"KIDS, BREAKFAST!" Claire Dunphy shouted from her kitchen. "Kids?" She sighed when she got no response and turned to her husband, Phil. "Phil, would you get them?"
"Yeah. Just a sec," Phil said, looking down at his phone.
"Kids!" Claire turned to put a bowl in the fridge just to have it fall onto the floor.
"Kids? Get down here!" Phil finally took over shouting when he noticed his wife's increasing stress.
"Why are you guys yelling at us when we're way upstairs?" Haley Dunphy asked as she walked into the kitchen with her best friend, Athena Gray. "Just text me."
"All right. That's not gonna happen," Claire told her daughter. "And, wow! You're not wearing that outfit."
"What's wrong with it?"
"Honey, so you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?" Claire asked Phil.
"Sorry," He said, looking up from his phone. "Oh, yeah. That's looks really cute, sweetheart."
"Thanks."
"No. It's way too short. People know you're a girl. You don't need to prove it to them."
"I'm gonna be honest with you, Claire, she could've done way worse," Athena told her. "Be grateful she's wearing pants at all." Athena got up and followed Haley into the other room.
𝐏𝐡𝐢𝐥 & 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞
"I was out of control growing up," Claire said to the cameras. "There, you know? I said it. I-I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If Haley never wakes up on a beach in Florida, half-naked, I've done my job."
"Our job," Phil corrected.
"Right. I've done our job."
☺︎
"I'm having a friend over today," Haley told her parents as she and Athena walked up the stairs.
"Who? You already have Athena over," Claire said.
"Uh, you don't know him."
"I made the decision to leave as quickly as I can after he gets here," Athena said, her eyes rolling. She hated Dylan. She was feeling particularly protective over Haley dating a senior.
"Him? Him?"
"Ooh, a boy. You gonna kiss him?" Luke, the youngest Dunphy, teased.
"Shut up," Haley told her brother.
"Easy. Easy," Phil said, trying to tame his children.
"Luke, Alex, why don't you take it outside, okay?" Claire told the youngest siblings when Alex joined in the bickering.
"And do what?" Alex asked.
"Fight in the sun. It'll be a nice change," Phil said.
"Who's the boy?" Claire asked Haley.
"His name is Dylan," Haley said. "I might as well tell him not to come because you guys are just going to embarrass me again."
"Sweetie, hang on a second. You're 15, and it's the first time you've had a boy over. I mean, I'm bound to be a little surprised, but I'm not gonna embarrass you."
"I will!" Athena happily said.
"I better charge the camcorder," Phil jokingly said. "I'm kidding. Come on. Who are you talking to?"
𝐏𝐡𝐢𝐥
"I'm the cool dad. That's — That's my thing. I'm hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL — Laugh out loud. OMG — Oh, my god. WTF — Why the face? Um, you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical, so —"
☺︎
"Don't answer it! I'll get it!" Haley shouted from upstairs. Haley quickly hurried down the stairs, pulling an annoyed Athena behind her. Claire pulled open the door before Haley could get fully down the stairs.
"Hi. Hey, you must be Dylan," Claire greeted the boy.
"Hey. Dylan. Yeah." He shook her hand.
"I'm Haley's mother."
"Hey. Come on. Let's go." Haley said, grabbing Dylan's hand after a minute of awkward introductions and pulling him towards the stairs.
"Okay. I guess I'll just stay down here and wait for my mom." Athena said and Haley shot her a smile.
"Hang on one second," Claire said, grabbing Dylan's sleeve. "Dylan, you're still in high school?"
"Yeah, I'm a senior."
"A senior. Okay. Cool. Hey, Phil. Sweetie, Honey. He is Dylan, and he is a senior," Claire told her husband before bringing her voice to a whisper. "You have to scare him."
"Let me meet this playa," Phil said walking over to Dylan. "Phil Dunphy, yo."
☺︎
"Okay, I see you two guys —" Haley tried to stop the awkwardness that was happening as Phil tried to intimidate Dylan.
"You two keep it real, you know what I mean, son?"
"Not really," Dylan said.
"Please, stop," Haley requested.
"That's cool," Phil said before he slipped on the stairs . "Oh, god! That's my back. I slipped in the baby oil."
Phil groaned in pain the entire time Dylan was carrying him to the couch. Finally he was set down on the couch. He was requesting to be flipped on his back but everyone had already dispersed.
☺︎
"Hey, thanks for having me over, Claire," Athena said, getting up from her seat at the kitchen counter. "My moms here so i gotta go."
"Okay, honey," Claire said. "Oh, are you coming with us to see Cam and Mitch?"
"Yeah, of course. I'll be by later when Dylan has left."
☺︎
Mitchell , Claire's brother, opened his front door to reveal the Dunphy family plus Athena.
"Hey, Athena! Good to see you!" Mitch said, giving the girl a hug.
"Nice to see you to two, Mitch."
"Oh, thank you," Mitch said when Phil handed him a bottle of wine.
"Don't thank us. Open it. Dad is coming right behind," Claire told him.
"Knock, knock! We're here. Coming in!" Jay, Claire and Mitchell's dad, announced as he walked in the door with his new, young wife, Gloria and her son, Manny.
"Don't worry, Dad. Nothing gay going on here," Mitchell assured his father. "May i take your multicolored coat and bejeweled cap?"
"There's something about seeing an old guy in a bejeweled cap that just makes you wanna end it all, ya know?" Athena whispered to Haley, causing the girl to laugh. Athena loved Haley's laugh. She couldn't explain it she just did.
"So how was your trip?" Jay asked his son.
"It was good. It was good actually," Mitch said. "But, um, about that, I — I have something that I need to tell you guys. Uh, we didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We, uh, kind of have some big news."
"Oh, God. If Cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving." Jay said.
"Anyway, um, so, about — about a year ago, Cam and I started feeling this longing, you know, for something more, like, uh, maybe a baby?"
"Ooh, that's a bad idea," Jay said.
"What do you mean, 'bad idea'?" Mitch asked.
"Well, kids need a mother. I mean if you two guys are bored, get a dog."
"Okay, we're not bored, Dad."
"I support you, Mitchell, even though you're not my son," Gloria told him.
"I think what Dad is trying to say is that, Mitchell, you're a little uptight. Kids bring chaos and you don't handle it well," Claire said.
"That's not what Dad's saying. That's what you're saying. And it's insulting in a whole different way."
"Okay, people. Let's all chillax," Phil said.
"Hey, where's Uncle Cameron?" Alex asked.
"Thank you. Thank you. Someone who's mot insulting me notices he's not here."
"Oh, so that's the big announcement, huh? You two broke up. Well — well, a baby wasn't gonna help that anyway. And let me tell you. You're better off, because he was a bit of a drama queen."
"No, no, no. Stop. Stop. No. You come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend, who, by the way, is not that dramatic —" Just then 'The Circle of Life' starts playing over the stereo as Cam walks into the room holding a baby in his hands. "We adopted a baby. Her name is Lily."
"Exciting!" Cam said.
"Just turn it off," Mitch told him.
"I can't turn it off. It's who I am."
"The music."
"Oh, yes, the music," Cam laughed, turning it off. "Come say hi to Lily." Everyone but Jay crowded around to see the new addition to the family.
"Okay, I-I-I know that I said this was a bad idea. But, uh, what do I know? I mean, it's not like I wrote the book on fatherhood. Been trying all my life to get it right. I'm still screwing up," Jay finally said. "Right, Manny?"
"I wrote a song about it in the car," Manny said.
"Of course you did. Uh — Anyway. I'm happy for you. And, uh. you should know that, uh, I'm not here to spit in your face, I'm here to ... blow at your back."
"I don't know what that means."
"Well, it's — it's supposed to sound better in Spanish."
"Voy a ser la brisa en tu espalda, no quien te escupa en la frente," Gloria translated.
"Oh, that sounds so much better," Athena smiled.
𝐉𝐚𝐲
"'We're from different worlds, yet we somehow fit together. Love is what binds us, through fair or stormy weather. I stand before you now with only one agenda — To let you know my heart is yours, Feldman comma Brenda.' I mean, seriously." Jay read off what Manny had wrote for his crush earlier that day.
ANOTHER NEW GAY BOOK EVERYONE
I know it's messy but i had to make a fic for the love of my life Haley. i hope to fix the layout a little more as we go through the chapters. Also remember i go off of Hulu's captions so i'm sorry for any mistakes in dialogue
okay this one is for my one and only scarlet-wanda