everyday to check up on Y/N when she isn't here visiting her.
"She's doing ok today. The doctor was actually in here a while ago and she told me that they were going to remove the ventilator later today. She's been able to breathe on her own for a while now and all her vitals are good, so I am just hoping that when they do remove it that she's fine." I explain while putting the blanket over Y/N and keeping my phone up with my shoulder.
"Oh my goodness really?" She shrieked. "Yeah. Look I appreciate the call Garcia, but I was just about to read to Y/N, you can come and visit her later. Desiree is also stopping by when she gets out of work, which is in half an hour." I explained. "Yeah ok, I'll come by later. Do you need anything? Food, clothes, more books?" I moved the chair closer to the bed, putting my glasses on and fixing Y/N's bed, so she'd be sitting up a bit, before responding, "I'm good Garcia, thank you though. Tell the team I said hello."
"Will do boy genius, bye."
Once we both hung up, I looked over at Y/N and see that she is already looking at me and she's reaching for my hand. Taking her hand in mine, I smile and ask, "Are you ok?" She nods, squeezing my hand lightly and turning it over to trace on my palm with her fingertips.
This was another way for her to talk to me.
She lightly traces the letters, 'M Y B O O K' on my palm and looks up at me, letting me know that she had finished and was waiting for my response. "Your book?" She nods, tracing more letters, on my palm. 'C M B Y N'. Scrunching my eyebrows together as I thought what those letters could mean, but then I remember the book she had that day. "Call me by your name?" She nodded again. "I don't have it with me, I'm sorry." I apologized.
Honestly, I dont even know where the book was. I am not sure if it's still at the hospital along with all of her things she took with her to work that day.
Again, she traces letters on my palm, 'I T I S O K'
"I can have someone bring a copy." I suggest, to which she shook her head no and jutted her head to the side, pointing at the book in my lap. I lifted it up, showing her the cover and mentioning the name, "It's called Strangers on a train. It was published in 1950 by Patricia Highsmith. Do you want me to read it or get another book?" She moved her hand away from my palm, lifting it to point at the book. "Read it?" She nods.
Opening the book to the first chapter, I grab a hold of her hand before I start reading and ask, "If you want me to stop, just squeeze my hand like the other times. Ok?" She rolls her eyes, but nods soon after.
There's my girl.
I hold the book up with my right hand and start reading, "Chapter 1 The First Meeting
The train rushed along angrily. Guy was thinking about Miriam. He saw her round pink face, her cruel mouth . . . he started to hate her.
'Perhaps Miriam doesn't want a divorce,' Guy thought unhap pily. 'But she's pregnant and it's not my child, and she must want to marry the father. Why does she want to see me, though? She can get a divorce without that. Perhaps she doesn't want a divorce, only money.'
Miriam sometimes asked him for money and he always sent it because she was good at making trouble and Guy didn't want his mother to be unhappy. In Metcalf, Guy's home town, Miriam pretended that Guy lived in New York so he could succeed as an architect before he sent for her."
_
Within half an hour of me reading, Y/N let me know to stop reading, so I did and she fell asleep a few minutes after. I decided that while she slept, that'd I would go to the cafeteria and get something to eat because I haven't ate anything since this morning. Desiree would be here any time now, so if I wasn't in here and she was, Y/N wouldn't be alone for too long.
Quietly standing from the chair, I placed the book back in my bag, grabbing my wallet and exiting the room without waking Y/N up. Once I was in the hallway, I heard all the nurses, doctors, and people taking amongst themselves and all the monitors from other rooms in the ICU. When I turned the corner, I pressed the button on the side wall, so the doors would open and once they did, I walked in the direction of the cafeteria.
Once I entered the cafeteria, I got in line behind a woman and waited for it to be my turn. As I stood there, I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my sweats and read through some of the messages Derek, Luke, JJ, and Emily sent me a while ago.
Derek already went back home to Savannah and Hank yesterday after visiting Y/N with Penelope. He sent me a message asking how Y/N was doing today and if I needed anything I could always ask him. Luke also asked how she was doing and that he'd come by tomorrow morning before work, something he has been doing already. JJ asked how she was doing as well and asked if I needed anything. Emily also asked how she was doing and said that she was going to try and stop by after work since they haven't been called out for a case.
I responded to all of their messages before it was my turn to order my food, updating them on what was happening later today and how she was doing overall. Also letting them know that I appreciate everything they have offered and done for us already.
Once I put my phone away and responded to everyone, it was my turn in line, so I ordered a sandwich with a side of chips and a water. I took my wallet out and paid for everything, then waited a few minutes for it to be ready. They brought my food over to the table I was sitting at on a tray, quickly saying, "Thank you," and taking it back to the room.
Walking back to the room in silence, only hearing the conversations of others, I kept thinking about how Y/N's recovery will be when she is released from the hospital. I know it will be hard, she's going to be on bed rest for sure, limited from activities, and I'm worried on how this will take a toll on her mental health. I will be with her through everything like I said, but I just really hope that she won't keep anything from me about how she is feeling. The last thing I want is for her to go through another breakdown.
Albeit, she is probably going to have to see her therapist again. She went through something traumatic and although she will talk to me about it, it will be better for her to talk to someone else as well. The both of us will have to talk more about this later on, but I just hope she will let me know how she is doing physically, mentally and emotionally.
Once I got back in the ICU, I walked towards her room and saw Desiree walking in with flowers, balloons and a bag of what seems to be food. The door closed behind her, so I walked a bit faster, not wanting to bump into someone. I opened the door again and see Desiree setting down the flower vase that has balloons attached to it on the counter along with her food. She turns her head, smiling once she sees me and whispering, "Hey."
I gave her an awkward smile, whispering, "Hi Desiree," and carefully setting my tray down on the small table by the couch as she walked over to me. "So, how's she doing today? Did the doctor talk to you today? How long has she been sleeping for?" She takes a seat on the couch, looking up at me waiting for me to answer. "She's doing good. The doctor did talk to me today, she told me that Y/N has been breathing on her own, her vitals are good, her wounds and ribs are healing well, and that they are planning to remove the ventilator around 7pm today. And she's been asleep for a few minutes. I was reading to her, then she fell asleep, so I went to get some food." Desiree gasps, "What? Oh my god! How long has she been breathing on her own? Wait--isn't that already in less than two hours?" she looks down at the watch on her wrist, then stands up to grab her food from the counter.
"The doctor didn't tell me how long she's been breathing on her own for, only that she has been for a while. I'm sure that if they keep her on it for longer, then her body will get used to the machine breathing for her, it will be harder for her to get used to being without it. And yes, it is in less than two hours." I explain.
Desiree returns to sitting on the couch, opening her tray of food, and asking, "That happens to people? They get used to the machine breathing for them?" I nod while taking sip from my water, "Yeah it does. Y/N has only been on it for five days, so with what I know and what I have been told, the possibility of her getting used to it during these five days is highly unlikely, but with people who are on it longer, its likely for them to be used to the machine breathing for them." Desiree lets out a small laugh, "I always forget that you're literally genius. Y/N would never stop talking about how smart you are. Did you really graduate high school at the age of 12?" This time it was my turn to let out a laugh, but not loud enough for Y/N to wake up. "Yeah, I did graduate at 12. Y/N told you that?" She takes a few bites from her food before answering, she nods, "Spencer, she wouldn't stop talking about you," she answered.
Desiree and I continued to talk while we ate and Y/N slept. She told me about how her and her boyfriend Cameron finally found a place in Arizona where her new job is, which Y/N did tell me about when she found out. She also told me that'd she would be leaving in the beginning of November, just only a few days after Y/N's birthday.
"Congratulations on finding a home and also on the promotion. Y/N mentioned it a while back, I just never got to tell you." I commented. "Thank you Spencer," she said. "You're welcome."
Soon after I spoke, there were two knocks at the door and the sounds of familiar voices. Both Desiree and I turned to look at the two people walk in, as soon as they saw us their expressions changed. "Why are you two here again?" Desiree immediately questioned. "We just wanted to come and check up on Y/N. Is it such a bad thing for her parents to want and visit her while she is in the hospital." Y/N's father spoke, while her mother started walking over to the bed. "Uh--she's asleep." I softly spoke. "We won't wake her," she retorted.
I look over at Desiree and she rolled her eyes, mouthing, "Have they come by any other days?" I shook my head no. "Mr and Mrs. Y/L/N, can I speak with the both of you?" They both turned their heads, looking at me, then at each other. "Out in the hall." I said, standing up from the couch and walking over to the door. They nodded and followed me out of the room into the hall, leaving Desiree alone with Y/N.
"What is it?" Her mother immediately asked.
I am really trying to stay calm and respectful, but their attitude is just out of hand.
I sighed, "I wanted to let you know that they are removing the ventilator today because she has been able to breath on her own for a while now. I spoke with her doctor about everything today. Y/N's wounds and ribs are healing well and all her vitals are good. Doctor Rivera explained to me that they will do tests before they take her off the ventilator, they will monitor her closely when it's removed."
"Do you know when she will be discharged?" her father asked. "No I don't. Why?" He sighed and before he answered my question, his wife spoke, "Aren't you supposed to be some kind of doctor?" I let out a humorless chuckle, "I'm not that kind of doctor. But why are you asking when she will be discharged?" They look at one another, then back at me, "We want her to come back home, so she can recover there," her mother spoke.
Immediately shaking my head and scrunching my eyebrows together, scoffing at their words. "No, absolutely not. She will not be going back home with the two of you. She's going to be with me, in our home for her recovery. I will be with her every step of the way. Good days, bad days, you name it, I will be there for her. She is an adult who can make the decision herself, so when the day comes of her being discharged, you two can ask her yourself and given the way she has spoke about the two of you and how you both treated her when she was growing up, I highly doubt she will want to go back home with you two. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back in to be by her side, just the way I have been for the past two hundred and fifty days."
Leaving them both in the hallway, I walked back into the room, seeing Desiree standing by the bed holding Y/N's hand, and also seeing that she was now awake and that she had tears coming down her face. "What happened?" I start to worry, rushing over to her bedside to start asking the same questions, "Does something hurt? Are you ok? What hurts?" Desiree shakes her head, "I don't think she's in pain. I was talking to her and then I told her that her parents were here and she started crying and-- I know I shouldn't have said that, but it slipped."
The door is opened seconds after Desiree finished talking, and I turned to face her parents, shaking my head to not come in. "I think it's best if you two left," I announced then looked back down at Y/N to wipe the tears off her face. "Why?" They both asked in unison. "Because by the way she reacted when I told her that you two were here, it's obvious she does not want to see the two of you, so get out." Desiree snapped moving away from Y/N and walking towards her parents. "Y/N has already been through enough and by the two of you being here will make it worse. Spencer and I are going to be here by her side, along with other people who want what is best for her in life because we care."
"We care too," her mother scoffed. Desiree was not having it with them because she scoffed, saying, "Bullshit." Y/N's father sighed loudly, looking at Desiree than at me, "You know what, we will leave, but whenever you get tired of having to care for her and having to deal with all of the issues she has going on, do not be surprised by her actions," he scolded. "There are two sides of the story. Our's and her's. She's told you how we are "bad people" and treated her wrong when she was younger, but we did everything we could until we couldn't handle it anymore. She drinks, smokes, and lies about everything," her mother said, then walked out of the room with her husband.
Y/N still hadn't stopped crying. I could see that she was starting to hyperventilate, so I tried my best to calm her down without something worse happening. Desiree closed the door, sighing loudly and running her fingers through her hair, "Why do they keep doing this to her?!" she slightly shouted.
"They're gone. They left Y/N. They aren't going to hurt you anymore. Ok? I'm right here and so is Desiree." Placing my hand in hers, intertwining our fingers together, she nodded softly calming down with my words. "I'm gonna step out for a few minutes. I need some air." Desiree said, opening the door and walking out of the room.
Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping my hand in hers. I smiled weakly, "I don't want you to get upset with what I'm going to tell you." She squeezes my hand lightly nodding her head, telling me to continue. "The day of the shooting, your parents were here and when they were in the room, Desiree went off on them, the same way she did just now. But, I was going to tell you later about this. Your parents mentioned something about taking you back home with them when you're discharged and of course I was against it because I'm going to be with you for your recovery. And I know for a fact that you don't want to go with them."
Y/N shook her head repeatedly, gripping my hand tightly, her nails were digging into my skin. "Hey, I'm not letting them take you with them. You're going to come back with me. To our home, not with them." She nodded and tried to smile. I squeezed her hand three times, "I love you," and she squeezed mine back four times, "I love you too."
Desiree came back into the room ten minutes after she left the room and sat back on the couch on her phone and talking to me, while Y/N listened. We mostly talked about random things to get Y/N's parents off of her mind and to calm her down on what was going to happen in a few more hours.
_
An hour later, there were a couple of knocks on the door, then the door was opened and in walked in Penelope, Luke, and JJ. Desiree, Y/N , and I looked in their direction, hearing the conversation they were having before they walked in, "You guys are being weird. On the drive over here, none of you made a single snarky remark to one another," JJ addressed, making me and Y/N look at each other curiosity running thorough the both of us, but having our guesses as to what JJ meant.
"Oh whatever JJ, it's nothing." Penelope says, looking at her and then at us. "Hi everyone. Ignore anything you might've heard. How are doing my love?" she asked, walking up to Y/N and taking a hold of her hand. Y/N lifted her free hand, giving her a thumbs up, and trying to offer her a weak smile.
"Penelope told me about her getting the ventilator removed today. How are you feeling about that?" JJ asks, coming up to stand besides me. "Yeah--uh, I'm pretty nervous, b-but I'm trying to stay calm and think more positive about this situation. I do think though that it's better for her to come off of it before she gets used to the machine breathing for her," I explain. "It's ok, she'll be fine. You can see how much she's gotten better already."
Luke stands beside Penelope, "Hey chica," he speaks softly, making Desiree and Penelope giggle a bit. "You doing alright?" he asks Y/N, looking down at her, and again she gives a thumbs up.
"How are you doing Spencer? Are you sleeping? Eating? Emily told me to ask how you were doing because she's concerned and so is Rossi. Matt wanted to stop by and visit, but he couldn't because Kristy hasn't been feeling well, you know cause she's pregnant and all." JJ tells me. Before answering, I sigh, "I've been getting some sleep and I'm doing ok and yes, I have been eating."
But I continue to blame myself for this happening to Y/N.
"Spencer?" JJ calls out, pulling me from the negative thoughts I was having. "Don't do that. Don't blame yourself," she whispers. Instead of talking more with her, I moved to stand by Y/N and talk with Penelope , Luke, and Desiree. As I walked over to them, I could hear JJ scoff at the way I just walked away from her, avoiding the conversation.
"How long until the doctor comes in to remove the ventilator?" Penelope looks up while asking me. I look down at my watch, "Well it's almost seven, so anytime now," I tell her, giving her an awkward smile. "Are we going to have to leave when they do so?" Desiree asked. "I'm not too sure, but they will let us know when they do come in."
As we waited for the doctor to come in, we talked, watched whatever was playing on the small television in the corner of the room, or sat in silence. Y/N fell asleep again after Penelope and Desiree kept talking back and forth with each other. Luke sat on the couch with his phone out doing who knows what. JJ and I talked for a while, but it was about Henry and Michael because I asked how they were doing.
Less than twenty minutes later, the door opened and in walked in Doctor Rivera along with two nurses, both women. "Good evening everyone," Doctor Rivera announced, while brighten the lights in the room, making Y/N wake up. "I know that you all want to be in here, but we can only allow one person in the room," she continued. "Spencer, I'm sure that'll be you?" she asks. I hum in response, JJ, Luke, Penelope and Desiree, make their way to the door exiting the room. Y/N waves at them as the walk out.
I moved again to stand by her bedside, taking her hand in mine when she reaches out for my hand. "Ok, so what we are going to be doing is a couple of tests. Like checking her oxygen levels again, checking her blood count, then doing an x-ray in here. Once we do those, we will begin to remove the ventilator and help her with some breathing exercises that help patients when they come off of the machine. As soon as that is over, we have to do an ultrasound to evaluate her blood flow and make sure everything is ok. Any questions?"
Shaking my head, they being to check her vitals like always. Doctor Rivera uses her stethoscope to check Y/N's breathing patterns, while one nurse removes the old IV replacing it with a new one, and the other nurse makes sure that her vitals are stable. The grab extra things the will need for the extubation, like blue pads, scissors, syringe, masks, suction tube and a bag just incase something goes wrong, which I am hoping nothing does go wrong.
Before they started the extubation, Doctor Rivera begins to explain everything to Y/N, making sure that she knows what is going to happen and to get her comfortable. Obviously she knows how this procedure goes, but this time it is her getting the procedure done to her. They sit her up a bit more, so it is easier to get the tube out.
"Are you ready Y/N?" Doctor Rivera asked her. She nodded then gave her a thumbs up and reached out for my hand. I down at her hand, then up at Doctor Rivera, "Can I?" I asked, wanting to make sure I wasn't in their way. "Go ahead, just if we need you to move, we will let you know."
I took her hand in mine and she immediately gave a tight hold. "You'll be ok."
Doctor Rivera placed a blue pad over Y/N's chest, so her gown won't get dirty and for a place to put the tube once it is out. She then puts on her mask, the nurses doing the same. She attaches the syringe to one of the small tubes, turning on the suction and handing it to one of the nurses to hold.
"Y/N what I want you to do is take some really big breaths. And when I tell you, I'm gonna need you to take one big breath then hold it, when I pull the tube out." Rivera explains, grabbing the scissors from the tray on the table next to her. She cuts the tape from the side of her face that is supporting the tube.
Y/N kept her eyes on me, there is slight fear in her eyes, but I try my best to keep her calm by whispering that's she'd be ok.
"You're doing good Y/N. Just keep taking those big deep breaths." Rivera tells her.
She slowly begins to move the tube, while one of the nurses turns off the alarm on the machine, and the other stands by the doctor. "Ok Y/N I'm gonna need you to take a big deep breath and hold it. I'm about to remove the tube, so go ahead and take that big breath for me."
Y/N nods, taking a big deep breath while tighten her grip on my hand and keeping her eyes glued to mine. Doctor Rivera turns off the ventilator, then pulls the tube out as quick as she could, placing it on the blue pad on Y/N's chest. "Ok, go ahead and try and breath normally Y/N," she tells her.
I see her chest rising and falling normally, she lets out a few coughs and gasps, but overall she's breathing fine. "You did good," I tell her.
"Alright Y/N, obviously you know what happens next now that the tube is out. You won't be able to talk yet, swallow, eat properly, which is why we are keeping you on the feeding tube for a few more days. Your throat will be sore and you will possibly have a cough. Your breathing patterns are really good and your oxygen levels are perfect. You did very good. We are going to stay here and monitor you while we do the ultrasound, but I dont think you'll have any problems. Does anything hurt? Are you feeling any discomfort?"
Y/N shakes her head no. "That's good. It doesn't hurt at all when you breathe? Is there any pain in your chest?" Again, she shakes her head no. "Perfect. Can you bring the ultrasound around to me?" Rivera asks the nurse. They nod, grabbing the ultrasound machine from the other side of the room and bringing it to her. "Ok Y/N I'm sure that you know how this goes, but the jelly I'm about to put on your belly it's going to be cold," Rivera tells her.
She applies the jelly on her belly, Y/N lightly squeezes my hand, then Rivera turns on the screen and grabs the transducer, moving it around and avoiding the stitches and gauze Y/N has. The pictures come up on the screen, then there is sound, and then Rivera stops on one spot clicking the keys on the keyboard before saying, "Everything looks good. She has good blood flow ad there isn't any bleeding in the belly. We are going to do another quick x-ray, then we will be done with all the tests," Rivera says looking between Y/N and I.
The x-ray is done rather quickly. She looked at her ribs again making sure they were ok and that the plates and screws were in place. Doctor Rivera and the nurses stayed in the room with us to monitor Y/N for about an hour and a half, then the left once it was safe to say that Y/N was ok.
"If anything changes, hit the call button and a nurse will come in and check on her, but other than that a nurse will come every two hours to see if her vitals are stable. We will talk about moving her to another room tomorrow, we'd rather keep her here to be safe and on standby if anything goes wrong. Y/N you need to get some rest and so do you Spencer. She's fine." Rivera and the nurses walk towards the door and out the room.
As soon as they are gone, Y/N clears her throat, making me look at her again. "What is it baby?"
This time she doesn't give a weak smile. She lifts her pointer finger, bringing it up and tapping her lips with a smirk appearing. "Oh, you want a kiss?"
She nods, then pouts, tilting her head to the side and mouthing, "Please."
I thought for a few minutes, pondering everything like what if I hurt her, but it's only a kiss. There were one too many what if's going on in my head, but I pushed them away, sighing in defeat and smiling down at her.
Leaning down, I pressed my lips softly onto hers. Feeling the way my lip moved slowly in sync with her's, was intoxicating. Her lips were slightly chapped, but so were mine because I spent a lot of the time we've been here biting my lip because I was nervous. I could feel her smile softly as the kiss went on for a little longer than I had originally planned.
Slowly pulling away, giving her one last chaste kiss, I smile down at her, saying, "Get some rest my love, you've had a long day. I'm gonna go talk to Desiree, Luke, Penelope and JJ really quick and tell them that you're going to get some rest and that they can come by tomorrow." She nods, giving me an actual smile, and of course a signature thumbs up. I let out a chuckle, leaning forward and placing a kiss to her forehead, saying, "I will be right back."
Before I walk out of the room, I turn to look at her then at the monitors, and giving her a smile, then exit the room. The waiting area for the ICU isn't too far from her room, so I was quick to get to them and know where they were because I could hear Desiree and Penelope's laugh, along with Luke's and JJ's.
When they see me walk into the waiting area, they stand from their chairs asking, "How'd it go? Is she ok?" I nod before answering their questions, "It went good. They did tests and monitored her to make sure that she was able to breathe and be off of the machine. Overall she is ok, she just won't be able to talk, swallow, or eat yet. She needs to get some rest and I think I can finally get rest too knowing that she isn't on the ventilator anymore and that she's breathing on her own," I started to explain. "Are you trying to tell us to leave?" Desiree asked curiously. "Yeah--I'm sorry, but you guys can come back tomorrow of course." They all nodded, "We get it, but tell her feel better and get some rest." Desiree said. "Yeah, let her know we are thinking of her." Penelope tells me.
"Yeah I'll let her know. You guys have a good night and thank you guys for coming to visit her."
The four of them left, saying their goodbyes, and I returned back to the room. Y/N was still awake, she was looking around the room, and once I walked in she smiled. "I thought I told you to get some rest," I said matter of factly. She shrugged her shoulders, moving a little on the bed, making room and patting the spot next to her. "I love you, but I'm not getting in bed with you. I could hurt you, I'll sleep on the couch." She shook her head and as much as I would like to lay with her, there is the possibility of me hurting her, but the more she pouted and looked at me with her pleading eyes, I caved.
"Ugh fine, but I'm only going to lay with you until you fall asleep."
Carefully laying next to her, she places her hands on my chest while I put my arms around her, careful not to hurt her in any way. She moves a little closer, resting her head on my shoulder and adjusting her position so she wouldn't hurt herself. While she laid in my arms, we both stayed quiet taking in this moment we were in.
Y/N let out even breaths, while I moved my fingertips up and down on her arm, while pressing small kisses to the side of her head. "I love you so much," I told her, hearing her soft cries and small sniffles. "You're alright my love. You're ok, let it out. I'm here." Her soft cries turned into sobs. The smile she was putting on her face was only covering the pain.
The ones who smile the brightest are always the ones hiding the most pain.
While she cried in my arms, I kept my arms around her, telling her that no one would hurt her and that she was ok. I wanted to give her this moment where she could be vulnerable and let go and not put up a front while she was hurting.
I was her shoulder to cry on.
Once she calmed down, I wiped her tear stained cheeks, seeing her red puffy eyes looking into mine. Keeping my hand on her cheek, my thumb caressed the soft skin there, while I thought on what she was thinking and how she was really feeling.
After comforting her for a while longer, I thought that she had fallen asleep, so when I carefully and very slowly moved, her hold on me tighten and she let out a groan. I looked down to see her arms wrapped around me and her eyes open and staring at me. She begins to open her mouth, but I stop her, "Don't try and talk just yet." She pouts again, but I say something about that as well, "Just because you're pouting, doesn't mean that I am going to let you do something or say yes." She hums in response, shrugging her shoulders and readjusting her position in the bed.
As we laid in bed, Y/N lightly traced random shapes and patterns on my sweater, while I looked down at her, thankful that she was back in my arms. "Do you want something?" I asked, since she began tracing letters but couldn't make them out. She shook her head no and continued what she was doing a few seconds ago.
"Get some sleep Y/N." I told her, seeing that she was getting more and more tired as the minuted passed. She let out what sounded like a whine and a cry, but she didn't put up much of a fight when she let out a yawn. "Sleep please."
She nodded and I pressed a kiss to her forehead, and when I pulled away, I heard a raspy, yet hoarse voice saying, "I love you genius and thank you."
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Author's Note <3
Hello my loves!! I know it has been a while since I posted a new chapter, but that is entirely my fault. I wasn't writing as much as I used too, but now that I took a little break from literally everything I will be writing more and trying to post more chapters to finish this book and write my next one.
This chapter and the next two will be mainly about Y/N in the hospital and her recovery, but we will get to read Desiree and Spencer, which we don't see a lot. JJ and Y/N soon becoming friends. Y/N's parents literally been the worst, but I don't think I will be bringing them back anymore.
Let me know what you thought about this chapter and how you think the book will end...
I also wanted to say that, I write about a fictional character, not the actor. SEPARATE CHARACTERS FROM THE ACTORS. This isn't a place to talk about the MGG situation that is currently going on, so please I don't want to see any comments regarding it.
The comments are for my book and that only.
Thank you for reading, commenting, voting and for 108K reads!!! I literally love every single one of you. <3<3<3 Also thank you for 578 followers, I consider all of you my friends.
See you in the next chapter <3
xoxo
-Destiny <3