That night when I got home, my mom gave me a big hug as soon as I got through the door. I apologized for being out so late, and we ate dinner afterwards. Now, I'm in my room, quite literally contemplating my life. I know it would hurt my mom a lot. But...
That's it.
There's nothing much more than her that is keeping me here. It's around 11PM now. I've been laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the events of today. I decided to get up and go to my bathroom. I shut the door and looked at myself in the mirror.
Every time I look at my reflection in the mirror, I don't recognize who's staring back at me.
I opened the cupboard and grabbed the empty prescription bottle. I opened it and took out my trusted razor. I held it up in front of me and skillfully twirled it around in my fingers. I have a razor, I use it often, why not learn some tricks with it? You never know... it could come in handy one day.
I rolled up my sleeve on my left arm, revealing a long row of scars. Old and new. I brought my right hand down and drew a straight line on my skin. A line of bright red blood slowly seeped out of the fresh cut, and began to drip down my arm. The feeling was nostalgic. I placed the blade back on my arm on a different spot, and made the same motion.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Once I noticed the mess my bathroom had became, I rinsed off the blade and put it back where it belonged. I then proceeded to run my blood-covered arm under cold running water until the blood temporarily stopped seeping out from the cuts I had just made. After that I grabbed one of the many bandage rolls in the cabinet and wrapped my arm with it to make sure my wounds don't bleed through my clothes. After that I proceeded to clean the blood off of the floor and around the sink. Once I finished cleaning everything I turned the bathroom light off and laid back down in my bed. Tomorrow. I told myself.
Tomorrow I'm going to kill myself.
I smiled at the thought. Eventually I drifted off to semi-peaceful slumber, thinking about the eventful day I'll have tomorrow.
*The next morning
I woke up the next morning feeling fairly energetic. I made my way downstairs and was greeted by mom making breakfast for the both of us. We always eat breakfast and dinner together... I'll miss that for sure. I thought. But even so, I ate my food with a smile on my face, eventually making my way towards the door to leave for school.
"Goodbye, Mom! I'll see you after school!" I called out to her as I opened the door.
"Alright, bye, honey! I'll see you later! Make sure you're back here on time!" She called back. "I will!" I said before closing the door and making my way to school.
It's about a 20 minute walk to school, and I left pretty early so that I could enjoy my surroundings one last time before I died. The pretty colors mixed into the sky in the early morning, the nice breeze that blew throughout the quiet town.
I made it to class about 10 minutes early, and as expected, Kacchan was already there. I sighed as I walked into the near-empty classroom and sat down at my desk. I tried my best to ignore his quiet insults from behind me, like I always do. The bell rang and the remaining students filed into the classroom. On with the day...
The rest of the day went smoothly. Or- as smoothly as it could've went, anyways. The same old bullying and abuse coming from Kacchan, same old homework, same old quiet walk home.
Once I got home, I was greeted by my sweet mother, who said that dinner would be ready in a few hours. Sad that I won't be here in a few hours... I thought as I trudged up the stairs and opened the door to my bedroom. I tossed my bag on the ground and changed into some comfier clothes. I fell down onto my bed and laid there for about 2 hours thinking about what it would be like after I died.
I knew that my mom would be heartbroken. I knew I'd miss her. I knew that Kacchan wouldn't have a care in the world if I died. He's the main cause of all this anyways, so why would he care? Even in knowing this, I'll miss him. I hate him, yes... but he's my childhood friend. Of course I'll miss him. To some extent.
Overthinking's a bitch.
I sighed. "Izuku honey, dinners ready!" Mom called from downstairs. "Coming!" I yelled back. I got up from my bed and opened my bedroom door. I stood there for a moment. This is going to be my last meal with my mom... I thought. I proceeded to walk downstairs and sit down at the dinner table. She set the plates of food down on the table and then sat down herself. "Thank you for the food, Mom." I said with a soft, genuine smile. First in a while. "You're welcome, honey." She replied.
We sat in a comfortable silence while eating dinner, eventually engaging in a quiet conversation until we were done. I picked up both of our plates when she was done and set them in the sink. "Thank you, honey." She said with that beautiful soft smile of hers. I looked up at her and stared for a moment. I'll really miss seeing that smile... I quickly regained my senses. "Of course, Mom." I smiled back at her. I walked over to her and gave her a tight hug. "Goodnight, sweetie, I love you." She said quietly to me. I embraced her slightly tighter.
"Goodnight, Mom. I love you so much." I replied before pulling back and kissing her on the cheek. I then smiled at her before turning and going back up to my room. I gently closed the door and sighed. I walked over to my nightstand and picked up my phone. Maybe... I thought for a moment. I sat down on the edge of my bed and opened up my messages. I scrolled down to Kacchan's contact, which hasn't been used as of recently. There was never any point of texting him, he either wouldn't text back, or he'd just send a string of insults and curses for no reason.
Izuku: Guess what, Kacchan? You're finally getting what you want. Are you happy?
I contemplated sending it for a moment. I stared at the message for a few more moments before hitting the send button and shutting my phone off. I went to the drawer on the right bottom side of my desk, and removed all the old notebooks that were there. At the bottom was a note. A note I wrote yesterday, when I decided I was going to end my life. I placed it on my bed next to my phone. I looked at the paper for a moment before shutting my eyes and turning around to face my bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom and turned the light on. I avoided looking in the mirror this time, and went straight for the cabinet and took out the bottle that contained my razor, as well as another pill bottle. It was prescription pain meds. Sure, I'm killing myself. That doesn't mean that I want to feel the immense pain that comes along with it. I opened the pill bottle and poured a few out onto my hand. I honestly don't know what kind of pills these are, the label wasn't on the bottle. All I know is that they're pain meds that work wonders for cramps and other things. I popped them into my mouth and waited several minutes before taking out my razor.
I tested the effects with a cut going across my wrist. Instantly when I pressed the blade into my skin, I felt a weird numbing sensation in that area. The effect began to spread throughout the rest of my arm. Perfect. I thought. Usually, I don't mind the pain. But, that's because I've cut enough times that it doesn't really hurt anymore. However, cutting over other scars, let alone cutting in the oposite direction, hurts a lot. So, the pain meds help with that. Obviously. I rolled my eyes at the voice in my head. He honestly comes out at the worst times.
I don't know how long I've been in here, so I should probably get on with it. I sat myself on the floor of my bathroom and rolled my other sleeve up. My right arm didn't have as many scars as my left one did. I'm right-handed, so it's just easier to mark up my left arm. I brought the blade down to my left arm and pressed down slightly.
I'll miss you, Mom. I pressed the blade down until the blood came seeping out a lot. Damn these pills are amazing. I thought. I barely felt the pain at all. I felt numb. Completely numb... I dragged the razor up my arm. I gasped at the sudden lightheaded feeling. I quickly switched arms and pressed the blade down into my right arm.
I love you, Mom. I'll... miss you too, Kacchan. I dragged the blade up my right arm and immediately felt more lightheaded than before. The razor fell to the ground once I finished. My arms were completely covered in blood already. Wow... I thought as I stared at my arms. My hands were shaking as well. Why? I'm not sure. The color of the mess I made was beautiful. A bright crimson... I softly smiled as I let my arms fall to my side. My vision began faltering. I felt dizzy, I couldn't tell what was happening. I couldn't hear right either. I could tell because I heard my mom calling up the stairs for me. Why does she need me at this time? Why is she coming to me now? What...
My vision started to fade even more. I could make out my mother's blurry figure at the doorway. She looked over to me. The last thing I heard was the quiet, distorted sound of her heart-wrenching scream. I'm sorry.
Black.