Love.
Love.
L-O-V-E.
Looooovvvee..
Love?
It's such a funny word.
I sighed quietly as the pen held loosely within my fingers repeatedly tapped the surface of a white clipboard. I was bent over on the windowsill of the room Kiyoko-san and I shared, dreamily gazing out into the vast area of land decorated with a few stars in a pitch-black sky- the dim light of a worn-out lamp being my only accomplice.
I made sure the tapping was loud enough to keep me within my deep thought- but quiet enough keep Kiyoko-san in a steady snooze.
Returning to my thoughts....
What was love? Have I ever been in love before? If so, when? Was it when I was younger like Yū told me?
But more importantly..
Did I 'love' Yū?
I've recalled times when he's 'moved me to the brink of a beating heart', like shoujou manga stated... But was love one of those feelings? I've shared a close connection for a long time, but is it conventional or friendship wise?
An index finger lazily dragged down the cold surface of a clear window, leaving hot, smudgy fingerprints following the touch.
I feel like he would be an interesting partner.. But would he be happy with me? If I even liked him? If HE even liked ME?
I chuckled at the thought.
I do like Yū. I've decided it a long time back that he was a good-hearted person. We've grown a close relationship as many have stated- but is that all? Am I going to soil my first close bond with something as unrealistic and far-fetched as love?
More importantly, how can I be EXACTLY sure Yū feels that emotion towards me? He's said he liked me when we were kids, but..
That's when we were KIDS.
A lot has changed over the years. His tastes. His feelings. Everything, really.
Except his height?
I snorted at my own joke, which stirred Kiyoko-san ever so slightly. I immediately halted as she did so, to avoid more noises that could wake her up.
Speaking of which..
He obviously has fawned over Kiyoko-san for the longest time. Who would not have? She's the epitome of beauty. Thick black hair, icy blue eyes- hell, even a beauty mark to top it off. If his taste is towards her, than the thought of me being in that league is just no chance at all.
The way he looks at her with big eyes and a dorky smile on his face- like he would ever see me in the same perspective. Not to mention pretty pervy, and that's not really attractive.
He's not going to wait for you to catch up!~
Those words echoed in my mind. Damn you, Sugawara-senpai. Having to make me rethink what I feel. Or even having me think this deeply at all.
And that factor just tops it off. I know if I decide my feelings too late, he'll leave me behind. He's a fast-paced person after all- everything is a blur around him.
And me?
Probably the slowest person around. Time is stuck on slow-motion for me.
It's like a rabbit and a turtle, really.
Now I have to rush towards love head-on? Before it's too late?
But.
"Actually, yeah.. I think she was my first crush."
I don't.
"If it's okay.. Can I give you my name?"
Love.
"Did they go near you too?"
Him.
"You look better when you're smiling like that."
....
Do I?
----------------------------
"Then, I couldn't shake the feeling that someone was tapping against something last night. Oh well, it was the strangest dream I've had all night."
Kiyoko-san finished with her incredibly detailed snooze- to which fit in perfectly with all of the actions I preformed yesterday. Either she was awake and mocking me, or genuinely had a sixth sense.
Both were equally as terrifying.
"Yeah. So realistic, huh?"
I replied, turning my head slightly away from my senpai while gripping the sides of my black Karasuno jacket nervously- in an attempt to rid myself of the noticeable tone in my voice.
"Nakemura-san, I think Nishinoya-san is calling you over."
She pointed out after a tiny period of silence, to which my head shot up at an alarmingly fast rate. My eyes scanned the vast, open area of the gym like a hawk in search of prey (Kiyoko-san and I were at the top of the bleachers, of course. It would only make sense).
Sure enough, the small silhouette of an orange-clothed libero waved eagerly to the row I was seated in. It seemed like he was attempting to yell, along with it. But it failed miserably and vanished among the other cries of players.
"I'll be back soon, Kiyoko-san."
I muttered as I set down all of the equipment resting on my lap to the side , and getting up to meet Yū.
Every step I took really felt like jolts of electric anxiety coursing throughout my body. I mean, how could I have the same mindset about Yū when I was thinking about loving him yesterday? How could I face him the way I was now, especially with THOSE thoughts intoxicating my mind?
"G'morning, Nakemura-san!"
He waved when I finally reached the bottom of the black stairs.
"G-good morning.."
I replied- although it sounded as strained and awkward as ever.
"Ukai-kun just sent me over to remind you about the trip. He wanted you to count how many of Fukurodani's players needed towels as well, if it's not much of a problem."
"Eh? Ah, of course not. T-tell him I'll be on it..."
As we both waved each other off and went our separate ways, I could legitimately hear the pounding of my heart over the thuds of my own footsteps. How could I get this worked up over such a short-dialogued conversation? Would I really be that hopelessly pathetic if I was in love with Yū?
Besides, how could the same thing be happening to him when he talks and acts just as he does with anyone else? In fact, I didn't really have to ask anyone in order to know he acts way differently towards me than any other girl. Even Sugawara-san stated it himself. If he even SHOWED attraction towards me- wouldn't he be so extremely flustered and stumble over his words, as all the others say?
I sighed. Hasn't even been more than a few days, and I'm already giving up on the thought.
And yet...
My gut is screaming for me not to.
"Hello? Do you need help?"
A deeper and more assertive voice snapped me out of my zombified-like trance, and forced me to look up into his face instead of his pure-white sneakers.
"I'm sorry. My name is Nakemura Kameko, I'm the manager of Karasuno's volleyball team. Coach Ukai-kun called me over here to speak with your manager about the trip?"
I stared into a pair of half-lidded eyes, with pupils the same shade of gray- black as mine. My gaze moved up more to examine a touseled mass of thick, black hair hanging loosely over the player's forehead, but stretching as far as the nape of the neck.
"Alright, follow me."
Without introducing himself, a lanky back instantly turned to me in a subtle motion for following. I walked into the big strides of the owl-like stranger, admiring how polished his shoes seemed- nonetheless his height against mine.
"Nekomura-san, was it?"
An older-sounding tone addressed me as emerged from behind the Fukurodani player's back.
"It's N-Nakemura-san, sir. From Karasuno's high school.."
"THAT'S SO RELIEVING! I EXPECTED YOU WERE THE MANAGER OF THAT DAMNED CAT TEAM!"
The pudgy man argued as he slammed a fist down onto a rickety knee.
"Anyways, Nakemura-san. What would you like?"
His voice tuned down slowly, like resetting the volume on a radio or T.V. It was really a comfortable atmosphere when the older man was more quiet like this- the sudden outburst was sure a surprise indeed.
"Ukai-kun sent me to see how many of your players needed towels for the trip to Okinawa soon, because he had more left over."
I replied, fidgeting a bit at the various eyes on me as I talked with Fukurodani's coach.
"Hmm~. Thanks for the offer, but we've taken care of ourselves."
A half-smile grew on the man's face, leaving long wrinkles on his features which oddly suited him.
"I see. Thank you, I'll be on my way now."
I bowed slightly for respect as I turned on my heel and exited quickly. I could have heard him mumble something under his breath along the lines of,
'Curse that crow for underestimating us', but I wouldn't think any further about it.
I had too much on my mind anyways.
Like the way just a pair of crow's eyes overpowered the large, powerful ones of many owls.
-----------------------------
Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.
"HEY, KAMEKO!"
And failed.
I inhaled a large quantity of air before closing my eyes to gather all of the tiny bits of confidence welled up within me.
And,
exhale.
"Hello, Yū-kun."
No stuttering. Sugawara-senpai, you better not lead me in the wrong direction for this....
"YŪ-K-KUN?!"
An astonished voice from the said person replied, with widened eyes and a shocked expression lingering on his crow-like features.
"Yeah.. I thought I might put another formality, just for memory's sake. From when we were kids? Right?"
I shut my mouth before I could ramble further- dipping my head into my chest while two thin fingers intertwined with locks of my own hair nervously.
Sugawara-senapi tip #1: Don't ramble/stutter. Act natural.
It wasn't going at 100%, but it was pretty good for a first try.
"I actually really like that!"
At the unexpected statement, my head flipped back to meet Yū-k.. Kun's eye level.
"BUT I WON'T LOSE! I'LL BE THE BIGGER MAN, KAMEKO-CHAN!"
Yū-kun puffed out his chest and gave a wholly wide grin- proud of his name choice for me.
But his expectation wasn't met, as I was practically stifling giggles under my breath.
"What next? Are you going to give me a nickname?"
"NO! I MEAN, YES! BUT NOW I'M NOT!"
The arrogant aroma dropped around him as I easily predicted his next move. Was it annoying for him? Should I have kept quiet?
"Hmph! Might as well be near Tsukishima-san more than me..."
An angry mumble emerged from under his hot breath.
"I don't think Tsukishima-san thinks very highly of me, to be honest.."
I glanced over to the tall blonde, who was immersed in a conversation with his 'shadow', or Yamaguchi-san. He didn't look very interested, as always. Sometimes I pitied his friend and wondered how he put up with the glasses-faced boy. Oh well, it's not my business to inquire anyways.
"But you do of me! Right?"
Yū-kun stepped into the view I had of #11- forcing all of my attention onto him. He didn't need to, though. He was really the second Hinata of the volleyball team in my opinion- with a big personality such as that.
"Huh? A-ah.. I guess."
Damn. How he caught me off guard at such unexpected times really was a mystery. Predictable and yet unpredictable, just who are you? Can I really keep up with the bold lines out of the blue?
"By the way, Yū-kun. I kind of have s-s-something to ask.."
Okay, big moment.
#1- Make conversation: check
#2- Both comfortable: check
#3- Phone number?:_____
Gaaaah, Sugawara-senpai, please let your words help me now...
"Hm? Of course!"
"W-well, I was w-wondering."
Say it. Say it and get it over with, Kameko. It'll be less agonizing to drag out of your mouth later! Come on...
"P-PHONE NUMBER?!"
I declared a bit more loudly than planned- making if more of a demand than a question in the midst of it. Disregarding that, my hands felt like they were going to explode because I was clenching them so tight. They could have been sweater than all of Karasuno's volleyball team right now, actually.
I have a non-relative's phone number! Arumi-san's! The only exception is, I wasn't the one to ask.. She practically forced it out of me.
GAAAH! WHY AM I THINKING OF THIS NOW?! WHERE IS HIS RESPONSE?
"Hm? Who's? Ukai-kun's?"
The libero cluelessly asked, his tone dropping considerably from before.
I stared at him- shocked for the most part. That he didn't notice, and that I actually had to say it AGAIN. Should I abort mission? No, no. It's a test. I need to figure out my feelings towards him, and I can't back away or else I'll never know.
"N-n-no..."
I choked out with a face clearly red.
"Yours, Y-Yū-kun.."
I whispered, my words barely inaudible as my head was towards the ground and not the said person. In fact, I covered my mouth right after I said it with a sweaty palm- which I ended up regretting the action immediately.
"H-HUH? Can you say it again, Kameko-chan?"
Yū-kun didn't help my wild hormones as he only stepped closer and leaned into my face, grasping a clear understanding of my words now for the third time- only building up the nervous emotions coursing throughout me.
But I realized.
It wasn't fair for me to be nervous.
No, maybe now's my chance to see what he sees in me! But what should I do?! His face is close to me, and he asked to repeat it.
Ah!
I shifted my face gently over to the side and I drew an uncertain hand to the volleyball player's ear, cupping it- without touching his skin, of course. Whispering,
"Your phone number, Yū-kun."
The gods must have granted me an infinite amount of bravery at the time- and I must have used all of it in that moment. I didn't stutter and I actually said it clear, after all.
Now, reaction?
Boy, wouldn't Sugawara-senpai and Amari-san be delighted to hear.
Not like I was going to tell them.
"E-E-EH?!"
Yū-kun instinctively darted back a few inches away from where I was, processing the question. A variety of choked words emerged from his mouth as he stood with it open, wanting to say something immediately but not finding anything to say at the same time.
Well, neither could I, so I can't complain. After all, I'm now hiding my fuming face behind my hands.
"R-REALLY?! YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?!"
Yū-kun could finally make out a sentence he was dying to get out.
"W-why wouldn't I? I don't say things like that for fun, you know..."
I spread a few fingers apart from the lenses of my glasses to see a bit of the short boy's face.
"It isn't a joke?!"
He sound utterly relieved.
"Y-yeah.. It's because-"
Oh, no Kameko. DON'T RUIN IT. DON'T MAKE EXC-
"Ukai-kun asked me for your opinion on the game for the trip to Kyoto, you know.. And for other things regarding that."
And I couldn't even save myself.
I could have smacked my head against a brick wall, but I shook the thought of giving up out of my mind instead. I wasn't going to screw myself over- NOT when I came this far.
"But I chose you! Because you're fun and I believed you'd be the one to make it fair for everyone. So, I figured I should ask..."
It's not bad, but not good enough. Let's see.
"WAAAH~ I'M SO HONORED KAMEKO-CHAN! THANK YOU! I'LL DO MY BEST!"
Yū-kun gave the cheekiest grin I've ever seen on, and eagerly rambled about his contact information. And how he wanted the 'cool' emoticon next to his name.
"Hmmm~ I can't wait to shove this in Ryū's face.."
He failed to whisper as he giggled to himself at the thought. I paid no mind to it- I didn't want to get involved either way.
Which is ironic, considering how I wanted his number in the first place.
"When will you text me, Kameko-chan? Hm?"
He jubilantly asked, looking at me with hope for a decent answer.
"Soon, maybe."
How vague can I be?
"Good! 'Cause I'll know the number will be you!"
I nodded in agreement.
"Okay, Kameko-chan! Talk to you soon, then!"
The libero waved me off as he looked at the rest of his teammates heading out for the day, running off to join them.
I sighed as I stared at his lanky back on the way.
It really COULD work, couldn't it...