Once we got home, I stayed out in the living room with my mom talking about therapy. Apparently, not only do I have to go to therapy sessions once a week, every Saturday to be exact, I also am going back to school starting next week. Tomorrow is Thursday, and I'm going back to school on Monday... the last thing I want is to go back to school. I sighed. I'm now in my room, laying on my bed, thinking about my most recent failure. Well, that, and also Kacchan. I have yet to turn my phone on and check my messages. I don't know why I'm hesitating, it's not like he answered my message, right?
I reached to my side and picked up my phone and sat up in my bed. I looked at my dark reflection on the screen for a moment before holding the power button to turn my phone on. I set my phone down while I waited for it to turn on. Waiting is torture, and I don't know why. I'm so anxious. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes again, the screen was on.
There was a notification that said "7 new messages"
I gulped. I slowly reached for my phone and picked it up. They're from Kacchan. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages. I clicked on his contact to read what he had sent.
Kacchan: OI! NERD!
Kacchan: DAMN DEKU WHAT DO YOU MEAN??
Kacchan: Deku.
Kacchan: Dammit. What the hell does that mean
Kacchan: You're such a dumbass, you know that?
All those were from the other day, when I first texted him. The rest were from yesterday, when I was still in the hospital.
Kacchan: I'm beating your ass when you come back to school.
Kacchan: why the fuck did you do it Deku
I almost felt bad. But, why did he care? He never cared about me before.
Oh.
I get it.
He only talked to me because I was going to kill myself. That was the only reason. If it was anything else, he wouldn't have given a shit. I'm assuming my mom had contacted Mitsuki, Kacchan's mom, and told her about what had happened. From there, she probably told Kacchan. Sigh.
Izuku: hey Kacchan
Surprisingly, he replied fairly quickly.
Kacchan: damn nerd. Why did you do it
Izuku: ...why did you think I did it, Kacchan? You should know, after all.
Kacchan: what? How the hell would I know why you were going to kill your damned self?
Izuku: that's just it, Kacchan. I don't want to be harsh, but it's the truth.
Kacchan: what are you talking about Deku?
Izuku: Kacchan...
Izuku: you see, it's mainly your fault. You should've known it would happen sooner or later. Did you really not realize? Did you seriously not realize what you were doing to me? What you've been doing to me all these years?
Kacchan: Izuku
I hesitated at that. Why would he use my first name? I cant remember the last time he used my real name... it was nice... in a sense.
Izuku: No. I have to go back to school next week, so, disappointingly, I have to see you again. I think you would've realized by now, but... Kacchan...
Izuku: I hate you.
He didn't answer after that. I wonder what's going through his head right now. I wonder how he feels.
Deep down, I wanted him to feel guilty. I wanted him to be sad. I'm glad I told him that it was his fault. He deserves to suffer.
...But, he is my childhood friend.
*Time skip to Saturday
Today was my first therapy session. I'm so excited oh my god I can't wait. Anyways, we're outside of the building right now. I really don't want to be here, but I have no choice. As we walked inside, we were greeted by a lady at a front desk and multiple chairs lined up along the walls for seating. We walked up to the front desk and the woman greeted us.
"Good afternoon! Do you have an appointment scheduled?" She asked.
"Yes ma'am, we do. We're here to see Ms. Suzuki." My mom said.
"Ah, yes. Go that way, the third door on the right." The woman pointed to the left hallway. "Thank you." My mom replied. We headed for the hallway and stopped at the third door on the right, just like the woman said. My mom grabbed my shoulders and made me face her.
"Okay, honey. I cant go in with you, but I'll be out in the waiting area when your session is done, okay?" She said. I gave her a light smile and nodded. "Okay, thanks Mom." I said as I gave her a hug. She then turned and walked back the way we came and turned the corner. I turned back around to face the door and took a deep breath. It won't be that bad. I told myself. I opened the door and was greeted with a decent sized room with a couch that was across from a chair in the middle of the room, as well as a desk that was on the right side of the room. I walked in and saw who I assumed to be my new therapist.
"Hello! You're Izuku Midoriya, right? My name is Ms. Suzuki, but you can call me Rina if you'd like." She said as she was waiting in the chair across from the couch for me. She gestured to the couch, so I walked over and sat down in front of her.
And so it begins.
I explained to her my... situation. I explained how my childhood friend had been bullying me since I told him I didn't have a quirk. I told her about his buddies that assist him in the torment. And I talked about what All Might had said to me. I didn't go into much detail there, though. I hate him, yes, but I'm not a snitch. And so about 2 hours later of talking, it was time to leave. Finally. I thought. I don't hate Ms. Suzuki, or, Rina, as she prefers me to call her. It's just that I don't want to be there. It's boring, I have to talk about my feelings to a stranger, and I personally don't think I need therapy. I mean, I'm not planning on killing myself again. But, nobody would believe me that easily, so I get why I have to go. Either way, I'm now back in the car with my mom, driving home.
"So, sweetie. How'd it go?" My mom asked me. "It was fine. Rina was nice, she didn't push too far into my business, so I appreciated that." Out of the corner of my eye I noticed my mom smiling. "Well I'm glad to hear it went well." She replied.
The rest of the ride home was peaceful. No awkward moments, just nice, comfortable silence.
When we arrived home, it was nearly dinner time, so my mom quickly got started preparing the food for us. I decided to head up to my room and relax for a little while. Or, to get lost in my own thoughts while I waited for dinner.
I realized that within the past week, I haven't thought about cutting myself. But as to why, it's simple. I haven't been to school for almost a week. I haven't seen Kacchan. Hmm... maybe I should drop the nickname. Sure, I came up with it and I've used it up until this point, but... does he deserve the nickname? I hate him. I don't get the point in calling him 'Kacchan' anymore.
Katsuki Bakugo.
Bakugo.
I'll call him Bakugo from now on. Back to the cutting thing.
Yesterday, when I first realized I haven't cut in so long, I got curious and went into my bathroom. Not to do it again, but to see if it was still there. Like I expected, though, the razor I used that night was gone. I opened the cabinet and reached for a different pill bottle that I had put an extra razor just in case. That one was missing too. Smart... she got rid of all the razors I had. At least... the ones in the bathroom.
My bathroom wasn't nearly as big as my bedroom, so I had more hiding places for blades and knives in there. I walked over to my dresser which had a few framed photos on top of it. I picked up the one with a picture of me and Ka- Bakugo when we were kids, and flipped it over. I took the backing off of the frame and sure enough, my other spare razor was there. I knew she wouldn't be able to find this one. I told myself. I fixed the picture frame and put it back on top of my dresser, and took the razor with me back to my bathroom. I chose a different pill bottle than before, and put the razor in there instead. Easier access for whenever I need it.
Sigh. I still haven't cut since my failed attempt. I guess that's progress. But, I'm sure it'll change back to how it was before once I start school again. We'll just have to wait and see.