TW: self harm ( when u see ~:TW:~ skip to ~:END OF TW:~ if self harm triggers you)
As I close the front door of my houses I look at my outfit choice, slightly different I decided to where a brown corset on the top with large light blue ripped jeans and doc martins. I pull my sunglasses down from my head and jump in the car to pick up jessie before heading to school.
Surprisingly its quite nice to talk to someone outside of school, we talk about glee very rarely but we have respect for one another and thank god neither of us have told anyone from glee club that we hang out on occasion, even I haven't told Santana.
I pull up to his house and beep my horn to the tune of a random song i thought of and he walks down the drive
"was that 'I dreamed a dream' from les mis?" he asks handing me a coffee
I take it from him and nod "I love your musical brain, little man." I say ruffling his hair and driving to his school
"I'm older than you, by like a few years." He says fixing his hair in the mirror
"and yet I'm driving you to school." I say with a small smug smile adorning my face.
He rolls his eyes "I crashed my car, you know that. You are mean dear cousin." He says still looking in the mirror
"not you real cousin, Jessica." I say keeping my eyes on the road
"no but it's the closest both of us are going to get." He says happily though the truth was it was quite sad that we had no one else.
"true, my mom was an only child and I don't know my dads family so I suppose you are the closest thing to it." I say shrugging, it was common knowledge to the both of us that at times we felt quite alone in our large houses.
Don't get us wrong we are privileged, but our parents work most of the time especially jessie's, that one of the man reasons we are close.
I pull up to his school "you know Andy I'm glad you are my kind of cousin." He says stealing my sunglasses.
I shrug "of Corse you are, I'm kind of amazing."
"humble too." He murmurs
"learned from the best cousin!" I yell as I speed off to school turning my music up to a deafening volume as i go.
~♫♫♫~
I head in and open my locker and turn to see Rachel, Kurt and Mercedes get slushed.
"welcome to loser town, population you." karofsky says to them as he walks away laughing
I grab my book and walk in front of them saying "guess not much changed after all. "I wipe a bit of slushy with my finger then suck it "blue berry if my fave." I walk off with a smirk then meet up with Santana and we both head to class together.
"that was so hot." She whispers to me
I just wink at her.
~♫♫♫~
We all sit in glee as Mr shue draws a stick man saying hello. He turns to us and then says "hello."
There's a moment of silence and then he say it again "hello." Making us all say hi back "what do you guys say when you answer the phone?"
"what up?" Mercedes says
"who dis be." Artie says
"i have an automated system for-" i look round " clients" I say shrugging while everyone look at me as if I'm crazy, thank god Kurt speaks up
"no, she's dead this is her son." Kurt says
"o-kay." Mr shue says looking at us both with worry "alexander graham bell, inventor of the telephone liked to say "ahoy, ahoy' when he answered the phone. It was Edison who decided that hello was a more appropriate greeting." He says with a smile "look, I am really proud of what you guys did at sectionals, but as most of you have realised by now, it hasn't made a it of difference in your day to day at school."
"I have a slushee stained training bra to prove it."
I snort "training bra." I murmur getting a shove from Kurt silently telling me to play nice
"the fact is, we're gonna have to be better, even more spectacular at regionals." He says to us "its time for some reinvention, some new new direction. We need a new. . . hello." He says pointing to the board "here's you assignment for the week come up with a fresh number but it has to have hello in the song title. Alright?" he says to us
We all nod as the bell goes
~♫♫♫~
I'm leaning against my locker while Santana puts something in it "and why are you doing this again?" I ask
"because people know we are friends now, like best friends so it would be weird if you didn't have me in your locker, also I look so hot in this photo of us." She says showing me what she has done to my locker
My locker is normally quite bare, it has a home work schedule for each year and I get a new one every month and there is a space in the middle with a picture of me and Santana that she took last week of us in bikinis and shorts having a water fight with Pax in the garden. She is right, she looks stunning. Her hair is down and curly due to the water, the white bikini hugs her in all the right places and she has a smug sultry smile on her lips because straight after she took this she chucked a water balloon straight at me.
I smile at her "I didn't know you printed the photo." I say brushing my finger tips over it "I love it thank you San." I say shutting the locker, we lock pinkies and I walk her to sue seeing as they want to talk. I look at her "will you be okay without me in there?" I ask
She nods "I'm glad you aren't doing anything against your will anymore, it made you really sad." She says looking round checking there's no one there "and don't tell anyone but I'm glad you aren't doing anymore shady things for sue, you we're weirdly good at it but I suppose that's what I get for being friends with a criminal." She say bopping my nose before walking in, letting me head off to AP English.
~♫♫♫~
After fin stops singing we all clap "and that fellow glee clubbers is how we say hello." Rachel says then stands saying "Mr shue I want to run some hello numbers by you."
I watch as Britt and Santana walk up to fin. Both Quinn and I look at the scene unfold "you're a really good dancer." Britt says
"thanks, but my feet weren't really moving." He says back
"that was the best part." She adds
"Britt and I we're wondering if you wanted to go out." Santana says
"on a. . .date?" Finn ask "with witch one of you?" he asks
The look at each other and say "with both of us."
Fin isn't sure what to say so as he leaves I pull Santana aside
"please tell me sue is making you do this." I say looking at her with a stressed look
She nods "sorry Andy, I know how you feel about this, you could always come instead of brit but I don't really think you want to go on a date with tubbers too." She says rubbing my arms
I shrug my shoulders and play with the ends of my sleeves "yeah I suppose, we aren't dating or anything but you better come to mine after, if anything to tell me how awkward he is." I say to her
She pulls me into a hug and says "you are the best!" kissing my nose when no one is looking
"yeah I know, now I got to go." I say pulling away slowly "you know money to make, children to scam." I say pulling out a seniors completed French homework.
She rolls her eyes and ushers me to go with a small smile creeping up her face
~♫♫♫~
Santana is flirting with Finn and I'm talking to Kurt and Tina as Mr shue walks in
"sorry i was focusing on the first syllable." Rachel says in defence to Mr Schue
"you know what i don't think you understand the pressure we're up against. while we were busy winning our sectionals, vocal adrenaline was busy winning theirs. they're last years national champions. they haven't lost a competition in three years. this is the big leagues, guys." he says to us " if we don't place at regionals glee club is over." he says finally as the bell goes.
~♫♫♫~
i pick jessie up from school after his rehearsals and he is trying to make me go to the library or something "just come with, i know you have an assignment from your glee teach, i can help!" he says
i roll my eyes "jessie you can't just do a puppy dog face and then expect me to do what you want." i say turning to look at him. "god you are pathetic, FINE!" i say "but you are buying me dinner, and we are getting breadsticks, no discussions."
"you drive a hard bargain but sure, lets go!" he says pointing forward so i brake suddenly "what was that for?!" he asks
"I'm not your Chauffeur, if i was i would be getting payed but I'm not so be nice you spoilt brat." i say driving again.
"i mean I'm buying you dinner, but sure I'm the asshole." he murmurs under his breath so i make the car suddenly brake again witch makes him hit his head on the mirror he was checking himself out in. at that i bust into laughter and so does he.
~♫♫♫~
we get in and i see something "hey jess, ill be back in a minute, try not to piss anyone off." i say going down and picking up a book on philosophy until i hear jessie sing.
i walk and see a girl with him but as soon as she begins to sing I'm shocked. i know that loud mouth voice anywhere and so i decide to watch them serenade each other as they sing Lionel Richie.
when they finish i hear jessie say "we should do this more often, how's Friday night?" he asks
i walk over leaning over the piano "jess, stop flirting with berry, she will fall in love with you and then you will be stuck with her forever." i say with a smirk
Rachel looks shocked "you guys know each other?" he asks
"we're cousins." jessie says
"we're friends." i say at the same time
"step cousins." i say then i look at Rachel "look berry, you tell anyone and ill rip out those horrible vocal chords of yours." i say looking very seriously and scaring both of them slightly. i then tern to jessie " jess, ill wait in the car, try not to get cooties." i say walking away.
~♫♫♫~
we head to bread sticks to get our take away order. i walk up and say "can we get two chicken Alfred's, five portions of breadsticks and-"
"there is more?" he asks me
"and two iced tea's." i say with a smile "to go." i add at the end. the woman just nods and we go to wait for our order.
out of the corner of my eye i see Santana and Britt talking with Finn. for some reason i feel like i have to go over there so i tap jessie on the shoulder and say "hey jess ill be back in a second okay?"
he just nods as he looks over a text on his phone.
"hey Britt, Santana. didn't know you would be here?" i state
i most certainly did and Santana knows that.
"Andy did you teleport here?" Britt asks smiling at me
"she means why are you here, if its for the date you are a bit late." Santana says
a friend." i say pointing to jessie who has his back turned
"hey I'm here too." Finn says
"oh hey Finn, didn't see you there, I'm just going to steal Santana i have to talk to her for a second." i say not even looking at him and pulling Santana out of the booth. i look at them and say "uh- girl issues, only need one pair of hands." i say rushing off with her to the toilets
we get in there and i immediately lock the door behind her as she fixes her hair "so what did you want-"
i don't give her time to ask anything because i attach my lips to hers passionately. i push her against the sink and pull her hair out letting it fall past her shoulders. our kisses become heated and sloppy as i push her on to the sink, putting my knee between her legs to open them for me, and move her hair aside as i put my lips on her neck sucking hard to mark her as my own.
"Andy thats going to show." she with an says out of breath tone
"thats the plan." i say slowly snaking my hands up her leg and under her skirt
"oh my god Andy, please stop teasing me." she begs me moving her head so i have more access to her body. i pull off her top and stark kissing her breasts
"not yet, tell me you want me not him." i say in her ear seductively
she pauses as she tries catching her breath and then speaks up "i want you, only you Rea." she says crumbling under my touch.
when i hear she used my nick name i decided to give her exactly what she was begging for.
~♫♫♫~
a while later i head out of the bathroom before Santana and back to jessie "we got our food like twenty minuets ago." he says looking me up and down "oh."
"oh?" i say
he smiles "you have some lipstick round your mouth and your tank top is inside out." he says casualty with a small smile
i roll my eyes "just get in the car." i say grabbing our food as i leave
~♫♫♫~
i walk into glee a few days later and everyone is talking till i come in "everything okay?" i say looking at the whole glee club
"you are late, why are you late?" Kurt days
"I'm always late-" i try to say
"Kurt she doesn't know." Mercedes says touching his arm
"know what, you guys are scaring me." I say looking at all of them
"Rachel is dating someone from vocal adrenaline." Finn says
"Jessie st James." Santana says
i freeze not sure what to do or say so Quinn speaks up "aren't you going to tell us what to do oh dear moral compass of glee?" she says crossing her arms looking quite obviously frustrated.
"i-uh, well- um-i" i stutter like Tina used to "we should um-" thank god i get cut off by Santana who says
"we should confront her, tell her its either jessie or glee club." crossing her arms
"now wait a minute-" i try to say but is seems like everyone is agreeing with her statement and then people just begin to leave. "uh-okay then, good chat." i say to myself being left alone in the room, i walk to the piano and begin to play
"who was that about?" Mr shue asks
i turn to him "isn't it weird to ask your students about their social lives."
"i guess but its also kind of what I'm here for." he says shuffling next to me
"i don't talk about myself, not a lot and not to many people." i begin to tear up "sometimes i think I'm broken or something. my dad died the last year of middle school, we used to live in LA but after he died my mum met a guy online, he lived in Ohio so after a short period of texting she moved us both here and married him six months later." i wipe my tears slightly
"that heavy Andy I'm sorry you hand to go through that, but why do you think u are broken?" he asks looking at me
"because i didn't fight it, for a long time i did nothing. i guess i was just reminiscing or something." i say shrugging "the assignment to say hello, its hard. when people say hello its normally to start something new but with my dad its hard to say hello to a new chapter when i never got to say goodbye."
he rubs my back and hands me a tissue "Andy do you ever get overwhelming sadness and anxiety a lot? not necessarily all the time but sometimes?" he asks
i nod "yeah i suppose but I'm a teenager and i have a lot on my plate-"
"have you ever tried to-" he begins but i stand up abruptly grabbing my bag
"look Shuster if you wanted to be a counsellor you should have taken miss Pillsbury's job okay? just because you screw her doesn't mean you are qualified!" i yell
"thats inappropriate and inaccurate Andrea."
"suspend me then." i say walking out.
~♫♫♫~
~:TW:~
i head to the bathroom and try to calm my breathing
in
and out
in
and out
nothing works so i grab a pen from my bag and break it. i pull down my trousers and look at my right thy seeing the faded scars from previous brake downs.
i slice my leg slightly but nothing happens to i keep going over and over again until i bleed.
i then sigh in relief and get a plaster from my bag, not even batting an eye about the heinous act i just committed to my body.
i flush the toilet and put the pen in the bin then walk out and apply some lip gloss, wiping the tears that had fallen away, and walk out as if nothing happened.
~:END OF TW:~
~♫♫♫~
i head back home and go straight to my room and get out the home work i have to do for people.
rubbing my eyes to stay awake i see I've bit my nails down to the nubs. i reach for a half drunk energy drink and chug it to stay awake, I've been doing this for the past week. i look to my left to see text
~San <3~hey you good, you seemed shaken up in glee x
so i decide to reply
~Rea :3~ yh all good, when am i not x
~San <3~ very true, you always look put together but that wasn't like you, i get it if you don't wanna talk bout it but I'm here Rea <3
~Rea :3~ thanks san, ill let you know
i put my phone down and finish all the homework passing out on my desk
~♫♫♫~
the next morning i have a massive headache so i go downstairs to see my mom and mark had already gone to work.
i go to the medicine cabinet and take out some Tylenol and go get dressed then head to pick up jessie
~♫♫♫~
i get to his house and he runs to my car "you have a car?" i say pointing to his car in the drive
"yep just want a ride form you at this point." he says jumping in
"you are dating Rachel?"
"you don't care do you?" he says fixing his hair like normal
"i don't care about many things, i can make this one of them... for a price." i state
"seriously?" he says to me
"yep." i say looking at the road
"okay." he says then pauses to think " how bout i give you my Rent the musical original program and vinyl of the songs?" he says making me stop the car suddenly "Jesus Andy?!" he says but i ignore him
"deal." i say shaking his hand and taking him to school.
~♫♫♫~
i pull three quarter length leggings on under my dress and get ready for the performance not noticing Mr shue worried face.
A/N:
Hello my lovlies so I've been gone for a minute but I am here now. I would explain why I was gone but tbh it was pretty boring, just painted and fixed up my house and met family then tried to keep a social life <3
Now I know you are going to ask 'wtf why is Andy now all of a sudden depressed?' But it will b explained and as someone who has depression I used to hide it and sometimes still do. I apologise if this chapter triggers you in any way and if you need help here are some help lines for you ♡︎
Child line: 0800 1111
S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-827-7571
GriefShare 1-800-395-5755
(♥︎if there are more plz let me know, i tried adding American ones but I'm English so I'm not too sure ♥︎)